


The Adventures of Heinrich Ozil

by lovinthelads



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Adventures of Heinrich Ozil, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 82,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovinthelads/pseuds/lovinthelads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mesut Ozil is a single father of a lively little boy, Heinrich.  An accidental delivery introduces him to his next door neighbors, Sergio Ramos and Iker Casillas.  Iker is a starving artist, living with his famous bullfighter brother, Sergio.  When Mesut asks Iker to babysit Heinrich, life will never be the same.</p><p> </p><p>A/N - Heinrich is fictional, obs.  This story is nothing but ridiculous fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting the Neighbors

Mesut had a headache as he pulled his Volvo into the garage.

“Daddy, we HOOOOOOOOME!” Heinrich called happily from the back seat of the car.

“Yes, we’re home,” Mesut said with a sigh. “And don’t think you’re not in trouble for getting thrown out of nursery school, again.” He unbuckled his five year old son from his car seat.

“Love you Daddy,” Heinrich said with a sad face as he threw his arms around Mesut. 

Mesut sighed again as he hugged the little boy back and picked up his briefcase and the boy’s school bag.

Heinrich ran into the house and wrenched open the refrigerator door. “I make sammiches.”

Mesut watched the little boy drag out sandwich fixings for lunch, and knew a better parent would discipline the boy for his behavior. He’d bit the teacher on the leg. But when he did it just so he could get Mesut to bring him home for lunch, how did you get angry at that, especially when Mesut had to leave him at nursery school ten hours a day while he worked, and his mother, Lola, was off in Hollywood trying to be an actress.

Mesut set his briefcase on the counter and went to get the mail. Opening the front door, he saw a box nearly as tall as him standing on the front step. That was odd, he hadn’t ordered anything.

“You want mustard, Daddy?” Heinrich asked a jar of spicy mustard in one hand and a knife dripping mustard in the other.

“Yes, Ricky,” Mesut said absently as he peered at the label.

“What in box, Daddy?” Heinrich asked, forgetting his sammiches and checking out the package.

“It’s not for us, Ricky. It’s for someone called Sergio Ramos who lives next door.”

“Sergio Ramos is a bullfighter,” Heinrich informed Mesut as he laid a mustard covered hand on the box.

“I’m sure that’s not the Sergio Ramos that lives next door,” Mesut told him, pulling Heinrich’s hand off the box. “Why don’t we have our lunch and then we can deliver it to him?”

Heinrich began chattering about bullfighting, which Mesut wasn’t sure was a good pastime for young boys to be fascinated with. They had ham sandwiches and juice for lunch and then Heinrich insisted on being taken to meet Sergio Ramos.

The box was far too heavy for Mesut to lift, so he took Heinrich’s hand and they walked down the drive and over to the house next door. Mesut had only lived in this neighborhood since his divorce, and hadn’t met any of the neighbors yet.

“Do you think Sergio keeps a bull in his house?” Heinrich wondered.

“I think they keep the bulls at a farm,” Mesut said though he knew nothing about bullfighting. He was German. They didn’t do that kind of thing.

Heinrich knocked on the door. “SERGIO RAMOS! WE HAVE YOUR PACKAGE.”

A few moments later, the door was opened by a disgruntled looking man in sweats and a paint splattered t-shirt. “Yes?”

“Are you Sergio Ramos?” Heinrich demanded.

“No.”

“This is his house!”

“Yes, it is.” The man peered down at the little boy.

“I’m sorry,” Mesut said, pulling back Heinrich who looked ready to accuse the man of trespassing. “I’m Mesut and this is Ricky. We live next door and we had a package for Sergio Ramos mistakenly delivered to our house.”

“I’m Iker. Sergio is my brother,” Iker explained.

“Oh. Well the package is pretty big,” Mesut said. “Maybe you could help me carry it over?”

“Sure,” Iker agreed.

With Heinrich scampering after them, Mesut and Iker managed to drag the massive box over to Sergio’s house.

“Why are you in Sergio’s house? Is he really a bullfighter? Do you fight bulls too? I want a dog but Daddy says we can’t have one.”

Iker looked down at Heinrich as they set the box in the front hall of the house. “Does he ever shut up?”

“No,” Mesut shook his head.

Heinrich scampered into the house. On the walls were several action stills Sergio Ramos, the bullfighter. “Ha! Daddy I told you it was that Sergio Ramos!”

“Your brother is a bullfighter?” Mesut asked Iker.

“Yup,” Iker replied as he watched Heinrich disappear around a corner.

“Ricky!” Mesut said as he followed after. “I’m sorry. He’s curious.”

“He’s a little demon,” Iker said as there was a crash.

Mesut thought perhaps he should defend his son, but the teeth marks he’d left this morning didn’t lie.

“It’s not broken!” Heinrich informed them as they found him righting a coat rack he’d wiped out.

Mesut grabbed his hand. “We should go.”

“No!” Heinrich screeched. “I want to meet Sergio Ramos!”

“Maybe we can come back later,” Mesut said as he started to tug Heinrich out of the house.

Heinrich began to scream at a pitch that was impressive for a little boy.

Mesut moaned and slapped a hand over Heinrich’s mouth. “I’m sorry.”

Iker crouched down in front of Heinrich. “HEY!”

Eyes wide in surprise, Heinrich fell silent. Mesut dropped his hand.

“Kid. You are a pain in the ass.”

Heinrich nodded in agreement.

“You want to meet Sergio?”

Heinrich nodded again.

“How about you agree to shut your mouth until Sergio gets home in about an hour, and I’ll let you stay and meet him. Can you do that?”

Heinrich nodded.

“Good.” Iker stood up. “I think we have an agreement.”

Mesut stared down at his son in amazement. The kid shuffled over and sat down on the couch, lips pressed together tightly.

“You want a drink or something?” Iker asked Mesut.

“Sure.”

* * * *

Two hours later, Sergio swanned into the house. “Oh good, it came!”

Heinrich launched off of the couch. “SERGIO RAMOS!”

“Well, hello,” Sergio said as the little boy threw his arms around Sergio.

“You’re late,” Iker said as he and Mesut got up.

“Sorry. Had a thing,” Sergio waved a hand. “Hi.”

“I’m Mesut,” he introduced. “That’s Ricky.”

“I love you,” the little boy said. Mesut, had he not been a grown adult, might have spit out the same. Sergio Ramos was gorgeous.

“They’re the next door neighbors, they delivered your package; it went to their house by mistake,” Iker said.

“Oh, decent of you,” Sergio shook Mesut’s hand over Heinrich’s head.

“I love you,” Heinrich repeated.

“Well, thank you,” Sergio said as he tried to pry the boy off, but his grip was impressive.

“He loves bullfighting,” Mesut said, gazing at the beautiful man.

“Ricky, let go,” Iker ordered, and immediately, Heinrich released Sergio and ran to stand next to Iker.

“Well, you should, it’s a magnificent sport,” Sergio smiled at the boy.

Iker snorted. “It’s not a sport.”

“You’ll have to excuse Iker. He’s not a fan.”

“It’s not a sport,” Heinrich nodded.

Sergio frowned. “Fabio’s coming over for dinner,” he said.

“Not again,” Iker sighed. “Would you give up on him?”

“It’s just a friendly thing,” Sergio waved his hand. “He’s bringing Cristiano.”

“Is Fabio a bullfighter too?” Heinrich asked.

“Yes,” Sergio told him.

“I LOVE HIM TOO.”

“Would you like to meet him?” Sergio asked.

“YES!”

“Scream again, and you’re never meeting him,” Iker advised.

Heinrich’s eyes got wide. “No screaming.”

Mesut was astounded. Heinrich never stopped yelling for him. Ever.

“Is Cristaino a bullfighter?” Heinrich politely asked.

“No, he’s a footballer,” Iker said. “For Real Madrid. Football is a real sport.”

Heinrich nodded. “Better than bullfighting.”

“Exactly.”

“Would you stop brainwashing that kid?” Sergio asked with an annoyed flip of his hair.

Iker shrugged.

“We’d love to stay, but I have to get some work done,” Mesut said.

“Oh, what do you do?” Sergio asked, and Mesut floundered under his gaze.

“Ac-countant,” Mesut stuttered. “Boring. Very boring.”

Sergio was distracted by his phone.

“You can leave the kid and do your work,” Iker offered, covering his brother’s rudeness.

“Are you sure?” Mesut said, knowing that he’d get twice the work done without Heinrich under foot.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Heinrich nodded. “You go Daddy.”

“Thanks,” Mesut said.

“Come back for dinner,” Sergio offered. 

* * * *

Mesut got his work done at world record pace, mostly because he was dying to see Sergio Ramos again, and partly because he wanted to make sure his son hadn’t set the house on fire.

But when he arrived with a bottle of wine, he found Heinrich lying on the floor coloring on a large pad of paper, while jabbering to Iker who was cooking.

“Daddy, look! I drew Cristiano Ronaldo!” Heinrich held up a picture of a man in white with a strangely oversized head.

“Wow, that’s nice.”

“Iker said he had a big head,” Heinrich explained.

Iker grinned from where he was sauteing onions. “It’s not literally true.”

Mesut laughed as he set the wine on the counter. “Were you good for Iker?”

“Very good,” Heinrich went back to his drawing.

“I don’t suppose I could hire you to baby sit,” Mesut joked, but Iker shrugged. 

“I probably could. Why?”

“We’ve had some...issues with daycare,” Mesut said carefully.

“I bit the teacher,” Heinrich happily informed them.

“No biting,” Iker told Heinrich.

“No biting,” Heinrich agreed with a solemn nod.

“Yeah, I could take him,” Iker said. “If he doesn’t mind being in my studio in the mornings.”

“I could paint!” Heinrich chirped.

“You can draw with markers,” Iker pointed to his paper.

“Okay,” Heinrich agreed.

“If you can talk him into minding me like he does you, I’ll pay you double what I was giving the daycare,” Mesut said, not even joking.

“Sure,” Iker said.

“So what was in the box?” Mesut asked as Iker dried off his hands and opened the bottle of wine.

“A life sized model of a bull with Sergio’s face on the side.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Heinrich informed his father.

“Sergio got it out of the box. It’s in the lounge.”

Mesut went to look at it, and Heinrich followed with his marker in hand. It was indeed a life sized bull with Sergio Ramos’s face on the side. It was...

“Ridiculous,” Heinrich repeated.

“Indeed.”

The doorbell rang, and Mesut turned, seeing Sergio bound down the stairs. When he threw the door open, Mesut saw two gorgeous men, one being Cristiano Ronaldo, who he knew from watching football, and the other was a tall blonde who must have been Fabio.

“Hey,” Sergio said, kissing them both on the cheeks. “Guys, this is my neighbor, Mesut, and his kid.”

They greeted Mesut warmly, and Heinrich waved from the far side of the bull. Fabio gazed at the bull. “Yours came! I’m sorry, but how amazing are these?”

“Don’t you love it?” Sergio said as he stroked the top of it’s head.

“Ridiculous,” Heinrich said, and then Cristiano burst out laughing.

“What?” Sergio turned to look at the side of the bull where Heinrich was standing, and saw he’d drawn a mustache on his face.

Fabio laughed, and Sergio turned red.

Iker came to see what the commotion was. Seeing Heinrich’s handiwork, he smiled. 

“The hell with babysitting, I’ll adopt him.”


	2. Art Prodigy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iker gives Heinrich art lessons. Some investors with more money than sense, make an impulse art purchase.

Iker threw the mail down in disgust. Yet another rejection for his art.

“Bad mail!” Heinrich jumped up and down on the discarded letters.

Iker ruffled his hair. “Bad mail. Want to go to McDonald’s?”

“Daddy says McDonald’s is bad,” Heinrich said.

“It’s terrible,” Iker agreed. “Want to go?”

“Yes,” Heinrich said and ran to get his shoes.

“Another rejection?” Sergio asked as he emerged from the kitchen with his morning cup of coffee even though it was practically noon.

“Yes.”

Sergio gave Iker a look. “You know I said I’d bring over some of my friends to look at your stuff. Some of those idiots got more money than sense.”

“It would take an idiot to buy my art?”

Sergio shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt.” Sergio had several of Iker’s pieces around the house, and he did like them, but they were rather abstract for most people’s taste.

“Ready,” Heinrich said scampering up in mismatched shoes.

Iker looked at them and shrugged. “McDonald’s, Sergio?”

“It’s bad,” Heinrich told him.

“I’ll pass,” Sergio said. “But seriously, if you want, I’ll bring some of them over tonight. Cristiano is decorating his house. He’ll buy anything white and black.”

“I paint!” Heinrich offered happily.

“After lunch,” Iker agreed. He hadn’t let Heinrich paint at first, but the kid had a bit of artistic talent, and he’d let him use some paints the other day, and he’d surprisingly not made much of a mess.

“Tonight?” Sergio pressed.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Iker agreed. It felt suspiciously like selling out, but maybe if he could get a few pieces into the hands of some people, others would show interest, too.

And he desperately needed the money. He was babysitting to pay for his art supplies for pity’s sake.

* * * *

Mesut came to pick up Heinrich at six, and found the young man admiring a canvas splattered in black paint.

“I painted this, Daddy,” Heinrich said proudly.

“Well, isn’t that nice.” Mesut nodded at the mess. 

“It was one of my old canvases,” Iker shrugged.

“I’m going to be an artist, Daddy,” Heinrich nodded.

“What ever you want, kiddo,” Mesut rubbed the top of his head. “You good today?”

“No,” Heinrich said as he gathered up his stuff.

“No?” Fear struck Mesut’s heart.

“We had McDonald’s,” he reported. “It’s bad.”

Iker sighed. “It was meant to be a secret.”

“We had cheeseburgers and fries and Iker let me have an apple pie,” Heirich happily ratted Iker out.

Mesut smiled at Iker. “Well, we can be bad everyone once in awhile. It does mean you have to eat all of your vegetables at dinner.”

“Daddy! Iker was the one who took me there. He should eat my vegetables.”

“That won’t make you grow big and strong!” Mesut said.

“It’s okay Daddy. Artists can be little.”

* * * *

Iker tried to clean up his studio and put on a decent shirt and jeans before Sergio’s friends came over. He set Heinrich’s painting in the corner.

The doorbell rang, and he went downstairs to answer it. Sergio had ordered in some tapas and opened a couple of bottles of wine.

“Iker!” Cristiano greeted him with a warm embrace. Fabio was behind him, and a young man Iker didn’t recognize.

“This is Guti.”

“Hi,” Guti said with a smile and groped Iker.

Iker stepped back. “Hi.”

Guti winked at him. “Are you the artist? Artists are sexy.”

“Uh...yes.”

“Guti!” Sergio appeared. “Stop molesting my brother or the price of the art doubles.”

“Might be worth the grope,” Guti licked his lips.

Iker edged away and ran into Cristiano.

“He’s a good lay,” Cristiano encouraged him.

“Wine, everyone?” Sergio asked as he lead them into the kitchen.

Iker followed apprehensively, and spent the next hour avoiding Guti’s wandering hands. After Sergio got two glasses of wine into all three of them, he suggested they go up to the studio to see Iker’s work.

Drunk idiots; even better.

In the studio, Cristiano and Fabio began admiring Iker’s work. They flipped through a stack of colorful abstracts and complimented his use of color.

“Wait.”

Everyone turned, and Guti who stood in the corner.

When Iker realized what he was looking at, his heart sank. “That’s...nothing.”

“Nothing?!” Guti exclaimed. “It’s wonderful. It’s amazing! I must have it.”

Iker stepped over and looked down at Heinrich’s painting. “It’s not for sale.”

“Don’t be silly. Ten thousand.”

Iker’s jaw dropped. No. He couldn’t. “It’s not for sale.”

“Iker, sell!” Sergio said, looking incredulously at Iker.

“I’ll give you fifteen,” Cris offered.

“Twenty,” Guti countered with a glare at Cris.

“Iker!” Sergio elbowed him.

“Fine!” Iker said and prayed he wasn’t going to hell.

“You have any more like that?” Fabio said. “Maybe in red?”

“No, I don’t,” Iker said.

“I’ll commission it,” Fabio decided. “Twenty thousand.”

“Can I get one in blue?” Cristiano asked.

“I can’t...” Iker said.

“He can’t wait to get started,” Sergio interrupted with a glare at Iker. “Shall we go have some more wine?”

“I love this so much,” Guti sighed at the painting and then let Sergio herd him back downstairs.

* * * *

“I can’t sell Guti that painting,” Iker hissed to Sergio later as the other three were all about rolling off the couch, drunk.

“Why not?” Sergio asked. “It’s just a painting.”

“It’s not mine!” Iker said.

“What?”

“Heinrich painted it.”

Sergio gaped. “You are kidding me.”

“He was just fucking around with paints.”

“So give him some red and blue tomorrow.”

“Sergio!”

“Iker, fuck- they’re giving you sixty grand!”

“That’s not fair on Heinrich.”

“He never has to know!” Sergio said. “Sixty grand! Iker!”

Guti swayed over. “So, Iker...” He started to groped him.

“No.” Iker pushed him away.

There was a knock on the door. Iker, the only sober one in the room extracted himself from Guti’s attentions, went to go answer it.

It was Mesut and Heinrich. 

“We came to get my painting!” Heinrich happily announced. He was dancing in the doorway in his footed pajamas.

“I’m sorry,” Mesut said, looking truly embarrassed. “He wants to sleep with it in his room.”

“I need it!”

“Uh...” Iker said, glancing behind him at the noisy drunk boys.

“You have company,” Mesut said, and turned bright pink as Sergio weaved up the hall.

“Heinrich! Mesut!” Sergio said brightly. “Come in! We’re celebrating Iker’s sale.”

Iker wanted to die. “Heinrich wants his painting.”

Sergio peered down at the little boy. “Can’t have it.”

“Why not?” Heinrich drew himself up to his full three and a half feet. “It’s MINE.”

“Not any more,” Sergio giggled.

“Maybe we should come back later,” Mesut started to drag Heinrich back out of the house, but the boy squirmed away.

“IT’S MINE!” he screamed and ran for the stairs.

“What’s his damage?” Guti asked.

“He objected to the sale,” Sergio said.

“Why?”

Iker followed Heinrich up the stairs, mindful that the little boy might tear down half the studio to get to his artwork. The others followed.

“My painting,” Heinrich sat down in front of it and stared up at it worshipfully.

“Sorry kid, that one’s mine,” Guti said.

“MINE!” Heinrich screeched.

“Is he disturbed?” Guti asked.

“It’s his painting,” Iker explained.

“You gave it to him?”

“I PAINTED IT!”

“You what?”

Mesut was lost. “Why do you think it’s yours?”

“I bought it for twenty grand!”

Mesut’s jaw dropped. “You bought THAT for twenty grand?”

“I thought Iker painted it!”

“I never said that,” Iker reminded him.

“MINE!”

“You paid twenty grand for that?” Mesut repeated.

“It’s masterful!” Guti defended himself, thought even drunk, it was beginning to sink in how much he’d spent on the painting of a five year old.

“And Cris and Fabio want similar ones,” Sergio said brightly.

“Nooooooooooooooooooo!” Heinrich shouted.

“HEY!” Iker said, crouching down.

“S’mine, Iker,” Heinrich whimpered. “I painted it.”

“I know,” Iker said. “But this man wants to take it home.”

“No!”

“But,” Iker went on, “if you let him take it home, he’s going to give you money.”

“Money?” Heinrich said, looking distrustfully at Guti.

“A whole lot.”

“How much?”

“Twenty thousand Euros.”

The number meant nothing to Heinrich, but it sounded big. “Can I buy my own paints?”

“You can buy all the paints you want.”

Heinrich looked at Guti again. “Okay.”

“Now, wait a minute,” Guti started to say, but Sergio slapped him on the back.

“Congratulations. You’re the proud owner of a Heinrich Ozil original.”

Guti sighed. “How wonderful for me.”


	3. Mommy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich's mother moves back to Madrid. Her name is Lola. She was a showgirl...

Mesut sat at the kitchen table with his best friend Sami. Mesut and Sami worked together at the accounting firm together, and had known each other for years.

“You seem bummed out,” Sami commented as Mesut topped up their wine glasses.

“Lola’s coming back to town.”

“To visit?”

“To live.”

“Oh, god,” Sami said. “I thought she was becoming an actress?”

“Apparently she’d gotten a part on a telenovela here in Madrid.”

“Can you move? Leave no forwarding address?” Sami wasn’t kidding. Lola wasn’t a bad person, but she brought the idea of flighty to a new level. And she tended to wind up Heinrich.

“Hell no,” Mesut said. “And give up Iker as my baby sitter?”

“Oh, true,” Sami said. 

“Iker is a god. Did I tell you Heinrich sold three more paintings?”

“You’re kidding me?”

“Nope. I’m giving Iker 20% and putting the rest in a trust for Heinrich.”

“Do they realize they’re buying paintings done by a five year old?” Sami asked skeptically.

“No idea,” Mesut chuckled. “Iker had him just sign ‘Heinrich’ at the bottom, and Guti isn’t telling anyone. There’s apparently quite a buzz. They want a show.”

“Uh oh, then they’ll want the artist,” Sami said.

“Iker says we can just tell everyone that Heinrich is a recluse,” Mesut said. “He’s got Heinrich in the studio right now throwing paint at canvases. He’s in a green period.”

Sami snorted. “I know it’s not funny, but I can’t even believe people pay thousands for your kids splatter art.”

“You want one? Free?” Mesut offered. “Hang it in your office. It’ll impress the clients.”

“Sure, can you get him to do something in black?”

“I’m on it,” Mesut laughed.

The front door slammed. “DADDY!”

“Hey buddy.”

Heinrich came thundering in. “I painted.” He held up a small canvas.

“That is great,” Mesut praised the black and red splotches.

“Iker said I could keep this one. Can we put it in my room?”

“I don’t think there’s any more room on your walls,” Mesut said, as this was about the fifteenth canvas Heinrich had come home with.

“Oh,” Heinrich frowned. “You want, Sami?” He offered it.

“Thanks,” Sami said as he took the painting. And realized it was still wet.

Mesut burst out laughing as Sami pulled his hand away and it was covered in paint.

Heinrich smiled. “Brand new!”

* * * *

“I have to work late tonight, but Heinrich’s mom is going to pick him up at about five.”

“His mom?” Iker frowned.

“Her name is Lola.”

“She was a showgirl,” Heinrich sang as he danced around Iker in the kitchen.

Iker laid a hand on the top of Heinrich’s head and the boy went still, still humming “Copacabana”.

“She was, actually,” Mesut sighed. “I met her on holiday in the Caribbean.”

“Lola is taking me for pizza!!!!”

“You call your mom Lola?” Iker asked disapprovingly.

“She doesn’t like to be called mom,” Mesut said.

“She’s too sexy to be a mom!” Heinrich said, as he wiggled under Iker’s hand.

Mesut sighed. “Right. She’s bringing him back after they eat, and I should be home.”

“Are you sure you want to send your kid with this...Lola?” Iker asked as he poured milk on a bowl of cereal for Heinrich.

“She’s his mother,” Mesut said.

“With yellow feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there!” Heinrich sang as he grabbed his bowl and scampered to the table with it.

Iker raised an eyebrow.

Mesut shrugged and kissed Heinrich on the top of the head. “Oh, and I’m sorry if she hits on you.”

* * * *

“LOLA!” Heinrich yelped happily as he wrenched open the door. She was an hour late, but Heinrich was unperturbed.

“Hey baby,” Lola said as the boy flung himself at her middle.

Iker took a second to take in the woman. She was leggy, blond, and wearing a top cut down to there and a mini skirt that just about kept her decent. The thought of Mesut ever being married to this woman blew Iker’s mind.

“Lola, this is Iker,” Heinrich said as he let go. “He’s my art teacher.”

“Nice to meet you, Iker,” Lola said as she checked him out thoroughly. Iker felt violated.

“Lola, you have to see my art!” Heinrich tugged on her perfectly manicured hand.

“Okay, baby,” Lola said, letting him drag her down the hall, but her attention was on Iker. “I didn’t know Heinrich did art?”

“He just started. He’s really enjoying it.”

“I’m really good,” Heinrich told her.

“He enjoys it,” Iker said, not really willing to commit to good.

“I’m famous,” Heinrich said. 

Lola laughed, having no idea he was serious, and knowing that the boy had a vivid imagination.

“Look,” Heinrich said as he pointed out his canvases. 

“Well those are really great, baby,” Lola praised, even as she shot Iker a ‘really’? look.

Iker gave her a smile. She was definitely over the top, but she did care about the kid.

“Look at these,” Heinrich said as he started flipping through canvases. Lola praised them all.

“Is there one for me?” Lola asked. “That I can put in my new apartment?”

“Hmm,” Heinrich said, and then selected a pink one. “This goes with your shirt.”

“Oh, very important,” Lola agreed. “Why don’t we leave it here at Iker’s while we go for pizza.”

“PIZZA!”

Sergio came into the studio. “Who’s convertible is that in the drive...oh, hello.”

Lola turned to see the gorgeous bullfighter, and Iker was forgotten. “Mine.”

“Hi,” Sergio said with a smile as he pushed back his hair.

“This is Lola,” Iker said, annoyed. “Heinrich’s mother.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Sergio said with all the charm he could muster. 

Iker contained the urge to roll his eyes. “Lola, this is my brother, Sergio.”

“Sergio,” Heinrich interrupted. “Lola is taking me for pizza and we are late.”

“I love pizza,” Sergio said.

“You should come with us,” Lola invited him.

“I should,” Sergio agreed.

“He’s a bullfighter,” Heinrich said, no long impressed by this vocation. “Iker likes pizza!”

“You should come too,” Lola invited him.

Iker nodded, more to keep an eye on Sergio than anything. He had a bad feeling about this.

* * * *

Heinrich colored on the place mats, chattering to Lola about his art. Lola responded appropriately, but her eyes rarely left Sergio. When Iker realized they were playing footsie under the table, he felt ill.

Iker excused himself from the table, and ducking into the bathroom, called Mesut.

“Everything okay?” Mesut asked. “Did Lola show?”

“Yes,” Iker said. “Heinrich is fine. Your ex-wife is all over my brother.”

“What?!?” Mesut demanded. “But...I thought...”

Iker sighed, knowing that Mesut had a bit of a crush on Sergio. “Sergio isn’t...gender specific in his partners.”

“So he likes her?”

Iker peered out the door and back at the table. “He’s groping her thigh.”

“In front of Heinrich?!” Mesut all but shouted.

“Yep,” Iker said, though Heinrich as across the table and completely unaware. Mesut wouldn’t come running otherwise. He was hoping Mesut would come drag Heinrich and Lola out of here. The last thing he needed in his life was for her to move into with Sergio.

“I will be there in five minutes,” Mesut fumed.

Job done, Iker wandered back to the table. 

“He’s sold how many paintings?” Lola was asking Sergio.

“Six,” Heinrich said. “I’m gonna have a show.”

Lola’s jaw dropped as she looked at Iker. “How much does he get?”

“Twenty grand,” Iker said. “Each.”

Lola did the math. “What are you doing with the money?”

“Mesut it putting it away for Heinrich,” Iker said. “For college or whatever when he gets older.”

“He’s not spending any of it?” Lola looked pained.

“Daddy gave me some for paints,” Heinrich said. “And I can have McDonalds some times.”

The waitress arrived with the pizza and set it down on the table. 

“PIZZA!” Heinrich yelled as he grabbed for a steaming slice.

Iker grabbed his hand. “No.”

Heinrich meekly retreated. “Hot?”

“Hot.”

Lola looked at Iker. “How did you do that? He’s never once done anything I said.”

Heinrich went back to his coloring, a sly smile on his face.

Iker pulled a piece of pizza off the pie and set it on Heinrich’s plate. He cut it into small pieces to let it cool.

Sergio had already taken a slice. “Whoa, hot!” 

“Her name was Lola,” Heinrich started to sing again.

“She was a showgirl,” Lola chimed in.

“Lola!” Mesut came bursting into the pizzeria with Sami on his heels.

“Well hey, Mes-u,” Lola grinned. Her face fell. “Sami.”

“Lola.” He greeted her with equal annoyance.

“Daddy!” Heinrich said. “Pizza?”

“Join us,” Iker said. “We can order another.”

Everyone scooted over in the booth. Lola was between Sergio and Mesut, Iker was between Heinrich and Sami.

It was cozy.

“Pizza, Iker?” Heinrich asked.

Iker picked up a piece. “It’s good.”

Heinrich started to stuff pizza in his mouth. “With yellow feathers in her hair.”

“And a dress cut down to there,” Lola gave Sergio a flirty smile, and Sergio looked down her top.

“SO!” Mesut said. “Tell us about your new job, Lola.”

Dinner was...awkward. 

When the pizza was done, Mesut said. “Well, Lola, can I take you back to your hotel?”

“Oh, thanks, Mes-u. But Sergio is going to take me out for a drink. Hey, since you’re here, can you and Sami take Iker home?”

“Uh...”

“You’re so sweet!” Lola kissed his cheek. 

Reluctantly, Mesut got up and let Lola and Sergio out. 

“It was good to see you baby,” Lola said as she leaned across the table to kiss Heinrich’s pizza covered face.

Sergio stared at her ass as he skirt rode up.

Mesut sighed.

“Bye Lola!” Heinrich waved. “Have fun with Sergio! Show him how you do the cha-cha!”

Sergio’s eyes got wide, and Mesut groaned.

Sami grinned. “Who could ask for more?”


	4. Lola and Sergio Sitting in a Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola begins dating Sergio, much to the annoyance of...everyone.

“I think Sergio needs a new bed,” Heinrich told Mesut over breakfast one morning.

“Why’s that?” Mesut asked, spoon full of Cheerio’s on its way to his mouth.

“It’s broken.”

Mesut raised an eyebrow at his son who was spooning Nutella onto bread.

“When Lola takes naps with him, it bangs against the studio wall.”

Cheerio’s flew from Mesut’s mouth. “WHAT?”

“Yeah, and Lola moans a lot.” Heinrich smeared Nutella. “Iker said it’s because the bed is broken.”

Heinrich stuffed the bread into his mouth while Mesut continued to gape. “Lola is....napping with Sergio?”

“Like all the time,” Heinrich said as he chewed, Nutella all over his face. “I’m having trouble focusing my creativity.”

“That’s not good,” Mesut said, his heart sinking at the thought of Lola and Sergio...napping. He grabbed the spoon out of the jar and jammed it into his mouth.

“I have a show in three days,” Heinrich continued. “I cannot be having a creative slump. What will my public say?”

Mesut blinked at Heinrich. The show of his work was opening that Friday night, but Iker and Mesut had planned to take Heinrich over in the afternoon before the opening. They hadn’t exactly lied to the little boy, but neither did they tell him they had no intention of letting the little boy meet his “public”.

“Well, maybe Lola and Sergio can nap at her hotel,” Mesut reasonably suggested as he scooped up more Nutella. Maybe they could stop napping altogether.

“She moved in.”

The glob of Nutella landed on the wall behind Heinrich’s head.

Heinrich burst out laughing. “I think you need a nap, Daddy!”

* * * *

When Mesut walked Heinrich over to Iker and Sergio’s that morning, he followed the little boy up to the studio where Iker was working to blaring Queen music.

Heinrich ran to where his apron hung on the wall and tied it on. Iker turned down the music. 

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Meust asked.

“Sure,” Iker said. “Don’t get in the oils until I get back.”

“Okay,” Heinrich said as he unscrewed the lid on the gesso to prep a new canvas.

“What’s up?” Iker asked as he followed Mesut into the hall.

“Lola and Sergio have been...napping here?”

Iker sighed. “Yeah. I thought Lola might tell you she was moving in.”

“Lola never tells me anything,” Mesut reminded Iker. “She was five months pregnant before I had to ask her point blank if there was anything she needed to tell me.”

Iker shook his head. “Yeah, sorry. It’s kind of a nightmare.”

“So they...nap where Heinrich can hear them?”

“I turn up the music,” Iker said. “And yesterday I took him out to lunch when they came home in the middle of the day, giggling like teenagers.”

“We had McDonalds!!!” Heinrich announced from the doorway. So much for a private conversation. “Are you talking about napping? Why is everyone so interested in napping? I hate it.”

“Good,” Iker said. “No napping until you’re thirty.”

“YAYAY!” Heinrich yelled and went to bang on Sergio’s bedroom door.

Mesut went pale. “Heinrich! Let them sleep.”

“They’re not asleep!” Heinrich said. “I heard Lola giggle.” He knocked again.

Sergio’s tousled head appeared. He looked down at Heinrich. “Yes?”

“You two have napped enough. Don’t you need to get to work?”

“I have the day off and Lola has a late call,” Sergio said, scratching his bare chest and looking over at Iker who struggled to keep a straight face.

“I can’t create with you napping,” Heinrich told him. “Lola is too loud when you nap.”

“Napping?” Sergio looked confused.

“You and Lola,” Iker said. “Napping.”

“Oh,” Sergio finally caught on. “Well...we were going to...nap some this morning.”

“No!” Heinrich stomped his foot. “There will be no napping! Tell them, Daddy.”

Mesut looked alarmed. “Well...uh...,” he stammered, “I just think...you...uh, shouldn’t nap with Heinrich in the house.”

Lola appeared in a flimsy negligee and wrapped an arm around Sergio. “Mesut is jealous because he doesn’t get any of his own naps.”

Sergio flashed a grin at Mesut. “Maybe he should come nap with us.”

Mesut went red in the face. “I have to go to work.”

As he fled, Heinrich continued to glare. “No. Napping.”

“But Lola’s tired,” Lola said and ruffled his hair.

Heinrich was unamused. “At least put some clothes on. People shouldn’t nap naked.”

* * * *

Mesut took the day off work Friday to help Iker take Heinrich’s paintings to the studio where they would be hung for the weekend long show. The dealer was only willing to give them the back room for three days, which meant they had to hope the works sold quickly. 

“I think I want to blue one, not the red one,” Heinrich danced around while Iker carried canvases down the stairs.

“We decided on the red one,” Iker said as he’d spent most of last night wrapping the paintings so they wouldn’t get scratched on the trip to the gallery.

“But the red one is so last week!” Heinrich whined.

“We’ll save the blue one for the next show.”

Heinrich slumped down onto the stairs. “BLUE ONE!”

Iker paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Stop right now or we’re canceling the show.”

“Fine,” Heinrich got up in a huff and stomped down the stairs. 

Luckily Heinrich was unaware that at 20%, if all these paintings sold, Iker was finally going to be able to move out of Sergio’s house, so canceling the show was very unlikely to happen.

Mesut was loading the canvases into the back of the truck they’d rented. He was dressed in jeans and an old t-shirt, looking very much unlike the Mesut who spent most of his days in dress clothes.

“Last one?” Mesut asked as he watched Iker slid the red one on top. When Iker bent over to push the canvas in, Mesut realized what a great ass he had.

“It’s not the blue one,” Heinrich said.

Iker turned. “Enough.”

Heinrich pressed his lips closed and scampered to get in the front of the truck.

“Are you sure you just don’t want to adopt him?” Mesut asked jokingly. “He respects you five times more than he’s ever respected me!”

Iker smiled as he helped Mesut pull the door closed on the truck. “You just have to be firmer with him. He knows you’ll cave in if he keeps at you.”

“I know,” Mesut sighed, “but when you raise a kid on your own, you always worry that they’ll think you don’t love them if you disciple them.”

“You’re a good dad,” Iker assured Mesut with a smile.

Lola appeared at the door with a steaming mug of coffee in her hand. “God, the two of you seriously need to...”

“LOLA!” Heinrich leaned his head out of the window and waved.

“Hey buddy,” Lola waved back.

“Are you coming to my show?”

“You know I wouldn’t miss it, baby.”

“Don’t bring Sergio,” Heinrich said.

“Why not?”

“I don’t like him,” Heinrich said and disappeared into the truck.

Lola frowned and Mesut shrugged. “He has you back in his life and you’re so busy with Sergio he doesn’t get any of your time.”

Lola gave him a glare. “Are you calling me a bad mother?”

“He’s just telling you that your son wants your time,” Iker said.

“You stay out of this,” Lola snapped. “You’re not his father.”

“Hey,” Mesut said. “He’s important in Heinrich’s life.”

“And you want him to fuck you!”

Heinrich appeared. “We don’t say FUCK, Lola. We say NAP.”


	5. Who's On First?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich's art gets a show. Cesc Fabregas, owner of the gallery, is confused by the insanity that is his family.

Heinrich danced around the studio space, directing the hanging of his paintings. The studio was owned by a young art dealer named Cesc. Heinrich made Cesc nervous.

"Careful!" Cesc called as Heinrich nearly knocked over Iker as he unwrapped the last of the paintings.

"I'm the artist, dahling," Heinrich informed him happily.

Cesc gave a nervous laugh. "I'm sure you are, young man..."

"I am!" Heinrich insisted. "Tell him, Daddy!"

Mesut smiled. "So what do you think?"

"DADDY!"

Iker laid a hand on the top of Heinrich's head. "Go to the truck and get my bag."

Heinrich scampered off.

"He's...very involved with the art," Mesut said carefully.

"Does he know the artist?" Cesc asked, examining the last of the paintings.

"Very well," Mesut nodded.

"What's his name?" Cesc said, calmer now that the kid was gone.

"Heinrich."

"Not the artist, your son."

"Oh...uh..." Mesut looked wide eyed at Iker who smoothly said, "Ricky."

Cesc nodded. "He won't be...at the show tonight, will he?"

"No," Mesut said. Iker was going to stay for the show, and help with the sales. Mesut and Heinrich were going out for dinner. The draw of dinner at his favorite pizza place was greater than his need to meet his public.

"Good," Cesc smiled brightly. "Now, I need to get the price information printed."

Iker followed Cesc to the office, as Heinrich returned with Iker's manbag. "I got it!"

"Thanks. Now help your dad clean up the paper."

Heinrich saluted to Iker and began to gather up the wrappings from the paintings.

As they were finishing, Lola showed up. "Hey Baby. It looks great!"

"LOLA!" Heinrich flung himself at her. "YOU CAME!"

"I said I would," Lola said, a troubled expression on her face.

Heinrich took her hand. "Let me explain my creative process."

Mesut smiled at Lola who smiled back. He noticed she was wearing jeans and a not very low cut sweater for her. And apparently she'd left Sergio at home as Heinrich had suggested. This was more motherly than Mesut had seen her...ever.

Heinrich was jabbering on about his use of color when Cesc and Iker returned with the price tags. 

Heinrich stalked over to examine them. "How much?"

Cesc frowned and edged away from the forward little boy. "We've varied the prices based on the sizes of the canvas."

"Enough to pay for my paints and pizza?"

Cesc blinked.

"More than enough," Iker assured him, as the kid already had enough money in the bank to set him up for a long time.

"Even extra cheese?" Heinrich pressed.

"Double extra cheese," Iker assured him.

"Fine," Heinrich said. "But if someone asks for the blue one, you have only yourself to blame."

Cesc was watching the boy as though he might turn and bit Cesc at any moment. Unfortunatley for him, Heinrich whipped around at that moment and pointed a finger at him. "Don't forget to tell them that these are all one of a kind originals."

Mesut was fairly certain that Cesc wet himself.

"You want to come to dinner with us, Lola," Heinrich asked as he took her hand and clung to it.

"Oh, I don't want to bother you," Lola said, looking at Mesut and then Iker.

"It's just going to be me and Heinrich," Mesut said. "Iker is staying."

"Oh," Lola said. "Why don't I take Heinrich to dinner and you both can stay?"

Mesut looked a bit shyly at Iker. He'd only noticed that afternoon how attractive the other man was. He'd been so focused on Sergio, who was now with Lola, that he had barely noticed Iker.

Lola grinned and elbowed him. "Come on, Mes, you know you wanna."

"Shh," Mesut blushed.

"Want to what?" Heinrich demanded.

"Come on, kiddo," Lola said. "Me and you for dinner."

"No Sergio," Heinrich said.

"No more Sergio," Lola said with a sigh.

* * * *

Lola and Heinrich sat in a booth, sharing garlic bread and discussing a possible trip to the zoo soon, when Sami walked in. He looked around and when he saw Lola and Heinrich, he walked over cautiously.

"Hi Sami!"

Lola looked the talk dark and handsome man over. "Yes?"

"Is...Mesut here?"

"No," Lola said, focusing on her glass of water. "He's at the show."

"Oh," Sami said. "He said for me to met them here...but I guess he forgot."

"Sami, you can join us," Heinrich said as he scooted over. "We got extra cheese."

Sami and Lola eyed each other for a moment, and then Sami sat down.

* * * *

The show was a busy one. The buzz about the artist known simply as "Heinrich" had gotten around, and everyone wanted to see his work. Iker overhead speculation from all corners of the room, from him being grossly disfigured to a reclusive genius, but no one seemed to notice that the paintings looked like they'd been done by a five year old. 

Which they had.

Iker had a mixture of pride and shame at the idea people wanted to pay stupid sums of money for the work of a kid. He was proud of Heinrich, who did have a natural eye for balance of composition, and his use of color was flawless. But Iker had spent years in art school, working on his craft, studying technique and copying the work of masters. And no one was interested in his work.

He did intend to start teaching Heinrich about art, properly, but when people argued over taking home a piece of his work that he had literally thrown on the canvas, he wondered if leaving well enough alone might be in order.

Cesc flitted around the room, talking to prospective buyers and filling our sales slips. His nervousness decreased with Heinrich gone, and he beamed happily as painting after painting sold. Commissions were a wonderful thing.

Iker watched him with a growing desire. He'd met Cesc around before, but he'd been dating some male model called Gerard for ages. Now the two of them had apparently split, and Iker wondered if it was a bad time to make a move.

"Everything is selling," Mesut said as he approached Iker with two glasses of champagne. He offered one to Iker.

"Thank you," Iker said. "Don't tell Heinrich, but that lady over there thought she might like to see more blue."

Mesut snorted. "I never heard that."

Iker grinned and sipped the cheap champagne. At Heinrich's next show, he would make sure they got the good stuff. He had little doubt there would be another.

"So...why do you think Lola didn't bring Sergio?" Mesut ventured, looking for some conversation starter.

"I don't know," Iker said. "Not to speak ill of Heinrich's mother, but my guess is they must have had some kind of a fight. I can't imagine her not bringing him just because Heinrich said."

"I know," Mesut agreed. "She's not uncaring, but Lola's favorite person has and always will be Lola."

"It was pretty nice of her to take Heinrich tonight," Iker allowed. "Give you a night off."

"I know. I have no idea what that was about," Mesut frowned. "She has to have an angle."

"Don't try to think like Lola," Iker advised. "It could cause your head to explode."

* * * * 

Sami and Lola were civil to each other over pizza, but even Heinrich could tell there was animosity.

"Why do you hate Sami, Lola?"

"I don't hate Sami," Lola said. "We're just not friends."

"You should be friends with Sami," Mesut decided. "He's cool."

"I'm not sure he wants to be my friend," Lola said.

Sami chewed his crust.

"I need to potty," Heinrich announced and slid out of the booth. He ran to the bathroom.

"You didn't have any trouble wanting to be my friend four years ago," Sami glared across the table at Lola.

"You didn't have any problems with it either!" Lola shot back. "I don't think I forced you to sleep with me!"

"You naked in my bed forced the issue!"

"What are you mad about, Sami? That you gave in to me or you betrayed your best friend?"

"He was your husband!"

"Oh for the love of god, Sami, you and I both know he's gay! We only stayed married as long as we did for Heinrich, and how Heinrich even exists is beyond me."

Sami's eyes got wide. "Heinrich's not Mesut' kid?"

"Of course he is, you idiot. Look at him!"

Heinrich came scampering back, all big eyes and crinkly ears. Yeah, he was Mesut's kid. "Are you fighting?"

"No baby, we're not," Lola said as she picked up the box of left over pizza and reached for Heinrich's hand. "Sami was just saying how he was going to pay for dinner and I was telling him how really nice that was."

Sami glared at her and Heinrich beamed. "Very nice, Sami. We're going to pick up Daddy and Iker. Have you been to my show. It's magnificent."

"Maybe later, buddy." Sami said as he threw some cash on the table.

"They're going fast!" Heinrich told him. 

* * * *

The crowds were thinning out as all of Heinrich’s work was sold. 

“We have to get more pieces!” Cesc gushed at Iker. “Can you speak with Heinrich?”

“I think we might be able to get some more,” Iker said, knowing they had a stack in the studio. And since Heinrich could throw one together in a couple hours, supply could probably keep up with demand. “Do you maybe want to go get a drink?”

“Sure,” Cesc grinned at Iker as Mesut walked up.

“You guys are...going out?” Mesut tried not to sound hurt. Of course Iker was interested in the cute little art dealer.

“Isn’t Lola dropping your son back off?” Iker said, confused at Mesut’s tone.

“Yeah,” Mesut said. “It’s past his bed time.”

Sergio walked in just then, looking haggard in a way Sergio never did. And he had a bruise blossoming on his cheek.

“Sergio!” Iker said, moving to his brother’s side. “What happened?”

“Lola,” Sergio sighed. “I might have called her...loose.”

Mesut snorted. “She gave it to you, huh?”

“She about knocked me over!” Sergio whined as Iker examined the injury.

“Why did you call her...loose?”

Sergio looked sheepish. “She came back in the house, angry at you, Iker, for calling her a bad parent. When I said maybe you had a point...”

Iker groaned. “Sergio. You know better than that.”

“I do now!”

“Maybe you should stick to dating boys!” Mesut said with a hopeful look.

“I so should,” Sergio agreed.

“What are YOU doing here?” Heinrich demanded as he stomped back into the gallery with Lola in tow.

Sergio looked down at him. “Don’t you start.”

Lola pulled Heinrich to her protectively, though whether she was protecting him or her wasn’t clear.

“Who hit you?” Heinrich asked. “Was it a bull?”

“Yes,” Sergio said.

“I think you mean bitch,” Lola glared.

Heinrich looked up at her. “You’re not a bitch, Lola.”

“Thank you, baby.”

Cesc was watching all of this with wide eyes. “Who are you?”

Sergio looked over. “His brother,” he thumbed at Iker. “Her ex.”

Lola pointed at Heinrich. “His mother. Their exes.”

Cesc blinked a couple of times. “Okay...”

Sami came storming in. “Mesut, I slept with Lola while you were still married. I’m sorry.”

Mesut’s jaw dropped.

“Who are YOU?” Cesc wailed.

Heinrich patted his hand. “Don’t try to figure it out. It’ll change tomorrow.”


	6. School's Out Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich starts kindergarten and starts giving his new teacher, Mr. Kaka, an ulcer.

“Come on, Daddy!” Heinrich danced around the kitchen. It was his first day of kindergarten, and Mesut had taken the day off to take him in and pick him up after.

“Hang on, we have to wait for Lola,” Mesut said, glancing at his watch. Of course she was late.

He hadn’t spoken more than two words to either Lola or Sami since Sami’s confession of their infidelity two weeks ago at Heinrich’s show. It wasn’t that he hadn’t be aware Lola cheated on him, but with Sami?

Heinrich was dressed in his school uniform, a Real Madrid pack (a gift from Iker) on his back. Iker was going to start taking him to school and picking him up in the afternoons tomorrow.

The door bell rang. “It’s LOOOOOOOO-LAAAAAAA!” Heinrich scampered over and wrenched the door open

But it wasn’t Lola.

“Sami! Daddy’s mad at you.”

“I know, buddy,” Sami said. “You ready for school?”

“I’m in kindergarten,” Heinrich said proudly.

Mesut emerged from the kitchen and stared cooly at Sami. “Yes?”

“Hey,” Sami said. “I wasn’t sure what time his school started. I thought maybe we could go for coffee after, or something.”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Because you wouldn’t have answered.”

“Sami,” Heinrich said. “Today is my first day of school, and you are being a buzz kill. Go and watch cartoons. After I go to school, you can be depressing.”

Sami smiled at him. “Many apologies, Heinrich.”

Mesut sighed. “Go on then. I’ll be back in about half an hour.”

Sami disappeared into the back as Mesut herded Heinrich to the car.

“We have to wait for Lola!” Heinrich wailed.

“We can’t be late your first day, buddy,” Mesut said as he pulled off Heinrich’s backpack so he could climb in the car.

Heinrich started to cry in earnest, and Mesut knew he was in trouble. 

Blessedly, just then a taxi pulled up and Lola emerged.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry!” Lola said as she rushed to the car. “I lost my bag with my car keys and my phone. Mesut, can you pay the driver?”

Mesut didn’t even bat an eyelash as he peeled money from his wallet to pay the taxi driver while Lola got Heinrich strapped in the back of the car. Heinrich was babbling.

“And did you see my bag, Lola? Iker gave it to me. I have my coloring pencils in it, but he said I couldn’t bring any paints. We can paint after school he said, but I hope there’s painting in school, do you think we’ll paint in school?”

“I bet you will,” Lola said, managing to get a word in.

Mesut started the car and they were off, peace restored again.

“I really am sorry,” Lola said, knowing she wasn’t Mesut’s favorite person, though why Sami had felt the need to be honest now was beyond her. “I got up an hour early to be here on time. I know this is important.”

Mesut sighed. “It’s fine.”

“Lola, Daddy’s mad at you anyway, so don’t worry.”

“I know baby,” Lola said to Heinrich. “What do you think I can do to make him not mad any more?”

Heinrich pondered this. “When Daddy’s mad at me I give him a big hug and say I’m sorry.”

“Does that work?”

“Sometimes,” Heinrich said. 

Mesut glanced at Lola, half afraid she was going to try to hug him while he was driving.

“I think you and Sami have to be friends again,” Mesut decided. “Daddy loves you both and doesn’t like when you fight.”

“I think it’s a little more complicated than that, baby,” Lola said.

“No it’s not,” Heinrich said. “Adults make everything too complicated.”

Neither Mesut nor Lola could disagree with that.

* * * * 

Heinrich was dropped off at kindergarten with minimal tears. Actually, Heinrich ran into the room so fast and introduced himself to everyone he saw including the parents of the other kids, while Lola bawled. Mesut tried to act like he didn’t know either of them.

The teacher introduced himself as Mr. Kaka. He had a pure kindergarten teacher smile and demeanor, and Mesut desperately hoped Heinrich didn’t give him an ulcer. At least Lola didn’t hit on him.

Mesut dropped Lola off at work and then drove home. He left his car in the drive and walked over to Sergio and Iker’s house, not ready to face Sami yet.

Mesut walked in. “Anyone home?”

Iker appeared from the kitchen. He was eating cereal in his pajama pants and nothing else. “Get Heinrich off to school?”

Mesut tried not to stare. “We were nearly late because of Lola, and then Sami shows up randomly wanting to talk.”

“You still haven’t talked to him?” Iker said with disapproval. “You gotta sort that out, Mes.”

“He slept with my wife!”

Iker gave Mesut the look he used on Heinrich when he was trying to justify chocolate bars for breakfast. “Mesut. We’re talking about Lola. She’s growing on me, but seriously, divorcing her was probably the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“I know,” Mesut sighed as he went to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Sami feels horrible, and I’m willing to bet Heinrich’s entire fortune that Lola was the one who seduced him.”

Mesut chuckled. “I know that’s true. She seduced me and I’m gay.”

Iker grinned. “So, what’s this really about?”

Mesut sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh. “Honestly?”

“Of course,” Iker said, looking concerned.

“I had a crush on Sami back then.”

“Ah,” Iker sat back, his abs flexing. “And you don’t any more?”

Mesut shrugged. “He’s not gay, so there’s no point. He’s a good friend that I value too much to waste my time being hung up over it.”

Iker nodded. “So that’s why you need to forgive him. He’s a good friend who you value.”

“You’re right,” Mesut said. “As always.”

Iker shrugged. “Not always, no.”

“What’s up?”

“Oh, remember that art dealer, Cesc?’

“Oh, sure,” Mesut said, his heart sinking.

“He’s got about five guys on the go apparently.”

“Damn,” Mesut said. He’d always struggled to have one person actually willing to go out with him at any given time.

“I know,” Iker sighed. “This is why I avoid dating, generally. I should have known better.”

“Dating sucks,” Mesut agreed as he struggled to find a way to suggest he and Iker go out or just fuck like depraved animals, but his brain went blank in the presence of Iker’s half nakedness.

“You better go talk to Sami,” Iker said as he got up, collecting his breakfast dishes.

“I know. Thanks Iker.”

“Any time,” Iker said, and without thinking, leaned in to kiss Mesut on the cheek.

Mesut’s head was still spinning when he walked back into his own house. Sami was doing as ordered and watching cartoons.

Mesut smiled. Sami was a good friend.

“Hey,” Sami said carefully, trying to read Mesut’s expression.

“One question,” Mesut said as he picked up the remote to turn off the TV. “Why?”

“Why did I sleep with Lola?”

“Yes.”

Sami shrugged. “She’s...Lola. And I was drunk.”

Mesut grinned. “Fair enough.”

“You forgive me?”

Mesut shrugged. “I’m hurt because as big of a joke of a marriage as it was, she was my wife and what you did was wrong.”

“I know.”

“But I’m not willing to lose you as a friend over a woman I never should have married to begin with.”

Sami smiled. “She gave you Heinrich.”

“She did,” Mesut said. “And what would life be without Heinrich?”

The phone rang at that moment. With a sinking feeling, Mesut realized it was the school. The minute the phone connected, he heard a very familiar voice.

“YOU BETTER NOT TELL ON ME. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT.”

Mesut covered his eyes. “Hello?”

“Mr. Ozil?”

“Yes?”

“This is Mr. Kaka. We’ve had an...incident with your son Heinrich.”

“I see.” Please don’t let him have bitten any one. Please don’t let him have bitten any one.

“He apparently has...issues with the art activity we had planned for this morning.”

“I AM AN ARTIST!”

“Oh?” Please don’t let him have bitten any one. Please don’t let him have bitten any one.

“Yes. We’ve had to isolate him here in the office. You might want to come and speak with him.”

“He didn’t bite anyone, did he?”

There was a pause. “No?”

“I’ll be right there.” 

“Is Heinrich alright?” Sami asked.

“Oh, he’s fine,” Mesut sighed. “He’s...Heinrich.”

“You want me to come with you? Or do you want to take Iker?”

Mesut looked at Sami, and realized Sami was his best friend for a very good reason. He smiled. “Maybe I should take Iker.”

“He’s good with Heinrich,” Sami said with a knowing grin.

* * * * 

Iker and Mesut walked into the classroom and found twenty children cheerfully cutting up colored paper and sticking it to sheets of white paper. Mr. Kaka and his assistant were observing.

Mr. Kaka looked...less cheerful than earlier.

“Mr. Ozil, we have Heinrich in the office.”

“Okay,” Mesut said, feeling sorry for the man. “This is Iker.”

“Heinrich’s art teacher?” Mr. Kaka said, realization crossing his face.

Mesut’s stomach sank. “Yes...”

“He’s been asking for you,” Mr. Kaka said and grimly led the way to the office.

Heinrich was sat in a chair in front of the secretary, his little legs swinging, his arms crossed indignantly. 

“Iker!” Heinrich said happily. “Can you explain....”

“No,” Iker said. “You apologize to Mr. Kaka.”

“But Iker he...!”

“Heinrich Ozil!”

“I’m sorry Mr. Kaka,” Heinrich said quickly. “I’ll cut and paste.”

Mr. Kaka blinked. “You will?”

“Yes,” Heinrich nodded.

“What happened?” Mesut asked, confused.

“Heinrich...object to the art lesson,” Mr. Kaka said. “He said that his art teacher had him working on oils, and that he was too far advanced of an artist to be cutting and pasting.”

Iker raised an eyebrow. Heinrich’s art consisted of globs of paint tossed at canvases. To say he had anything relating to technique would be stretching things. “Have you ever cut and pasted Heinrich?”

Heinrich looked ashamed. “No.”

“Then how do you know if you can even do it?”

“I dunno,” Heinrich stared at his knees.

Iker crouched down in front of him. “We know you take your art seriously.”

“I’m famous Iker! People buy my paintings!”

Mr. Kaka looked surprised. “They do.”

“Actually, yes,” Mesut told him.

“I know, buddy, but that doesn’t give you any right to to be rude to Mr. Kaka.”

“I wasn’t...!”

“Refusing to do what your teacher asks is rude and disrespectful. You don’t want to be rude and disrespectful to someone as nice as Mr. Kaka, do you?”

“No,” Heinrich said quietly.

“Now are you going to go back to class and behave?”

“Yes.”

“Because if Mr. Kaka has to call Daddy ever again because you were bad, art lessons will be off.”

“Iker!” Heinrich wailed.

“That’s the deal. Okay?”

“Okay,” Heinrich agreed. “I’ll be good, Mr. Kaka.”

“You go back to class, Heinrich and you can start working on your project.”

“I will, Mr. Kaka.” Heinrich ran out.

“Thanks, Iker,” Mesut said gratefully.

Iker shrugged. “He’s a pain in the ass, but we love him.”

Mr. Kaka was stunned. “You’re like a genius with children. Would you be interested in coming in a couple of times a week to teach some art to the kids?”

Iker looked surprised. “I could I guess. I’ll be picking Heinrich up after school. Maybe I could come in an hour early some days.”

“That would be wonderful,” Mr. Kaka gushed. “Heinrich is so lucky to have you for a step father.”


	7. I'm an ARTIST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich paints an abstract of his mother.

Heinrich was in the studio, peering down at a canvas.  "Iker, this is all wrong."

Iker looked over from his own work.  He had a show coming up, and wanted to get this piece done.  Never mind he was still living with Sergio a month after he swore he was moving out.  He told himself it was more convenient for babysitting Heinrich, but he knew that wasn't the real reason.

"What's wrong with it?"

"I'm over this," Heinrich said, wiping his paint covered hands on his apron.  "I don't want to paint like this any more."

"Are you sure?  They're still selling well."

"Iker." Heinrich gave him a withering look.  "I must grow as an art-TIST."

Iker rolled his eyes.  "So how do you want to paint?"

"Like you," Heinrich walked over to look at the piece Iker was working on.  It was an abstract landscape he was creating in oranges and yellows.

"You mean using brushes?"

"Yes."

Iker shrugged and handed Heinrich a brush.  "Have at it."

Heinrich stalked back over to his painting and set to work. 

An hour later, Iker was done.  As he set his canvas to dry and went to see what Heinrich had created. 

"Is that..."

"Lola!!!!!" Heinrich happily reported as he stood before a canvas.  It was obviously a female, with Lola's long blonde hair, large chest, and short skirt.  The rest was...liberally interpreted. "I'm going to give it to her."

"Oh," Iker said, a strike of fear stabbing through his heart.

"I used your phone to text her and tell her to come over."

The doorbell rang.

"LOLA!"

Iker sighed.  Lola loved Heinrich, but she was also rather vain.  He put his finished canvas safely in the storage room.

Heinrich returned with Lola in tow.  "You have to SEE it."

"Hi Iker," Lola said with a smile as she looked down at the painting.  Her jaw dropped.  "Oh..."

"It's YOU."

"Is it?" Lola blinked a couple of times.  "It's...lovely..."

"You can have it," Heinrich said cheerfully.

"Oh, thanks," Lola said with gritted teeth.  "Your daddy just pulled up as I was getting here.  You better get home for dinner."

"Kay," Heinrich said and scampered back down the stairs.

"Iker?"

Iker stood back, "Yes Lola?"

"Please tell me I don't really look like that."

Iker grinned.  "You don't really look like that."

"Thank god," Lola sighed.  "You coming over to dinner?"

"With Mesut and Heinrich?" Iker asked.

Lola laid a hand on his arm.  "Yes, with Mesut and Heinrich, your future husband and step-son."

Iker blushed, but followed Lola next door. 


	8. Birthday Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich's turning six. The introduction of Nora Torres.

“So pizza, cake, punch, do we need anything else?” Mesut wondered as he and Iker sat at the kitchen table in Sergio’s house. Heinrich was turning six this weekend, and they were having a party.

“It’s all he’ll eat,” Iker said reasonably. “And it is his party.”

“True,” Mesut agreed as he ticked his list.

“Tell me there will at least be wine,” Sergio begged as he joined them, glass in hand. He laid a hand on Mesut’s shoulder. “You are so not making me come to some kid’s party sober.”

“It’s not much of a kid’s party. He’s only invited his best friend, Nora.” Mesut as he tried not to tremble at Sergio’s touch. Sergio had been single for a couple of weeks, and had started to be really friendly to Mesut.

Iker glared. “He wanted to invite his whole class and Mr. Kaka.”

“From the look of Mr. Kaka the few times I’ve picked him up, I’d say we were wise to limit it.” Mesut said. He tried not to wonder how much of his own child’s behavior was to blame. At least he hadn’t bit anyone yet.

“So who all is coming,” Sergio asked as he sipped his wine and started to rub Mesut’s neck.

“Uh...” Mesut started to stutter. “You, me, Iker...Lola, Sami, Nora and her dad, Fernando. Nothing big.”

“I think I can deal,” Sergio said. “What does he want?”

“For a gift?” Mesut said, still unable to think clearly.

“Yes for a gift,” Sergio leaned down and kissed Mesut on the neck before retreating under the weight of Iker’s glare.

“More paint, canvases?” Iker offered up, knowing that Heinrich went through his supplies fairly quickly. He was selling several a week, but producing about ten times that much. “A storage shed?”

“Boring. He can use his money from the sales for that. What does he want?” Sergio asked. “A bike?”

“A bike?” Mesut asked. “He can’t ride.”

“Duh, he’s six. He can learn.” Sergio grinned. “I can teach him.”

* * * *

Heinrich’s party was going to be on a Friday evening, the day of his birthday. Mesut had rented a tent for the back garden in case of rain and cake disaster and hired a clown. Heinrich had asked for a clown, though, in truth, they freaked Mesut out a little. The one he’d gotten specialized in kid parties, so how freaky could it be?

Iker was entertaining Heinrich as Mesut, Lola, and Sami got the back garden set up.

Lola had been in charge of decorations. She had arrived at noon loaded down with bags. Mesut had been working at home and decided it was better to not look and see what she was doing to the tent. She came in and out, looking for scissors and tape. He lamely offered to help, but he was rather relieved when she turned down his offer.

Sami arrived at about six with a big box for Heinrich and the pizza.

“Thanks for getting those,” Mesut said as he turned the oven on to keep the pizza warm.

“I was driving right past,” Sami said as he peered out the kitchen window to the back garden.

“For the love of...”

“Oh god, how bad is it?” Mesut asked as he finally dared a look.

“Look on the news tonight for a report on the nationwide streamer shortage,” Sami said as they gazed at the tent that had streamers hanging off of every inch in red, yellow, and blue.

“Is it enough?” Lola asked as she peered in the back door.

“I think so,” Mesut said quickly, as Sami opened his mouth.

The doorbell rang and Mesut shuffled out of the kitchen quickly. Sami and Lola had an uneasy truce going for Mesut’s benefit, but the less time he spent with the two of them, the better.

“Hello!” Mesut said cheerfully as he opened the door to see Fernando and his daughter, Nora, who was five.

Nora carried gift bag. “HI!”

“He sweetie,” Mesut said. “Is that for Heinrich?”

“YES!”

“Indoor voice, Nora,” Fernando said as he laid a hand on her head. 

“WE’RE STILL OUTSIDE, DADDY.”

A look crossed Fernando’s face that Mesut knew well. “Heinrich is over at Iker’s,” he told Nora, as Nora knew Iker from his art lessons at school.

“I LOVE IKER. CAN WE GO TO IKER’S HOUSE?”

“I bet Iker is coming to the party,” Fernando said. 

“I’m texting him right now,” Mesut said. “Why don’t you come in.”

“Thank you,” Nora said as she stepped into the house.

“Wine is in the kitchen,” Mesut said as Fernando walked in.

“Thank you.”

Mesut sent the text to tell Iker the guests were here and showed Fernando and Nora out to the back. Nora set her gift next to Sami’s and began running through the streamers.

“Fernando, this is my friend Sami,” Mesut introduced as he handed Fernando a glass of wine.

“Hey Mes, do we want the cake...out...here...?” Lola trailed off as she got a look at the tall, blonde hunk. “Hi. I’m Lola.”

“Hi Lola,” Fernando said, looking bemused.

“YOUR SKIRT IS REALLY SHORT!”

Lola looked down a the the little girl staring up at her. She gave her a tight smile. “You must be Nora.” Fernando looked like he wished he could drop into the floor.

“YOU’RE LOLA! HEINRICH SAID YOU WORE SHORT SKIRTS!”

“Nora, love,” Fernando put his hand on her head and turned her toward the drinks table. “Get Daddy some punch?”

“OKAY!”

But Lola wasn’t paying much attention to the little girl. She couldn’t take her eyes off her daddy.

Inside the house, the birthday boy had arrived with Iker and Sergio in tow.

“How was your art lesson?” Mesut asked as Heinrich hurtled into him.

“GREAT! Sergio has a massive box for me and he won’t let me open it!”

Mesut looked up and saw Sergio was indeed carrying a rather large box. It was just about the right size and shape for the promised bike.

“Presents later. Nora’s here and your clown should be soon.”

Heinrich scampered out to the garden.

“Bike?” Mesut asked.

“Bike,” Sergio agreed and moved in on Mesut for a kiss and a grope.

The doorbell rang before he could make contact, much to Iker’s relief.

“Clown!” Heinrich called and ran back through. Iker caught him. 

“Go see to your guests. Have you even said hello to Nora yet?”

“Yes!” Heinrich said. “Lola is talking to her daddy.”

Iker rolled his eyes. “Trust Lola to hit on any single man in the vicinity.”

Mesut went to get the door. It was indeed the clown. In full make up, wearing a blue and white striped suit and a curly wig that stood out all over.

“Hi, David Luiz, for Heinrich’s birthday?”

“Hi, I’m his dad, Mesut,” he said as he let the tall man in. As he passed, Mesut was startled to realize that was his real hair.

“Hey Kids! Who’s ready for a PARTY!”

“YAYAYAYYAYYAAYYA!”

Mesut followed the clown, who’s working name was “Sideshow Bob.”

Nora and Heinrich had run up to him, and were tugging on his pants. Heinrich was dancing around like he had to pee and Nora was shouting at him.

“I LOVE CLOWNS. YOU ARE MY FAVORITE CLOWN EVER.”

Mesut joined the adults who had taken seats. He was startled to see Sergio had taken a seat right next to Fernando and a disgruntled looking Lola was on her own, drinking wine.

“What the hell?” Mesut muttered as he took the seat next to her.

Lola glanced at him. “Your Sergio has moved in on my Fernando.”

Sergio whispered something to Fernando and the blond blushed. Mesut frowned further.

“He’s not my Sergio.”

“He’s not mine,” Lola said, still angry with Sergio over their fall out.

Iker sat between the two pairs, with Sami, who was laughing like the kids as Sideshow Bob tripped over his own feet and fell spectacularly, oblivious to the drama.

Iker looked at his brother, and suppressed a smile. God, right in front of Mesut. Sergio actually had no shame.

Sideshow Bob was now doing a card trick.

“Pick a card, Heinrich!”

Heinrich carefully made a selection. “This one.”

The clown took it back and then shuffled it back in the pack.

“You marked it,” Heinrich accused.

The clown frowned. “No I didn’t.”

“Yes you did, you put a mark on the card with your thumb.”

“No I didn’t.”

“YES YOU DID,” Nora said.

“Just enjoy the trick, kid.”

Heinrich glowered and was resolutely unimpressed when Sideshow Bob produced his card.

Mesut groaned. “Are we about ready for some cake?”

“CAKE!” Nora approved.

Mesut went to get the cake, and Iker followed him.

“You okay?” Iker asked, glancing back and seeing Sergio touching Fernando again.

“I’m great. Why wouldn’t I be?” Mesut pulled the cake out of the box. He’d taken one of Heinrich’s paintings to the cake shop, and the baker had done an amazing job of reproducing it on the cake.

Iker laid a hand on Mesut’s arm. “Because...you know....Sergio.”

Mesut sighed. “Iker, I know Sergio it totally out of my league.”

“Don’t say that,” Iker said quietly. “You are worth so much more than to think someone like Sergio, who can’t keep together a relationship more than a couple weeks, is in anyway better than you.”

Mesut smiled sadly. “If I’m so great, why does no one want to be with me?”

There was a long silence, and Mesut looked at Iker.

“Someone might want to be with you, but they might be too nervous to say anything.”    
Mesut’s heart skipped a beat. “He might?”

“He might not be sure you feel that way about him.”

“What if I did?”

A smile started to form on Iker’s face when...

“DADDY! CAKE!” Heinrich stood in the door, looking indignant.

Mesut quickly picked up the cake, the moment broken. “It’s coming!”

But as he turned to carry the cake out, he caught Iker smiling at him. He smiled back. “Maybe we can talk later?”

“Sure.”

“DADDY!”

“CAKE!” Nora was stood with him now.

Mesut carried the cake out and everyone sang for Heinrich, who was dancing around again. Mesut wondered if giving Heinrich cake right now was the best idea as they hadn’t had dinner yet. He reminded himself to check on the pizza in the oven.

Cake was consumed and Sideshow Bob began to make balloon animals. Sergio and Fernando were giggling together and touching each other. Lola was pouting and Sami was requesting a balloon giraffe.

“How about a sword,” Sideshow Bob asked as he deftly created things out of balloons.

“Cool!” Heinrich agreed. 

“I WANT A KITTY.”

Sideshow Bob handed Heinrich is sword.

“It looks like a penis!”

There was a moment of horrified silence.

“WHAT’S A PENIS?”

Mesut converged. “GIFTS!”

Sideshow Bob looked relieved as he put away the balloons. Nora, who did not like to be ignored, stomped over to her father.

“DADDY, WHAT IS A PENIS?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Fernando said as he turned a deep shade of red.

“CAN YOU SHOW ME A PENIS???”

Sergio covered his mouth as he started to laugh, and Nora glared at him.

“DO YOU HAVE A PENIS?!!”

“Yes.”

“SHOW IT TO ME.”

Fernando took his daughter by the shoulders. “Heinrich is opening his gifts now!”

Nora finally let herself be side tracked as Heinrich was already tearing into the box Sergio had brought.

“A bike!” Heinrich said as he began to dance again. “Daddy! Get it out!”

Mesut and Iker struggled with the bike as Heinrich opened the rest of his gifts. Thankfully, it was nearly fully assembled in the box, and they only had to attach the handle bars and the pedals which easily snapped into place.

Lola was well into her third glass of wine, and had sat next to Sami. She started playing in his hair. Sergio was leaning into Fernando.

“I ride my bike, Daddy?”

“Uh,” Sideshow Bob said, his face alarmed under the make up. “I think something is on fire.”

With a start, Mesut turned and saw smoke pouring out of the kitchen. He ran inside to see the stove was the source.

“The pizza!” he wailed as he turned off the oven and opened the door. Smoke billowed out and a charred mess was revealed.

Iker started opening windows as Mesut tried to fan away the smoke. At least there weren’t any flames.

With a sigh, Iker stood and looked at the mess, and then back into the garden when Heinrich was wobbling on his bike, assisted by Sideshow Bob, Nora was waving the penis sword around, and Sami was trying to duck the advances of Lola.

“It could be worse?” Iker tried with a smile. He put an arm around Mesut, and the smaller man laid a head on his shoulder. It was a perfect fit.

“How could it possibly be worse?” Mesut sighed even as Iker’s presence made him feel better.

There was a loud crash.

“Oh god.”

They went back outside to find chaos. Heinrich had run over the cake table, taken out Sideshow Bob who lay spread eagle on the floor, and was sat under the bike, crying. Nora stood next to him, fat tears running down her cheeks.

“YOU BROKE MY PENIS!”


	9. Heinrich's Christmas Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich wants nothing more than for his Dad and Iker to get together, but will he get his wish?

“Lola?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Can I get Daddy a Christmas gift?”

Lola looked away from the jewelry counter and down at Heinrich who was waiting for her rather patiently. “Of course you can. What do you want to get him?”

“It’s a secret,” Heinrich said, and then glanced around like someone might overhear them.

Lola frowned. “Well, okay, but I can’t help you with it if you don’t tell me what it is.” She did want to help, but she was also curious what the boy wanted to get for Mesut. And, quite frankly, she knew better than to trust his schemes.

“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

“HEINRICH!”

“Inside voice!”

Lola and Heinrich turned to see Nora with Fernando in tow rushing toward them.

Heinrich hugged Nora. “I have an important mission, Agent Torres.”

Nora saluted. “Yes Herr Ozil?”

Heinrich leaned in to whisper as Lola smiled at Fernando.

“Hi! Getting in some last minute Christmas shopping?”

Fernando looked uncomfortable as Lola laid her hand on his arm. “Yes...uh...Sergio needed some things.”

“Sergio?”

“Ramos,” the man said as he appeared, loaded down with shopping. He gave Lola a smirk and kissed Fernando on the cheek. “You and Nora ready to get something to eat?”

“NO!” Nora proclaimed. “Heinrich and I have a MISSION.”

Lola glared and Fernando frowned. 

“We don’t have time for a mission, sweetie, Sergio is taking us to lunch.”

“WE HAVE A MISSION THAT HAS TO BE DONE TODAY!”   
“Maybe Lola can take them on their mission while we grab lunch?”

At that moment, Lola looked like she might go on a mission to relocate Sergio’s balls someplace not near his body.

“Please Lola!”

“PLEASE LOLA!!!!!!!”

Lola sighed. “Alright, but if you’re still not going to tell me what it’s about, I can’t do much to help you.”

“It’s okay, Lola,” Heinrich said sincerely. “Nora and I can handle this.”

* * * *

Mesut wrapped the last of the empty boxes and set it under the tree. Heinrich’s actual gifts were in the back of Iker’s closet. Mesut knew better than to leave gifts out where Heinrich could get at them. Iker was going to drop them off Christmas morning.  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
"So," Sami said as he joined Mesut at the tree.  "How are things with Iker?"

"They're not," Mesut said with a sigh.  "I though maybe he really liked me after the birthday party, but then it all just cooled off!"

"What happened?  You two are perfect!"

"I know, but I think Sergio said something to Iker and then Iker got shy," Mesut moaned.  "And you know me, Sami, I'm such a spaz."

"You're not."

"Sami, I hit on you and you're not even gay."

"If I was, I'd have you," Sami promised.  "But you want Iker."

Mesut grinned.  "I do."

"Wrap yourself up in paper," Sami advised.

The front door slammed.  Mesut expected Heinrich to come running, but what sounded like two pairs of feet went scampering up the stairs.  Lola appeared.

"Heinrich and Nora are on a secret mission," Lola said as she rolled her eyes.  "Hi Sami."

"Lola," he said, unable to look at Lola or Mesut.

"What about now?" Mesut asked.  Heinrich and Lola had been watching Spy Kids movies and decided they were secret agents.

"Your Christmas gift," Lola said. "But I didn't tell you that because I have been threatened with death."

"Heinrich threatened to kill you?" Mesut went white.

"Yes," Lola said.  "Oh, Fernando and Sergio are out on a date.  Fernando will pick her up later."

There was a crash upstairs.

"Gotta go, bye!" 

Lola disappeared, and Mesut sighed.  "Did Lola just sign me up to babysit?"

"She did," Sami said.

"What's up with you and her?" Mesut asked, eyes narrowing.

Sami rolled his eyes. "For the love of God, Mesut, Lola might be the biggest mistake both of us ever made.  Trust me.  There is nothing."

"Oh course not, sorry Sami." Mesut grinned. 

There was another crash.

"Look at the time, I better get going!" Sami said.

"Coward."

* * * *

Christmas morning, Iker woke up to pounding on his front door.

He heard Sergio swear. "Santa is supposed to come down the goddamn chimney!"

Iker went downstairs.  It was barely seven.

Standing on his doorstep in his footie pajamas was Heinrich.

"What are you doing up?" Iker demanded, but then the little boy threw his arms around him.

"Merry Christmas, Iker!"

"Merry Christmas," Iker replied.  "What are you doing up?"

"It's Christmas Iker," Heinrich said.  "And I need my presents."

"Santa left them under your tree."

"He left them in your closet," Heinrich pushed past him.  "Last week."

Iker sighed and followed Heinrich up.

"Hi Sergio!"

"Go back to bed!"

"It's Christmas, Sergio!”

Sergio pulled the covers over his head.

Iker helped Heinrich pull out the two bags that contained his gifts and followed him over to his house.

“Where’s your daddy?”

“Asleep,” Heinrich said. “I’m not allowed to wake him up until eight.”

Iker raised an eyebrow, but the little boy was so excited, he didn’t have the heart to tell him off. 

“I need help, Iker,” Heinrich said as he and Iker laid the gifts under the tree.

“You better wait until your dad gets up to open them,” Iker advised, knowing Mesut went to a lot of trouble to keep the gifts hidden.

“Not that,” Heinrich said taking Iker’s hand. “I need help making Daddy’s breakfast.”

“Oh,” Iker said. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

“Good, because I might set fire to the house on my own.”

Iker did not dispute this. Heinrich seemed to have it all planned out. He had eggs and bacon hidden in the bottom of the vegetable crisper, and dug a fresh loaf of bread out from under the sink.

“I had to hide it so Daddy wouldn’t see,” Heinrich explained. “Agent Torres helped me.”

Iker smiled as he made the coffee. Mesut had said something about Heinrich’s secret mission for a Christmas gift, though he briefly wondered why Heinrich hadn’t just asked him to help. To be fair, things had been a little awkward between him and Mesut since they’d kissed on Heinrich’s birthday. Iker wanted to be with Mesut, but he wasn’t sure if Mesut really felt the same.

And he’d been too much of a coward to ask.

At eight, everything was ready.

“I guess I’ll leave you to it,” Iker said as the table was set. The bacon was a little burnt and the eggs were funny looking, but it all seemed edible. Iker wasn’t much better cook than Heinrich.

“You have to stay, Iker!”

“Maybe you and your dad should have your own Christmas,” Iker said as he crouched down to look Heinrich in the eye.

“No!” Heinrich insisted. “You have to stay! I...I need more help!”

Iker frowned. “With what?”

“Uh...tying my shoes!”

“You’re still in your pajamas.”

“Please Iker!!!!”

Iker looked into the face of the little boy and knew he was up to something. But there was such a desperate look on his face, Iker knew he was going to give in. “What is it, buddy?”

“It’s a surprise,” Heinrich admitted. “You...you just gotta stay.”

“If I agree, you have to tell me what it is,” Iker negotiated.

Heinrich looked hesitant. “If I tell you, you might leave.”

Visions of exploding things and other disasters flitted through Iker’s head. “If I promise to stay, will you tell me?”

Heinrich finally relented. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Iker said, waiting.

“You want me to tell you now?”

“Yes, now,” Iker said, praying for sanity.

Heinrich sat on the bottom step of the staircase. “It’s just...I want...”

Iker waited. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mesut appear at the top of the stairs. With a look, he told Mesut to wait, and he nodded, staying still.

“I want you to be Daddy’s present,” Heinrich said in a rush.

“You do?”

“Yes,” Heinrich fretted. “I...I want you and Daddy...I...”

“You want us to be together?” Iker asked gently. 

“Yes!” Heinrich pleaded. “I know it’s not my business cos Daddy said, but you talked about moving away from Sergio’s house and I thought...I thought you could live here with us.”

Iker looked up and saw tears in Mesut’s eyes as the little boy spoke. Neither of them had any idea that Heinrich had been paying attention.

“I like your Daddy a lot,” Iker said as he pulled Heinrich to him. “And to tell the truth, I’d like nothing better than to live here with both of you, but that’s not something you and I can decide for your Daddy. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Heinrich said in a little voice. “But I want it.”

“I want it too,” Mesut said.

Heinrich wrenched away from Iker. “Daddy!”

Mesut smiled as Heinrich scampered up the stairs and threw himself at him. 

“You meant it? Iker can stay with us? For real?”

“If he wants to,” Mesut said as he picked up Heinrich and brought him down the stairs.

Iker was crying now too. “I do. I just thought...”

“I know. I should have said, but I didn’t...”

Iker nodded as he pulled Mesut and Heinrich to him. “I want you both in my life.”

“YAYAYAYAYAYY!” Heinrich cheered.

Mesut and Iker laughed as Heinrich wiggled down. 

“I have to call Agent Torres and tell her it worked!!”

“Maybe wait until after breakfast!” Iker advised, but Heinrich was already gone.

“Let him,” Mesut said as he wrapped his arms around Iker. “That way we have some time for this.”

They kissed, and Iker knew this was the best Christmas ever.


	10. My Two Dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the build up to Iker and Mesut's wedding, chaos ensues as Mesut admits that his parents never wanted him to divorce Lola.

“Lola?”

“Yes, baby?” Lola asked as she pulled her car into the drive of Mesut and Iker’s house.

“Will I call Iker Daddy now that Daddy is marrying him?”

Lola smiled as she turned to look at him. “You can still call him Iker, I bet. Besides, won’t it get confusing calling both of them Daddy?”

Heinrich nodded thoughtfully. “It would.” He unbuckled himself from his seat. “When are you getting married, Lola?”

Lola laughed. “Never again.”

“Oh,” Heinrich frowned. “Is it because you’re a psycho bitch?”

“What?!!!”

“That’s what Uncle Sergio called you!”

Lola sighed. She’d been called worse. “I don’t know baby. Besides, you’ve already got two daddies, you don’t need another one.”

“But I don’t want you to be lonely, Lola.”

Lola blinked back tears. “I’ve got you, baby, I can never be lonely.”

Heinrich grinned. As he got out of the car, Nora ran up.

“HI LOLA AND HEINRICH I’M STAYING WITH DADDY AND SERGIO NEXT DOOR BUT THEY SAID TO COME AND PLAY WITH YOU.”

“I bet they’re napping,” Heinrich nodded sagely.

“Sergio does like to nap,” Lola muttered.

Lola waited until the two kids made it into the house before pulling away.

* * * *

“DADDY! IKER! NORA IS PLAYING HERE WHILE SERGIO AND HER DADDY NAP!!!”

Mesut looked up from his coffee as the feet thundered up the stairs. Iker frowned. “No hello?”

“I think he’s afraid we might tell him Nora can’t play here.”

Iker cracked a smile. “She is a bit loud, isn’t she.”

“Sergio usually can’t be in a relationship more than a week. How has he managed to stay with Fernando for six months now?”

“Because Fernando gets free babysitting when he stays over?”

“Man, I had to pay you to babysit my kid,” Mesut teased.

Iker took Mesut’s hand and kissed it. “Money well spent.”

Mesut beamed at him. It had been a year since that fateful day that Sergio’s bull had been accidentally delivered to their door. Since moving in, Iker had stopped taking a cut of Heinrich’s art sales, but his own work had begun to sell quite well. Mesut had only been working half days for a couple of months as Iker would take Heinrich to school in the morning, and then Mesut picked him up and minded him in the afternoon so Iker could work undisturbed. Heinrich wasn’t quite as prolific as he’d been initially, but his skills were improving. And people were still buying up his splatter art in droves. The kid would never have to work a day in his life.

Not that they were telling him that. He was insufferable about his “art” as it was.

“I can’t believe I have to wait three more days to marry you,” Mesut said as Iker caressed his hand.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Iker said as he pulled Mesut’s hand to his lips to kiss it. Mesut followed it in and kissed him deeply.

“DADDIES KISSING!!!”

The two sprang apart and saw Nora stood next to them.

“Yes?” Iker asked, gritting his teeth.

“I NEED A GLASS OF WATER, PLEASE.”

Mesut got up, daydreaming of the week he and Iker were taking in the Bahamas for their honeymoon. Lola was taking a week off work to keep Heinrich for them on his school holiday.

Lola had been surprising him a lot lately. She was showing up on time to pick up Heinrich and drop him off. She took him a lot of evenings so Iker and Mesut could go to dinner or a movie. She even took Heinrich on a weekend to Barcelona to visit art museums.

Nora took her glass of water with a “THANK YOU” and scampered back up the stairs.

“So what time do your parents get in tomorrow?” Iker asked. 

“Two,” Mesut said. “I’m going to pick up Heinrich and go get them.”

“Do you want me to come?”

Mesut hesitated just too long.

“I’m really looking forward to meeting your parents,” Iker said, wondering what was up. He’d yet to meet them, despite the fact that Iker’s parents knew Mesut quite well.

Mesut sighed. “You need to know something about my parents.”

Iker frowned. “Are they unhappy about you being gay?”

“No.”

“They don’t want you to marry a Spaniard.”

“No....” Mesut said, unable to meet Iker’s eye.

“Then what?”

“My parents....really, really liked Lola.”

Iker gaped. “They DID?”

“They did.”

“But...she’s...”

“Crazy? Yeah, a little. But she was always really friendly with them and all, and they...thought she was a really good mother....I know!” Mesut said as Iker gave him a look. 

“I love Heinrich, but he can be a terror.”

“I know,” Mesut sighed. “But they never thought I should have divorced her.”

“She cheated on you!”

“They don’t know that.”

Iker sighed. “So your parents already hate me because they think I’m getting in the way of you getting back with Lola who you never should have divorced?”

“Basically.”

Iker shook his head. He squeezed Mesut’s hand. “Nothing, nothing is going to stop me from marrying you, got it?”

“Can I get that in writing?”

* * * *

“GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA GRANDMA!” Heinrich yelled as he ran toward Mesut’s parents in the airport.

“How’s my big man?” Mesut’s mother asked as she swept him up into a big hug.

“GRANDPA!” Heinrich belted out as Mesut’s father kissed his forehead.

“So big. You’re getting so big.”

“We hardly see you,” Mesut’s mother said pointedly as she released him and turned to her son.

“How are you, Mum? How was your flight?”

“I’m not sure how they expect you to make an entire flight without something to drink.”

“I thought we could get some lunch on the way home,” Mesut said.

“Grandma, Grandpa! The wedding is Saturday! I’m going to be in it. I get to carry the rings, I wanted to help and Iker said I could.”

“Iker said?” Grandma raised her eyebrow.

“Iker’s like a father to him,” Mesut said patiently.

“But Lola says I don’t have to call him Daddy because that would be confusing.”

“Well, he’s not your Daddy. Lola is your mother, and Mesut is your father, and that is all a little boy needs.”

Heinrich frowned. “No. I need Iker, too.”

Mesut suppressed a smile. They did need Iker.

“Shall we get your luggage?” Mesut offered before his mother could protest again.

Score one point for Iker.

 

* * * *

Iker checked his hair again and decided to change his shirt.

“Why are you hiding at my house again?”

“I’m not hiding,” Iker told Sergio as he began to unbutton his shirt. “The blue one? The red one?”

Sergio flipped through his magazine. “The red one. And you are too hiding. Are Mesut’s parents really that scary?”

“They think Mesut and Lola never should have gotten a divorce!”

Sergio’s jaw dropped. “Are they delusional?”

“Yes!” Iker pulled on the red shirt. 

“Well, at least Lola won’t be at dinner tonight. And mothers love you anyway.” Sergio got up to adjust Iker’s collar. “Our mother thinks you’re perfect.”

“She thinks you’re perfect,” Iker countered.

“She thinks we’re both perfect,” Sergio grinned as he kissed his brother’s cheek. “Now get over there and stake your claim for Mesut.”

Iker grinned. “I do love him.”

“I know,” Sergio said. “You and me with men who come with babies. Who ever would have thought.”

“Men with...lively babies.”

“Yeah, speaking of that, could you do some of your magic on Nora?”

Iker grinned. “You’re on your own.”

“I’ll walk you out, I’m expecting a shipment from the store.”

“What now?”

“Booze. It’s Guti’s birthday and we’re having a party.”

“Well, if this evening is a disaster, save me a bottle.”

* * * *

“This is your art? It’s magnificent!” Grandma praised Heinrich’s art.

“Iker is my teacher,” Heinrich said as he flipped through his stack of finished canvases. He’d dragged them to the living room, and was showing them off as Mesut was starting dinner.

“Iker?” Grandma’s smile faded. 

“You spend a lot of time with this Iker,” Grandpa said, also looking unhappy. “When do you spend time with your mother?”

“I see Lola all the time!” Heinrich chirped. “A lot more since she’s not dating.”

“Does she miss your father?” Grandma pressed.

Heinrich shrugged. “I don’t think so. She thinks all men are bast-...”

The doorbell rang.

“IKER!!!!!!!” Heinrich ran for the door.

However, when he opened it, Lola stood there with a bottle of wine and flowers.

“Lola! Darling!” Grandma got up and crossed over to Lola. 

“Why are you here?” Heinrich asked, looking confused.

“I invited her,” Grandma said.

Iker was coming up the walk behind Lola, looking equally confused.

Heinrich scampered over to him. “Iker!”

“Hey,” Iker said and ruffled his hair. He cautiously walked into the house.

“You invited me?” Lola said. “I got a text from Mesut...?”

“I used his phone,” Grandma said. “You are looking amazing, dear.” Into Lola’s ear she whispered, “It’s not too late for us to put a stop to this sham of a marriage.”

Before Lola could protest, Mesut appeared from the kitchen, looking confused.

“Lola! Hi...uh...”

“It’s so good to see Lola again,” Grandma beamed with her arm through Lola’s.

Mesut looked at Iker who still looked confused.

“Mom, Dad, this is Iker,” Mesut said. “My fiance.”

“That’s nice,” Grandma said as she pulled Lola to the couch with her. “Now tell me everything you’ve been doing Lola. I hear you are a television star now!”

“Sort of,” Lola said, looking desperate.

Mesut’s parents huddled around Lola on the couch as Iker followed Mesut back to the kitchen.

“I didn’t invite her!” Mesut insisted. “I never would...”

“Shh, it’s fine,” Iker told him as he poured himself a glass of wine. “I’m starting to get why you didn’t want me to meet them.”

“Daddy!” Heinrich stomped into the kitchen. “We need to talk.”

Mesut crouched down in front of Heinrich. “What is it, buddy?”

“Why don’t Grandma and Grandpa like Iker?”

Mesut shot Iker a glance. “They just don’t know him very well yet, buddy.”

“I can tell them,” Heinrich insisted. “I can tell them that he’s great and we love him.”

Iker’s heart melted. “Thanks.”

Heinrich rushed over to him. “You make Daddy happy.” He hugged Iker around the middle.

Mesut got up and joined them. He laid his head on Iker’s shoulder. “He does.”

“I’ll go tell them,” Heinrich said as he ran to the front room.”

Mesut looked up at Iker. “Normally, I’d stop him.”

“I know,” Iker said, but neither of them moved.

“GRANDMA!” came Heinrich’s voice.

Mesut shrugged. “He can’t make it any worse, can he?”

“Iker’s the best thing that ever happened to me and Daddy!”

Iker and Mesut smiled.

“And Daddy really enjoys naps with Iker.”

They froze.

“Naps?”

“Here, I’l whisper it to you.”

They bolted for the door and found Heinrich leaning up to whisper in Grandma’s ear.

Lola grabbed Heinrich around the middle and yanked him away from Grandma. “Come tell me about your art!”

“What are naps?” Grandpa looked confused.

Lola slapped her hand over Heinrich’s mouth. “Mesut! Everyone needs a drink!”

There was a knock on the front door. Heinrich escaped from Lola and scampered to it. “I’LL GET IT.”

“Iker, talk to Mr. and Mrs. Ozil!” Lola said as she ran after Heinrich.

Iker was too shocked not to do as he was told. He found himself sitting on the couch between Mesut’s parents, who eyed him suspiciously.

“Mesut tells us you do art,” Mesut’s dad accused.

“Yes, sir.”

“Does that pay well?”

“It depends on how much of my work I can sell.”

“How much do you sell?”

Iker gulped. “I’ve sold several this year. I have a show coming up.”

“And now you’ve dragged our grandson into this?”

Iker frowned. “He loves it. And he’s sold about seventy paintings.”

“He has?” Grandma asked. “How much?”

From the front door they heard, “HI HEINRICH! SERGIO IS HAVING A PARTY AND MY BABYSITTER HAS A HEADACHE SO DADDY WANTED ME TO COME PLAY WITH YOU. I THINK THEY’RE PLANNING ON A LOT OF NAPS.”

“No!!” Iker took off like a shot toward the door. Just as he arrived, he saw Fernando disappearing into Sergio’s house.

“Iker! Let Nora say!” Heinrich insisted.

“What harm could she do?” Lola asked.

“HI IKER! YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED A NAP!”


	11. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Iker and Mesut survive their wedding day, it'll be a miracle.

Mesut had a hangover. It might have something to do with the five (6?) glasses of wine he'd had the night before to get through the rehearsal dinner.

His parents still didn't approve of Iker. Heinrich had insisted on bringing Nora as his date to the dinner.

"Good morning." The door to his bedroom opened and Sami appeared with a tray.

Mesut opened his eyes. "Morning."

Sami had spent the night as his best man, and blessedly, Lola had taken Heinrich. Iker was staying next door with Sergio.

"Your parents are awake, having their coffee and disapproving," Sami said as he climbed onto the bed with his tray of coffee, toast, and headache tablets.

Mesut tossed back the pills with a long slurp of the wonderfully strong coffee.

"In 24 hours you will be married to Iker, and on your way to your honeymoon and your happily ever after."

Mesut managed a smile. Yes. That's what today was about. "Thank you."

The front door slammed.

"DADDY! WE'RE HERE TO HELP!"

"You have a shower," Sami said as he got up. "I'll go entertain the three ring circus."

* * * *

"Lola said we forgot to make the table favors so Nora and I are finishing them," Heinrich told Sami as he came upon the trio in the dining room. Heinrich and Nora were carefully counting out M&M's as Lola made mini chinese take-away boxes which she was writing M+I on the side. "We have to have exactly 20 in every box."

"EXACTLY 20," Nora nodded as she carefully scooped M&M's into a box.

Lola looked up and gave him a look and Sami instantly realized what was going on. The party favors were all being done by the caterer, and, as a matter of fact, Mesut and Iker had decided not to bother with little table favors.

But Lola knew the kids wanted to feel involved and important, and more pressingly, they needed to be out of the way while everyone got ready.

"Does it matter how many of each color there are?" Heinrich worried.

"Nope," Lola decided.

Sami gazed at Lola, her hair in rollers, wearing sweats, and when she gave him a grin, Sami realized that Lola had changed.

And that he really, really liked what she'd become.

"Sami, you can help," Heinrich said. "There is much to be done."

"I'm in charge of getting your daddy ready," Sami said. "But can I trust you to be in charge here?"

"Yes," Heinrich nodded. "Nora, you have to stop eating the M&M's or we'll run out!"

"SORRY."

As Sami went to check on the parents, he heard Heinrich say, "When we get done with this wedding, can we have another? They're fun. You should marry Sami, Lola..."

* * * *

Iker fidgeted while Sergio fixed the bow tie on his tuxedo.

"Stand still," Sergio laughed as his hand slipped. 

"What if Mesut's parents stand up in the middle of the church and say they don't approve of this marriage?" Iker fretted.

"What was that?"

Iker's mother, a short, round, fierce little woman appeared with a frown on her face.

"Nothing, mum," Iker and Sergio chorused. 

"What's all this about Mesut's parents not approving?"

Iker sighed, he'd managed to keep his parents separate from Mesut's last night's because the last thing he needed was Mesut's parents being disapproving and Iker's parents starting a cage match over it.

"They think Mesut should still be married to Lola."

"My boy's not good enough for her funny looking son?" Mom said, her voice becoming shrill.

"Mesut's not funny looking..."

"Momma, it's fine," Iker said, though once his mother got a head of steam going, there wasn't much derailing her.

"SHE SHOULD BE THANKING HER LUCKY STARS THAT SOMEONE IS WILLING TO TAKE HIM ON!"

Iker's dad peered in, "What's this about?"

"That bitch thinks her son is too good enough for your son."

"Dad," Iker pleaded. "Just leave it. It's fine. It doesn't matter. Please."

"YOU'RE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HIM!"

"We'll sort this out," Iker's dad said, starting for the door. 

Sergio jumped in his way. "Dad, Mum, calm down."

"Move."

"This is Iker's wedding day," Sergio pressed on. "You don't want it ruined, do you?"

"I'll not have my son insulted!" Iker's dad roared.

"Please Dad," Iker said.

His father took in his two son's expressions, and deflated a little. "You love him."

"With all my heart, Dad. You know that."

"And this doesn't matter to you?"

"No," Iker said, only lying a little. He didn't think it was fair, but he also knew that it wasn't getting in his way of marrying the man he loved.

"We accepted their son, they should accept ours," his mother said with indignation, but she no longer had up a full head of steam.

"Their loss," Sergio shrugged, and his dad put an arm around him.

"Exactly."

"SERGIO, DADDY NEEDS A NAP!"

Nora burst in followed by an embarrassed looking Fernando. 

Sergio looked amused. "Nora, Sergio could use a nap too, but we're got to get going."

"OKAY, BUT I GET CRANKY WHEN I DON'T GET MY NAPS."

Iker's mum opened her mouth and Iker put his head in his hands.

If they all survived this day, it would be a miracle.

* * * *

Sergio and Sami had coordinated their arrival times, so that Iker and Mesut wouldn't get to the church at the same time and accidentally see each other. Heinrich's very helpful teacher, Mr. Kaka, had told Heinrich all about wedding superstitions, and Heinrich was making sure they adhered to them all.

Which was why Mesut had in his pocket an old square of Heinrich's blue baby blanket, and was wearing new underwear.

It had been decided that both Iker and Mesut would walk down the aisle accompanied by their best men, Sergio and Sami. 

Everything was running smoothly as the guests arrived. Lola had Heinrich ready to walk down the aisle with the rings, and sitting quietly as Heinrich got waiting just outside the sanctuary.

Sami and Sergio were going to first sit the parents, but when Sami stood, waiting with Mesut's mother, all hell broke loose.

"So, my son's not good enough for you?"

Oh fuck, Sami thought as he and Mesut's parents turned to see Iker's parents, both with looks of fury on their faces. Sergio looked pained.

"Your son is a home-wrecker!" Mesut's mother said.

"Oh for the love of GOD!" Lola stood up, impressive on her five inch platforms. "Mesut and I were over AGES ago! I cheated on him, alright?"

"With Sami!" Heinrich offered helpfully.

Sami closed his eyes, but Lola didn't back down. "Yes. With Sami. The divorce was my fault. All my fault. I nearly ruined their friendship. I was a lousy wife and an even worse mother."

"You're not a bad mother!" Heinrich stood up, indignant. He threw himself around her middle. 

Lola teared up a little. "Well, I was. But I'm trying to do better, and having known Iker with Mesut has helped, because if two people were ever meant to be together, it's them."

"Amen," Sergio said with a smile at Lola.

Sami opened his eyes and looked at Lola. "You're a very good mother."

"Thank you for saying that," Lola said with a bright smile.

The parents were all standing around, looking confused, and then something occurred to Mesut's mother. She turned on Sami.

"You slept with my son's WIFE?"

"Oh lord," Sergio moaned.

"Lola likes naps! She had one with Sergio, too!"

"You slept with BOTH OF THESE MEN? BEHIND MY SON'S BACK?"

"Mrs. Ozil, your son's gay," Lola said. "The only reason he's mad I slept with either of them was because he didn't get to."

"Daddy loves a nap!" Heinrich chirped as he squeezed Lola, wrinkling her dress. She ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Everyone is happy," Lola summed up. "This is Iker and Mesut's day. Let's not spoil it?"

"Most everyone," Heinrich agreed. "Except Lola is kinda lonely. Sami could fix that..." 

Lola slapped her hand over his mouth. "Lola is fine."

"Maybe Sami could help." When the words came out of his mouth, no one was more surprised than Sami.

Lola blushed. "Lola might like that."

"Heinrich has to pee," the little boy said and started to dance.

"This is a madhouse," Mesut's mom said, looking shocked.

"On that we can agree," Iker's mom nodded.

"Maybe we should sit," Sergio suggested as he began to herd the parents toward the door to the sanctuary.

By the time the grooms emerged, everyone was smiling. No one wanted to ruin their big day, and the grins on both of their faces and the tears in their eyes told everyone that nothing had.

You would have have to have been made of stone not to cry that day as the two exchanged vows. During the service, Sami took a seat next to Lola in the front row with Heinrich, and offered her his handkerchief when she started to bawl.

As the two kissed at the end, a loud voice projected across the sanctuary.

"DADDY, WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO MARRY A GAY MAN, TOO."


	12. The Further Adventures of Heinrich Ozil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The series was supposed to end after the wedding, but alas, Heinrich will always be with us.
> 
> Set about a year after the wedding, Lola is married to Sami, and is expecting twins. Needless to say, Heinrich is very excited about becoming a big brother.

Heinrich knocked on the door. Nora threw the front door of her house open.

"HEINRICH!"

"NORA!"

They embraced. 

"DADDY AND SERGIO, HEINRICH IS HERE AND WE'LL BE IN MY ROOM."

Fernando appeared from the kitchen in his pajama bottoms. He looked disheveled and was holding a cup of coffee. "It's seven am."

"WE HAVE WORK!"

Fernando rubbed his eyes and shrugged. Ever since he and Nora had moved in, Heinrich and Nora were in one or the other house pretty much from sun up to sun down. While it was rather convenient, with Iker taking both kids, now in first grade, to school every morning, and watching them until Fernando got home with work. In trade, Fernando got them on Saturdays, leaving Iker time to paint or relax with Mesut. Sergio usually had to work, doing the bullfighting thing, so it wsa generally fine for Fernando. 

But seven am?

He went back to see about breakfast when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Fer, it's Mesut. Lola's gone into labor. Sami has lost his mind. Can you keep Heinrich?"

"Sure," Fernando said. "Isn't it early?"

"Yeah, she's not due for a couple more weeks."

"Let us know what's up?"

"Sure."

Mesut hung up as Sergio appeared. 

"They turned on the goddamn Justin Bieber music. It's seven o'clock in the morning."

Fernando kissed Sergio's forehead. "I love you."

"Wanna say that with your..."

"DADDY WE NEED SOME GLUE!"

Sergio buried his face in Fernando's shoulder.

"In the top drawer, Nora."

"SERGIO, YOU LOOK TIRED."

Fernando gripped Sergio's hip. He whispered. "I will suck your cock so hard your eyeballs will roll back in your head."

"You better."

"NO SECRETS! SECRETS AREN'T NICE!"

* * * *

Iker squealed to a halt at the emergency entrance of the hospital. When they shuffled into the room, they found Sami lying in the bed with an oxygen mask, and Lola sitting in a chair by the bed, holding his hand.

"What the...?"

"False alarm," Lola said. "But then Sami had a panic attack."

"I did not."

"Yes you did," Lola squeezed his hand.

Mesut grinned. "You've got to man up here, Sami. You're about to be a father."

Sami pulled off the oxygen mask. "I don't think I'm ready."

"You should have thought of that nine months ago," Lola said as she rubbed her round belly. 

"Twins," Sami moaned and put the mask back on.

Iker grinned. "Better you than me."

Mesut elbowed him. "You better not be having babies with Lola."

"Why, I'm the only one in the room who hasn't?"

Lola grinned. "Well, you're in luck, Mes, because after this, Sami will be lucky if I let him touch me again, never mind Iker."

"You were in the mood for me last night," Sami gave her a look.

Lola laughed. "Pregnancy makes you horny!"

"I do not need to hear this," Mesut covered his ears.

"And you know you can't get any MORE pregnant, so..."

"Do you need a ride home?" Iker asked, impatiently.

"Yes please," Lola smiled sweetly. "And breakfast?"

* * * *

After a stop for all Lola could eat pancakes, which was an impressive amount, Mesut insisted on taking them both back to their place. Sami got pale every time birth was mentioned, and Lola looked like she might literally explode at any given moment.

Settling Lola on the couch with a box of cookies and the TV remote, Mesut sent Sami up to take a valium and a nap.

"Are we really going to babysit your exwife and her new husband?" Iker asked, slightly annoyed.

"Come on, you know Sami's my best friend, and Lola is hardly your average ex."

"There's nothing average about her," Iker agreed as Lola was arguing with the TV.

"Heinrich is at Fernando and Sergio's, Sami will sleep and Lola will lie there and eat. You go to your studio."

Iker sighed and kissed Mesut. "You're too good to them."

"I know. But for better or worse, they're family."

"They are," Iker sighed and disappeared up the stairs.

Lola waddled in. "I need milk."

"You ate six pancakes."

"I'm eating for three," Lola waddled past him to the refrigerator.

Mesut had to admit, that despite the fact that Lola was carrying around two babies and ate like a linebacker, she really didn't look bad. She'd been downright skinny up until her last month with Heinrich, so he supposed he shouldn't be surprised.

"Oooh, chicken," Lola said as she pulled a tupperware of leftover fried chicken out of the fridge.

The front door slammed open, and Heinrich and Nora barreled in. "LOOOOOOOLA!"

"Hey baby," Lola said as Heinrich wrapped himself around her. 

"Fernando said you were having the babies! Where are they?"

"Right here, baby," Lola said and rubbed her tummy. "False alarm."

"I WANT TO SEE THE BABIES!" Nora demanded. 

Lola grinned. "Me too, Nora. You want to tell them to come out?"

Nora marched up and confronted Lola's round stomach. "LISTEN UP IN THERE! YOU COME OUT RIGHT NOW! HEINRICH AND I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU."

Lola got a kick in her gut for Nora's efforts.

"I don't think they want to play right now," Lola smiled and rubbed the foot.

"THAT'S NOT NICE, BABIES!"

"Aren't you two supposed to be next door?" Mesut asked, glancing nervously up the stairs where he'd promised Iker quiet time.

"We wanted to see the babies," Heinrich said. "Will you call us when they come?"

"You'll be the first to know," Lola said and took a bite of fried chicken.

 

* * * *

 

Heinrich and Nora sat on the floor of the studio, examining a large sheet of paper in front of them. Both of them knew their letters and were just starting to read and write, so the sheet was a mess of scribblings.

"Okay," Heinrich said, pointed to the top corner. "You know what your first task is, Agent Torres?"

Nora saluted. "I HAVE TO BRING OVER ALL OF MY DOLLS TO TEMPT THE BABIES OUT."

Heinrich nodded. It was Sunday afternoon, the day after Lola's false alarm, and Nora and Heinrich were determined to help the babies arrive soon.

They didn't know if the babies were boys or girls, so they were trying everything they knew that might tempt them to come out of the womb.

"Okay, you go do that, I'll start working on phase two."

"DON'T START UNTIL I GET BACK!"

Nora flew downstairs and out the front door. No one ever questioned the two any more, knowing when they left the house, they were just going across the well worn path in the grass to the other house. Mesut had joked about getting a hamster tube put in between the houses so the kids wouldn't get wet in the rain.

Heinrich collected up the plan and shoved it under the sink. He scampered down the stairs and found Iker sat at the kitchen table, paying bills.

"Hi." Heinrich said and stopped in front of him. 

"What's up?" Iker said, entering in Mesut's latest paycheck into the accountancy program.

"Is Lola asleep?"

"Yes, she's on the couch. Your daddy and Sami went to finish putting the furniture together in the new babies' room."

Heinrich started for the living room, but Iker grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Lola needs her sleep."

"I need to talk to her!" Heinrich insisted. "It's urgent."

Iker didn't relinquish his grip. "Lola needs her sleep."

"I have to help the babies get born!"

Iker pulled Heinrich toward him and gathered the boy up into his lap. "And how are you planning to do this?"

Heinrich looked shifty. "It's a secret."

Iker decided to try a different tactic. "You're excited about being a big brother, aren't you?"

Heinrich nodded quickly. "I'm going to be really good and help out Lola lots."

"I bet you will," Iker nodded solemnly. "But there's nothing we can do but wait for the babies."

"But Iker..."

Iker gave him a look that silenced him. "Trust me, if there was a way to get the babies to come sooner, Lola would be happy to try it."

"Nora and I have a plan!" Heinrich said. "I know it will work."

Iker sighed. He'd very quickly learned to distrust Heinrich and Nora's plans. The back yard of Sergio's house still hadn't recovered from their plan to be astronauts.

"How about instead, you and me and Nora make dinner for Lola and then we'll all watch a movie?"

"Are you sure we can't just try?" Heinrich persisted.

"Does your plan involve anything flammable?"

"Only a little," Heinrich assured him, but even as he said it, he slumped in resignation. "Can we make pizza?"

"Sure."

The front door banged open and Nora stormed in, weighted down with every Barbie doll ever made.

"I HAVE THE DOLLS READY!"

"Mission has been aborted," Heinrich told her.

Nora dropped the dolls and burst into tears.

* * * *

Mesut called to tell them he was taking Sami to a pub for some drinks as the sight of the changing table had started him hyperventilating. Iker said he had things under control as Lola and the kid sat in the living room watching Bug's Life and stuffing themselves with pizza.

As the bugs planned their circus, Lola clutched her stomach. "HOLY SHIT."

Heinrich and Nora looked at each other in horror and then at Lola.

"LOLA! WE DO NOT SWEAR!"

Lola let out another string of curse words which brought Iker running.

"What's wrong?"

"I'M IN LABOR YOU STUPID..."

Heinrich slapped his hands over his ears and Nora burst into tears.

Iker took a deep breath. "Come on, Heinrich, Nora, help me get Lola into the car."

Heinrich sprang to his feet, ready for action. He saluted to Iker and pulled Nora up. "Agent Torres! Get ahold of yourself!"

Nora wiped her eyes and together they helped Lola get to her feet as Iker called Sami. There was no answer. He left a voice mail and tried Mesut.

"Yessh?"

"Mesut! Are you drunk?"

"What, ME?" Mesut asked, sounding confused. "Sami? Am I drunk?"

There was a burst of laughter and then a crash, and Iker suspected Sami, equally drunk, had just fallen off his bar stool.

"Mesut! Lola is in labor."

Lola screamed again, and so did both kids.

"MY WATER JUST BROKE!"

"Labor? Like, having a BABY?"

"Two, actually," Iker said. "Think you can pour yourself and Sami into a cab and meet us at the hospital?"

"Yes! SAMI!" Mesut disconnected, and Iker hoped they remembered what hospital.

He knew Fernando and Sergio had gone out to dinner, and realized he was going to have to take the kids to the hospital.

This was fine. Iker could handle this.

"LOLA WET HERSELF!" Nora helpfully supplied, and Iker thought sadly of the leather seats on his new Audi. He grabbed a blanket off the couch and followed the circus out to his car.

* * * *

"Sami?"

"Yes Mesusht?"

"Lola is having a baby."

"I HEARD," Sami said. "Is it yours?"

"No," Mesut shook his head. "It's yours."

"Oh," Sami nodded. "That's good."

"We should go to the hospital."

"Why?"

"Because Lola is having a baby."

Sami looked confused. "Is it yours?"

Mesut gave up. "Yes. Come on, we need to get a cab."

Sami and Mesut wandered to the side of the road and attempted to hail a cab.

"WAIT!!!" Sami yelled and grabbed the front of Mesut's shirt. "Lola's my WIFE!"

"I know that," Mesut said as he desperately waved to a passing taxi.

"Fuck," Sami slid down to sit on the pavement. "I should be there, shouldn't I?"

"Yes!" Mesut tried to haul him back to his feet as a taxi finally stopped.

Sami let Mesut push him into the back of the taxi and gave the driver the name of the hospital.

"He's not going to puke back there, is he?" the taxi driver eyed Sami suspiciously.

"No," Mesut assured him as he lowered the window just in case.

* * * *

"MAKE WAY FOR THE LADY HAVING A BABY!" Nora charged ahead into the hospital as Iker and Heinrich helped Lola.

The nurse behind the admittance desk glared at Nora.

"Lower your voice this instant, young lady!"

Nora came to a sudden halt and stared, wide eyed at the nurse. "I'm sorry."

The nurse nodded shortly as she got up. "Now. My name is Nurse Jenny, and what is your name?"

"Nora."

"Well, Nora, is this your mommy who's having the baby?" Nurse Jenny had spied Lola waddling in.

"No," Nora said. "She's Heinrich's mommy."

"Ah," Nurse Jenny said. "And is this Heinrich's daddy?"

"No," Nora said. "That's Iker. He's married to Heinrich's daddy."

"Oh," Nurse Jenny said, looking confused. "So who's the daddy of the baby?"

"Babies. There's two."

"Two babies, oh my," Nurse Jenny said as she wheeled a chair over to Lola who collapsed in it. 

"Her husband is on his way," Iker said. "This is Lola."

"She was a showgirl," Heinrich sang and he and Nora started to dance.

Nurse Jenny gave Iker a sympathetic look. "The kids aren't allowed to go up."

Lola let out a groan and grabbed Iker's hand. "Don't leave me."

"With yellow feathers in her hair."

"How soon will the father be here?"

"No idea," Iker said. "Soon?"

"Why don't you go up with her and I'll look after these two."

"Here," Iker handed over his iPhone. "If you play Barry Manilow's greatest hits, they'll entertain themselves for hours."

* * * *

"Oh MANDY! You came and you gave without taking!"

Nurse Jenny popped some aspirin.

But true to Iker's word, despite the off key renditions of disco classics, the kids were pretty well behaved. 

"Nurse Jenny," Nora said as the song wound down. "I need the potty."

"You stay here," Nurse Jenny ordered Heinrich who sat in her chair as she took Nora's hand.

A minute later, Sami and Mesut stumbled in.

"DADDY!" Heinrich rushed to him. "Lola's having the babies and Iker is with her and Nora and I are here with Nurse Jenny and she is really nice I think you would like her because we weren't allowed to go upstairs but its okay because Iker is good with Lola even though she makes him crazy and why is Sami puking in that plant?"

Mesut whipped around and saw Sami on his knees by a potted palm.

"Sami!"

Nurse Jenny returned and took charge. She called up to let them know the husband was more or less here. They found a wheelchair for Sami and Mesut took him upstairs.

Iker returned about ten minutes later.

"It's a boy and a girl," he told Heinrich and Nora.

"YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY!" they cheered and danced around Iker. "WHEN CAN WE SEE THEM?!?!!"

"Tomorrow," Iker said. The kids began to protest, but Iker cut them off. "We're going to go home right now so Lola and Sami can get some sleep."

"But I wanted to see the BABIES," Nora started to cry.

"Agent Torres!" Heinrich said shortly. "We have completed our mission here today! No crying."

Nora kicked Heinrich in the shin. "WELL I WANT TO SEE THE BABIES!"

"WELL YOU CAN'T! THEY'RE NOT YOUR BABIES ANYWAY! THEY'RE MINE!"

Iker grabbed Heinrich as he lunged for Nora and Nurse Jenny caught the little girl around the middle.

"I think we both need to go home and get some sleep." Nurse Jenny said.

Just then Fernando and Sergio arrived and Nora threw herself at her father, sobbing. Fernando picked her up, even though she wasn't so little a girl any more.

Iker shook his head. "We're all just tired."

"Everyone alright?" Sergio asked.

"Wonderful. Lola is fine and so are the babies, a boy and a girl, no names yet. Daddy is passed out in the next bed."

"He wilted under the pressure?"

"He was drunk," Iker shrugged.

Mesut arrived and had pictures on his phone of an exhausted Lola and two snuggled up bundles. Nurse Jenny got them all ushered out of the hospital and sat down behind her desk, very thankful not to be going home with that circus.

* * * *

"What are we going to call them?" Lola asked Sami, a little worse for the wear the following morning, but too much in love with his new bundles of joy to notice.

"I don't know," Sami said. They'd been debating names for months, but nothing had seemed right. He stroked the little girl's nose.

There was a knock on the door, and then Heinrich burst in. 

"Hey baby," Lola said as Heinrich rushed up. Lola had the boy in her arms and Heinrich peered down.

"They're so LITTLE," Heinrich complained. "How are they meant to play with us if they are so little!"

"I think it's going to be a little while until they're ready to play, baby," Lola told him.

Nora ran in. "I'M HERE, BABIES!"

The little girl, startled, began to cry.

"Oh you better get used to that, kid," Sami said.


	13. Jose Commeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola is stressed out taking care of twin babies. In a panic, she calls her father, Jose Mourinho. No one is pleased but Heinrich.

Sami came home from work to the sounds of crying. As there was a pair of three month old babies in residence, this didn’t surprise him very much. 

However, there was a third wail, and as he walked into the lounge, he found his wife lying on the floor next to the babies, all three in good voice.

“Lola?” Sami asked, dropping his briefcase and rushing over. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“M-m-make them stop CRYING,” Lola wailed as Sami knelt at her side.

Sami looked at the two, red in the face and wailing for all they were worth. “Did you feed them?”

“OF COURSE I FED THEM!” Lola yelled.

Sami felt completely useless. He collected up Lola and then reached for Wilhelmina, who was closest. The little girl continued to wail, and Sami could see how a whole day of this might have reduced his normally well groomed wife to a sniveling mess.

“Come on, Mina,” Sami cooed as he rocked the little girl. “Give us a break here.”

“I think Siegfried needs changed,” Lola whined.

Oh good, Sami thought. Something he could actually accomplish. Passing Mina to Lola, he went to scoop up the boy. Whoa. “Someone smells a bit!”

Sami went to find a diaper and a handful of wipes, and soon had the little boy fresh smelling again.

Siegfried settled in and gave his father a smile. “Hey there little man,” Sami smiled back. He returned to Lola and Mina, and found that in their absence, Mina had settled as well. 

Sami helped Lola up onto the couch, and the four of them cuddled up.

“I’m sorry,” Lola said as Sami kissed her temple.

“What for?” Sami asked. “You’ve got a rough job here. Which, you are doing wonderfully.” Sami’s father had given him a long lecture on motherhood, which included telling your wife at least three times a day she was gorgeous and a good mother. It had been very good advice.

“Not that,” Lola said, fretting with the edge of Mina’s blanket.

Sami grew suspicious. “What did you do?”

“Well,” Lola said, “So...the babies have been crying like all day.”

“Uh huh,” Sami said. “What did you buy?”

“Nothing!” Lola said.

“Did you tell Mesut and Fernando we’d take Heinrich and Nora for the weekend?” Sami asked, voicing his worst nightmare.

“No!”

“Oh,” Sami said, at a loss.

“I...may...in a panic...called my father.”

“Lola!”

“You were in a meeting! Iker didn’t answer the phone!”

Sami closed his eyes. Lola’s father was... “Just tell me he’s not coming here.”

Lola was silent, still fiddling with Mina’s blanket.

“Oh, god...Lola!” Sami said, near tears.

“Just for the weekend!”

Siegfried started to whimper as Sami’s grip had tightened on him, and Sami felt like bursting into tears himself.

* * * *

Mesut hung up the phone with a groan. 

“What is it, Daddy?” Heinrich asked, mouth full of Nutella and toast. Iker was stirring his coffee, and looked up to see Mesut looking truly pained.

“Jose is coming.”

“Lola’s dad?” Iker paled.

“GRANDPA JOSE!!!!!!!!” Heinrich shouted in glee. “IS HE COMING HERE?!!?!”

“Ricky, go get your school bag,” Mesut said as he slid into a chair.

Heinrich scampered off, still coated in Nutella, but Mesut didn’t even notice.

“I have to be out of town,” Iker said desperately.

“You are not,” Mesut told him. “Lola was upset yesterday, you know how she gets, and Sami didn’t answer his phone, and she called him.”

“Why didn’t she call us?!?”

“She tried,” Mesut shot Iker an accusatory look, “you didn’t answer the phone.”

“Oh...shit...” Iker groaned. He’d been working in the studio and declined the call. “She calls like every day, Mes. Usually she’s just bored!”

“Yeah, well her father will be here tonight, and Sami wants to know if they can all come over to dinner so Jose can see Heinrich too.”

Iker’s eyes got wide. “We’re good people, Mesut. Why is God punishing us?”

Heinrich ran back in. “Do you think Grandpa Jose will bring me a tarantula again like last time?!!?”

* * * *

"I WANT TO MEET GRANDPA JOSE TOO!!" Nora threw herself on the floor and began to scream.

Iker stood over the little girl, who was far too old for this kind of tantrum, and wondered if he loved Mesut enough for all of this.

"Iker," Heinrich said coming to his aid. "I think it's only fair."

"Fair?" Iker echoed. This was not fair. This was hell.

"Have you asked your dad if you can?" Iker said, hope springing. "Maybe he has plans for you tonight?"

"FRIDAY NIGHT IS MOVIE NIGHT AT HOME AND WE'RE GOING TO WATCH A STUPID MOVIE I HATE!"

Iker's heart sank. "Well, we still need to ask him. I'll call."

Nora was up like a shot. "HE'S HOME I'LL GO ASK!"

But Iker knew Fernando well enough that a free night of babysitting was never said no to. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed.

"Hey Iker," Fernando said, and Iker heard Nora burst into the house.

"Nora wants to come over tonight, and you have to say no. Please. I'll explain later." As he spoke, he heard Nora bellowing her request.

"Sure," Fernando said to Iker, and Iker could hear Fernando telling Nora no, and the resulting scream.

"Iker, why can't Nora come over?"

Iker had forgotten Heinrich was standing there, and looking up at Iker, all wide-eyed innocence.

"Because..." Iker floundered. The kid had a pinpoint accurate bullshit radar. "Grandpa Jose wants to spend time with you and the twins. Maybe Nora can meet him next time he comes over." After we move and don't leave a forwarding address.

"I don't mind sharing," Heinrich said generously. "Besides! Daddy is always saying that Nora may as well be your child as much as she's here, so he's like her grandpa too!"

At that moment, Nora came running back in, crying. "DADDY SAYS I CAN'T COME OVER!!!!!"

"It's okay!" Heinrich assured her. "Iker told your Daddy to say no so I wouldn't be upset having to share, but we worked it out, didn't we Iker?"

Iker saw two hopeful faces look up and him and sighed. "You have to tell your dad."

* * * *

Lola was just finishing packing up the diaper bag when the door bell rang. It was fine, she told herself. It was just her dad. Her dad was not a bad person. Really. 

She said this things as she checked the twins were okay, asleep in their crib, and went to get the door.

"My little girl," Jose said, beaming as he hugged her. "Whoa, haven't quite lost the baby weight yet, have you?"

"Not quite, Daddy," Lola said, taking a deep breath.

"Where are those lovely grandchildren of mine," Jose said as Lola helped him drag in several cases. He was just staying the weekend, right?

"They're still having their nap," Lola said, "How about we have a cup of tea while they sleep?"

"Nonsense! I've come to see my grandbabies! They can sleep later!"

Jose barged up the stairs, and Lola sighed. You just didn't wake up a 3 month of baby. You didn't do it.

But when she arrived in the nursery, he'd picked up Siegfried, and the boy's blue eyes blinked up at him. "How is Grandpa's little man doing?"

Siegfried smiled at him. 

"Yes, you didn't want to wait to meet your grandpa, did you? No you didn't. Grandpa never gets to see you because Mommy never invites him over."

"You live in London, Dad," Lola tried, but knew it was useless. Her dad was the owner of a multinational corporation, and had money to travel whenever.

"Nothing is more important than these babies!"

The noise woke up Mina, who started to whimper. Lola scooped her up, hoping to way-lay her. "Hey sweetie." But waking up meant feeding time to Mina, and she started to fuss.

Within minutes, both babies were crying, and Jose said, "Well, I'll leave you to this and go make some tea. Would you like a cup?"

* * * *

Mesut had ordered in dinner. The kids would never eat the kind of meal that Jose would be expecting. So he had a three course meal brought in and had two pizzas warming in the oven. This time, not in the boxes.

Heinrich and Nora were dancing in the living room to Abba, and Iker was decanting several bottles of wine. 

"Four enough?" Iker wondered. "That's one for each drinking adult."

"Have we got more?" Mesut wondered as he finished off his first glass.

The doorbell rang, and Heinrich squealed in delight. "GRANDPA JOSE!!!!"

"I love you," Mesut told Iker with a kiss. "And when Jose leaves, you and I are going to have the dirtiest, nastiest sex you can dream up."

Iker laughed. "Promise?"

"Promise," Mesut said, taking his hand and leading him to the front.

Jose was stood in the doorway, with Lola and Sami, weighted down with baby supplies and baby carriers, stood behind him. Heinrich threw himself at Jose.

"GRANDPA! WHAT DID YOU BRING ME!"

Jose chuckled. "I have a wonderful gift for you."

Oh good, Mesut thought.

"Grandpa, this is Nora. She lives next door."

"Well, hello, Nora," Jose said formally. "Would you like a gift, too?"

"YES PLEASE."

"Why don't you come in," Mesut said, ushering the kids and Jose out of the way, and Lola looked about ready to drop something.

"DID YOU BRING MY WILLY?!!!" Nora asked, noticing Lola.

"Nora, we call her Mina," Lola said as she carried the baby into the lounge and set her carrier on the floor.

"HER NAME IS WILHELMINA!"

"Yes."

"SO I CALL HER WILLY!"

"WILLY!" Heinrich echoed. 

"I LOVE MY WILLY!"

Mina opened her eyes and focused on Nora. She had long since gotten used to being yelled at by the little girl. 

"HI WILLY!"

Lola gave up and helped Sami with Siegfried.

"Now! Gifts!" Jose said with a flourish. Lola had been relieved that at least he hadn't brought anything for the babies, having feared noise making devices.

Mesut hovered nervously as Jose opened a large box he'd brought with him. Inside, was a large plastic cage.

"ANOTHER TARANTULA!" Heinrich yelled happily.

"Oh god," Mesut moaned.

"No, it's not!" Jose said with a grin. "It's better."

"Better?" Heinrich asked, peering in.

Let it be a hamster, Mesut prayed, let it be a hamster.

"SNAKE!" Nora screamed in terror. "IT'S A FUCKING SNAKE!"

She took off like a shot, out the front door and down the path, not slowing down until she was inside her own house.

There was a moment of stunned silence.

"Nora said fucking," Heinrich reported quietly.

Mesut, eyes fixed on the good sized snake, tended to agree with Nora.

"Why don't we get it out!" Jose said, unperturbed by the fact that he may have permanently scarred a seven year old little girl.

"Yes!"

"No!"

Heinrich looked unhappily at his father.

"I mean," Mesut back-pedaled. "We're about to eat!"

"Surely not yet?" Jose said with a smile as he set the cage on the floor. "We'll just have a look while you get it all ready."

Reluctantly, Mesut and Iker retreated to the kitchen. "A snake! We are not having a goddamn snake in this house," Iker muttered as Mesut began crashing around things.

"Is that man actually psychotic!" Mesut wondered. "He couldn't have bought him a BOOK about snakes? Taken him to the ZOO???"

Sami wandered in with Siegfried in his arms, feeding him a bottle. "Well, look at it this way- Nora isn't going to come over if there's a snake here, so the kids will always be at Sergio's house."

Iker grinned. "Now that is something to consider."

The phone rang, and Iker picked it up.

"Hey, it's your brother- what did you all do to Nora?"

Iker sighed. "Grandpa Jose bought Heinrich a snake. Nora was not impressed."

"Oh, it's an actual snake," Sergio said, sounding relieved. "She was blubbering and going on about Heinrich's snake and Fernando and I...well..."

Iker snorted. "I think we've got a few years until we have to be concerned about that one."

"Thankfully Fernando and Mesut get to have those conversations. Well, she's said she's never coming over again, so I take that to mean until at least tomorrow."

They hung up, and Iker moved to help toss the salad.

The babies were fed and dinner put on the table. Mesut made Heinrich wash his hands for about five minutes before he let him come to the table. 

Heinrich spent dinner chattering about his snake, who he was going to call Anaconda, hoping he'd grow up big.

"It's just a baby snake?" Mesut asked.

"Yes," Jose said with a smile. "I think it will be an excellent project for the young man to see it grow."

"They can get to be four feet long!"

Everyone took a long drink of wine.

As soon as dinner was over, Heinrich went scampering back to the lounge to check on his new friend. Mesut was already plotting how they could get rid of it. He wondered if Heinrich's teacher would take it as a class pet.

There was a shout.

"ANACONDA IS MISSING!!!"

The adults rushed to the lounge and saw that the cage was empty.

"What happened?" Mesut demanded, "didn't you get the lid on properly???"

"I did!" Heinrich said as fat tears began to roll down his cheeks. "You saw me, Grandpa Jose!"

"THE SNAKE IS LOOSE!" Lola shouted and immediately went to check on the babies, who were asleep in their carriers. Siegfried was quietly asleep despite the racket.

But when she turned to check on Mina, there, curled up next to the sleeping baby, was the snake.

Lola fainted.


	14. Heinrich Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Fernando and Sergio break up, Heinrich is heartbroken when Nora moves away.

Heinrich lay face down on the sofa. “I’m bored.”

Mesut looked up from his book. “Oh. Uh, you could work on your art?”

“Iker threw me out of the studio.”

Iker had been working on a big commission for a couple of weeks, and while he generally didn’t mind Heinrich sharing his space, the moping little boy had been tossed out on more than one occasion.

“You want to play a game?”

“No.”

“You want to go to the park?”

“No.”

Mesut sighed and put his book down. He went and scooped the boy up and settled on the couch. Heinrich sniffled and laid his head on Mesut’s chest.

“I know you miss Nora, buddy, but you have to find other things to do.”

“Don’t wanna.”

Mesut stroked Heinrich hair. When Sergio and Fernando had broken up a month ago, Fernando and Nora had moved out. And not just out, Fernando had moved to England with the little girl, breaking Heinrich’s heart. 

“I didn’t break up with Nora,” Heinrich had said, “Why am I being punished?”

Mesut had tried to explain how things happened sometimes that were out of their control, but it hadn’t helped mend his heart. On top of it all, Sergio wouldn’t say a word about what had happened, leaving Iker and Mesut to make excuses.

There was a knock at the front door.

“Why don’t you get that and I’ll make you a bowl of ice cream?”

Heinrich jumped up and scampered to the door. There was a broken heart, and then there was ice cream.

Mesut paused in the hall to see who it was.

It was Sergio. “Hey Heinrich is....”

SLAM.

“HEINRICH OZIL.” Mesut stood, mouth hanging open.

“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!” Heinrich screamed at the door and ran up the stairs.

Mesut went to open the door. “Sergio, I’m sorry!”

Sergio looked bemused. “So Heinrich’s still mad at me.”

“Yeah,” Mesut said as he stepped back to let him in. “Sorry...he’s...mad.”

“I know,” Sergio said. “Is Iker in? I can’t get him on his mobile.”

“He’s in the studio,” Mesut said. “We’re not to bother him.”

“Are we being temperamental again?”

“No, we are not,” Iker said as he appeared at the top of the stairs. “We were trying to get this commission done on time.”

“Well we should answer our phones occasionally so people don’t think you’re dead,” Sergio shot back.

“You guys want some ice cream?” Mesut tried, the trick having worked on the other child in the house.

“No, thank you,” Sergio said. “Just letting you know that I’m having a party Saturday night and you’re all invited. Well, not Heinrich. Adult party. Call Sami and Lola as well.”

“If we all go to the party, who’s going to watch the kids?” Iker pointed out.

“Oh!” Mesut’s face lit up. “Lola’s Dad’s in town this weekend. We can get him to come stay with the kids.”

Iker gave him a look. “You want to leave your child with that maniac?”

“He’s not a maniac,” Mesut said reasonably. “He’s just...”

“Insane.”

* * * *

The front door opened and Lola pushed through with a carrier full of baby.

“Sorry we didn’t knock!” Lola called as Mesut appeared in the entry way, and relieved her of the package.

“No worries,” Mesut said as he kissed Lola on the cheek and smiled down at the little one. “Mina?”

“That’s Sigfried.”

“Ah,” Mesut said, wishing once again that Lola would put them in pink and blue and save everyone the hassle. Damn gender neutral yellow.

Heinrich scampered in. “Lola!”

“Hey you,” Lola said and hugged him. “How’s Lola’s big man?”

“Sad,” he reported glumly. 

“I know. Have you Skyped Nora today?”

“No,” Heinrich sighed. “She wasn’t home.”

Sami appeared with Mina. “I had to park up the street. How big is this party?”

“Very big, apparently,” Mesut reported. “Sergio had a huge tent put up in the garden, and there’s been vans in and out all day with food, drinks, and who knows what else. You guys can stack your stuff in the spare room. I assumed you might be staying the night?”

“Probably,” Sami grinned as he followed Mesut to the room with the carriers and reemerged a few minutes later with smiling babies.

“So big,” Mesut tickled Sigfriend. “Look who’s getting so big!”

Iker came down the stairs, looking amazing in black trousers and a crisp blue shirt. “Stop bringing those babies over. Mesut already thinks he wants another one.”

“YES!” Heinrich shouted. “I would be a GREAT big brother!”

“You already are one,” Lola reminded him as she checked the babies’ diapers.

“Yeah,” Heinrich agreed as he danced around. “But they don’t live here, so it only half counts.”

“But there’s two of them,” Sami said. “So two halves equal one big brother.”

“True,” Heinrich gave him a grin.

“You’re in a good mood today,” Mesut noted, happy to see his son smile.

“Grandpa Jose is coming!” Heinrich shouted. “I hope he brings me a new snake. Especially after the last one got lost.”

There were shifty looks among the adults, who knew very well that the snake had gotten lost all the way over to the local zoo.

Lola was also keeping to herself the fact that she’d told her father if he brought one more live thing to their houses without checking first, she was never going to let him see his grandchildren again. Mesut had approved.

Jose arrived without live creatures, and Heinrich danced around him, telling him every thing that had happened in the last few weeks.

Lola put the babies to bed, and they escaped the house.

“No kids,” Lola sighed happily as she slid her hand into Sami’s.

Sami looked at his watch. “I give her one hour to start whining about how much she misses the babies.”

“I will not!” Lola protested, but no one believed her. 

Iker led the way into Sergio’s house, which was already half full of people.

Beautiful people, Mesut pondered. How did Sergio know so many attractive people?

He spotted Cristiano, Sergio’s friend who played for Real Madrid, and Cristiano nodded to him in acknowledgement. Mesut always got a little giddy when famous people knew who he was.

“Stop flirting,” Iker ordered in his ear, a trace of amusement in his tone.

“I’m not!” Mesut protested, but quickly averted his eyes from Cristiano’s sculpted pecs which were nicely outlined in his snug shirt.

“You are,” Iker kissed his neck. “You know what I want to do?”

“What?” Mesut asked, feeling the lust radiating off his husband.

“Get you drunk enough to drag you upstairs and have dirty sex in the spare room.”

“Iker!” Mesut giggled.

“Brother!” Sergio grinned as they found the kitchen. “Mesut,” he added, kissing them both on the cheek. “Now. You’ve chained the kid to the bed, right?”

“Sergio!” Mesut said. “I have not. Besides. He hates you.”

“Yeah, but if he knew how much I’d hate him to be here he’d be here in a flash,” Sergio reminded him.

“This is true,” Iker said, accepting the beer Sergio offered. “So, are you finally going to tell us why Fernando left the country, making all of our lives a living hell?”

Sergio groaned. “He’s IMPOSSIBLE.”

Mesut slipped away with a beer and let Sergio and Iker talk.

“What, he used your hair gel?”

Sergio gave his brother a look. “No! He...he wanted to get married. Can you imagine?”

Iker gaped at him. “He wanted to get married.”

“Yes!” Sergio said. “I can’t be married. Marriage is for losers!”

Iker decided not to rise to that. “He was living here with his daughter for over a year. I’d say we were all excepting it.”

Sergio sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I miss him. Fuck, I miss the kid. That crazy, obnoxious kid.”

“Is...is there no chance?” Iker asked kindly. “Have you talked to him?”

“No,” Sergio said. “I don’t know if he’d take my call.”

“So call him,” Iker said. “Call him right now.”

“I have a house full of people,” Sergio said even as he got his phone out of his pocket.

“You have caterers and most of the liquor known to man, the party doesn’t need you.”

Sergio grinned and disappeared up the stairs. As obnoxious as Nora could be, Heinrich without Nora was proving to be far, far more so.

“My work here is done,” Iker told no one in particular, and went to find his husband.

* * * * 

Several hours later, the party was in full swing. The back garden was packed with people dancing and drinking. Mesut and Iker were making out on the couch like horny teenagers and Sami and Lola were no where to be seen.

Sergio came bounding into the lounge. “He’s COMING OVER!”

“What?” Iker said as he disengaged his tongue from Mesut’s mouth.

“FERNANDO!” Sergio shouted gleefully. “He was in town visiting his parents when I called and he misses me too and he’s coming over!”

“Oh, Sergio, that’s great,” Iker said as Mesut, who was rather drunk tried his to get his hand into his pants. Iker grabbed his hand as Sergio sat next to him.

Mesut pouted. “Is he bringing Nora?”

“Oh!” Sergio said. “Fuck. I kinda forgot to mention the party.”

“That you have 200 people in your home?”

“Yeah,” Sergio said. “He might bring Nora. Can you guys take Nora?”

Mesut groaned. “Oh COME ON! NO! NO!”

Iker grinned. “Sorry.”

Mesut stood up and swayed. “You invited us over here to let loose and YOU can deal with the fucking kid!”

Iker bit his lip as Sergio glared.

The front door flew open.

“SERGIO! WE’RE HOME!”

Nora ran in and threw herself at Sergio who’s eyes filled with tears as she hugged his middle. Fernando followed her in with a smile.

“Marry me?” Sergio asked.

“Yes,” Fernando said as his grin widened. He reached for Sergio and they smooshed Nora between them.

“OH MY GOD YAYAYAYAY!” Nora yelled.

Iker looked up at Mesut who groaned. “We’re taking the kid, aren’t we?”

“We’re taking the kid,” Iker said and pulled Nora out from between the couple who began to kiss in earnest.

Sergio waved as Iker herded Nora to the door.

“IS IT NAP TIME?” Nora wanted to know.

“It’s nap time,” Iker agreed.

Mesut stumbled behind them. “Iker...I want a nap, too!”

“Let’s take her to the house and we can sneak back over for a nap.”

“Oh good,” Mesut said. “I’m...tired.”

Iker unlocked the door, “Now, Nora, Heinrich is probably...”

“HEINRICH, I’M BACK!!”

Nora thundered up the stairs.

“Jose, we’re leaving Nora,” Mesut said as he peered into the living room where Jose sat with a book in his lap.

“That’s fine. She’ll enjoy meeting Heinrich’s new rats.”

“Rats!?” Iker asked, looking around wildly.

“The ones we’re going to go buy in the morning,” Jose said.

Mesut’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t.”

“Well, if you like, I can go home now and then we won’t worry about the rats.”

“That’s blackmail!” Iker gasped.

Mesut whined. “Iker!”

“And while we’re looking at rats, I might let them know where Anaconda went.”

“You’re evil,” Iker said.

“I might be,” Jose said as he got up. “Shall I wish you a good evening?”

“I think you know the way out,” Iker said as Mesut crumpled.

“DADDY, NORA IS BACK!”

In the spare room, the babies began to cry.

* * * *

Lola and Sami wandered back downstairs, goofy smiled on their faces. 

“Love you,” Lola said, attempting to right Sami’s hair.

“Love...” Sami said and trailed off. “Why is your father here?”

Lola’s eyes searched the room and landed on her dad, sitting on the couch, flirting with Cristiano Ronaldo.

“Who’s watching the kids!?!!”

Jose looked over. “Mesut and Iker came home.”

“Oh,” Lola said. “But...why are you here?”

“I was invited,” Jose said and leaned in to kiss Cristiano.

Lola fainted.


	15. I HATE COUSINS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora and Heinrich's cousin, Daniela, comes to visit.

“YOU CAN STAY IN MY ROOM,” Nora said as she grabbed on of Daniela’s cases and started to drag it up the stairs.

Daniela grabbed Sergio’s leg. “Uncle Sergio, why does she yell all the time?”

Sergio ruffled her hair. “She’s just excited.” Daniela was his niece and was staying with them for a week.

“WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN HERE? IT FEELS LIKE A LOT!”

Sergio picked up Daniela’s other case and shepherded the reluctant little girl toward the stairs. “She’s really nice.”

Upstairs, Nora had pulled Daniela’s case on to the bed.

“I WANT TO PLAY, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?”

Tears sprung into Daniela’s eyes. “Uncle Sergio, make her stop SHOUTING.”

Nora’s eye’s got wide. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Daddy says I need to work on my indoor voice. I’m gonna work on it, don’t you worry, Daniela.”

Daniela clung to Sergio’s leg.

“Here,” Nora said, still whispering. “Do you want to play spy? We can be spies?” Nora went and pulled her secret spy kit off the shelf.

“Daniela likes dolls,” Sergio said, trying to help. “You brought your doll case, didn’t you?”

Daniela nodded as Nora looked unconvinced. “I DON’T...I don’t have any dolls, Sergio.”

“Daniela has a whole case of them,” Sergio said as he offered Nora the case he had in his hand.

“Mine,” Daniela said as she grabbed it.

“Don’t you want to play nice and share?” Sergio asked, wondering where Fernando was.

“I can play nice,” Nora begged. “Can I see your dolls?”

Daniela carried the case over to the bed and opened it. Inside was a world of Barbie pink. There were at least a dozen dolls and enough clothes to start a department store.

Daniela picked one up. “This is my favorite.” Tentatively, she offered it to Nora.

Carefully, Nora took the doll and looked at it somewhat suspiciously. “What do you do with it?”

“You play!” Daniela said. 

Sergio backed out slowly, leaving the two girls to it. He went down the stairs and found Fernando getting ready to leave for work.

“Daniela get here alright?”

“Yeah,” Sergio said as he gave him a kiss. “Nora is being really, really nice to her.”

“Good,” Fernando said. “Because I told her if she didn’t play nice that she wasn’t allowed to go over to Heinrich’s for a week.”

“Ah,” Sergio said, understanding.

“Have a good day.”

* * * *

Heinrich paced around. “Where is Nora? It is seventeen hundred hours and we have a mission!”

“I dunno,” Iker said as he handed Sigfried a block. Ever since Lola had returned to work, Iker had taken up babysitting duties. The babies were both quiet and good nappers, and would play happily on the floor of the studio with no complaints for hours.

It was a wonder they shared DNA with Heinrich.

“WE HAVE A MISSION!” Heinrich said loudly.

“Shhh,” Mina told her big brother.

“Why don’t you go see what she’s up to?” Iker asked. It was the end of summer holidays and Iker was, quite frankly, ready for Heinrich and Nora to be back at school.

Heinrich saluted and scampered out of the studio.

“Shhh,” Sigfried echoed.

Iker wondered if that counted as their first words.

* * * *

Heinrich rushed into the front room and found Sergio reading a wedding magazine and Nora and Daniela on the floor amid a rainbow of clothes and dolls.

“What is going on here?” Heinrich demanded.

“We’re playing Barbies,” Nora whispered. “Daniela, this is Heinrich. He’s your cousin too.”

“Heinrich’s Daddy is your uncle Iker,” Sergio explained.

“Uncle Iker doesn’t have any kids,” Daniela said as she combed Barbie’s hair. “His husband has one demon child.”

Sergio bit his lip as Heinrich looked bemused. “But...I’m his husband’s son.”

Daniela looked at him with impossibly big blue eyes. “Are you a demon?”

“I AM NOT!” Heinrich yelled.

“DO NOT YELL, HEINRICH!” Nora yelled.

“SHE CALLED ME A DEMON.”

Daniela calmly combed. “So you are Iker’s husband’s son?”

“IKER IS MY DADDY TOO!” Heinrich burst into tears and ran out of the house.

Nora gaped at him. “What’s the matter with Heinrich, Sergio?”

“He can’t handle the truth.”

“Put the wedding dress on Kelly,” Daniela ordered Nora, handing her a dress.

“You guys having a wedding?” Sergio asked as he moved to the floor to help.

“Yes,” Daniela said, handing him a doll. “You can work on the bridesmaids.”

“I need to plan my wedding to your daddy,” Sergio told Nora who was in charge of the groom. He was currently wearing a pink tuxedo jacket and plaid shorts.

“Am I a flower girl?” Daniela asked.

“And me!” Nora insisted.

“I’m sure we can arrange that,” Sergio agreed.

“Daddy’s much happier with you back in his life,” Nora told him. “You make Daddy happy.”

Sergio grinned. “He makes me pretty happy too.”

* * * *

Mesut came home to find his son wailing.

“Heinrich, what’s wrong?” Mesut asked as he crouched down next to him. Sami, who drove Mesut to work, headed up the stairs to collect his offspring.

“EVERYTHING.”

“Tell Daddy,” Mesut said as he pulled Heinrich into his lap.

“NORA’S COUSIN DANIELA SAID IKER WASN’T MY DADDY AND THAT I WAS A DEMON!!!!”

Mesut frowned. “Why would Daniela say that, baby?”

“I DON’T KNOW! I HATE COUSINS.”

“Oh, we don’t hate,” Mesut said, though he wondered what was actually going on here. He sent Sergio a text and hugged Heinrich. “I wonder if you’d like some pizza for dinner.”

Heinrich looked up. “On a Monday?”

“On a Monday.”

Heinrich wiped his eyes. “I heat up the oven.” He ran to the kitchen. Mesut went upstairs.

“Iker, any idea why your niece told Heinrich you’re not really his dad?”

“She said that?” Iker asked as he helped Sami tuck Mina and Sigfried.

“Heinrich was in a flood of tears.”

“I heard him come back, but he never came up,” Iker said. 

“I texted Sergio, but he didn’t reply,” Mesut said.

“I’ll go check,” Iker said as he kissed Mesut on the cheek.

“And could you...”

“I’ll stop and see Heinrich.”

“Thanks baby.”

Iker helped Sami carry the babies down stairs. He detoured to the kitchen and found Heinrich on a chair trying to get a frozen pizza out of the freezer.

Iker pulled it out for him. “Daddy say we were having pizza?” 

“Yes,” Heinrich said as he threw his arms around Iker and squeezed tight. 

“You know what?” Iker asked as he squeezed back. 

“What?”

“You’re the best son I’ll ever have,” Iker said.

“Are you my Daddy?” Heinrich asked in a small voice.

“You know I am,” Iker assured him. “In every important way.”

“Am I a demon?”

“No,” Iker assured him.

“Okay,” Heinrich said.

Iker ruffled his hair. “Even when you make us crazy we love you.”

“Lola says a little crazy is good,” Heinrich reported as he peeled the wrapping off the pizza.

“Lola would know.”

Iker made his way next door and found the Barbie party.

“Uncle IKER!” Daniela squealed as she jumped up to give him a hug. Iker hugged her back.

“Is Heinrich okay?” Nora asked, tugging on Iker’s arm.

“He’s sad,” Iker said. “He says you weren’t very nice to him Daniela.”

Daniela frowned. “I just said he was a demon.”

“HE IS NOT,” Nora yelled at her.

Daniela frowned. “He is. And you aren’t allowed to shout at me, your daddy said.”

“I CAN SHOUT AT WHOEVER I WANT!”

Iker bit his lip. “Nora, Heinrich sure could use a hug right now.”

“I WILL GO AND DO THAT.”

Nora ran out. 

Daniela frowned. “You people are strange.”

* * * *

Mesut was serving up the pizza when Iker returned. “My niece is a little snob.”

“Iker, what’s a snob?” Heinrich asked.

“Never mind,” Iker said. “Are you staying to eat, Nora?”

“YES I AM.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be playing with cousin Daniela?”

“I HATE COUSINS.”

“I HATE THEM TOO,” Heinrich said and hugged Nora.

Iker grinned. “You do know that when Uncle Sergio marries Nora’s daddy you guys will be cousins, right?”

Heinrich and Nora looked scandalized. “BUT HEINRICH AND I ARE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED AND WE CAN’T DO THAT IF WE ARE COUSINS!”

“MARRIED?” Heinrich yelled. “I’M TOO YOUNG.”

“YOU DON’T WANT TO MARRY ME???”

“NO!”

In a flood of tears, Nora ran out of the house.

“Is there wine?” Iker asked, rubbing his temples.

The doorbell rang.

“If this is Jose, I’m going to a bar,” Iker said.

“Grandpa Jose!”

Heinrich scampered past him.

“Let me get my coat,” Mesut said as he rummaged around the fridge for wine.

Heinrich threw open the door and indeed found Grandpa Jose there with his new boyfriend, Cristiano.

Iker turned around back to the kitchen. He reached for the bottle of Jack Daniels off the top of the fridge and took a long pull. He handed the bottle to Mesut.

“We could move.” Mesut passed the bottle back.

“Sergio and Fernando would raise Heinrich,” Iker said. “Or Lola and Sami.” He took another pull and offered it to Mesut again.

“He’ll be fine,” Mesut agreed as he took the bottle.

“Daddy and Iker! Grandpa Jose is here for dinner!”

Iker looked at the half eaten cheese pizza on the table. “He is?”

Mesut groaned. “I invited them.”

“You did?”

“I brought wine,” Cristiano said, taking in the scene.

“I’ll fix something,” Iker agreed as he grabbed the bottle.

“Why don’t we go have a seat in the lounge,” Mesut said as he herded Cristiano and Jose out. 

They were holding hands, and the minute they sat on the couch, Cristiano was half on Jose’s lap.

“Uh,” Mesut said, trying to look anywhere but at the pair.

“Grandpa Jose,” Heinrich asked as he climbed up with them. “Can you explain women to me?”

“Women?” Jose asked. “Women are complex creatures, Heinrich, but they are easily placated. Are you having trouble with your friend Nora?”

“She wants to get married,” Heinrich made a face.

“Then tell her you will, but refuse to set a date. You can leave them hanging for years.”

Mesut face-palmed. “Anyone want some wine?”

The front door opened. Nora ran in.

“HEINRICH OZIL! I AM A MODERN WOMAN WHO DOES NOT NEED MARRIAGE TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE!”

Heinrich blinked. “We can get married but not for like...five years.”

Nora nodded. “Deal.”

“Can we play spies?”

“I’M ON A SECRET MISSION RIGHT NOW. I AM UNDERCOVER AS A GIRL TO DETERMINE WHY DOLLS ARE SO MUCH FUN.”

Heinrich nodded sagely. “Report back soon, agent Torres.”

Nora saluted and flung around, her ponytails whipping. She ran back out.

“See?” Grandpa Jose said. “Women are easily placated.”

Iker swayed in. “Who wants to order out?”

“As long as it’s pizza,” Heinrich agreed.

Mesut grimaced. “And see if they’ll send more Jack.”


	16. Heinrich Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mesut, Iker, and Heinrich escape to France for some peace and quiet. The circus follows them.

Heinrich danced around the back of the truck. "We're going to a CHAT-tow in France, France, you got no underpants!"

"Get in the truck!" Iker roared as he nearly tripped over the excitable child as he carried a box of food to the trunk. 

"Underpants!" Heinrich cried and ran to the door.

"Did you get that second jar of peanut butter?" Mesut asked as he put the last of the suitcases into the trunk. He was worried Heinrich wouldn't like the French food in the small sea side town they were visiting for two weeks and wanted to avoid tantrums.

"I did," Iker said. 

"HEINRICH OZIL, WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME?" Nora came running out of the house next door. She ran to the truck and began pounding on the door. Iker looked alarmed at the ferocity of her pounding.

Rolling down the window, Henirch leaned out. "Agent Torres! I am going on a super secret mission behind enemy lines. You are not prepared for such a dangerous mission!"

"I'M A TOP AGENT!" she screamed and threw herself on the ground, crying.

Iker looked down at her. And this, was why when Jose had offered them a free stay at his French chateau overlooking the Mediterranean, he and Mesut had jumped at the chance. Two whole weeks of their own, quiet little family. No Agent Torres. No Grandpa Jose and his on again off again soap opera of a relationship with Cristiano, no Lola and Sami dropping off the twins every five minutes. No circus.

Fernando emerged from the house, looking bemused. "Are you sure you don't want to take her with you?"

Iker raised an eyebrow. "Words can not express my certainty."

Fernando came to collect his despondent offspring so that she didn't fling herself under the truck as they pulled out. She went limp in his arms, letting out a keening wail.

"BYE NORA!" Heinrich called as they pulled away. Mesut's whole body relaxed as the houses disappeared behind them. He squeezed Iker's hand and Iker brought it to his lips to kiss it.

Heinrich turned on his DVD player and put his head phones on. "This movie is 90 minutes long. Do you think we'll be in France by then?"

* * * * 

"How much money does Heinrich's grandfather have?" Iker asked as they pulled up in front of the Chateau. When Jose had called it that, Iker had assumed that he was just being pretentious, but it appeared that no, this was actually a palace.

"Loads," Mesut said as he unbuckled his seat. Heinrich was doing an advanced level potty dance in the back seat, and exploded toward the house as soon as the car was stopped.

Mesut followed, key in hand, but as he got to the front door, it was opened by a man in a suit.

"PARDON ME MON SEWER!" Heinrich called as he all but shoved the man to the floor and rushed into the house.

He came to a halt in the wide entryway. "WHERE IS THE POTTY?!?!"

"If the young master would like to follow me?" the man said, completely unperturbed by the dancing boy in front of him.

"LEAD THE WAY MON SEWER!"

The man guided Heinrich down the corridor and Mesut turned to look for Iker. There was a butler? Jose hadn’t mentioned a butler. What else hadn’t Jose mentioned.

"My name is Pepe,” the man said as he returned, giving a deferential nod. 

“Hi,” Mesut said, turing again to find Iker standing in the doorway, jaw dropped.

“Pepe?”

“You know him?”

But Pepe did not react to Iker. “Please come through for a some refreshments. You’ve certainly had a long journey.”

The butler turned toward the corridor again, and Iker followed. Mesut was left standing. What the hell?

The butler had set out an impressive spread of fruit, cheeses, and bread.

“We need to unload the car,” Mesut said, glancing back to be sure Heinrich knew where to find them.

“I will take care of the bags,” Pepe said. “Please relax.”

Iker sat, stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth.

Pepe departed and Mesut looked at his husband. “You know him?”

Iker looked up. “Yes.”

“How in the hell do you know Jose’s French butler?”

“He’s not French,” Iker said as he found the bottle of wine Pepe had sent out. “He’s an ex.”

“How is...”

“FOOD!” Heinrich came barreling in and up to the table. 

“Let me get you a plate,” Iker said as he took a slug of wine. Mesut didn’t want to fight in front of Heinrich, but the expression on Iker’s face said that Pepe was more than just any ex.

By the time they finished their snack, Pepe returned.

“May I show you to your rooms?”

Mesut desperately looked for any connection between Iker and Pepe, but the two never even made eye contact. He followed the tall, buff man up the stairs. Iker dated that ass?

“A room for the young master,” Pepe said as he paused in from of a room. Heinrich ran in and jumped on the bed.

“I love it!” Heinrich wallowed on the duvet. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but Mesut saw that Pepe had already unpacked for them.

“And down the hall,” Pepe said as he led the way, “is the master suite.”

Mesut stepped into the palatial suite. The bed was massive, the view across the mediterranean was spectacular.

“Oh wow,” Mesut said as he walked across and out onto the balcony. “Oh, Iker, this is amazing.”

Iker followed him out, taken in by the gorgeous scene. The water glistened in the afternoon light. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around Mesut. 

Mesut fairly purred with happiness. “This is going to be a perfect holiday.”

“I hope it will be,” said Pepe.

Mesut started, having forgotten the butler was there.

“DADDY! BEACH!” Heinrich stormed in. “Can we go?!!?”

Mesut glanced at him. “Put your suit on.”

“YES!” Heinrich ran back.

“Shall I prepare a bag for you to take to the beach?” Pepe asked.

“Uh,” Mesut said. “We really just need some towels and, you know...sun cream.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Pepe disappeared.

Mesut waited for his feet to retreat and turned to Iker. “Okay, he’s creepy and you need to tell me how you know him.”

Iker sighed. “We were at art school together. He was...well, he was my first real boyfriend.”

“Why is he Jose’s butler!”

“I don’t know!” Iker shot back. “This is uncomfortable for me, too!”

Mesut relaxed a little. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m going to call Lola.”

“Good plan.”

However, Lola had no more idea why Pepe would be there than they did. “I know Daddy has butlers and all, but he doesn’t use the chateau all that much. Why would he keep him on staff.”

“I suppose that’s why he’s so eager to please,” Mesut said. “He’s bored.”

“There you go,” Lola said. Mesut heard Mina demanding milk in the background. “Give Heinrich a kiss for me.”

“Will do,” Mesut said as he hung up. Great. Jose’s butler was a bored ex lover of his husband. A sexy as hell, bored ex lover of his husband. As Mesut pulled off his shirt to change into his swimsuit, he prodded the slight bulge to his tummy. Pepe probably had a six pack under that suit.

Iker stepped out of the bathroom and caught him fretting. “If you are even thinking about doing anything to that soft little belly where I take my naps, I’m leaving you.”

Mesut gave him half a grin. “Are all your ex boyfriends hot?”

“Yes. But my husband is the hottest.”

* * * *

The next two days were quiet and blissful. Well, quiet when Heinrich wasn’t running about inside the house, Lola wasn’t calling wanting to know what was going on because she had to know everything, and when Mesut wasn’t fretting to be sure that Pepe didn’t have any designs on his husband.

Heinrich was running around the back garden when a face appeared over the fence.

“You’re loud.”

Heinrich stopped and looked up at the little blonde girl peering down at him. “Bon Jew-er. Who are you?”

“Summer,” she said. “Who are YOU.”

“Heinrich Ozil,” he said proudly. “I’m a secret agent from Madrid, but my one daddy is German from Turkey and my other daddy is Spanish and my Mommy is an American with a Portuguese father.”

Summer frowned. “You are not a secret agent.”

“Yes I am.”

“If you were a SECRET agent, you wouldn’t have TOLD me.”

Heinrich paused. “I’m a double secret agent. Because I told you, you think I’m not so now I can spy on you without you knowing.”

Another blonde face appeared. “Summer, who’s that?”

“Some dork,” Summer’s face disappeared.

“Hey!”

“I’m Georgie,” the boy said. “Summer is mean.”

“I AM NOT.”

“I’m Heinrich,” he said. “Do you want to play spies with me?”

“Yes. Hang on, I gotta tell my dads.”

Heinrich ran in the house where Iker was drinking his coffee. “Can Georgie from next door come play?”

“Sure,” Iker said. “Can I meet his parents?”

“I think they’re out back,” Heinrich ran back outside, and true to his word, Georgie came along, dragging a tall man.

“This is my daddy,” Georgie said. “His name is John. My other daddy is in the pool.”

“Hi,” Iker said. “I’m Iker.”

“John,” he said. “He’s right, my husband Frank is in the pool.”

“Iker, we need a pool,” Heinrich said.

“You’re welcome to come to ours,” John said. 

“IKER!”

Iker put his hand on Heinrich’s head. “I think we can, buddy, let’s go get your suit and see what Daddy is doing?”

“Okay,” Heinrich said as he ran off.

“So are you friends of Jose?” John asked as Georgie escaped back to his side of the fence again.

“He’s Heinrich’s grandfather,” Iker said. “His mother’s father.”

“Oh, Lola,” John said. “How is she? I’ve not seen her in ages.”

“Really well,” Iker said. “Did you know she and her husband had the twins?”

“I did. Send her my best, will you.”

“READY!” Heinrich came running out, “Daddy said he’d come over in a minute.”

As they walked toward John’s back garden, Iker noticed the small house out behind Jose’s chateau. “What’s that, I wonder?”

“Oh, that’s Pepe’s studio,” John said. “He’s quite an artist.”

“Iker is an artist too!!” Heinrich informed them. “And me!”

“I thought you were a spy,” Summer accused. 

“Double secret spy,” Heinrich said with a glare. “Spies can be artists.”

“I’m a spy too,” Georgie said as he ran up to Heinrich. “We can spy in the pool.”

The two left a sulking Summer behind.

“Hi, I’m Frank,” said a man lying by the pool.

“Iker,” he said. “Nice pool.”

“Thanks. Can we get you a drink?”

* * * *

Mesut sat back in his chair. The house was blissfully quiet for a moment. And then the front door slammed.

“Mister Jose!”

Mesut stood up, “Jose?”

“I will be in my room,” Jose said as he stormed past with Pepe on his heels.

“Mister, Jose, sir, the master suite is being used...you said...”

“Move them out,” Jose said without looking back.

Mesut gaped. What was Jose doing here? He grabbed his phone and called Lola.

“Oh good,” Lola said with a relieved sigh. “He and Cris had a massive row. Cris has called here about a dozen times looking for him.”

“But why is he, HERE?” 

“It’s his house?”

“It’s my vacation!” Mesut wailed.

“Darling, you sound like a spoiled child,” Lola chided him. 

“I spend a lot of time with Heinrich and Nora,” Mesut said as he realized his lower lip was protruding.

“Have some wine and go to the beach.”

“Iker’s over at the neighbor’s.”

“Oh, John and Frank? Say hello,” Lola said with a giggle.

“Do I want to know?” Mesut asked.

“I was single at the time!”

“Lola!”

“I’m just saying, look at John in a wet bathing suit and see if you blame me!”

Mesut’s jaw was hanging open as Lola hung up on him. He went and grabbed a bottle of wine and headed next door.

“Mesut! There you are!” Iker said with a wide smile. “This is my husband.” Iker introduced him around.

“Jose is here,” Mesut said as he handed over the bottle of wine.

“I want to go home now,” Iker replied.

“Grandpa Jose is here!?” Heinrich asked happily, but as he pulled himself out of the pool, Iker grabbed him.

“Grandpa Jose is...tired from his trip,” Mesut lied. “Why don’t you keep playing with your new friend and you can see him later?”

“Okay,” Heinrich said. “Georgie, you have to meet my Grandpa Jose. One time, he brought me a snake!”

“I’ve met him,” Georgie agreed, “but he’s never brought me a snake!”

“Jose is home?” John asked them.

“Not sure why. I think he had a fight with his boyfriend,” Mesut said carefully, not knowing either Frank or John or whether or not they liked Jose or realized he was a crazy person.

“That’s rough,” Frank said with a nod. “I bet they’ll work it out.”

Mesut finished off most of the bottle of wine he brought with him, and was happily drunk when Jose arrived. 

“Hello lads,” Jose said with a smile as he settled on a deck chair.

“GRANDPA JOSE,” Heinrich ran up. “I thought you were staying in Madrid. Can we go to the beach?”

“Not just now, Heinrich,” Jose said. “Mesut, Iker. I’ve take my suite back, but Pepe has moved you into another room, if that’s alright?”

No, Iker thought. That sucks you selfish bastard. We really liked that room. “Of course. It’s your house.” Which you said we could have for two weeks. Alone. Without you.

“I’ve invited Lola to come and stay,” Jose continued. “She’s on a break from filming her show and at times like these, one wants all of one’s grandchildren around.”

Mesut’s eyes bugged out. “You invited Lola?”

“She’s my daughter,” Jose said, his eyes narrowing.

“We love Lola,” John said with a wink to Frank.

“She’s married!” Mesut snapped. “To my best friend!”

“Sami’s not coming,” Jose said. 

“Sami’s my other daddy,” Heinrich told Georgie. “I have three.”

“Three!” Georgie exclaimed. “I thought two was a lot.”

“I also have my Uncle Sergio and Fernando. But they’re like uncles, not daddies, which is better because they don’t tell you want to do.”

“You can’t have three daddies!” Summer exclaimed. “You only get two!”

“I have three!” Heinrich said. “Right Daddy?”

“I need to go lie down,” Mesut said.

Mesut and Iker left Heinrich in the care of his grandfather and the neighbors and found the dinky room Pepe had moved them too. It was smaller than Heinrich’s room.

“You get the feeling we’re not wanted?” Mesut asked as he crashed face down onto the bed.

“Would we be bad parents if we ran away to Paris for the rest of our holiday and abandoned Heinrich?”

“Lola will keep him alive,” Mesut reasoned.

“Yeah, but Grandpa Jose would send him home with something else that was alive,” Iker said as he laid down next to Mesut and cuddled him.

“I think you need to develop severe allergies,” Mesut said. “No live creatures in the house. At all.”

“Grandpa Jose gives me hives,” Iker said as his hands began to rove. “I’m certain that counts.”

But before they could get cozy, the door opened.

“Oh, do excuse me, sirs,” Pepe said, but Mesut could swear he was smirking.

Did no one around here fucking knock?

* * * *

Lola arrived with the twins the next morning. Heinrich was in the back garden working on their spy techniques and Summer was slumped by the patio door with a box of dolls. Somehow Grandpa Jose had volunteered to watch the two while John and Frank went shopping and Mesut and Iker had ended up watching them.

“Hello!!” Lola called out as Pepe helped her into the house. The twins, now crawling, came down the hall on all fours, laughing happily.

“Babies!” Summer stood up, her dolls forgotten in the face of live babies.

“Well, hello,” Lola said to Summer who got on her knees to examine Mina and Sigfried. “Pepe, darling, can you take our stuff up to my room?”

“Of course, Miss Lola.”

Lola kissed him on the cheek and Mesut’s brow furrowed. “You know Pepe?”

“He’s worked for Daddy for years,” Lola said. “Why?”

Mesut held his tongue. He probably didn’t want to know if Lola had slept with him.

“Who’s the spare kid?”

“Neighbor,” Iker said as he scooped up Sigfried who was tugging on his leg hair. “Summer, this is Lola, Heinrich’s mom.”

“Oh! Summer from next door!” Lola said. “My you’ve grown! Is Georgie about?”

“He’s with Heinrich,” Summer said derisively.

“Summer isn’t a big fan of playing spies,” Iker said as he sniffed Sigfried’s diaper. “You have a spare?”

“Yeah,” Lola handed over the diaper bag.

“LOLA!” Heinrich ran in with Georgie on his heels. “Why are you here I bet you wanted to see me didn’t you Georgie this is Lola she’s my mom but I don’t call her mom hey do you guys have a mom I just have the one mom but like Lola says you only need one mom when your mom is Lola!”

“Hi.” Georgie waved.

“Can we go to the beach now, Daddy? I think there is a plot afoot to assassinate the King of France!”

“There’s WHAT?”

“I thought the king of France got his head cut off in the revolution,” Summer said. “And even if there was a king why would you too idiots know anything about him being assassinated?”

“Summer,” Iker said, “we don’t call people idiots.”

“She calls me an idiot all the time,” Georgie happily informed them.

“Summer, why don’t you come help me get Mina and Sigfried ready to go to the beach?” Lola asked before Heinrich let loose on the little girl.

“Okay!” Summer said and stuck her tongue out at her brother.

“See, this will be fine,” Iker said as he picked up a dry Sigfried and bounced the little boy to make him giggle. 

Mesut nodded. “I know. I mean, you know I love them all, but I just...”

“I know,” Iker said and kissed him. “Upstairs boys, let’s get ready for the beach!”

“I left my towel out back!” Heinrich said.

“I’ll grab it,” Mesut replied and went for the door as Iker herded the kids up the stairs. He stepped out back and enjoyed a moment of quiet before he cross the lawn to find Heinrich’s Real Madrid towel draped on a chair. He paused as he saw the door to Pepe’s studio was ajar.

Glancing back at the house to be sure he wasn’t watched, Mesut skirted over to the studio and slipped in.

The space was open, not unlike Iker’s studio space, with paintings and supplies scattered about. However, it seemed that Pepe was a sculptor as well. As he looked around, he saw there were a number of male nude figures. He tried to tell himself it was just curiosity as he got closer, but damn, these were some fine specimens of men.

As he looked at the one on the workbench, he saw something familiar about the jaw line. The curve of the ass...the...

Mesut glanced down and saw the photos Pepe was working from.

And saw an entire stack of naked photos of his husband.

The photos weren’t recent, but...why WHY did his ex-father in law’s butler have a stack of naked photos of his husband!

In a daze, Mesut wandered back to the house.

The kids were herding back down the stairs and Heinrich buzzed past him to grab his towel. “Thanks, Daddy!”

“You okay?” Lola asked, Mina on her hip.

“Come here,” Mesut said as he grabbed her arm and pulled her out the back door.

“Mes, what is it?” Lola asked, looking concerned. But as he pulled her into the studio and showed her the pictures, he jaw dropped. “Oh my god!”

“Pepe is Iker’s ex!” Mesut wailed. 

“Iker has an amazing ass.”

“Lola!”

“Sorry,” she said, flipping through the pictures rather unnecessarily. Mina got ahold of one and started chewing on the corner. “Maybe, it’s...nothing.”

“Okay, honestly, Lola. I may be clueless some times...”

“Some times?” Lola asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“This is not nothing!”

Mina gave him a look. “Da,” she pronounced.

“Okay, so Pepe still has a thing for Iker,” Lola said, shifting Mina to her other hip. “But it’s nothing. Really.”

Mesut let out an exasperated sigh and stalked off. Lola paused to glance at the photos one more time. Damn.

“Everything alright?” Iker asked as they returned to the house.

“Just. Fine,” Mesut snapped as he stalked past, grabbing his Kindle and his sunglasses, he trooped to the front door where the kids were dancing about excitedly.

“BEEEEEEACH!” Heinrich demanded.

“Let’s go,” Mesut said as he opened the door and released the kids.

Iker looked to Lola who just shrugged. And then they both noticed at the same moment what Mina was chewing on.

“What is...?”

“Nothing!” Lola squeaked as he grabbed the photo away from the baby who cried out in protest.

But Iker was too fast and despite the spitty, chewed corner, he quickly saw what it was.

"Where did you get this?" Iker asked, recognizing the photo as one Pepe had taken when they were at art college. When he was stupid enough to let a boyfriend take naked pictures of him, believing they'd be together forever.

Lola looked pained. "Mesut found it in Pepe's studio."

"What was Mesut doing in my studio?" Pepe asked angrily as he came upon the conversation.

His words startled Mina who'd been trying to retrieve her chew toy from Iker and she started to cry.

Lola ran for the door. As much as she loved drama, this was not an argument she wanted to be in the middle of.

"Why do you have naked pictures of me in your studio where Mesut can find them?" Iker countered.

"I was finishing that statue of you I started back in college. I was going to present it to you and Mesut as a gift," Pepe stood up tall.

"A gift? You wanted to give my new husband a naked statue of me as a gift?" Iker asked, incredulous.

"I thought he would like it!" Pepe said.

"He doesn't want reminded that you've seen me naked!"

Pepe frowned. "Iker, everyone at college saw you naked. You were naked more than you had clothes on."

Iker turned bright pink. "That is not true."

"Yes there is. There is an entire facebook group of naked pictures of you from college. Where do you think I got those pictures?" Pepe said dryly. "So I take it your husband doesn't know you were quite the exhibitionist in college?"

"No," Iker said with a slight whimper.

Pepe grinned. "Well, now this is interesting."

"Pepe, please," Iker begged. "You have to tell him you have some crazy unrequited crush on me. You cannot tell him that everyone has seen me naked."

"Oh, so then Mesut goes running to Jose and tells him to fire me for being a stalker? I got a good gig here. Jose's only here maybe a month a year, I get free room and board and free studio space. Quite frankly, I think you're lucky he's not seen the videos?"

All the color drained from Iker's face. "The...videos?"

Pepe chuckled. "So he doesn't know you were an amateur porn star, either?"

"No."

"Here's what we tell him," Pepe said. "You asked me to do the statue as a gift for him. No one needs to know about the rest. Agreed?"

"Yes," Iker nodded emphatically.

"And you pay me 10,000 Euros for the statue."

"What???" Iker yelled.

"There's a lot of video online..."

Iker groaned. "I'm remembering why I broke up with you."

"You broke up with me because you thought you had a chance to get in David Beckham's pants," Pepe reminded him dryly.

Iker cringed. "Oh yeah."

"Karma's a bitch," Pepe said with a smile and headed back to his studio.

* * * *

Mesut was sulking on the beach, allowing Heinrich and Georgie to bury him in the sand. Iker knew he needed to talk to his husband, the sooner the better, but Iker didn't want to have the inevitable fight in front of the kids. 

As Mesut was being covered in sand, his phone rang.

"Daddy, I get it," Heinrich offered and before Mesut could protest, the little boy deftly picked it up and entered in the code. Mesut made a mental note to change his password.

"Hello?" Heinrich said.

"IS THAT UNCLE MESUT? I NEED TO SPEAK WITH HEINRICH PLEASE."

"Agent Torres?" Heinrich said happily. "It's me! Agent Ozil!"

"HI!"

"I can't talk just now," Heinrich said. "My new assistant and I are trying to save the king of France."

"YOU HAVE A NEW ASSISTANT?" Nora cried out. "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT!"

"Georgie is an expert about France," Heinrich explained. "He and I are saving the king!"

"I KNOW A LOT ABOUT FRANCE!" Nora wailed, but Heinrich hung up on her.

"Was that Nora?" Mesut asked, even though he could overhear every word of the conversation. "You weren't very nice to her."

"It's okay," Heinrich said. "She understands spy business."

* * * *

Iker asked Lola if she would watch them all and invited Mesut out to lunch. He grudgingly agreed, but wouldn't look Iker in the eye. As Iker drove them to a romantic little cafe, he tried to decide how best to broach the subject.

"Lola says you found your surprise."

"My surprise?" Mesut asked with a frown.

"Yeah," Iker said. "The statue I asked Pepe to make for you. Of me."

"You...you did?"

Iker felt horrible for lying, but what else could he do? "I did. It was supposed to be a surprise."

"Why did you ask your ex boyfriend to do it?" Mesut asked miserably.

"I wasn't thinking," Iker said very truthfully. "He's a great sculptor and it just occurred to me that he would do a nice job. I should have thought it through better."

"I don't want him to make a naked statue of you for me," Mesut whined. 

"Are you sure?" Iker asked. "I'd love you to have it. So when I'm old and fat you can remember how hot I used to be."

Mesut smiled. "Iker, I don't care if you're old and fat. As long as you love me."

Iker nodded. "Always."

* * * * 

Iker mistakenly thought that things would settle down. And they did for a couple of days. Lola was actually quite relaxed as she looked after the babies and worked on her tan. Heinrich was over at John and Frank's a lot of the time, and Jose was locked in his room. Once Pepe got his check, he stopped giving Iker knowing looks.

If we can just make it through this holiday, I'll never do anything bad ever again, Iker thought as Mesut snuggled into him to watch a video Friday night.

The front doorbell rang. Iker frowned. It was nearly 10. Heinrich was over at John and Frank's for the night. If that had gone bad, Heinrich would have come in the back way.

Pepe appeared to answer it, but curiosity got the better of Mesut, and he muted the TV.

"Is Jose here? I need to see him."

"Mr. Mourinho asked not to be disturbed."

Mesut frowned at Iker. "Who is it?"

"Sounds like Cristiano," Iker said.

"You don't understand. I need to see him!"

"Mr. Mourinho asked...."

"JOSE!" Cristiano called. "JOSE MY LOVE, WHERE ARE YOU???"

Iker and Mesut got up as Cristiano came running in. "Iker! He's here! I know he is, where he is?"

"Upstairs?" Iker said. "Third door on the left?"

Cristiano ran and Pepe was unable to waylay him. "Why did you tell him!" Pepe demanded as he rushed after the despondent man.

To annoy you? Iker thought to himself.

"Is it wrong I want to go up there and see what's going on?" Mesut asked.

"Yes," Iker said as he pulled him back to the couch. "Besides, you know Lola has her ear pressed to the wall and will let us know exactly what goes on."

"Lola's the best," Mesut giggled as he snuggled back in.

Moments later, however, Sergio appeared. "I'm assuming this is the house Cristiano just ran into?"

"Sese!" Iker said. "Why are you here?"

"HEINRICH! I'M HERE TO HELP ASSASSINATE THE KING OF FRANCE!"

"I'm answering no questions until someone gets me a large glass of whiskey," Sergio said grimly.

"HEINRICH!"`

"He's not here and keep your voice down before you wake the babies!" Iker demanded. On cue, there were a pair of wails from upstairs. To be fair to Nora, Jose and Cristiano had started yelling as well, and more likely the cause of the disturbed babies.

"I'll get the whiskey," Pepe said as he led the way to the kitchen.

"UNCLE MESUT I NEED HEINRICH NOW."

"He's next door."

Nora ran for the door and Mesut grabbed her ponytail. "STOP."

"THIS IS A LEVEL FIVE EMERGENCY! I MUST KILL THE KING!"

"Let me call over and make sure that they're home," Mesut said as Nora struggled against his grip. "Is Fernando here?"

"He had to work," Sergio said as he rubbed his temples. "Lola told Cristiano where Jose was and he had to borrow my car so I decided to come along to be sure he didn't run off the road or something and the minute Nora found out where we were going, she hid in the trunk of my car. We didn't even know she was in there until we were two hours down the road and she appeared, demanding we stop so she could go to the bathroom. Cristiano wouldn't turn around to take her home."

Mesut got ahold of John who said Nora was welcome to join them. Mesut walked her over.

"HEINRICH, I WILL KILL THE KING FOR YOU!" Nora announced as she ran in.

"SHE'S THE ASSASSIN!" Georgie exclaimed and tackled her to the floor.

A screaming scuffle ensued as John and Mesut had to dive in to keep the kids from tearing each other's hair out.

"Agent Torres! You're a double agent!" Heinrich said, alarmed.

"I'M HERE TO KILL THE KING!"

"We're trying to SAVE the king, you idiot," Summer said.

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!" Nora wrested herself from Mesut's grip and kicked Summer in the shin.

Summer shrieked and fell to the ground like Nora had broken her leg or something. She began to cry and wail. "DADDY! SHE KICKED ME!"

"SHE CALLED ME AN IDIOT!"

"YOU KICKED MY SISTER! I HATE YOU!" Georgie bellowed.

"NORA IS MY BEST FRIEND I HATE YOU!" Heinrich exclaimed.

Mesut looked at John. "I think we'll go home."

"That's probably for the best," John said as he collected up Summer. 

Grabbing Nora and Heinrich by their arms, Mesut marched them back over to Jose's house. Lola was rocking Sigfried and Iker was feeding Mina a bottle. The screams upstairs had stopped.

"Heinrich, to you room," Mesut ordered. "Nora, sit on the couch."

Teary eyed, Nora, for once, sat silently.

"Did Jose and Cristiano kill each other?" Mesut wondered.

"They're uh...making up," Lola said and made a face.

Sergio saw Nora was crying and crossed over to her. "Are you hungry?" Sergio asked as he knew the little girl hadn't had dinner. He came over and wiped her tears.

"Yes," she said in a little voice.

Sergio kissed her on the forehead. "You've had a long day."

"I wanna go home, Sergio."

"Let's get something to eat first, okay?"

"I can get her something," Pepe said as he went to the fridge. 

"Thank you," Sergio said, and eyed Pepe for a moment. "Hey, I know you."

"No you don't!" Iker said quickly.

"Yes I do!" Sergio said. "Pepe, right? Iker's ex from art college? Oh my god, are you the one who did the saucy videos of Iker?"

"THERE ARE VIDEOS?" Mesut cried.

Iker took a drink from the whiskey bottle. "I want to go home now."

"Videos?" Mesut demanded.

"I was young and stupid. I made videos, you married Lola."

Mesut couldn't actually argue with that. Even Lola shrugged.

Heinrich came running down the stairs. "Nora! I forgive you for being the assassin! Are we still friends?"

"YES!" Nora exclaimed and they embraced.

"See?" Lola said with a smile. "Everything works out in the end."


	17. A Rival for her Affections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich is unhappy when little Enzo Vieira sweet talks his Nora.

A Rival for Her Affections

 

“Alright,” said Mr. Kaka as he organized the herd of school children, “we need to decide what parts we will all play in the school pageant.”

“I WILL BE THE QUEEN,” Nora announced.

“We’ll talk about it, Nora,” Mr. Kaka said. 

Mr. Kaka had been the kindergarten teacher until the 2nd grade teacher had retired suddenly last month. When no one could be found to take on the class, but strangely many people were willing to teach the kindergarten, Mr. Kaka had been asked to fill in. He’d taught Heinrich, but never Nora.

Otherwise he might have known better.

“I AM THE QUEEN AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE THAT!”

“Sit down, Nora,” Mr. Kaka said. Nora stalked off to sit on the carpet, muttering about her royal rights. Heinrich was sitting in the corner, working on a piece of paper. Mr. Kaka had put him to work writing a script for the pageant. One he had no intention of using, but it had shut Heinrich up.

“Mr. Kaka?” asked a curly haired little boy. “I think Nora would make the perfect queen.”

“I’m sure, Enzo, sit down.”

Enzo walked over to Nora. “You can be my queen, Nora.”

“I LIKE YOU A LOT, ENZO,” Nora announced. “YOU CAN BE MY KING.”

“Can we get married?”

“OH COURSE.”

“Mr. Kaka!” Heinrich jumped up. “I have a master plan.”

“Oh good,” Mr. Kaka said. “Why don’t we all go to lunch and you can tell me after.”

The children scampered to get their lunched and lined up at the door.

Mr. Kaka went to find his headache tablets.

Enzo was holding Nora’s hand. “We could live in a castle, but I can’t really afford one right now. You could come live with me and my daddy. His name is Marcelo.”

“MY DADDY’S NAME IS FERNANDO AND WE LIVE WITH SERGIO.”

Heinrich joined them, clutching his Batman lunch box. “Nora, why are you holding Enzo’s hand.”

“HE IS MY KING AND I AM HIS QUEEN.”

“But...you’re MY GIRLFRIEND!!!”

“YES, BUT I AM MARRYING ENZO.”

Heinrich kicked Enzo in the shin.

“STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!”

Enzo started to cry and Mr. Kaka hustled over. “Heinrich Ozil! To the office, right now!”

“HE STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND!!!”

“NOW!” Mr. Kaka roared, startling the children who were not used to their calm, cheerful teacher yelling. Several started to cry.

“I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU ENZO!” Heinrich announced and stalked to the principal’s office.

* * * *

"Sit there and DO NOT MOVE," Iker said in his meanest parent voice.

Heinrich sat at the kitchen table, head hanging.  He didn't move a muscle.

Iker stalked into the living room, phone in hand, Mesut on speed dial.

"What is it?" Mesut asked.  The school had called, Heinrich needed collected.  These phone calls came every few months his first two years of school, but Heinrich had been having a very good year in second grade.

"He's being suspended for two days for kicking a little boy in the shin."

"He...?" Mesut asked, his brain on overload.

"Heinrich says that the little boy was trying to take Nora away from him. So he kicked him."

Mesut moaned.  "Why?  Why does he think these things are good ideas??"

"I don't know."

"Who is this little boy?" Mesut asked.

"His name is Enzo Vieira," Iker said.  "I don't know.  Heinrich is sitting in the kitchen.  What are we going to do with him?"

"Can you send a seven year old to military school?"

*  *  *  *

"DADDY I MUST SEE HEINRICH."

"Sit down and eat your dinner," Fernando said as Nora stood on her chair.

"HEINRICH HAS BEEN MOST UNJUSTLY MALIGNED."

Sergio looked up from his pasta.  "At least we know they're teaching vocabulary at that school."

Fernando turned his glare on his husband. Sergio wisely stuffed more noodles into his mouth.

“DADDY.”

“Nora, if you don’t sit down right this minute and eat your dinner, you are not going to see Heinrich tonight or any night for the next month,” Fernando said, his tone not inviting any argument.

Nora sat and grabbed her fork.

There were several minutes of chewing. Fernando drank his wine and wondered if it was too late to be childless.

* * * *

“Heinrich, for the next two days, you will go to Lola’s house.”

Heinrich looked suspiciously at his fathers. Usually, life at Lola’s house was fun. “Why?”

“You are not allowed to see Nora. And Lola is cleaning out the house because she and Sami are moving. You will work for her boxing up things she is getting rid of and anything else she wants you to do, got it?” Iker said.

Heinrich’s shoulders slumped. “Lola makes me clean toilets.”

“Yes. She does,” Iker approved.

“I don’t like it.”

“Good,” Mesut said. “Because the next time you decide to kick someone, you’ll think twice.”

* * * *

Nora sat in the back of the classroom with her head on her desk. They were supposed to be coloring in maps of the solar system, but her paper was blank, her crayons still in the box.

Next to her, Enzo was looking at her, worriedly.

“Nora, do you want to use my new crayons?”

“No,” Nora said, turning her head away from him.

“You can have my picture,” Enzo offered, pushing his paper onto her desk. “I’ll do this one.” He tugged at Nora’s paper.

Nora let him take the paper.

“Nora, my queen, how can I make you smile again?” Enzo asked as he scribbled hurriedly.

“I want Heinrich to come back.”

“I can’t do that,” Enzo fretted. “He has been suspended!”

“Maybe if you told Mr. Kaka you weren’t mad at him,” Nora said, lifting her head. “Said you knew he was sorry.”

“I will try,” Enzo declared and he raised his hand, waving it wildly. “MR. KAKA!”

Mr. Kaka wandered back with his pleasant smile strained already. “Yes, Enzo? Why haven’t you been working on your coloring?”

Enzo crayoned faster, making a mess of his paper. “Mr. Kaka, I want you to know that I forgive Heinrich for kicking me. Jesus tells us we must forgive.”

“Well, yes he does,” Mr. Kaka said as he glanced at Nora’s hopeful face.

“And if Jesus can forgive Heinrich, then perhaps we should too,” Enzo nodded sagely.

“That’s a really good thought, Enzo,” Mr. Kaka said. “But Heinrich has broken the school rules and he must serve his punishment.”

“Mr. Kaka, Jesus broke the Roman’s rules, and for that he was crucified. Do you feel he was justly punished?”

“Well, no,” Mr. Kaka said. “But I think comparing Heinrich to Jesus is a little...”

“Jesus forgave the Romans,” Enzo continued. “Should we not forgive as well?”

“DO YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN JESUS, MR. KAKA?” 

“Of course not!” Mr. Kaka said. “But we have rules!”

“The Romans had rules, Mr. Kaka,” Enzo said. “Tonight I will go to Heinrich’s house and we will make amends so there will be no need for crucifixion.”

“No one is getting crucified, Enzo,” Mr. Kaka sighed.

“If Heinrich and I can work this out, can he come back to school tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.”

* * * *

“IKER I NEED HEINRICH!”

Iker had come to pick Nora up from school as he did every day, as he watched the kids until the others got home. He peered down at the little girl who was holding the hand of an unknown little boy, with a man who had to be the boy’s father stood behind them.

“Hi, I’m Marcelo,” the man stuck out a hand. “This is Enzo. Your son and mine had an altercation at school yesterday?”

Iker carefully shook the man’s hand, checking to see how angry he was, but he was wearing a cheerful smile, and the boy didn’t seem seriously injured.

“Yes, I’m sorry about that,” Iker said. “Please know we’ve punished Heinrich severely.”

“JESUS WANTS US TO FORGIVE, IKER!” Nora told him.

Iker blinked, wondering where Nora had learned about Jesus as the Sunday school Sergio had taken her to once had not so politely declined to ever have her back. “Well, sure.”

“Enzo just wants to let Heinrich know he’s fine and that he forgives him.” Marcelo explained. “I think it’s a very valuable lesson for the children to learn.

“I think we could all be friends if we take the time to understand each other,” Enzo said.

“ENZO THINKS I’M A QUEEN,” Nora informed him.

Iker suddenly felt like the worst parent on the planet. Who was this precocious little boy?

“That’s really nice of you, Enzo,” Iker said. “Heinrich is at his mother’s house.”

“WE CAN GO THERE,” Nora said. “YOU DRIVE US, IKER.”

Iker really wasn’t sure this was the best idea, but if the boy actually wanted to make amends with Heinrich, saying no made him look like an ass.

“Sure,” Iker agreed. 

Driving the few miles to Sami and Lola’s house, he chatted with Marcelo.

“Enzo talks about Heinrich and Nora all the time,” Marcelo said. “He’s really keen for them to stay friends.”

“ENZO IS GOING TO MARRY ME, IKER,” Nora told him.

“I thought you were going to marry Heinrich,” Iker reminded her.

“HE DOESN’T TREAT ME LIKE A QUEEN!”

“He’s been your best friend for years,” Iker said.

“Iker,” Enzo said. “Some times a strong woman like Nora needs a man who will treat her like a queen.”

“EXACTLY.”

Iker glanced at Marcelo who seemed unconcerned at these words. Heinrich was going to kick Enzo again if he kept this up.

And Iker might hold down him down for Heinrich.

“I find it best to reward good behavior rather than punish bad behavior as a parenting technique. Don’t you agree?” Marcelo said.

“We’re still waiting for Heinrich to do something good,” Iker admitted.

Marcelo thought he was kidding.

They pulled up in front of the house and found Heinrich covered in mud, sweeping up the front drive.

“Iker!” Heinrich said joyfully, thinking he was getting to go home.

“HEINRICH WE ARE HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE ROMAN CRUCIFIXION.”

Heinrich saw Nora and Enzo emerge from the back seat of the car. He frowned. “What is HE doing here?”

“Heinrich,” Iker said as he moved next to Heinrich, putting a hand on top of the broom, “Enzo is here to tell you he forgives you for kicking him. Isn’t that nice of him?”

“He’s a girlfriend stealing punk!”

“HEINRICH!” Iker said. “You need to say you’re sorry to Enzo for kicking him. And for calling him a punk.”   
“Is he going to quit trying to move in on my woman?” Heinrich demanded.

“I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN, I AM A STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOES NOT NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE.”

“Heinrich,” Enzo said calmly. “Nora is a woman who causes good men like ourselves to be helplessly attracted. We should not take it out on one another. We should befriend each other against this struggle.”

Heinrich frowned. “She’s never going to marry either of us, is she?”

“Sadly, I fear not,” Enzo agreed.

“Maybe we should marry each other,” Heinrich negotiated.

“That could be agreeable,” Enzo said. “You like Legos?”

“Duh.”

“Good, we will be friends,” Enzo said and, much to Iker’s horror, hugged the mud covered Heinrich, making a mess of his clothes.

“WAIT A MINUTE, I THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME!” Nora protested.

“You’re too needy,” Enzo shrugged.

“And you think you’re royalty,” Heinrich agreed. “Enzo, do you want a role in the play I’m writing?”

“Yes please.”

“AUGH!” Nora yelled and ran over, kicking both boys in the shin.

Iker grabbed her as she went to tackle Heinrich. “NORA TORRES.”

“I HATE YOU ALL.”

“Are they always like this?” Marcelo demanded as he went to comfort Enzo.

“Uh...yes,” Iker said as he watched Heinrich cry.

“I don’t think I want my son to be friends with either of these children!” Marcelo said as he guided Enzo away.

Iker sighed. “I don’t either.”


	18. Sami Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola leaves Sami in charge of the twins. It's potty training time!

Sami Knows Best

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Lola fretted as she kissed Sami, trying not to break down again as the twins had her by by either leg. Mina was whimpering and Siegfried was going “Mummy, mummy!”

“We’ll be fine,” Sami said. “You’re only gone two weeks.”

“I know,” Lola said as she lifted up Siegfried. “Daddy will take good care of Mummy’s angels, won’t he?”

“NO GO MUMMY!” Siegfried wailed and flung his arms around her neck.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid,” Sami said dryly.

“I shouldn’t go,” Lola decided. They were stood in the middle of the Madrid airport, Lola’s cases around them. Lola was headed to New York for two weeks for a movie role.

“Lola, this is a major part for you. You’ve been waiting for this role for years,” Sami said as he pulled Siegfried off of her, his chubby two year old arms stronger than they looked.

“I know,” Lola said. “Okay. I’m going. I’m going.” She helped Sami pry Mina off her leg.

“I love you,” Sami said as he kissed her cheek and wiped Siegfried’s snotty tears off her cheek.

“I love you too,” Lola said. “All of you.” Reluctantly, she grabbed her cases and left Sami with two squalling toddlers. 

He was going to need to call in reinforcements.

* * * *

“Who would have thought that Lola would turn out to be the more competent parent?” Mesut asked as he set the table.

“Sami is competent,” Iker defended him. “He’s just...overwhelmed.”

“He’s been watching the twins for five hours,” Mesut said. “Lola left this morning.”

“Iker!” Heinrich ran in. “Can Nora come over?”

“No.”

“But...”

“No,” Iker said again. “Sami and the twins are coming to dinner. Don’t you want to play with your brother and sister?”

Heinrich made a face. “No.”

“Heinrich!” Mesut admonished him.

“You guys always start drinking wine and say ‘play with the babies’ and I have to watch them. I’m not your babysitter.” Heinrich stood with his arms crossed.

Mesut and Iker stared down at Heinrich. He was only right.

“How about if we let you bring Nora over you watch the twins without complaint?”

“Can we dress them up like superheroes?”

“No face paint,” Iker negotiated.

“Deal,” Heinrich said and held out his hand.

Mesut shook and Heinrich went to go get Nora.

Iker looked at Mesut. “We’ve lost all pretense of the upper hand in this house, haven’t we?”

“Oh, long, LONG time ago.”

* * * *

“You’re doing fine, Sami,” Iker said as he refilled Sami’s wine glass and offered the bottle around the table.

Fernando nodded and Iker topped him up. “They’re fine.” When Nora had come over, she’d brought her dads and the five men were lounging in the game room as the kids played superheroes in the living room.

“I know,” Sami sighed. “It’s just, Lola has this parent thing down. She knows what they need before the start to cry, and Mina waved her hands at me for five minutes this afternoon before I figured out I was sitting on her binkie.”

“Just keep them breathing for the next two weeks and she’ll be home,” Sergio said. 

“And don’t ask Sergio to babysit,” Fernando teased. “Remember that night I left you in charge and I came home to find Nora sleeping on a half eaten pizza?”

“She was alive,” Sergio shrugged.

Nora came in, holding Mina’s hand. “SAMI, MINA NEEDS THE POTTY AND HEINRICH SAYS YOU DON’T HAVE A POTTY CHAIR.”

“The potty?” Sami asked, confused.

“THE TOILET.”

“Yes, I know what a potty is,” Sami sighed. “Well...I thought she could just use her diaper.”

“Mina, you need the potty?” Mesut asked.

“Yes,” Mina nodded. “Go pee-pee.”

“Is Lola potty training them?” Mesut asked.

“I don’t...know.”

“Dada pee pee!” Mina whimpered.

“SAMI MINA IS GOING TO HAVE AN ACCIDENT.”

“Here,” Mesut said as he set down his wine. “Come on Mina,” he said as he scoped up the little girl.”

Mesut took Mina to the potty while Sami called Lola. 

“Hey,” Lola yawned. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Oh, sorry, baby,” Sami said as he finished off his wine. “Mina...”

“Is she okay?”

“Sure, yeah,” Sami said. “She wanted to go to the potty.”

“Oh...she did?” Lola asked, surprised. “I mean, I’d started talking with them about potty training, but neither of them showed much interest, so I figured they weren’t ready.”

“What do I do?”

“In the back closet, I got some of those pull-up diaper things. Use them and when Mina wants to go, take her.”

“But...I don’t know how to potty train a kid!” Sami wailed.

“Read the book. It’s on the night stand,” Lola yawned. “Baby, I got to be up in 3 hours to be in the make-up chair, and they can only do so much with foundation. You can handle this.”

“Sure, sure...yeah,” Sami said.

“Dada I go pee pee!” Mina cheered happily as she toddled back into the room with Mesut behind her.

“Diaper wasn’t even damp, big girl!” Mesut praised.

“Good girl!” Sami said nervously. “Good girl.”

Sergio shook his head. “Better you than me, man.”

* * * *

Monday morning, two days later, Sami brought the twins over on his way to work.

“Okay,” Sami said as he handed over the diaper bag. The twins toddled in, looking sullen. “Now, you need to download this app.”

“App?” Iker asked as he got out his phone.

“It’s for potty training*.” Sami took Iker’s phone and downloaded the app. “Now they’ve both got the Pull-up pants, but Siegfried hasn’t used the potty yet. I’m still taking him when Mina goes. She didn’t last overnight, but they say that’s fine for now. Okay, I’ve set the timer every two hours. When the timer goes off, take her to the potty.”

Iker blinked as he looked at the phone. “Every two hours?”

“Just for now. Until she starts to get on a regular schedule. Now. If she has a dry diaper. You reward her with these fruit snacks.” Sami held up a box.

“What about Siegfried?”

“If he tries, give him one of Mina’s chews, but only if he tries.” Sami sorted through the bag. “Text me if she makes it twice in a row and I’ll call to congratulate her. I’ve got meetings all day, but I’ll get out when I can.”

“Okay?” Iker said. 

“Okay,” Sami said. “Mina, you be Daddy’s big girl an use the potty for Daddy?”

“Yes,” Mina said.

“And Siegfried....”

“NO POTTY NO!” Siegfried ran out of the entryway and into the living room.

“Yeah, he’s not keen,” Sami said. “Okay. See you at six.”

Sami left and Iker looked at his phone. Minnie Mouse had a count-down.

“Iker, I go pee pee?” Mina asked.

“Now?” Iker said, frowning at the app. It was not time to pee pee.

“NOW.”

Iker grabbed the little girl and made for the bathroom. Something told him he wasn’t getting much work done today.

Mina used the potty seven times that morning. Iker ran out of fruit snacks. He’d texted Sami several times, but got nothing. Mina was running around, high on the snacks, and Siegfried was hiding behind the couch and wouldn’t let Iker change his soggy diaper.

Sami finally called back. “What is it?”

“Mina is out of fruit snacks,” Iker said, rubbing his forehead.

“Did she use the potty?”

“Seven times.”

“IKER I GO PEE PEE!” Mina yelled.

“You went ten minutes ago!” Iker said.

“PEE PEE!”

“She has to go again?” Sami asked.

“Hang on,” Iker said as he went to get Mina to take her the potty. Mina peed about three drops and held out her hand.

“Fruit,” Mina held out her hand.

“I’m out,” Iker said.

Mina frowned. “I WANT FRUUUUUUIT!!!”

“Well, I’m out,” Iker said as he helped Mina pull back up her training pants. He picked up his phone. “We need more snacks.”

“She’s had that whole box?”

Mina flung herself on the floor and started to scream.

“That’s way too much sugar!”

“You said to give them to her when she went potty!”

“Every two hours!”

“She said she had to go! What was I supposed to do? Tell her no?”

“No, of course not. I don’t know!” Sami wailed. “I’ll be right there.”

Mina was crying and Siegfried was still hiding and Iker went to find the aspirin.

When Sami arrived, he was consulting WebMD*. “Okay, frequent urination is a sign of a bladder infection. We better get her to the doctor.”

Iker nodded and managed to drag Siegfried out from behind the sofa and wrangled him into the van while Sami got Mina into her car seat, peppering her with questions about burning during urination.

“FRUUUUUUUUUUUIT!”

At the doctor’s office, Iker finally got Siegfried let him change his diaper while Sami hustled Mina into the waiting room.

“Oh heavens,” Nurse Jenny said. “What have we hear.”

Mina was hiccuping. “Fr-uit.”

“I think she’s got a urinary tract infection.” Sami said.

“Oh dear,” Nurse Jenny said. “Now that’s just not nice, is it Mina, dear.”

“Fr-uit.”

“You want fruit?” Nurse Jenny asked as she checked the little girl over. “Oh, I see we’re potty training?” she asked as she saw the princess pull-ups.

“Yes, and I was using the app and rewarding her with these fruit snacks.”

“Fruit!” Mina begged.

“She’s been to the bathroom eight times this morning!” Sami told Nurse Jenny.

“And you reward her every time with fruit snacks?” Nurse Jenny raised her eyebrow.

“The book said to reward her!” Sami said.

“Mina,” Nurse Jenny said sternly. “Do you have to go potty?”

“Fruit snacks.”

“No fruit snacks,” Nurse Jenny said. “Do you need the potty?”

“No,” Mina admitted. 

Nurse Jenny looked at Sami. “I think we’ve discovered the problem.”

“She’s making herself pee to get treats?”

“Yeah,” Nurse Jenny said, patting Sami on the shoulder. “You’ve been had. But the good news is, she’s got amazing bladder control for a toddler.”

Mina sighed. “No fruit?”

“Sorry kid, you’re cut off.”

Sami thanks Nurse Jenny and bundled Mina back to the waiting room where Siegfried was running around with no diaper on.

“WEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Iker looked at Sami. “Can Lola come home now?”


	19. Daddy Sergio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sergio has an unexpected visitor.

Sergio sat with the paper in front of him, absently pouring cornflakes into a bowl for Nora. Nando refused to buy her sugary cereals, but Sergio turned a blind eye when Nora scooped heaping table spoons full onto her corn flakes.

“SERGIO ARE WE GOING TO THE ZOO TODAY?”

“We are,” Sergio said. “As soon as Daddy gets home from work. He had to go in this morning.”

“SO WE CAN GO IN THE AFTERNOON. I HOPE THE LIONS ARE AWAKE.”

“I think they well be when you get there,” Sergio said as he poured milk.

Nora began to shovel in the cereal as Sergio turned to the back of the paper and found yet another story about Cristiano’s upcoming wedding to Jose, Lola’s father. He was the first openly gay footballer to wed, and the press couldn’t get enough of the tale.

As best man, Sergio’s phone had been ringing a LOT.

So when the doorbell rang in the next moment, it didn’t surprise him at all.

“IF IT’S HEINRICH TELL HIM I’M STILL IN MY PAJAMAS.”

Sergio took a slurp of his coffee and wondered if he could get Iker to take Nora for the morning so he could go get a pedicure. He used to just be able to send her over and tell her to stay, but Iker was on to that.

Sergio peeked out the window at the side of the door and saw a leggy brunette who looked vaguely familiar.

He opened the door. 

“Hi Sergio,” she said with a smile. 

“Hi,” he said. Her name, oh god, what was her name...

She gave him a moment to search his brain and then let out a laugh. “Yeah, that’s what I figured. This is your son. His name is Leo.”

Sergio looked down as she shoved a backpack into his hands. Standing at her feet was a curly haired little boy with impossibly large brown eyes.

“My....son?”

“Yes. It’s your turn to raise him. I’m moving to London to work.”

“Wait...what?” Sergio asked as he gripped the bag. The woman was already half way up the drive to a waiting taxi.

“Yes, he’s yours. Have him tested if you want,” she called back.

“Are you my daddy?”

The little boy was tugging on Sergio’s shirt.

“She said we were coming to see my daddy and I was going to stay. Are you my daddy?”

Sergio looked back down at him. In truth, the kid looked a lot like him from his baby pictures. “I guess so.”

“Okay,” the kid said and threw his arms around Sergio’s legs.

In shock, Sergio watched the cab drive away. 

“SERGIO WAS IT HEINRICH AT THE DOOR?”

Sergio turned his head and found Nora scampering toward him. “Uh...no.”

“WHO IS THIS?”

“I’m Leo!” the little boy said proudly. “I am four years old. My birthday is December 7th. This is my daddy.”

Nora was, for once in her whole life, dumbfounded.

Sergio set Leo’s backpack on the floor. “Leo, you said?”

“Four years old,” he said, holding up fingers in case Sergio didn’t know how many that was.

“What’s your mommy’s name?”

“Mommy,” Leo said confidently.

“Of course,” Sergio sighed. “Do you have a sur name?”

“Ramos!”

Nora found her voice. “YOU CAN’T BE HIS DADDY, YOU’RE MY OTHER DADDY.”

“More than one person can have the same daddy,” Sergio said as he looked over at Iker and Mesut’s house.

“Daddy, I’m hungry. Mummy said you’d give me breakfast.”

“Sure,” Sergio said. “Nora, can you go get Iker for me?”

“YES!” Nora saluted and took off as Sergio guided the boy into the house.

* * * *

“IKER, SERGIO’S SON LEO IS HERE AND SERGIO NEEDS TO SEE YOU NOW.”

Iker looked up from the canvas he was working on. “Say that again?”

“IKER, SERGIO’S SON LEO IS HERE AND SERGIO NEEDS TO SEE YOU NOW.”

“That’s what I thought you said,” Iker frowned as he reached for a rag to wipe off his hands. Heinrich was in a corner, working on a painting of a horse that looked like a three-legged dog. His realism wasn’t really coming along as well as Iker had hoped.

“Sergio doesn’t have a son,” he told Nora as he too, set down his brush. “You are mistaken.”

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?”

“I think Heinrich is saying that we were unaware Sergio had a son,” Iker said before the two got into a fight. They’d been bickering a lot lately. 

“WELL HE DOES AND HE’S HAVING BREAKFAST AT MY HOUSE. SERGIO SAID FOR YOU TO COME OVER.”

“Can I come?” Heinrich danced over.

“Why not,” Iker agreed. 

Nora led the charge next door. Iker looked at his watch. Lola was due to drop the twins off soon as she had an interview with a magazine later. Her career had really taken off since her American movie role, and in addition to her work on the telenovela, she was also staring in a major Spanish film this summer.

Walking into Sergio’s house, he heard a confident little voice explaining to Sergio that he didn’t have much stuff, but that his mummy had said Sergio would get him new.

“I brought my favorite dog and some clothes, but she said you’d get me more toys and a bed.”

Iker met Sergio’s eyes and saw his brother looking shell-shocked.

“Hi!” the boy said. “I’m Leo, I’m four.”

“Hi Leo, I’m Iker.”

“HE’S YOUR UNCLE,” Nora helpfully supplied. “AND THIS IS YOUR COUSIN HEINRICH.”

“Hi!” Leo said cheerfully and tucked into some toast Sergio had made for him.

“Heinrich and Nora, you keep Leo company for a few minutes, okay?” Iker said as he and Sergio made their way to the living room.

“What the...?”

“I have no idea!” Sergio hissed. “Like she just showed up and said ‘this is your kid’ and then she left and fuck Iker!”

“Who was she?” Iker asked.

“I don’t remember, and the kid says his surname is Ramos so I have no idea!”

Things flitted through Iker’s head such as the fact that Sergio’s past was finally catching up with him, but he wisely kept them to himself. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know!” Sergio said. “Who just drops their kid off with a stranger?”

“I don’t know,” Iker sighed. “He looks like you.”

“I know,” Sergio said and sank into the sofa. He let out a mirthless laugh. “Fernando has been wanting another kid.”

“Well there you go,” Iker said supportively. 

* * * *

“I didn’t know Sergio had a son,” Heinrich said as he climbed onto the kitchen cabinet to retrieve the jar of Nutella from the top shelf.

“I’m new,” Leo said helpfully as he eyed the jar Heinrich came down with. “I never met Sergio before, but Mummy says I’m going to stay here, now and that Sergio will look after me.”

“Ah,” Heinrich agreed as he produced three spoons from a drawer. Passing them around, he offered Leo first scoop. “Lola used to leave me with Mesut all the time too, but now she’s around all the time that she’s married to Sami and they have the twins.”

“LOLA IS HEINRICH’S MOMMY,” Nora filled in. “HE HAS A BROTHER AND A SISTER CALLED WILLY AND SIGFREID.”

“I don’t have any brothers or sisters,” Leo said as he smeared Nutella on his toast.

“YOU HAVE ME NOW BECAUSE SERGIO IS MARRIED TO MY DADDY.”

“Cool,” Leo agreed. “Do you think Sergio is mad I’m here?”

“NO,” Nora said as she went for a second spoon of Nutella. “SERGIO LOVES KIDS.”

* * * *

Iker and Sergio debated for several minutes, but Iker finally convinced him to call Fernando immediately rather than wait until he got home.

“Fernando, baby?”

“Hey, honey,” Fernando said. “I’m really busy, can this wait until I get home? I want to get these documents to the printer before noon so we can get off to the zoo. Does Nora need more suncream?”

“No...this is kind of important.”

Fernando paused. “What is it, honey? You and Nora okay?”

“Oh, she’s fine,” Sergio said as he stood at the edge of the kitchen, watching the kids pass around the Nutella none of them were supposed to be having. He turned away and left Iker to try to wrestle it from them. “It’s just....I’ve had a little surprise this morning.”

“Oh?” Fernando asked, half his attention on his work. 

“Apparently I have a son.”

Pause.

“You do?”

“His name is Leo. He’s four.” Sergio had found Leo’s backpack sitting by the floor and picked it up to examine the contents.

“Oh,” Fernando said. “Wow. Who’s his mother?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t...?”

“I don’t remember her,” Sergio admitted.

“So...how do you know about the kid?”

“She left him here. Apparently he’s going to be living with us.”

“WHAT?”

“He’s really nice,” Sergio said as he opened the backpack. On top was a worn stuffed dog, and shoved down one side was a large envelope. Maybe this would explain something. “Hang on,” Sergio said as he saw his name on the front along with the name of a legal firm.

Inside, Sergio found custody forms, declaring him sole guardian of one Leonardo Ramos, mother’s name withheld. There was a sticker telling him where to sign along with instructions to mail the papers to the courts within the week or the child would revert to the custody of the state.

“Apparently I have full custody,” Sergio said faintly.

“I’ll be right home.”

* * * *

“Sergio has a KID?” Lola asked as the twins ran into the house. Iker had texted Mesut who’d called Sami who’d told Lola.

“A one night stand, apparently. He barely remembers her, but the kid looks just like him.”

“Damn, at least I married Mesut before I dumped a kid on him,” Lola said.

“Sergio’s not sure,” Iker said as he scooped up Sigfreid who’d attached himself to Iker’s leg. “He and Fernando are talking about it. Leo’s in the back yard with Heinrich and Nora.”

“How can she just expect him to keep it? I mean, that’s a huge thing to take on.”

“I know,” Iker said. “But you should see this kid. He’s got nothing in the world but a backpack.” Iker led her to the kitchen window where she could see Heinrich pushed a curl haired little boy on a swing. “If Sergio doesn’t keep him, he’s an orphan.”

“Shit, if Sergio doesn’t want him, I might take him- how cute is he?”

Iker laughed. “Some how I think Sami might object.”

“Sami gave up objecting to anything after he miss the birth of our children because he was drunk off his ass.”

Iker grinned. “And it is his kid. I mean, look at him.”

“He does look just like him. Will Sergio have him do a DNA test? Just to avoid further surprises?”

“I dunno,” Iker said as Nora shoved Leo off the swing and the little boy fell in a heap. “Seems like Nora has already taken to him.

To his credit, Leo got up, dusted off his knees, and kicked Nora in the shin.

“IKER LEO IS BEING MEAN!”

“They’re brother and sister already.”

* * * *

“I suppose I wanted another kid,” Fernando said as he peered over the fence at the boy who was about to become his son.

“You did,” Sergio said. “And this one is free.”

Fernando chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Sergio. “The circus grows by the day.”

“We can take the papers to the attorney, but they look pretty legal. I’m not sure what that says about this boy’s mother that she just signed him away to a stranger.”

“It just means he needs us more than ever,” Fernando said as he kissed Sergio.

The moment was interrupted by Nora’s scream, and they went to go rescue their offspring.

“DADDY LEO IS MEAN AND I DON’T WANT HIM TO LIVE WITH US.”

“She push me!” Leo defended himself.

“She did,” Heinrich reported.

“SHUT UP HEINRICH OZIL YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND.”

“Well, you did,” Heinrich shot back. “Leo is nice and you were mean.”

“I WANTED A TURN ON THE SWING.”

“It looks like you’re going to have to learn about sharing since Leo is going to live with us,” Fernando said as he put an arm around her. “What room do you think he should have?”

“HE CAN LIVE IN THE BASEMENT.”

“We could put him in Iker’s old studio,” Sergio said as he leaned down to pick up Leo. The little boy trustingly put his arms around Sergio’s neck and in that moment, Sergio knew he would move heaven and earth to protect him.

“Hey! That’s MY studio!” Heinrich said.

“You use my studio,” Iker said. “Speaking of which, you need to finish your horse.”

“How about we go shopping and get some new things for Leo,” Fernando said.

“WHAT ABOUT THE ZOO, YOU SAID WE COULD GO TO THE ZOO.”

“We can go to the zoo another day,” Fernando negotiated.

“IF I CAN HAVE THE BARBIE DREAM HOUSE.”

Fernando and Sergio locked eyes. It seemed a fair trade for a quiet shopping trip.

“Done.”

“OKAY I LOVE YOU LEO AND YOU CAN BE MY BROTHER.”

Leo looked at Sergio. “Do we have to live with her?”


	20. Going to the Chapel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding of Cristiano and Jose

Going to the Chapel

“WHE DOES HEINRICH GET TO BE IN THE WEDDING?”

“Jose is his grandpa,” Fernando explained for the umpteenth time as he tried to get a bow in Nora’s hair. Usually, Nora didn’t act very “girly” and he mostly just had to get a brush through her locks in the mornings. For the wedding, Lola had taken her shopping and they’d gotten a frilly pink dress and matching hair bow.

“WE’RE ALL FAMILY,” Nora reminded him, as it was only true. Fernando was married to Sergio who was the best man in the wedding of Jose and Cristiano as Cristiano’s best friend. Jose was the father of Lola, the mother Heinrich who’s father Mesut, was married to Sergio’s brother, Iker. 

“I know, but they only needed a ring bearer. And Heinrich is oldest,” Fernando tried.

“TRUE,” Nora agreed, crooked bow at the top of her head.

Lola would fix it, Fernando decided as he got up. “Come on, we better check to see if Leo is ready to go.”

Nora streamed out as Fernando picked up the matching shoes. Next door, Sergio was fixing the tiny bow-tie on the boy’s suit. He looked positively adorable.

“We about ready?” Fernando asked.

“I think so,” Sergio said as he leaned in to kiss Fernando. “Iker just texted. Mesut and Heinrich and I are going now to be there for pictures. Iker will drive you and the kids.”

“That’s good,” Fernando said as Leo walked over to Nora and deftly corrected the bow in her hair.

“THANK YOU,” Nora said with a smile.

Fernando was thankful they were getting along today. Since Leo had come into their family two months ago, there were two extremes. One day they were the best of friends, the next they fought like cats and dogs and Nora was trying to flush Leo’s head down the toilet. Okay, some days she tried to flush his head down the toilet when they were getting along.

Nora had been spending some quality time in Time Out.

Sergio herded the kids next door while Fernando grabbed the bag of supplies. Spare underpants, snacks for the kids, towel...

They arrived next door just as Lola and Sami pulled up. Lola stepped out of the BMW SUV in a skin tight number with a plunging neckline and a hemline just about long enough to cover her rear end. She'd been working with a personal trainer to get ready for her next film role, and even a gay man had to appreciate she looked incredible for being 30 and having three kids.

"Don't you look amazing!" Lola said as she swooped down to hug Nora. Fernando briefly wondered if it was a good thing that Lola was Nora's only female role model.

"DADDY HAD TROUBLE WITH THE BOW," Nora informed her.

"Daddies aren't the best with hair," Lola judged as she glanced at what was currently happening on top of Sergio's head. Her own hair was a sweeping curtain of platinum blonde that wasn't even extensions.

Heinrich came barreling out of the house to join the fray as Sami released Mina and Sigfried from their car seats. Children were soon cavorting around the front lawn.

Iker stuck his head out. "IF EVEN ONE OF YOU GETS A GRASS STAIN ON YOURSELVES, YOU'RE STAYING HOME."

Even the adults fell silent as the kids came to a screeching halt.

"SORRY IKER," Nora spoke for the herd and then led the children in a perfect row into the house.

"Rough morning?" Sergio asked as he slapped Iker on the back.

"Like you can't imagine," Iker sighed as he checked his watch. "We need to get you and Heinrich moving."

Mesut came out just then, pushing Heinrich before him. "We're ready! There's sandwiches in the fridge if anyone needs a bite before you go. Oh, and there's wine," he added as he kissed Iker on the cheek.

"Good. Fernando is driving," Iker decided as he went to help himself.

"What happened?" Sergio asked as he followed Mesut and Heinrich to the car.

"He was up all night finishing a commission. I found him lying on the floor of his studio this morning waiting for the gloss to set."

"I offer to help!" Heinrich told them, and Sergio realized the real reason for Iker's headache.

"Still selling those abstracts?" Sergio asked as he helped Heinrich buckle in.

"Three this week," Heinrich said with a cheesy smile. Even years after the initial flurry of demand for Heinrich's work, he was still selling steadily. And no one had yet figured out the artist was eight. The mystery added to the price. 

Basically, if Heinrich didn't want to, he'd never have to work. They weren't telling him that, however.

They arrived at the church. The front step was swarming with paparazzi.

When their car approached and they were spotted, the press swarmed.

"SERGIO!!"

"What the hell?" Mesut muttered as he nearly ran one down.

"Hell is a bad word," Heinrich said. "Mr. Kaka won't let us swear in class and says that we should never swear."

Sergio glanced back at the little boy. This was a new one. "What other words won't Mr. Kaka let you say?"

Heinrich happily opened his mouth, but with out even looking back, Mesut cut him off. "Don't even."

Sergio hid a smirk as Mesut maneuvered around back of the church and into the gated lot. Between Cristiano's fame as a footballer, Sergio's as a bullfighter, and Lola's as a telenovela star, they'd hired a lot of security to keep the press at bay.

The parked and Heinrich tumbled out, already half way to the church as Mesut and Sami emerged from the car. Photographs of them were being hurriedly snapped.

"Hey Mes, wanna play with the paps?" Sergio asked with a mischievous grin as Heinrich disappeared inside.

"How?" Mesut asked warily.

Sergio grabbed Mesut and gave him a full on kiss.

"What the fuck!" Mesut hissed as he pulled away quickly. The paps were in a frenzy.

"That'll keep them entertained for a bit," Sergio said. "And stop using words Mr. Kaka wouldn't approve of."

Flushing bright red, Mesut raced after Sergio into the church. Iker was going to have a fit when he saw those pictures!

However, as he entered the cool confines of the ancient church, Mesut calmed himself. He'd tell Iker about it when they got here and they'd have a right old laugh about it when it came out in the papers.

Too bad no one waited for the papers any more.

* * * *

Lola fed pieces of cheese to the twins while she sipped a glass of wine, not letting either toddler get their hands on anything lest it end up in their hair.

Sami and Fernando were playing Candy Land with Leo and Nora and Iker was polishing off his second glass of wine.

"Do we need to leave soon?" Lola asked as Iker went to refill his glass.

"We could just stay here," Iker said as he reluctantly set his wine glass in the sink. "Order a pizza and let the kids play in the mud."

Lola laughed. "And waste this dress?"

Her phone bleeped as Sigfried claimed the last of the cheese, causing Mina to wail.

Lola deftly caught the girl up around the middle and opened the text from her agent as she settled her on her hip. Mina laid her head on Lola's shoulder.

"Look what just popped up on the news wire."

Lola clicked the photo and nearly dropped her daughter on the floor. "OH MY GOD."

"WE SHOULDN'T USE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN, LOLA."

"What is it?" Sami asked as he joined her. 

"THIS." Lola shoved the phone in his face.

Sami paled. "I'm sure...that...well..."

The photo of Sergio and Mesut in a clinch was hard to argue with.

Iker frowned as both of them looked up at him, wide-eyed and horrified. "What?"

"NOTHING!" they said in unison and Lola quickly tried to close the photo. But Mina had grabbed the phone and Lola couldn't get it from her as Nora snatched it away.

"WHY IS MY DADDY SERGIO KISSING MESUT."

Fernando grabbed the phone and went pale beneath his freckles. "That's at the church!"

Iker peered over his shoulder and went back for the wine. 

"Now, let's think about this!" Lola said, her voice rising an octave. "They surely saw the paps. You know Sergio, he lives to wind them up!"

"Or Mesut couldn't wait to get out of her so he could meet his lover!"

"It was Sergio's idea that the go ahead without us," Fernando echoed.

"YOU SHOULDN'T KISS OTHER PEOPLE'S HUSBANDS."

Leo piped up. "Mina is trying to get into the strawberries."

Sami grabbed her up before she could get red berry juice on her pink dress. Mina squealed in protest.

"Iker," Lola pleaded as Iker drank from the bottle. "Come on. You know this is a set up. Mesut wouldn't cheat. Come on. He was faithful to ME."

"Let me call Mesut," Sami said as he tried to get out his phone despite the wiggling child under his arm.

Lola took Mina and grabbed Sigfried who was crawling under the kitchen table. Nora was still gaping at Lola's phone.

Fernando sat at the table, looking forlorn and Iker was looking for another bottle of wine.

"Sami!"

"Mes, thank god. Look- there's this photo of you and Sergio. Tell me it's a joke."

"THAT'S ON THE INTERNET ALREADY?"

"Please tell me it's a joke?"

"SERGIO RAMOS I'M GOING TO KILL YOU," Mesut yelled across the church.

"It's a joke," Sami told everyone. 

"Give me the phone," Iker said with a slur in his voice.

Sami handed it over.

"Mesut?"

"Iker! Oh my god, Sergio was messing with the paps. I swear to god you know I would never..."

"I know," Iker said calmly. "Tell Sergio I'm going to kick his ass."

Mesut chuckled. "Will do."

"Oh, and tell him if he wants to stay married, he better be groveling to Fernando."

"I love you."

Iker echoed the sentiment and handed the phone back to Sergio.

"My brother is an ass," Iker told Fernando.

Fernando couldn't disagree.

"WE SHOULDN'T SAY ASS."

* * * *

Lola sent Iker to bed with a handful of aspirin and a bottle of water. “We’ll come back and get you after the ceremony.”

“I should go,” Iker half heartedly protested even as he laid down and closed his eyes.

“My dad doesn’t like you, anyway,” Lola told him. “You can’t make it worse.”

She quietly closed the door and went downstairs to find Sami had already strapped the twins in the truck and Fernando was wedged in the back row between Leo and Nora.

“You are actually amazing,” Lola said as she gave Sami a kiss before he helped her into the truck. Lately they’d been discussing the possibility of Sami quitting his job so that he and the twins could travel with Lola as she worked an ever hectic filming schedule.

“DOES IKER NEED A NAP?” Nora asked.

“Yes he does,” Lola told her as she handed around packets of fruit snacks.

“DADDY IS ALWAYS HAPPIER AFTER NAPS,” Nora agreed.

They pulled up to the church and the press went crazy when they saw it was Lola.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go around back?” Sami asked.

“It’s alright,” Lola said. “It’s a part of the job. Leo and Nora? Do you want to walk in the front with me and Sami and Fernando can take the kids around the back?”

“Sure!” Leo quickly agreed.

“MY PUBLIC NEEDS TO SEE ME.”

Lola stepped out of the truck, gracefully not sharing her underwear with the world, and helped Nora and Leo out. Mina burst into tears when she realized Mommy was leaving her, and Lola lifted her out as well, handing her a stuffed bear.

“You okay?” Sami asked as he watched Sigfried unconcernedly ate fruit snacks. He definitely took after Dad.

“We’ll be fine,” Lola said as she wiped Mina’s tears. “Nora, get Leo’s hand.”

But as she turned to locate the kids, she found Nora had already run up the steps and was striking a pose.

Leo took her hand and together they climbed up. Leo’s eyes were wide with shock at the crowd. “Who are these people, Lola?”

“That is a good question,” Lola agreed as she smiled brightly. Mina smushed her face into her mother’s shoulder as the cameras flashed.

“MY NAME IS NORA TORRES. T-O-R-R-E-S.”

“How do you know Lola?” asked one of the reporters leaning over the barriers that had been set up.

“WHO DOESN’T KNOW LOLA?”

Lola reached the top of the steps, and as she opened the door for Leo, Mina dropped her bear.

“I GOT IT!” Nora said and bent down to get the toy, flashing bright pink underwear to the hundreds of cameras.

Lola sighed.

Inside the church it was blissfully quiet. Mesut was sat at the back of the sanctuary with Heinrich, the pictures having finished already.

“HEINRICH!”

“Nora!”

“We left Iker at home,” Lola said as she sat, Mina in her lap. Leo filed in and pulled himself onto the pew, gazing around in awe.

“Probably not a bad idea,” Mesut said. “He might have killed Sergio and then where would we be?”

“What is this place?” Leo asked in wonder.

“A church,” Lola said as she looked down at him. “Haven’t you ever been in a church?”

Leo shook his head. “What do you do here?”

“YOU GET MARRIED,” Nora told him. “AND YOU ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU FOR SINNING.”

“Who’s God?”

Everyone stared at Leo.

“Maybe Sergio needs to take him to church,” Mesut said. He and Iker weren’t the most regular church goers, but at least Heinrich knew who God was.

“I like it here,” Leo decided as he swung his feet. 

* * * *

Sergio sat in a room off the sanctuary with Cristiano who looked nervous.

“You okay?” Sergio asked as Cristiano fiddled with his tie.

“I’m getting married,” Cristiano said, looking pale.

“Yes, that’s why we’re in tuxedos.”

“Today. I’m getting married TODAY.”

“Yes?” Sergio said again. “Are you...worried?”

“WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?”

Oh shit, Sergio thought as he stood up. He put his hands on Cristiano’s shoulders. “Breathe.”

Cristiano took a gasping breath.

“You’re getting married because you love Jose.”

“I love Jose,” Cristiano agreed. “I do.”

“You do,” Sergio agreed. And it was true. Jose made about every person on the planet crazy, but Cristiano adored him. And, for some reason, Jose acted normal around Cristiano. It was best for everyone.

“Okay, yes, yes I love him,” Cristiano’s breathing began to return to normal.

Sergio looked at his watch. The ceremony didn’t start for half an hour. This could be a long half hour.

* * * *

The sanctuary began to fill. Lola herded the kids up to the front and Mesut took Heinrich back to Sergio for his ring bearing duties.

“Where are the rings?” Heinrich asked as he picked the black satin pillow.

“Rings?” Sergio asked as he checked his pockets. “Oh...shit...”

“YOU DON’T HAVE THE RINGS?” Cristiano yelled.

“Mr. Kaka says...”

But Cristiano cut him off. “HOW CAN WE GET MARRIED WITHOUT RINGS?”

“We have twenty minutes,” Mesut said. “Iker can bring them.”

“YES!” Cristiano agreed.

“Is Iker in any state to drive?” Sergio reminded him, beginning to panic.

“NO!” Cristiano wailed.

“Okay!” Mesut said. “I call Iker a cab. He gets the rings and the cab brings him here. He can be here in half an hour, tops.”

“Oh fuck...the wedding is RUINED,” Cristiano sobbed.

“STOP SWEARING!” Heinrich ordered.

“Heinrich,” Cristiano said as Sergio and Mesut hurriedly made phone calls. “I’m going to share with you a little secret that Mr. Kaka never told you.”

Heinrich’s eyes got wide as he sensed this was going to be a quality, adult-level secret.

“Some times, like right now, when your wedding is about to be fucked up because your dumb ass best man can’t fucking remember to bring rings, you will find that swear words are the only ones that can clearly express how fucking pissed off you are.”

“Cris,” Sergio begged as he waited for Iker to go next door and see if he could find the rings.

“The taxi is on it’s way.”

“It better fucking hurry,” Heinrich solemnly pronounced. Mesut’s jaw dropped.

“It had indeed,” Cristiano nodded.

* * * *

Lola checked her watch. The wedding should have started fifteen minutes ago. She had two squirming toddlers on her hands, and Nora was dancing.

“I HAVE TO PEE.”

Lola looked down at Nora who was dancing in earnest, now.

“Momma pee pee!” Mina chimed in, and suddenly all four children were wiggling.

Sami sighed.

“Here, I’ll take the boys, you take the girls,” Fernando offered as they rose.

Nora and Mina took off running and by the time Lola caught up with them, they were dancing around Jose who was checking his watch impatiently with Heinrich peering out the door of the church.

“Everything okay?” Lola asked.

“Sergio forgot the rings and Iker is bringing them, but the taxi is stuck in traffic!” Jose fumed.

“It’s a fucking mess,” Heinrich told them.

“HEINRICH SAID FUCKING.”

“Yes he did,” Lola said with the kind of glare only a mother could deliver.

“I’m sorry,” Heinrich said quickly.

“LOLA! PEE!” Nora said, looking desperate.

“Right,” Lola said as she led them to the toilet.

“THEY’RE HERE!” Heinrich called as he saw Iker jump from the taxi.

Iker ran up the steps and arrived, looking stressed. “Rings!”

Jose managed to look grateful. “Thank you, Iker.”

Iker nodded and knelt to help Heinrich tie the rings onto the pillow. Iker tied them in loose bows, and Heinrich looked on distrustfully.

“Will they stay?”

“They’ll be fine,” Iker assured him as he got up.

There was a flurry of activity as Fernando and Lola got the kids back down to their seats. Iker and Mesut joined them.

“You look like hell,” Mesut chided as he ran a hand through Iker’s hair and kissed his cheek.

“It’s been a hell of a day,” Iker said as he let Mesut fuss.

“You ready?” Sergio asked Heinrich who was fiddling with the pillow.

“Yes,” Heinrich said brightly.

The music began and the ceremony started without a hitch. Once Cristiano saw Jose, he was smiling, all of his nerves forgotten. 

“Do you have the rings?”

On cue, Heinrich lifted the pillow and offered them to Sergio.

Sergio pulled on them, but the rings wouldn’t budge. “What the...” he muttered as he realized that they were double knotted onto the pillow.

As Sergio struggled, he soon had the attention of everyone in the church.

Cristiano turned to help, but neither of them could get them to budge.

“They won’t come off!” Cristiano said.

“They better fucking not,” Heinrich happily announced to the congregation.

“HEINRICH SAID FUCKING.”


	21. Just What We Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jose and Cristiano move in across the street

Just What We Needed

“So we’re looking for a house,” Cristiano told Sergio as they sat down to dinner at a posh restaurant. Fernando was at his parents with the kids for a few days, and Sergio was enjoying a bit of freedom.

“You should buy the place across the street from us,” Sergio joked. “Drive out all the rest of the neighbors.” The house had been put on the market by the elderly couple who lived there after there was a streaking incident.

Cristiano laughed as well. “You do want to send Lola over the edge don’t you?”

Sergio grinned. He did like Lola a lot, but watching her freak out to have her father living across the street would be rather amusing.

“You guys still thinking about kids?”

“Yeah,” Cristiano said. “I really want some, but Jose isn’t really sure. I mean, he does have a kid my age and all.”

“You can always borrow Leo if you need some father time.”

Cristiano grinned. “He is a good little kid, isn’t he?”

“He’s great,” Sergio smiled in fatherly pride. “Probably the most well adjusted of the lot.”

“That’s not saying a whole lot,” Cristiano chuckled. 

“Oh, I know. Mina started yelling the other day and I thought Iker was going to cry.”

Cristiano shook his head. “Maybe I should just take the hint and not worry about having kids.”

“You could end up with Heinrich,” Sergio sagely agreed.

* * * *

“THERE ARE MOVING VANS ACROSS THE STREET.” Nora ran in, Fernando waving from the door as Leo followed after.

Iker looked up from his coffee to see indeed there was a truck in the drive and a “SOLD” sign in the yard. It seemed the neighbors had finally sold the house and were getting out as quick as they could. He waved to Fernando in return and finished his cup.

Heinrich appeared. “We need to investigate the new neighbors. Iker, when will they move in?”

“Can’t say,” Iker replied. “But maybe let’s not alienate them before they get their boxes unpacked?”

“WHAT DOES ALIENATE MEAN?”

“Acting like yourself,” Leo said as he got an apple out of the fridge. “Iker, can I have this?”

“Yes, honey,” Iker said and had a moment’s day dream that all of the kids were as polite as Leo.

Iker bundled the kids off to school and retired to the quiet of his studio. Lola was on a break from her telenovela and film work and was keeping the kids at home, leaving Iker blissful peace while the kids were at school every day. He was having time to get some real work done and had a show coming up.

Iker turned on the music and sat down to look at the piece he was working on. He still wasn’t happy with the colors. Needed blue...

He was just settling in with a blue he liked when his cell phone rang. Lola.

The last time he hadn’t answered Jose had come to visit for a week.

He picked up the phone.

“IKER!” Lola said, in full panic.

“Is everything okay?” Iker replied. “The kids okay?”

“Yes, they’re fine. IKER! JOSE BOUGHT THE HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET FROM YOU.”

Iker fainted.

* * * *

“I thought Jose told Mesut and Iker!” Cristiano said as he cradled the phone under his chin and pointed to the piano the movers were taking next.

“Yeah, no one told them,” Sergio said. “Lola told Iker and when Mesut got home he was lying face down on the couch, crying.”

“Iker seriously over reacts,” Cristiano said. “Jose is different now. He’s not just going to turn up with random pets any more.”

“Cristiano!”

He looked up and saw Jose on the doorstep, a toddler wearing a monkey costume on his hip.

“I gotta go.”

* * * *

“GRANDPA JOSE IS OUR NEW NEIGHBOR!”

For once it was Heinrich yelling, but Nora was dancing around the living room with him. Iker had been put to bed with aspirin and a box of cookies.

“Heinrich, do not yell. Iker has a headache.”

“Grandpa Jose is our new neighbor!” Heinrich whispered.

“Why don’t you two go play out back,” Mesut said as he rubbed his forehead. Heinrich and Nora ran out and Mesut looked at Leo.

“Why, why does this happen?” he asked the little boy.

“I think Grandpa Jose wants to be a part of our lives,” Leo said logically. “Now he’s married and he wants to be more a part of the family.”

“Can’t he do that in a different part of town?”

Leo shrugged. “Maybe you guys should have bought the house when it went on sale.”

Mesut made a mental note to start running all major decisions past Leo from now on.

Lola arrived with the twins in tow. “Is Iker okay? God...I should have come over and told him.”

“He will be.”

Mina and Sigfried scampered in and set up camp next to Leo who was coloring. He distributed pages and crayons and all three quietly worked.

Lola sat next to Mesut and finished the glass of wine he had in front of him. “I can’t deal with any of this.”

“Be thankful he didn’t buy the house across from yours.”

Lola grinned at him. “Oh, Mes. I do love you.”

Mesut kissed her cheek. “Come on. I’m making dinner. Is Sami coming?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here when he gets done at work.”

They left the twins in Leo’s competent care and began boiling a vat of water to make pasta. 

“Jose spends half his time away on business,” Lola said. “Especially when Cristiano is on away trips with the team. You’ll probably be living across from an empty house half the time.”

Nora ran in. She looked furtively at Lola and beckoned her down. Lola leaned over.

“Can we have garlic toast with our spaghetti?” Nora whispered.

Lola nodded seriously. “I think so.”

Nora smiled and ran out.

“We’re being quiet for Iker,” Mesut said as he looked in the freezer for garlic toast.

“You know, it’s not all bad around here, is it?” Lola asked as she turned on the oven and pulled out a tray.

“It really is,” Mesut said. “Besides. What would we do without the chaos?”

Sami arrived with two bottles of wine and Sergio and Fernando joined them for spaghetti and garlic toast. 

Iker came down stairs having finished his painting. He was finishing a plate of pasta and breaking apart the last piece of garlic toast for Mina who was gazing adoringly at him.

The doorbell rang.

“We’re not home,” Mesut said even as he looked up and saw Cristiano peering in the window.

Iker sighed. “Are they moving in today?”

“Soon,” Lola said, not wanting to tell Iker their belongings were already being moved into the house.

Sergio was elected to answer the door and he went to get it with an entourage of Heinrich and Nora.

Opening the door, he found Cristiano there with an adorable little boy. 

“Hi,” the boy said.

“WHO ARE YOU?”

“I’m a MONKEY!”

“WOW!”

“Do you have a tail?” Heinrich said as he looked around to check.

Sergio looked Cristiano in the eye. “Yes?”

“Jose called the foster people. And we’re keeping this little one for a few weeks.”

“I WANT A TAIL.”

“Me too!”

“And...we need to see if Iker can watch him tomorrow as I have a match and Jose has to fly to London.”

“You don’t want to do that,” Sergio said. “Look. I’m off tomorrow. He can stay with us.”

“Are you sure?” Cristiano asked.

“It’s a circus here,” Sergio said as he booped the little boy’s nose and got a giggle. “But it’s our circus, and we make it work.”


	22. Team Iker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iker gets a show in New York. The others learn that you need a god to fill in for him. (crossover with the Sport of the Gods AU)

Team Iker

 

Iker stood before the sofa, a neat row of stair stepped children lined up in front of him. Heinrich was at the head, now nearly nine, Nora by his side. Leo sat perfectly straight by his sister, with a little boy in a Monkey suit by his side. Mina was digging in her nose, and Siegfried was listing to the left at the end of the row.

“Everyone went to the potty,” Iker asked.

“YES!” came a chorus of little voice.

“Everyone has two shoes?”

“YES!”

“On the right feet?” Iker peered at the twelve feet.

“Uh oh,” Monkey said and slid off the couch. Iker knelt down and righted the situation. He helped the boy back on the couch. A few weeks had turned into a permanent home with Jose and Cristiano across the street and they were in the process of adopting the boy. Iker had yet to learn his actual name. Everyone just called him Monkey. However, somehow he’d become another of Iker’s charges as Iker was basically running a full time day-care in the house.

“Okay. We are walking to the park. Everyone get your buddy.”

The kids jumped into action, the older three taking the hands of the younger, and they lined up at the door, two-by-two.

Heinrich was at the head with Siegfried by his side. “Ready!”

“READY,” Nora said as she tried to pull Mina’s finger out of her nose.

“Ready,” Leo reported even as Monkey chewed on his tail.

Iker opened the door and the parade trundled out. He locked the door behind them. As he followed them up the road to the park, he decided if anyone else turned up with a kid, he was moving to China.

* * * *

An hour later, the party returned, Mina in Iker’s arms, tears streaming down her face, blood on her knee.

“IKER I SAID I WAS SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO PUSH HER OFF THE SLIDE.”

Iker glanced at Nora. “Time out, fifteen minutes.”

Nora stomped off to the corner while the boys swarmed into the kitchen. Iker ordered Heinrich to distribute graham crackers and took Mina to the bathroom to clean up her knee. The phone rang and Heinrich answered it.

Iker was putting a Superman bandaid on Mina’s knee when Heinrich appeared with the phone.

“Iker, it’s our agent,” Heinrich said as he handed over the phone.

“Hello?”

“Iker, baby, we need to talk,” gushed Cesc, the art dealer who handled both Heinrich and Iker’s art sales.

“Yes?” Iker said as he kissed Mina’s knee and she giggled, happy again.

“You. New York. Two weeks.”

“What?” Iker asked as he deposited Mina on the floor and the little girl scampered off after Heinrich.

Cesc laughed. “I’ve got a gallery that wants to display your work in New York. Next week. We need to fly over ASAP, help them set up, attend the opening, charm the buyers!” 

Iker couldn’t even process this. A show in New York?

“I’ve booked the flight. We leave the day after tomorrow. You’re going world-wide, Iker!”

Iker emerged from the bathroom and found Heinrich sneaking a graham cracker to Nora who was still in time out. It was a true testament to how dazed he was that he didn’t even comment on it.

The kids were fed and lined up on sleeping bags on the floor with a video for nap time as Iker called Mesut.

“I got a show. In New York.”

“Oh my god!” Mesut said. “That’s amazing! When!”

“Next week!”

“Next...week...”

“Cesc said there was a cancellation so it’s all last minute, but he thinks we need to jump on it. He’s packing up my pieces from his gallery and wants me to bring over ten more this evening. What time are you getting home?”

“Six....Next week? Iker! Lola’s on the set of her new movie, Sergio has that festival in Seville, Cristiano is in Denmark for the Champion’s League...you can’t go to New York!”

Iker was silent for a moment. “So my career means nothing?”

“No! I mean, yes, yes it does, but Iker! Who’s going to watch the kids!”

* * * *

Things were frosty when Mesut got home from work and Iker loaded up the van with his work and left for the art gallery. Sami came to collect his pair and found Mesut looking despondent.

“What is it? Where’s Iker?”

“He’s got a show in New York. He leaves day after tomorrow.”

“Oh...but...who’s going to watch the kids?”

“I know, right?” Mesut said, and was immediately ashamed. “This is huge for him. There are seven of us. Surely we can organize the care of six little kids.”

Sami didn’t look very sure. “Iker is the only reason the rest of us keep it together! Without him, it’ll be chaos!”

“I know,” Mesut had to agree. “Look, I’m sure we both have some PTO we can use. And Fernando could too. Maybe we can rotate or something. The kids are back in school next week, just the younger two will be home, how hard can it be?”

* * * *

Mesut made up to Iker with wine and sex and promised that not another word would be spoken against his trip to New York. However, when his dealer showed up, all fresh faced and not covered in sticky hand prints from Heinrich’s attempts to make a honey-peanut butter sandwich this morning, Mesut started to get uneasy about the trip.

“Oh, hey Mesut,” Cesc said as he glanced at the stains on Mesut’s work shirt.

“Hi Cesc, Iker’ll be down in a second.”

Cesc glanced at his watch. “Sure, yeah, we’ve got plenty of time.”

“Heinrich, wash your hands, Iker’s getting ready to leave!”

“Hi Cesc!” Heinrich waved a sticky hand, and the well groomed man flinched.

Iker came down the stairs with his case. “You guys are sure you can handle this?”

No, please stay, Mesut thought desperately, but instead he put a smile on his face and said, “Don’t be silly, of course we can handle it. Sami took the two weeks off to stay home with the kids, I’m going in late every day to do the morning school run and Fernando is going to get off early in the afternoons to pick everyone up.”

“Alright,” Iker said even though he didn’t believe it. However, he was due this chance to pursue his career. After all, wasn’t it his and Heinrich’s art that had lined their retirement accounts? At this rate, Mesut might be able to stop working altogether.

“I LOVE YOU IKER!” Heinrich called as he barreled in, giving Iker a massive hug. Iker held him tight as the boy nearly came up to his chest height these days, and Iker’s heart lurched at the idea he might think himself too big to hug in the near future.

“Don’t grow up too much while I’m gone,” Iker said as he held back tears.

“Promise,” Heinrich said with a grin.

“Good luck,” Mesut said as he kissed Iker despite the fact that Cesc kept checking his watch. “Call us when you get there.”

Iker and Cesc departed and Heinrich took Mesut’s hand.

“Don’t worry, Daddy. Iker loves us too much to do anything stupid with that cheap tart.”

* * * *

Guti surveyed Bojan who lay sleeping in the clearing of his garden. The poor boy had faced his demons at Troy and come out on the other side of it in one piece. By all rights, he should be done with this nonsense. How could any claim he had not proven his worth?

But Pepe told Guti to set him a task which could not involve having sex with Guti in any way. “I wasn’t GONNA,” Guti had pouted at the time. 

And now he was left with no idea what to do with the kid. Cesc had brought the sleeping beauty here to rest, begging Guti not to begin until he finished his work for the day. Guti was fairly certain Bojan would still be asleep then.

“Come up with something good?”

Guti started for a moment as he was not expecting the arrival of the dream god, Raul. Guti gave the god a leer, and Raul rolled his eyes.

“Working on it,” Guti said as he ran a hand down the god’s arm. Raul gave him a look, but Guti so rarely got to see his favorite playmate, he wasn’t put off. 

“You want some help?” Raul asked as he sat next to Bojan, cuddling the young man’s head in his lap.

“You want to dream him a labor?” Guti asked, unsure.

“Why not?” Raul shrugged. “He’s proved his cleverness and physical strength already. His mental agility to recognize and tackle a task in his dreams is something few can master.”

“What do you suggest?” Guti asked as he sat close to Raul.

“Oh, I have just the task....”

* * * *

“Daddy, here’s the aspirin,” Heinrich said as he offered Mesut a bottle. Iker had been gone three days, and already he and Sami were at the the end of their ropes. Sami’s leave had been canceled due to a crisis at work. They were simply going to have to call in some professional help.

“Thanks, Heinrich,” Mesut replied as he popped several pills into his mouth and watched Heinrich run back to the living room where the twins were playing on a set of drums Jose had sent Monkey in the mail yesterday.

At least it wasn’t alive.

The front door opened and Sami walked in, nervously eying the concert. “Where did we get the drums?”

“Three guesses and the first two don’t count,” Mesut said as he washed the pills down with a gulp of wine.

“How does Iker even do this?” Sami asked as he took Mesut’s glass and finished it.

“I don’t even know,” Mesut said. 

“We need to hire a nanny. We can even tell Iker we’ll keep him on after he gets back,” Sami said. “We split it four ways, we can all afford it.”

“Agreed. What do Fernando and Cristiano think?”

“Fernando is on board, Cristiano wants to meet the person first.”

“Make the call.”

* * * *

Bojan looked up at the building he stood before. It was like nothing he’d ever seen before. As he looked to his left and right, he saw rows of them leading off in each direction. In front of him was what appeared to be a door.

“ARE YOU THE NEW NANNY?”

A small girl had just run out of the building to his left and now stood in front of him.

“MY NAME IS NORA, WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

“Bojan,” he said as he looked down at himself, realizing he was wearing unfamiliar clothes. 

“HI BOJAN. WE CAN GO IN,” she said as she opened the door before them and ran in. 

A moment later, a smaller boy came after her. 

“Hi,” he said a bit shyly as he scampered around Bojan and into the house.

“Oh, you’re here,” said a man who was a taller than Bojan walked out with a toddler on his hip. “Bojan, right? I’m Mesut.”

“Hi,” Bojan said as he looked around the building. In the next room were two more children. One little boy and another in...some kind of animal costume.

“This is Mina,” Mesut said introducing the girl on his hip. “Siegfried and Monkey. I think you meant Nora and Leo on your way in. My son Heinrich is still upstairs. The agency briefed on the basics?”

“Sure, yeah,” Bojan said even though he had no idea what the hell was going on. He’d fallen asleep in Guti’s garden after they’d returned from Troy. How did he get here?

“Good,” Mesut said. “I hate to run, but I have an 8 am meeting. Heinrich!” he called up the stairs. “The kids are going to get the bus. Heinrich, Nora, and Leo will get the bus in about five minutes. They’ll be gone all day, so you’ll just be looking after the younger three. At two-thirty they’ll be home. They’ll want a snack. Fernando gets home at five, he’s usually the first. They’re next door. Nora and Leo usually go home then, but some times they stay and play until dinner. Sami and I drive to work together and we’ll be home by six. You can leave then.”

Bojan was wide eyed. He had utterly no idea what was going on here. Words were coming out of Mesut’s mouth that made no sense to him whatsoever. Bus? Drive?

The next twenty minutes after the man called Mesut left were a whirlwind of confusion as the older boy arrived and organized the other two who were getting on this “bus”.

“BYE BOJAN, WE CAN PLAY WITH YOU LATER,” announced the girl. He couldn’t for the life of him understand why she kept shouting at him.

He was startled when a large, white vehicle came roaring down the road and the three children ran to get on it. The thing belched smoke and moved away, leaving Bojan dazed in it’s wake.

“Bo...need pee pee.”

Bojan looked down at the little girl who was tugging on the leg of his pants.

“You what?” Bojan asked as he crouched down to look at the little person. In truth, Bojan had spent very little time with children in his life. He was the youngest in his family, and when his older siblings had children, they were taken to the nursery and Bojan only saw them rarely.

“Pee pee.” The girl was wiggling.

“Bojan, she needs the potty,” said the older boy in the costume who Mesut had called Monkey.

“Oh,” Bojan said as he looked around. “Where is that?”

Monkey got up and led the way, holding on to the tail which followed behind him. He opened the door to a small room which had several devices Bojan had never seen before. The boy pulled down the leggings of the girl and instructed Bojan to lift her onto the strange white chair.

In fascination, Bojan watched as the little girl used the toilet, and then used a roll of fine white paper to wipe.

What totally threw him off guard was when Monkey pulled a lever on the toilet and water cleaned away the waste.

It was simply the most miraculous thing Bojan had ever seen! He spent the next five minutes checking out the device while the children wandered off.

“BOJAN.”

With a start, Bojan realized he was meant to be minding the kids. He hustled out of the bathroom and found Monkey with his hand wedged in a box.

“What did you do?” Bojan asked as he came to the boy’s side. The younger two were watching with fascination.

“It’s STUCK,” the boy wailed and Bojan lifted it to inspect it. The wooden box had holes in it, and there were blocks of wood of various sizes inside. Monkey’s hand was around one and his little fist wouldn’t fit back through.

“Let go of the block,” Bojan advised. 

Monkey released his hand and miraculously, his hand came free. “YOU SAVED ME!”

He gave Bojan a mighty hug and the others cheered.

Bojan had no idea how he’d become such a hero for fixing such a little problem, but the feel of the little boy’s happiness as he hugged him made Bojan’s heart melt.

As the morning wore on, Bojan had little else to do but play with the kids and assist with the occasional trip to the bathroom. He had time to wonder what he was doing in this place. Was this one of his trials? Where was this place and why had no one thought to tell him where he was being sent?

And then it occurred to him.

Raul.

“It’s about time you figured it out,” Raul said as he appeared on the couch. The dream god was all powerful to control dreams, but could only appear to the dreamer if he was conscious of the fact he was dreaming.

“I’ve been busy!” Bojan said as he looked at the stack of blocks Siegfried was creating.

“I can see.”

“Where is this place?” Bojan asked, still in awe of the riches around him.

“No where you know,” Raul dismissed, not wanting to admit that he’d brought Bojan to the future. As the god of dreams, he had access to all people at all times. The children apparently could not see Raul.

“So...is this my task?” Bojan asked as the tower toppled and Siegfried burst into tears. Bojan quickly soothed the boy and gathered up the blocks so he could begin again. Soon the tears had dried and the tower began again.

“Indeed,” Raul agreed as even he was astonished to the ease at which the young prince had taken to this task. He’d seen this family for years, and the chaos that swirled around them, and had been sure that they would make Bojan insane. However, it was just the first morning. “Guti commissioned me to find something suitably challenging. You are here for two weeks. The care-giver of this brood is away on business. You are to stay with them until he returns.”

“What is the mark of success?” Bojan asked as he handed more blocks to Mina who was making a bed for a stuffed dinosaur she had under one arm.

“That you survive the time without losing your senses.”

“It’s six kids,” Bojan said, confusion on his features. “How hard can it be?”

* * * *

Three days later, Bojan was at the end of his rope. The kids were all running around the front room, screaming their heads off because something had happened to one of the older girl’s dolls and she was accusing everyone in sight.

“HEINRICH YOU KNOW WHO BROKE MALIBU BARBIE’S CAR YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW!”

“I DIDN’T TOUCH YOUR STUPID CAR.”

Mina was sat on the floor in tears. Siegfried had run off and was hiding behind the sofa and Bojan was fairly sure the little boy had wet his pants. Monkey was hanging upside down from the banister and Leo was running in circles.

“ALL OF YOU SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!” Bojan screeched and every kid in the room halted.

Nora looked horrified. “You said shut up.”

“I did,” Bojan said. “And I’ll say it again. Everyone SIT DOWN.”

“I’M TELLING MY DADDY YOU TOLD US TO SHUT UP.”

“You do that,” Bojan told Nora and went to pull Monkey off the banister. He wiggled and whined, but allowed Bojan to deposit him on the sofa. He pulled a squealing Siegfried out from behind the sofa. “Not one of you is to move until Siegfried and I get back from the bathroom.”

He prayed they’d obey him as he carried the damp boy up the stairs. He undressed set the naked toddler on the potty and went to get dry clothes. This kid wasn’t going to last long in this house if he wet his pants every time someone started arguing.

“You have to tell Bojan when you need to pee pee,” Bojan explained to the boy as he pulled on dry pants.

“Mina yell,” Siegfried told him with a sad look.

“I know she does. But just because she yells, doesn’t me you don’t get to go pee pee, too, okay?”

Siegfried nodded.

“Promise?” Bojan said as he deposited on the boy back on the floor.

“Pom-is,” Siegfried agreed.

Bojan wondered if the kid even knew what he’d agreed to.

When they got back downstairs, Nora had thrown the broken car across the room and Mina was crying again.

“THAT’S IT,” Bojan roared. “All of you sit, now!”

Even Nora scampered to obey as the anger in Bojan’s voice was clear. They all took their places lined up on the couch and gazed at him with wide eyes.

“Okay,” Bojan said, hands on his hips. Honestly, the Cerberus had been easier to control. He searched his brain for options. When he’d been little, his older brother, Gigi had used to entertain him with stories of great warriors of the past. “Who wants to hear a story?”

He got a number of skeptical looks. 

“What kind of story?” Heinrich asked.

“A story of the greatest hero who ever lived,” Bojan said as he picked up Siegfried and sat with the children, the boy on his lap.

“Who’s that?” Leo asked.

“His name is Gigi and he was a great warrior of Troy.”

“MR. KAKA TAUGHT US ABOUT TROY,” Nora said. “THAT WAS LIKE A BILLION YEARS AGO.”

Bojan blinked for a moment. Wasn’t it just yesterday? 

“He told us about Tim the mighty warrior,” Heinrich added. 

“Tim was a great warrior,” Bojan agreed. “But Gigi was a brave Trojan soldier who fought to save his city even though his cowardly brother doomed them all.”

“His name was Bojan!” Leo gasped. “Like you!”

“Indeed,” Bojan agreed as he began to spin the tale of the Trojan War. The children were utterly fascinated as he told of the great warriors and the gods. They peppered him with questions and listened attentively.

When Mesut and Sami got home from work, they found the scene which they never could have imagined possible, not even with Iker at home.

“Daddy! Bojan has been telling us of the Trojan War!” Heinrich reported. “He’s just gotten to the part about the horse!”

“Wow,” Mesut said as he was gaping at the scene.

“FINISH THE STORY, BOJAN,” Nora ordered, but Bojan rose.

“It’ll have to wait for tomorrow,” Bojan said, sensing his audience was desperate for more.

There were groans of protest all around, but Bojan stood firm. He left to go to the small flat that Raul had provided in his dream and went to bed contented. Perhaps he’d make it through this task after all.

* * * *

At the end of the time Bojan was to spend at the house, he was sat on the floor as all of the children worked to build a city of Troy with Bojan’s help. The front door opened.

“IKER!”

The city was abandoned as the children swarmed the man who appeared. He was followed by....

“Cesc!”

“Bo!” 

The children looked on in confusion as Bojan embraced Iker’s agent.

“You survived all this!” Cesc laughed as he cuddled the young man close.

“I did quite well, I’d say!”

“From what I hear, you did,” Iker confirmed as he methodically hugged all of the children.

“Is there nothing you can’t do?” Cesc asked as the dream world began to fade around the two of them.

“I hope not.”


	23. The Not-So-Wonder Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay - major screw up. I forgot to post this chapter. So I've deleted what used to be Chapter 23 (Growing up is hard to do) and replaced it with this one.
> 
> I'll be reposting Growing up is hard to do as Chapter 24 as well as adding the brand shiny new Chapter 25 - Off to Camp, Kids!
> 
> Much soz...
> 
> X

AN: I know nothing about the Spanish education system, so basically the kids are experiencing American schools. If you have issues with this lack of reality, please first understand that in no version of reality am I married to Sami Khedira and adjust your expectations accordingly. MWAH

X

 

Heinrich checked the fit on the blue jeans he was trying on and frowned as they hung off his skinny, thirteen year-old backside. Why didn’t he join the football team like Cristiano had urged him, instead taking up track?

“They look good,” Sergio praised as he checked the length of the pricey, designer jeans. 

“You think?” Heinrich asked, trusting, worshipful eyes turning on his uncle. He had begged and begged that for his birthday, Uncle Sergio be the one to take him back to school clothes shopping and his dad and Iker had relented at last. His mother Lola had been disappointed, but she still wanted to take him to the juniors section of El Corte Ingles, and Heinrich knew Sergio would take him to the designer shops and never once look at a price tag.

“The chicks will love it,” Sergio winked at his nephew as he selected a second pair for the boy to try. He was shooting up like a weed and would be taller than his dads soon. He already could look his mother in the eye.

“Uncle Sergio,” Heinrich moaned in protest even though it was exactly what the boy wanted. He wanted girls to notice him. He wanted ONE girl to notice him.

“We’ll just get you two pair for now,” Sergio said. “And if you shoot up another couple inches we can get you more for Christmas, deal?”

“Thanks Uncle Sese,” Heinrich said as he hugged his uncle tightly.

“Any time, kid,” Sergio said as he ruffled the mop of brown curls that had to drive the teenage girls wild. “We have time to get some lunch before I have to pick up Nora at practice?”

“Cool, yeah,” Heinrich agreed. He never got any adult to himself it seemed any more and he enjoyed it.

After lunch, Sergio swung past the high school to collect Nora who was taking part in a summer volleyball camp. She was the top player at the middle school she and Heinrich attended and the high school coach already had his eye on her as they got ready to start their eight grade year.

Nora skipped to the truck still in her volleyball shorts, long hair swinging in a ponytail. A girl emerged from the back door of the gym to call out. “Nora! You left your forms!”

“THANKS!” Nora turned on her heel, ponytail whizzing about and ran back to get said forms.

Heinrich had gone pink.

Sergio noticed and then looked up to take in the girl Nora had gone back to meet. “Who’s that?”

“What? Her? She’s NO ONE.”

The pair of girls headed back toward the truck and Heinrich started to sweat.

“Sergio, can we give Vitoria a ride home?” Nora asked as she shoved a pile of papers at him.

Sergio took them with a frown. “You dad handles paperwork,” he said as he shoved them back. Once, just ONCE he’d signed a paper allowing Nora to bring home the class guinea pig for a week and Fernando didn’t let him sign any more school forms. Not even Leo’s.

“Sergio?” Nora demanded as a very pretty blond girl stood with her. 

“Yeah, sure,” Sergio agreed and both girls climbed in. “Vitoria?”

“Hi,” Vitoria said with a smile. “Hi Heinrich.”

“Hi,” Heinrich said as he flushed even redder and tried to disappear into the leather seats.

“Stop being such a wierdo,” Nora sighed and rolled her eyes at Vitoria. 

“Have you guys been shopping?” Vitoria asked as she set her gym bag amongst the Dolce and Gabbana and Gucci bags.

“Heinrich needed some back to school clothes,” Sergio said as he read everything going on in this truck in about five seconds. “Check out the trainers we got.”

Heinrich shot him a look of death that Sergio ignored. They were going to have a to have a talk when they got home.

Vitoria opened a bag from Adidas and pulled out a brand new pair of black and red running shoes. “These are great. You’re running cross country again this fall, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“I have so much respect for runners,” Vitoria said. “I’m so lazy when it comes to that. Coach makes us do five laps of the court and I want to die!”

Nora started in on some other horrific story of being forced to exercise at sports practice as Heinrich squished even further down in his seat.

At a stop light Sergio gave him a glare. The girl was interested! Why couldn’t Heinrich see that! “Stop being a weirdo,” Sergio muttered.

Heinrich gave him a defiant glare but remained mute the rest of the journey to Vitoria’s house.

“Thanks Sergio!”

“Any time,” Sergio replied as the girl climbed out and up to a nice house in a neighborhood not far from their own.

As soon as the door slammed, Sergio turned to Heinrich. “So. That’s the girl.”

“What? No!” Heinrich said too loudly, wishing he’d never told his uncle that he had a crush on someone.

“Heinrich loves Vit-or-ia!” Nora sing-songed from the back seat and kicking Heinrich’s. They’d finally gotten her to stop shouting, but her voice still projected.

“SHUT UP,” Heinrich shot back.

“Who wants ice cream!” Sergio tried but got no takers.

It was a silent five minutes drive home. Nora bounded inside the house leaving Heinrich to slide sullenly out of the truck, collecting up his packages.

“Hey,” Sergio said as Nora disappeared. “She liked you. What’s the deal.”

“No she doesn’t,” Heinrich sighed. “She’s nice to everyone like that.”

“Heinrich. Trust me on this one. That was not just friendly to everyone. It was ‘oooh! your shoes are SO AWESOME I THINK YOU’RE CUTE’.”

Heinrich was fairly certain that Sergio had lost his mind as he walked back to his house and let himself in, listening for a moment to assess the number of children in residence. He was greeted with blissful silence.

“Iker?”

“Hey Heinrich. Come show me what you got!”

Heinrich carried the bags up to Iker’s studio where he found Iker at work on a large canvas. “Is this the one for the bank?”

“Yup,” Iker said. His artistic soul had twinged a little at the idea of selling to corporate clients, but since his career had taken off and they were commissioning canvases this size for half a million each, what was he supposed to do? “Oh, nice new shoes.”

“Thanks,” Heinrich said as he shared the pants and shirts. Iker thought they looked like something they could have picked up at any old department store but then again he supposed that was why Sergio had taken him and not Iker. Iker still wanted Heinrich to wear Superman shirts to school everyday. How was his son this old?

“Looks good. You have everything else you need for the start of school?”

“Dad took me for supplies last week,” Heinrich said as he piled the bags in the corner and went to his easel. They had finally stopped selling Heinrich’s splatter art a couple of years ago and oddly enough, it was more popular than ever. Pieces went on auction for hundreds of thousands of dollars, and yet no one knew outside the family who the artist really was. 

His art these days was still abstract, but there was far more concept to it than he’d done before. Iker had been forcing him to study realism, but when he had his own choice, he liked to explore colors and shapes.

“You have a nice time with Sergio?” Iker asked.

“I did,” Heinrich agreed as he collected his brushes and went for a new tube of blue. Iker and Mesut lived beneath their means though Mesut had stopped working a couple years ago so he could spend more time with Heinrich as he grew up and had taken a lot of the baby sitting duties for the twins and Cristiano’s son. They had no desire to move and about the only thing they didn’t budget was Heinrich’s art supplies. He was allowed anything he wanted as long as he wasn’t wasteful. “He’s got good taste.”

“He does,” Iker had to agree as he stood back from his work. “Your dad is dropping the twins off at your mother’s. Do you want to get pizza out tonight?”

“Sure,” Heinrich agreed with a smile. So what if he had no idea how to talk to pretty girls, he had his dads, his art, and pizza.

* * * *

Leo scampered into the house with Monkey on his heels. The pair were starting sixth grade this year and Monkey was nervous. “Do you think the 8th graders will really shove us into lockers?”

“No,” Leo shook his head as they ran up to Leo’s room. “Besides, Heinrich will look after us.”

“Heinrich is going to be one of the first to shove you into a locker,” Nora said as she was standing in the door of her room. 

Leo screeched to a halt, Monkey plowing into the back of him. “No he won’t.”

Nora shrugged. “He might.”

“Hush, Nora!” said a girl inside the room. “Heinrich is way too sweet!”

Leo looked in. “Heinrich is my cousin and he loves me.”

“He’s my grandson,” Monkey said.

“He’s….what?” the girl asked.

“Vitoria, this is Monkey. His dad was married to Heinrich’s grandfather, but Grandpa Jose has since divorced Monkey’s dad and moved to England. My dad is married to Leo’s dad and Leo’s dad is Heinrich’s step dad.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Vitoria let out a giggle. 

“Vitoria,” Monkey tipped his head. “Are you the one that…”

Leo slapped his hand on Monkey’s mouth. “It’s nice to meet you, Vitoria, we have to leave. Now.” He all but dragged Monkey to his room.

“I can’t believe we have to go to school with those idiots this year,” Nora said as she slammed the door to her room.

“Your brother’s alright,” Vitoria shrugged. “Mine’s a nightmare. He’s such a little baby.”

“He’s such a goody-goody know it all,” Nora sighed. “And he tells our dads everything I do.”

Vitoria giggled. “No sneaking boys up to your room, then?”

Nora smiled but inside she was wishing her new friend was a bit less boy obsessed. Vitoria had moved to their school the end of last year when her parents had gotten a divorce and she was nice and a great volleyball player, but she seemed to want to talk about nothing but boys.

“Nora! Your friend’s dad is here!”

“Coming!” Nora called back. “Okay, so tomorrow, we meet in the cafeteria as soon as we get there? My uncle Iker drops me off and I can make sure we’re early?”

“My bus gets there at eight,” Vitoria nodded. “You’re wearing purple, right?”

“Yes,” Nora said as they thundered down the stairs.

Standing in the front hall chatting with Nora’s dad Fernando was a tall, good looking man with slightly questionable highlights.

“Ready, honey?”

Vitoria nodded. Fabio grabbed her sparkly pink backpack and threw it over his shoulder. “It was nice to meet you at last, Fernando,” Fabio said with a smile. “I feel like we know Nora so well from over the summer.”

“Nice to meet you,” Fernando said as Fabio opened the door to discover a tall dark and handsome…

Fabio’s eyes got wide. It was Cristiano Ronaldo, the former Real Madrid star. 

“Hey Cris,” Fernando said. “Monkey’s up in Leo’s room. Oh, this is Vitoria, Nora’s friend, and her dad, Fabio.”

“Hi,” Cristiano said as he smiled at the good looking man. “How are you.”

“Good. Good,” Fabio said, his eyes wide.

“MONKEY!” Fernando called as Vitoria opened the door and Fabio and Cristiano looked at each other. Fabio was desperate to find a reason to stay and talk, but Vitoria shattered his dream.

“Daddy, let’s GO,” she said with all the attitude of a middle school girl.

“Coming,” Fabio said as he followed her out to the car where his son was immersed in his iPad. “Does…uh…Cristiano live around here?” 

“Across the street,” Vitoria said absently as she started to send a text to Nora to remind her about shoes.

Fabio glanced at the house and then gave himself a mental shake. It wasn’t exactly like he could just go over and borrow a cup of sugar….

* * * *

“First day!” Iker said a little too excitedly as Lola turned up with the twins in the morning. She was now hosting a talk show on one of the local TV stations which meant she basically worked about 4 hours a day and didn’t have to travel much any more which made her happy as the twins were already in second grade. She’d been begging Sami for another baby, but he’d put his foot down.

“First day!” Lola said a little tearfully. “Give mommy kisses!”

Wilhelmina and Siegfried gave her a hug and ran into the house. Lola followed to check in with Iker and see Heinrich.

“Oh my goodness, you’re almost ready for high school,” Lola said as she found her not so little boy Heinrich shoveling cereal into his mouth.

Heinrich swallowed and gave his mother a smile. “Not quite.”

She gave him a hug, “You can stop growing at any time. Is this the outfit Sergio helped you pick?” she asked, looking at the well cut jeans and adidas t-shirt.

“Yeah,” he said self consciously. His mother always managed to make him feel like he’s made a bad choice on his clothes. But then again, she was nearly forty wearing tight white capris and a tank top with a plunging neckline.

“You look so handsome,” she beamed as the front door slammed open.

“YOU ARE WASHING YOUR FACE OR YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE.”

Everyone looked up as Fernando stormed in after Nora who was wearing…a lot of make up.

“I’M IN EIGHTH GRADE NOW YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.”

Nora hadn’t quite lost her ability to bellow.

Lola met Fernando’s eyes. She was in full agreement that Nora did not need to leave the house looking like that. Because she looked like a…well…a whore. And Lola knew what that looked like.

Fernando looked desperate. He had never had the upper hand with his willful daughter.

“Nora, honey,” Lola said quietly as Heinrich opened his mouth to make a comment. She glared it shut. 

“WHAT?” Nora snapped. The teenager knew she hadn’t done well with her make up but she couldn’t be the only girl turning up this morning without it. 

Lola looked at her watch. They had ten minutes. “Can…can I help you with your make up?” She looked to Fernando for permission and he nodded. Anything.

Nora crumpled. “Is it bad?”

“You look like you lost a cage match with a clown,” Heinrich offered helpfully.

Nora promptly burst into tears and ran back out of the house and past Leo who stood on the step with his backpack, looking confused.

“I got this,” Lola said as she scampered after the despondent girl. She ran into Sergio who looked bemused as Nora burst back into the house and up the stairs.

She found Nora scrubbing at her face, getting her hair wet and generally making a bigger mess of herself.

“Oh, honey,” Lola said as she turned off the water and gave her a hug. 

“All…all the team said…said they were wearing make up and….”

“Oh dear,” Lola said as she examined the girl who had make up on her top now as well as a running nose.

“Daddy doesn’t want me to,” Nora whined.

“He’s not ready for you to grow up, honey,” Lola said. “But maybe we can talk him into a little bit of make up?”

Nora shrugged. “Vitoria always wears make up and she looks really good and all the boys like her.”

“Well, Vitoria isn’t nearly as good of a volleyball player as you,” Lola reminded her. 

Nora shrugged again.

“Look, growing up sucks,” Lola said matter of factly. “But what makes it worse is trying to be someone you’re not. You gotta be Nora and if people don’t like her, then you don’t need those people.”

“Easy for you,” Nora muttered. “Everyone loves you.”

“Oh honey,” Lola said as she reached out to hug the girl again. “I spent a lot of years way too worried about what people thought about me, trying to be someone I wasn’t. And then I realized that I was miserable, and I almost lost my chance to see my son grow up because I was vain and selfish because I was so worried about everyone else. And then I got over it. I realized I had to be who I was and when I did that, my career turned around, I learned to love myself enough that Sami loved me too, and now we have the twins and I have Heinrich and you and everyone.”

Nora was crying again and now there were globs of mascara on Lola’s top as well.

“Things used to be easier,” Nora whispered.

“I know,” Lola said. “But you will survive this. I promise.”

Nora nodded. “Okay.”

Lola sent Iker a text telling him to take the rest of the kids on to school and she’d get Nora there in time. He had to drop the twins off first at their primary school, which gave them just enough time to work with. Lola would be late, but there were more important things today.

* * * *

Heinrich was sitting with his friend, Jon, talking about the Real Madrid match that weekend when he looked up to see someone he wasn’t sure he knew walking through the door.

“Nora!” called Vitoria.

Nora turned to join her teammates. She looked…amazing.

“Is that your cousin Nora?” Jon asked, equally flabbergasted to see her looking, well, grown up. Lola had apparently redone her make up and it was….great.

“She’s not really my cousin,” Heinrich said lamely. “Her step dad is my step dad’s brother.”

“Whatever,” Jon dismissed this. “She’s hot.”

Heinrich made a face. “She’s Nora.”

“Let’s go talk to them,” Jon stood. “Come on. You have to stop being so lame and actually talk to Vitoria. She LIKES you.”

Heinrich trailed behind with his tatty old Real Madrid backpack Iker and gotten him ages ago slung over his shoulder. Girls? What was wrong with talking about football? Okay so maybe he liked Vitoria a little but…

“Lola did it for me,” Nora was telling everyone as they oohed and ached over Nora, her self confidence renewed.

“Hi Nora,” said Jon, managing to keep his voice from cracking.

“Oh, hi Jon,” Nora said. “Heinrich.”

“Hi Heinrich!” Vitoria giggled. “Come sit by me. Do you have your schedule? I hope we have some classes together!”

Wide eyed, Heinrich sat down and pulled his schedule out of his pocket. 

“Are those the new jeans you got with Sergio? You are so lucky to have him as an uncle, he is so cool!” Vitoria said as she took his schedule. “Oh my GOSH, we have the same homeroom! Oh, and science together. You can totally be my lab partner!”

“Sure.”

The bell rang and Vitoria took Heinrich’s arm. “We’ll have lockers near each other, isn’t that awesome!”

Heinrich left with Vitoria and Nora glared after them.

* * * *

Heinrich was dazed when Iker picked him up after cross country practice. It ended sooner than volleyball so Fernando swung by to get Nora on his way home from work. Leo was in the back seat with Monkey.

“How was school?” Iker asked as Heinrich climbed in.

“Fine.”

Monkey and Leo giggled.

Iker gave him a look. “Fine?”

“Yup.”

Monkey was making kissing noises and Leo was giggling so hard he nearly tipped out of his seat.

Iker peered at them in the rear view mirror. “Something up?”

“HEINRICH KISSED A GIRL.” Leo exploded with the news and Iker nearly ran a red light.

Heinrich’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “YOU SAW?”

“You were in the middle of the hallway!” Monkey gleefully reported. “EVERYONE SAW.”

“Oh my god,” Heinrich moaned as he scrunched down in the seat and pulled his gym bag over his face. Everyone saw? Everyone??

Iker took a breath. “Who was this girl?”

“VITORIA!” Leo crowed.

“Nora’s friend?” Iker clarified.

“Yes,” Heinrich muttered miserably. EVERYONE SAW?

“Didn’t…” Iker tried to find a phrasing that worked, “Didn’t you…like it?”

Leo and Monkey howled and Heinrich considered jumping from the moving truck into oncoming traffic. “It was fine!”

“Okay,” Iker said as they turned the corner to their street. They lived blissfully close to the school and were soon home. Heinrich ran up to the studio, slamming the door after him.

Leo and Monkey headed for the stairs but Iker stopped them with an angry bark. “OUTSIDE.”

Grumbling, the pair retreated to the back yard where Mesut was pushing Wilhelmina on the swing. He looked curiously at Iker who just shook his head. He needed to talk to Heinrich, first.

He knocked on the door of the studio. Getting no reply, he carefully opened the door. “Can I come in?”

Heinrich was slumped against the wall. “Iker, I…”

“Hey,” Iker said as he crossed over and knelt next to Heinrich. “Tell me.”

“I have no idea what happened!” Heinrich said. “She just was talking to me and our lockers are close and then we were lab partners and then after school I was getting my books and she kissed me!”

Iker suppressed a smile. “Didn’t you want her to kiss you?”

“I don’t know! I think so! Everyone saw, Iker!!!”

Iker nodded. “Did they laugh, point?”

Heinrich shook his head. “I was…I was dazed. I…”

“So let me get this straight,” Iker said as he put his arm around his son and pulled him close. “A girl you really like really likes you too and even kissed you in front of every one?”

“Yes?”

“Son, this is a good thing.”

“It is?”

Iker smiled against his hair. “Yes. And you’re shocked because well, usually it’s not this easy. Honestly, how long did it take your father and I to sort things out?”

“Forever!” Heinrich agreed. “She said she’s going to call me later!”

“She seems rather keen.”

“It’s freaking me out!” Heinrich said. “I think I might be engaged!”

“Maybe you should say something,” Iker said. “Vitoria seems like the kind of girl who goes for what she wants, and if you don’t stand up for yourself now, you will be engaged.”

“Kind of like Dad and Lola?”

“Exactly like Dad and Lola,” Iker started to laugh. “And I do love your mother, but I wouldn’t be married to her on a bet.”

“Lola’s a lot of work.”

“She is indeed,” Iker said. “Come on. Let’s paint.”

“I got math homework,” Heinrich sighed. 

“Go see your dad,” Iker ordered as Mesut was the accountant. He handled math and science, Iker took care of the humanities.

Heinrich carried his bag back downstairs and got out his math homework. Iker took over pushing the twins on the swings as Leo and Monkey played football. Sixth graders didn’t have any homework yet, apparently. They could trust Leo would know if there was homework and Cristiano had deliberately asked that Monkey have the same teachers as Leo so they could keep track of his homework as well. Monkey was the kid who wandered in at 9pm on a Wednesday night and told you he had a science fair project due in the morning.

The front door opened and the twins jumped from the swings, expecting their mother. However, a moment later, a blonde girl appeared, followed by a disgruntled looking Nora.

“Hi Heinrich!”

“Hi Vitoria.”

“Are you doing your math? You are so smart to get it done right after school,” Vitoria sidled over to the table and Mesut raised an eyebrow at her.

“Dad, this is Vitoria. Vitoria, this is my dad.”

Leo and Monkey were giggling. Iker glared them silent.

“Heinrich, do you want to take Vitoria to the kitchen for a drink?”

“Sure, yeah. You want a coke?”

“Sure!” Vitoria said cheerfully.

They departed and Nora slumped down in Heinrich’s seat. Mesut looked at her. “That can’t be fun for you.”

“Ya think?” Nora gave him a look.

In the kitchen, Heinrich got Vitoria a can of coke and a glass and another for himself.

“Today was fun at school, don’t you think? I like school. Science could be fun, I heard Mr. Black is a good teacher. We have a volleyball game Tuesday, you can come after your practice.”

Heinrich looked at her. “I can?”

“Sure!”

Heinrich realized this was his moment. “Well, I might come. I’ll have to check if Iker can pick me up later. Thank you for the invitation.”

Vitoria looked at him for a moment. “Don’t you want to come to my game?”

“I would like to come and see you and Nora play. I went to a lot of her games last year. The whole family comes when we can. As I said, I’ll have to check with Iker.” Heinrich sat down. “I like you, Vitoria, but you seem to think you can tell me what to do, and I’m not cool with that.”

“I don’t think I can tell you what to do!” Vitoria said. 

“You just told me I was going to your game.”

“I meant, did you want to go,” Vitoria tried.

“Good. Because I do, but I have to check with Iker,” Heinrich smiled.

Vitoria smiled back. “My dad tells me I’m bossy.”

“You are,” Heinrich agreed. “But when you meet my mom, you’ll get why I don’t mind so much.”

“Heinrich,” Vitoria said solemnly. “Don’t ever tell a woman she reminds you of your mom.”

“That’s probably good advice,” Heinrich agreed.


	24. Growing Up is Hard To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When your best friend starts dating your other best friend....life sucks.

Iker walked into the studio and found Heinrich and Vitoria making out. His eyes got huge and he backed away unsure if he should interrupt or…

The two were so wrapped up in each other they hadn’t even noticed Iker enter. Their hands weren’t wandering, so he stepped out of the room and shut the door, loudly.

Walking down stairs, he found Mesut at the counter, making dinner.

“It may be time to have the talk with Heinrich.”

Mesut frowned. “Like…sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Iker, neither of us know anything about having sex with a girl.”

Iker rolled his eyes. “You had sex with Lola!”

“No. She had sex with me. I’m not exactly sure I ever had any idea what I was doing.”

“You still don’t know,” Iker said and Mesut flicked a chunk of onion at him.

Iker grinned and came over to give Mesut a kiss on the cheek. “He’s been dating Vitoria for a couple of months.”

“I know,” Mesut said with a sigh as he scooped a handful of chopped vegetables into the roasting pan. “He’s still my little boy who used to bite the teacher at day care so I’d come and collect him for lunch.”

Iker smiled at the memory of the first day they’d met. When Mesut was desperate for someone to watch the unruly child and a package for Sergio had wound up on Mesut’s doorstep by mistake.

“Maybe Sami should do it,” Mesut tried.

“Maybe Lola should.”

* * * *

The doorbell rang and Iker went to get it. It was Fabio, Vitoria’s dad. “You got a minute?”

“Uh, sure,” Fabio said as he followed Iker into the kitchen. When his daughter had started to ask to come over to see Heinrich after school rather than Nora, Fabio had insisted on meeting Heinrich’s parents. He realized that Iker and Mesut were good guys and Iker had promised that the two would never be left home alone.

Mesut was pulling dinner out of the oven. “You are welcome to stay if you like?”

“I have to go collect my son in a few minutes,” Fabio said. “But thank you.”

“Look, Fabio. I think we have a couple of good, level headed kids, but I ran in on them making out this afternoon and…”

Fabio let out a groan. “Oh god….”

“I know.” Iker sighed as Mesut poured wine. “I just want you to know that Mesut and I are going to have the talk with Heinrich, about respect and all of that too, I just wanted you to know so…”

Fabio sighed. “I know she knows stuff from school and I’m sure the girls in the locker room talk, but…”

“Is her mother around?”

“No. She ran off to Brazil with her yoga instructor.”

Mesut couldn’t judge as Lola had once done the same. Well, not Brazil and a yoga instructor, but…

“You know Lola, Heinrich’s mother?” Iker asked. “Maybe she could help?”

“Is Lola the former show girl who’s now on Good Morning Madrid?”

“Yes,” Mesut said with ever so slight of a cringe.

“Vitoria idolizes her,” Fabio said. “Maybe that’s not a bad idea.”

“Here’s an idea,” Mesut said. “Why don’t we get Lola to take Nora and Vitoria out this weekend. Girl’s day kind of thing.”

“That might not be a bad idea,” Fabio said. “Maybe we boys could do something. I can bring my son and, you know…invite Monkey and all.”

Iker and Mesut exchanged a look. Mesut sat down and poured Fabio a wine. Pushing it across the table, he said, “Look, we all know you have a thing for Cristiano.”

Fabio went pink in the face. “Oh…god. He doesn’t like me, does he?”

Iker shrugged. “He was really hurt by Jose. We’re all just glad he has Monkey and the family to help him through. I think he likes you fine, but he might not be ready for a new relationship.”

“Oh,” Fabio said. “I suppose. I just…” his eyes went all dreamy.

Iker had to smile. “He is rather gorgeous.”

Mesut elbowed him. “Look. Let me talk to Lola about this weekend, and then we can see if we can maybe plan a barbecue after? Invite everyone and then…”

Fabio’s face lit up. “Really?”

“Yes,” Iker agreed. 

Two pairs of feed thundered down the stairs and Vitoria and Heinrich appeared, hand in hand.

“Are we staying for dinner?” Vitoria said, her face lighting up.

Fabio took one look at that face which had him wrapped tightly around his little finger and nodded. “Let me see if your brother can stay with his friend.”

* * * *

Nora sat in her room, bored. Her two best friends were now dating and she didn’t have anyone. Now that volleyball season was over, she didn’t have much to do other than go to school and come home. Sure, Vitoria and Heinrich asked her to hang out, but did you have any idea how uncomfortable it was to hang out with two people who were constantly touching each other. Yesterday she’d agreed to play Risk with Monkey and Leo. 

Needless to say, times were desperate.

Her cell phone rang and she was happy to see it was Lola.

“Hello?”

“Hey Nora-Dora. What are you doing Saturday?”

“Nothing,” Nora sighed dramatically.

“Good, you, Vitoria and I are going shopping.”

“Are you sure Vitoria is willing to be away from Heinrich that long?”

Lola paused for a moment. “Growing up sucks.”

“You’re telling me.”

“Tell you what. I’ll pick you up early, we’ll do breakfast and you can tell me everything and then when we get Vitoria, we see how we can fix things, okay?”

“I love you Aunt Lola.”

“I love you too, Nora Dora.”

* * * *

Sami brought the twins home that afternoon and found Lola looking at a realtor’s website.

“Are we moving?” Sami asked as he opened lunch boxes and piled empty tupperware into the dishwasher.

“Nora’s having a girl crisis. We need to be closer.”

Sami took a breath as he grabbed clean tupperware from the cabinet and went to the fridge. “I thought we agreed that living twenty minutes away was good for all of us.”

“Sami, Nora’s becoming a young woman, and I’m the only female she has to talk to. Once Fabio moves in with Cristiano, she’s going to need me even more.”

“Fabio…?” Sami asked confused as he stood there with two jello cups in his hands. How did they only have cherry left? The kids hated cherry.

“He and Cristiano?”

“Are they dating?”

“Not yet. Look, one just two doors down is on the market! Oh, that darling two story with the roses!”

Sami looked. It was a nice house.

“And think of the time we’ll save not ferrying the kids over to Mesut and Iker’s,” Lola said. “God the dining room is ugly. Don’t forget Mina’s pill.”

Sami put the cherry jello cups in the lunchbox and reached for the allergy tablets. As he poured two cups of juice, he wondered if he was going to have an argument about this.

Or he could just agree and get sex tonight.

“Whatever you think is best, Lola.”

Lola grabbed his ass. “I know you hate it, but thank you.”

Sami leaned down and kissed her. She was insane, but you wouldn’t have her any other way. “We’re paying movers.”

“Duh.” Lola beamed at him. “Oh, and Mesut wants you to talk to Heinrich about sex.”

Sami took the juice and pill to the kids and came back through the den to grab the whiskey off of the bar. He seriously needed to consider becoming an alcoholic.

* * * *

That Saturday, Lola came to collect Nora and dropped off Sami and the twins. It was a gorgeous fall day and Mesut and Sami were going to clean out the back garden with the help of the twins while Iker and Heinrich painted. Sami was also supposed to talk to Heinrich as the only practicing heterosexual male adult in the family. 

“Why can’t he just be gay like his dads?” Sami wondered to himself as he climbed the stairs to the studio. Iker had gone out on the pretense of getting groceries for the cook out.

He peeked into the studio where Heinrich was contemplating a blank canvas. “Hey, kiddo, got a minute?”

“Sure, Sami,” Heinrich said as he looked away from the easel. His step dad never came into the studio, so he immediately guessed something was up. They got a long pretty well as Heinrich had known Sami all of his life, and he was eternally grateful to Sami for marrying Lola and getting her settled down.

“So, I hear you and Vitoria are…together.”

Heinrich nodded as he quickly realized what Sami was here to do. “We’re not having sex, Sami.”

His poor step-father’s face turned pink. “Well I hope not!”

Heinrich laughed. “We’re thirteen. She want to play professional volleyball and I want to be an artist. We are so not ready for the responsibility of sex.”

Sami blinked. “How the hell are you this mature?”

“Sami. I have a hundred and one bad examples. Lola alone is a cautionary tale that should be told to children.”

Sami chuckled. “I’m not going to tell her you said that.”

“She’d probably agree,” Heinrich told him. “But even she’s turned out okay.”

“You’re probably right,” Sami said as he reached out to hug Heinrich. “I have no idea how, but we seem to have managed to raise an good kid.”

“You’re just lucky that way,” Heinrich said. “Now go help Dad so I can have a minute’s peace in here. Having a girlfriend is taking up all my art time.”

* * * *

On Lola’s urging, Nora decided to talk to Vitoria about Heinrich. Lola left them in a shoe store while she went to take a call for work, and as they two sat with their feet up, waiting to try on some new boots, Nora broached the subject.

“Vitoria, I don’t like how you take up all Heinrich’s time.”

Vitoria looked over at her. “Oh…well…you know you can join us!”

Nora shook her head. “It’s not fun. You’re all in love and it’s annoying.”

“Maybe you’re jealous,” Vitoria said as she pulled on a pair of fuzzy Ugg Boots.

“I am jealous! You stole my best friend!”

“I didn’t steal him, he’s still your best friend,” Vitoria said reasonably. “You need to get your own boyfriend. Jon Alonso hangs around you like a lost puppy.”

“I know,” Nora said. “But he and I barely have anything in common. He doesn’t like sports and I can’t ever get him to form an opinion.”

“Maybe you just need to get to know him better. We’re growing up, Nora, and that means trying out different boys to be our partners. Or girls, you know, whatever you’re into.”

Nora sighed. This wasn’t going the way she wanted it to. She didn’t want her own boyfriend, she wanted her friend back. Why did things have to change?

* * * *

Nora was dejected when they got back from their shopping trip. She told Lola she was going to her house to drop off her packages, and Lola and Vitoria went into the house where everyone had gathered to get the barbecue going.

Lola found her two and presented them with bottles of bubbles which they happily took to the back yard where Monkey, Leo, and Fabio’s son, Eduardo appeared to be plotting world domination in the sandbox.

Sami handed her a wine. “Your son would like you to know that he has no intention of having sex any time soon as the consequences might interfere with his art career.”

Lola looked at him. “I’m going to demand a DNA test because there is no way that child is mine.”

Sami chuckled. “He must take after his dad.”

“Let’s hope the twins do the same,” Lola drank the wine. 

Heinrich and Vitoria headed to the back yard where Iker had the side of the storage shed painted white. He and Heinrich liked to change the painting on the side every now and again and he’d asked Iker if they could do it over tonight.

“I’m so bad at art,” Vitoria giggled as they approached. 

“Everyone is bad at art until they practice,” Heinrich said. He opened the jars of paint Iker had bought for the wall.

“My dad’s not an artist,” Vitoria said. 

“Take a brush. What color do you like?” Heinrich asked.

“Uh….green?” Vitoria said as she peered at the pots.

“Go for it,” Heinrich said as he picked up a brush and handed it to her.

The adults settled on the furniture around the backyard and Fernando counted heads. “I think we’re missing a kid.”

“Did Nora not make it back?” Lola asked.

“She still not happy about that?” Sergio asked as he gestured to Vitoria and Heinrich.

“She feels left out,” Lola said. “She’s at that age old crossroads where relationships start to usurp friendships and she’d gotten left behind.”

“Hey if she doesn’t want to date, she has my whole hearted approval,” Fernando said as he got up.

“I tried to sign her up for nun lessons,” Sergio joked and Lola kicked him.

“It sucks that people get left behind when someone decides to be in a relationship. There really should be another way,” Lola lamented.

“I guess I always thought Nora and Heinrich would get together,” Sami said even as he watched Heinrich guide Vitoria’s painting hand.

“I think they’re too much like brother and sister,” Mesut added.

“Quite frankly, I’m astonished we have a heterosexual boy in the house,” Iker said with a cheeky wink.

“Good, we need more girls!” Lola shot back with a grin even as Fabio and Cristiano flirted.

Fernando found Nora lying on her bed, tears soaked into the pillow.

“Oh, cariño,” Fernando said as he laid down with her, taking his daughter in his arms.

“I don’t want Heinrich to have a girlfriend, I want him to be my friend!” Nora sobbed.

“I know, I know,” Fernando said as he held her. Why wasn’t there a parent handbook? Nora had always been so self assured. How had puberty taken all of that away from her?

Nora held onto her dad as he stroked her hair.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you should come over to the cook out. You can help Uncle Mesut on the grill. You can help Mina and Siegfried blow bubbles. You can get Lola more wine.”

Nora sniffled. “What about Heinrich and Vitoria?”

“They’re painting the barn. You can help them too, if you want.”

Nora shook her head. “I want to help Uncle Mesut.”

“Okay,” Fernando said as they sat up. He kissed her forehead. “You know that no matter what happens, you’re always my girl, right?”

“I love you, Daddy.”

“Love you too, Princesa.”

Nora returned with Fernando, eyes dried. Mesut was happy to have her as his assistant, and he taught her about how to know when the meat was done cooking. 

Heinrich and Vitoria painted, but after awhile, Vitoria got bored of it and wandered over.

“You want your steak well done?”

Vitoria shook her head. “I like it more medium.”

“Then this one is almost ready,” Nora pointed to a smaller steak at the back of the grill.

“Cool, save that one for me?” Vitoria asked.

“Definitely,” Nora agreed with a smile.

“Hey, after we eat, do you want to play Parchís with me?”

“You’re not painting any more?” Nora asked a little stiffly.

“Nah, Picasso over there is too much of a perfectionist.”

They turned to see Heinrich working away, oblivious to everyone else at the barbecue.

“I love him but he can be so…”

“Singleminded?” Nora asked.

“Exactly,” Vitoria sighed. “Anyway, I’m going to go see if Iker needs help in the kitchen.”

“You might want to check on your dad, I think he’s about to sit in Uncle Cris’s lap,” Nora pointed with her spatula.

“Ew. DAD,” Vitoria called over at her father who’s hand was on Cristiano’s thigh. The two sprang apart like guilty teenagers.

“Parents,” Vitoria muttered as she stalked into the kitchen.

“So,” Sami said as he joined Mesut and Nora at the grill. “Has Lola told you the news?”

Mesut glanced at his ex-wife who was giggling with Sergio over something. “Well, she’s drunk so that rules out pregnant.”

Sami chuckled. “So not happening. No, she wants to buy that house for sale up the road.”

Nora’s eyes got big. “You guys are going to live here?”

“Lola wants to. She's tired of the drive over every day, and she’d like to be closer to everyone else.”

“I thought you were going to move over here over your dead body,” Mesut asked with a laugh.

“That was when her dad was living here. I can deal with the rest of you people,” Sami grinned.

“That will be so awesome!” Nora gushed. “Maybe I can baby sit the twins some, now that my season is over?”

“Totally,” Sami grinned at her.

“Hey, don’t be taking my job,” Mesut said as he pointed at her with the spatula.

“Every man for himself, I gotta pay for college,” Nora teased back with a smile. Mesut gave her a hug and Nora felt better than she had in ages. 

Growing up sucked, but if you had your family, you never had to go through it alone.


	25. Off to Camp, Kids! Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Heinrich Ozil (son of Mesut and Lola, step-son of Iker) Nora Torres (daughter of Fernando, step-daughter of Sergio) Leo Ramos (son of Sergio, step-son of Fernando) Mina and Siegrfried Khedira (twins of Lola and Sami) Vitoria and Henri Coentrao; Cristiano "Monkey" Ronaldo; Jon Alonso; Enzo Viera.

As Nora set her duffle bag down in the cabin, she let out a sigh. She didn’t want to spend her summer holidays at a sports camp. She wanted to spend her last summer before high school at home. She wanted to lie by the pool across the street at Sami and Lola’s house. Babysit the twin and get some extra money for school clothes. But she knew why she, Leo, Heinrich, and the rest had been shipped off to camp. Her dad and the other parents of their crazy, extended family, were spending the summer break having an “adult” holiday in Ibiza so the kids were all off to camp. They’d located one on the coast, not far from Ibiza, which took the kids of all ages.

“These cabins are nice,” Vitoria said as she followed Nora in. “You want top bunk?” she offered. 

“Nah,” Nora said, “You have it.”

Vitoria smiled as she chucked her bag on it. “Thanks.”

Nora and Vitoria were back to being fast friends as Heinrich had dumped Vitoria at the end of their 8th grade year. Thankfully the boys were in a cabin across the lake as Vitoria didn’t want to see Heinrich at all. She’d begged her dad not to make her go to camp at all, but has her dad, Fabio, was now living with Cristiano Ronaldo across the street from Nora and her family, they were included in the party.

Nora hadn’t taken sides in the split, but Heinrich had been Nora’s best friend since she could remember.

Mina peered in with her iPad mini in hand. “My cabin is over there.” She pointed to a cabin which was populated with nine year olds like Mina.

“You know you can come over whenever you want, right?” Nora said as she smiled down at the little girl.

Mina nodded, but her eyes were wide. She’d slept in the same room with her twin, Siegfried her whole life. Even when they’d moved to a big new house, Lola had found Mina curled up in Siegfried’s bed most mornings until thy’d finally just put a second bed in the room for her.

But Siegfried was across the lake, rooming with Henri*, Vitoria’s little brother. Monkey had Leo, and Heinrich had his friend from school, Jon. Mina was the only one who’d arrived without a mate.

Mina perched on the edge of Nora’s bed as she unpacked her things. “Nora, do we have to play sports here?”

“You don’t play sports?” Vitoria asked with a frown.

Mina shook her head. “I’m not any good.” Lola had offered to find Mina another camp to go to, but the thought of being by herself terrified the little girl more than the idea of sports. Mina liked to paint with Iker and Heinrich. And while Heinrich liked sports when he had time, Mina would have rather read a book. 

“You’ll be fine,” Nora assured her. “You know I said I’d help you, right?”

“Right, Mina said even as she curled up in the corner of the bed with her iPad. Devices had been banned from the camp, but Lola had managed to convince they camp directors that Mina was only going to use it to read, which was likely true. It wasn’t like they had wifi here anyway.

“Don’t you want to meet your roommates?” Nora tried but Mina just hunched down into herself. 

Vitoria gave Nora a look, but Nora just shrugged. She’d promised Lola she’d look after Mina and so she would.

* * * *

“Heinrich Ozil?”

Heinrich turned to see a boy with a mop of curly hair looking in the door. He squinted against the light streaming behind him, and recognized his friend from elementary school.

“Enzo!” Heinrich smiled brightly. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming to this camp!”

“Yeah, my dad thought it’d been good for me,” Enzo said brightly. “The Bible camp I usually go to was booked up.”

Jon made a face, but kept his mouth shut. Bible camp? 

“Enzo, this is Jon Alonso, he and I are at school together. Jon, this is Enzo. He used to be engaged to Nora,” Heinrich said with a laugh.

Enzo burst out laughing too, and Jon frowned. It was no secret to anyone that Jon had a wicked bad crush on Nora, and the idea that anyone would laugh at the idea of being engaged to her…

“Does she still shout everything she says?” Enzo asked with a chuckled as he invited himself into the cabin and sat on an empty bed.

“No,” Heinrich said. “She’s grown up quite a bit.”

“Nora is an amazing athlete,” Jon spit out, unable to hold in his indignation.

“Is she here?” Enzo asked as he turned to Jon with interest. In truth, he’d talked his dad out of Bible camp this summer because that had been a boys only camp. He wanted to meet some girls for a change. A grown up Nora Torres might be worth a look.

“Yeah,” Heinrich said. “They shipped all of us off to camp this summer.” He began to rattle off the names off all of the kids here that he was in some way related to.

“Dang,” Enzo said. “You don’t need camp, you could start up your own side.”

“Well, other than Nora and Monkey, none of us are particularly gifted athletes,” Heinrich chuckled. 

“Should we get to dinner?” Jon interrupted the reunion. “We told Nora we’d meet up with them and sit together.

“Sure, yeah,” Heinrich agreed. “You coming?” he asked Enzo.

“Definitely,” Enzo agreed.

They ran into the other boys on their way over. Monkey and Leo were dribbling a football in between them, and Henri and Siegfried were engaged in an intensive debate on whether or not you had to have actual super powers to be considered a super hero.

“Gadgets don’t cut it,” Henri was saying. “You have to be like, able to DO something.”

“That’s just too narrow of a definition,” Siegfried countered. “Basically you’re saying on the X-Men are real superheroes.”

“Spiderman!” Henri countered.

Heinrich rolled his eyes at Enzo. “I think it’s a miracle that Lola managed to get Siegfried off Minecraft long enough to come to camp.”

As they reached the shared dining hall, Heinrich saw Mini sat on the step, crying.

“What is it?” he asked as he joined Nora crouched down in front of his little sister.

“She forgot to bring Dave,” Nora reported grimly as Siegfried rushed up to join them. Dave was a stuffed minion toy that Nora took most everywhere with her.

“Mina!” Siegfried fretted. “Dave is in my bag! Momma put him in there because you were out of room! He’s in my cabin!” Lola had raised the twins a bit differently from Heinrich, who’d been banned from ever calling her “mom”.

Mina threw her arms around her brother with a wail of relief. “I NEED HIM.”

“Come on,” Siegfried took her hand and the pair went pelting back over to the boys’ cabins.

“This is going to be a long six weeks, isn’t it?” Heinrich asked as he looked at Nora as they stood up.

“Very long,” Nora said as she spotted Vitoria giving Heinrich a glare. The other boys, oblivious, had already made their way into the dining hall. “You go ahead,” Nora said, “I can wait for them.”

“I better not,” Heinrich said. “Lola said they were my responsibility.”

“She told me that, too,” Nora chuckled. 

“I can wait,” Jon said hopefully.

Nora glanced at him and then Vitoria, “Why don’t you guys save us a table?”

Vitoria huffed off with a forlorn looking Jon in her wake.

“Nora Torres.”

Nora turned to see Enzo and smiled broadly. “Hey Enzo!”

Enzo boldly went in for the hug which was readily reciprocated. From the doorway, Jon seethed. “It’s awesome to see you.”

“Good to see you,” Nora said as she checked out the athletic boy. She glanced at Heinrich who was rolling his eyes at her. She elbowed him. “Where did your family move to?”

“Just across town,” Enzo said. “My dad wasn’t very happy with the school.”

Nora smiled. “I hear there were some nasty kids who liked to kick people in the shin.”

“I know,” Enzo said as he playfully took a step back. “Dangerous.”

Heinrich wanted to puke at the blatant flirting. He spied Siegfried and Mina running back toward them, Dave tucked safely under arm. He’d never been so grateful to see his siblings in his life.

“Dave safe?” he asked Mina who was all smiles again.

“Safe,” Mina smiled and held on to Siegfried’s hand.

“Come on, I think they’re having spaghetti,” Heinrich offered his hand to Siegfried’s free one, and the three trooped into the dining hall, leaving the oblivious pair behind them.

 

 

 

*Henri was called Eduardo in the last chapter, which was written before Fabio’s second child was born and yet, unnamed. He’s called Henrique, so to save confusion, I renamed him.


	26. Off to Camp, Kids! Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina has found a partner in crime

Part 2

Mina stood at the edge of the football pitch. On the insistence of Nora, Dave and her iPad were safely locked in her cabin, and she stood with nothing but her Despicable Me t-shirt to protect her from the prospect of sports.

“Hi,” said a little girl with curly brown pig tails.

“Hi,” Mina said back. They were with a herd of girls their age. There were three age groups at the camp, and they were the youngest. There were six sporting activities they would be forced to endure.

“You’re in my cabin,” the girl said. “I’m Lia.”

“Hi,” Mina said to her shoes.

“I like your minion,” Lia tried again.

Mina looked up.

“That one is Stuart,” Lia pointed at Mina’s shirt. “I like him best. But Dave is good, too.”

“I like Dave,” Mina said. “He’s my favorite.”

“I like them all,” Lia said. “I want to see the new movie, and my daddy said that as soon as we get home we can go.”

“My momma said the same,” Mina agreed. “She said if I was good and did sports we could go three times.”

“I hate sports,” Lia sighed dramatically. 

“Me too,” Mina said. The coach who was meant to be working with them was standing across the pitch flirting with some guy, ignoring the kids entirely. “I have minion comic books.”

“You do?”

Mina nodded. “In the cabin.”

Lia looked at the coach. “We….we could go look at them?”

“Yes,” Mina said as she and Lia made their way around to the back of the crowd which backed up to some trees.

Five minutes later, the pair of girls was hunched over Mina’s iPad, eating cookies.  
* * * *

“Heinrich Ozil?”

Heinrich looked up from where he’d been dribbling a football up the field, following along behind Enzo and Jon.

A man with a clipboard stood at the edge of the pitch and Heinrich scampered over. He abandoned his ball and the kid behind him nearly did a spectacular face plant over it.

“Sorry!”

“Heinrich, I’m Counselor Oscar.”

“Hi,” Heinrich said. 

“You’re Mina Khedira’s older brother?”

Heinrich’s eyes got wide. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“Oh, she’s fine,” Oscar said. “But she wandered away from her soccer group this morning and we had to go and find her and her friend, Lia. I was just hoping you could come and have a word with her about staying where she needs to be so we don’t have another…incident.”

“Uh, sure,” Heinrich said. “Where is she?”

“She’s in the camp office.”

Heinrich followed the young man who didn’t seem a whole lot older than he was. He was one of the head counselors who also helped with the soccer teams. 

Oscar was hoping that the older brother could help out. Quite frankly, he didn’t want to have to call the parents of the way-ward little girl because invariably, he got blamed for not looking after the children properly rather than the parents doing anything to control their misbehaving children.

In the office, Mina was sitting, teary eyed, clutching Dave. A little dark-haired girl sat with her.

“Oh Mina,” Heinrich sighed. It was impossible to be angry at the little girl who cried at the drop of a hat. She got everything she wanted because she had both of her parents wrapped around her little finger, and she didn’t even take advantage of it.

“I’m sorry, Heinrich,” Mina said.

“You’ve got to stay where you’re meant to be. We get worried when we don’t know where you are,” Heinrich said kindly.

“It was my fault!” the other girl said. “I wanted to see the minion comics!”

Heinrich glanced at her. “Okay.”

“I’m Lia,” she said as she stood up. 

Oscar stood in the doorway, leaving Heinrich to it.

“Mina, you have to promise not to leave your group again, okay?” Heinrich said. “If you do, they’re going to have to call Lola and you know you don’t want her worried about you.”

Mina nodded solemnly. “Momma worries.”

“She does,” Heinrich agreed. 

At that moment, Nora came bursting in the side door. “OH MY GOD MINA!” And then she came to a screeching halt as she caught sight of Oscar in the other door. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Oscar smiled brightly. “Can I help you?”

“Oh…uh…” Nora started to go pink under the gaze of the older man. “Mina here…is…uh….”

“Her cousin,” Heinrich said as he literally rolled his eyes at Nora. He supposed, technically, Mina and Nora weren’t in anyway related, but in their family, everyone was related. Cousin was easier than “daughter of Mina’s step uncle’s husband” or whatever they were to each other.

“I think we’ve got Mina sorted out. Why don’t you all head out to lunch and see if we can’t last through our afternoon activities, girls?”

Mina and Lia nodded quickly and followed Heinrich out of the camp office. Nora lingered.

“Kids,” she said. “What are you going to do?”

Oscar bit his lip, trying not to laugh at the teenager’s attempts at flirting. “Dunno.”

“NORA!” Heinrich called after her and she stumbled over herself backing out the door.

Mina was holding Lia’s hand and staring at Nora. “Nora, what are you doing?”

“What? Nothing.” Nora quickly walked ahead of the others, going pink up to her ears.

“Mina, should we put Dave away before we have lunch?” Heinrich gently suggested.

“Dave needs lunch,” Lia told him with a whole lot of eight-year-old attitude.

Mina nodded in agreement and the two took off before Heinrich could argue. He was the last of the pack as they arrived at lunch, and he found Jon and Enzo near the back of the queue.

“Everything okay?” Jon asked as he watched Nora talk excitedly with Vitoria further up in the line.

“Yeah,” Heinrich sighed. “Mina appears to have found another minion.”

“A what?” Jon asked as he spied the girls holding hands and sharing Dave.

“That girl….Lisa or something. She’s apparently as obsessed with minions as Mina.”

“Help us all,” Jon said with a chuckle.

After they picked up their trays, Nora dragged Vitoria over to a table on the far side of the cafeteria from where the rest of the group usually sat. It was near the front of the room by a table that was reserved for the camp counselors.

“What are we doing over here?” Vitoria asked as Nora pulled her into a seat.

“Just…hang on,” Nora said as her eyes roved the crowd of campers, most of them sweaty from a morning’s exertions and digging into their lunch trays.

As Vitoria tried to reach for her banana, Nora’s fingernails dug into her arm.

“There!” she hissed. “With the curly hair at the salad bar!”

Vitoria dutifully turned and spotted a tall man with a mess of curly hair that stuck out in all directions. “Him?”

“No!” Nora said. “The other one!”

Vitoria saw a tall, slender but athletic counselor who, she had to admit, was pretty cute. “Nora, he’s a counselor!”

Nora chose to ignore this. “His name is Oscar. He’s so sweet. He’s one of the soccer coaches so I bet we see him this afternoon. He is so cute!”

Vitoria shook her head, and as she turned back to her lunch, spotted Heinrich looking questioningly in their direction. She gave him a glare that could have frozen a volcano in place and whipped her head around.

Nora was nervously rearranging her food as Oscar and the other curly haired counselor brought their trays over to the table. Much to Nora’s disappointment, Oscar didn’t even glance in their direction as he sat with his back to them.

The curly haired one, who’s name happened to be David Luiz, did, however, see Nora’s stare.

“Sheesh, Oscar, you got a stalker.”

Oscar had a face full of lettuce and frowned. “Mph?” he asked through his food.

“There’s a girl back there gazing at you like you might be off of One Direction or something,” David caught the girl’s eye and she turned away hastily.

Oscar glanced over his shoulder and saw them. “Oh god, that’s the sister of the kid I was telling you about this morning. Or cousin or something. There’s that whole herd from that one family. You know, they’re all related to Cristiano Ronaldo somehow.”

“Oh yeah. The kid who skipped your class this morning to watch cartoons?”

“Yeah,” Oscar said. “They’re all a bunch of nut jobs.”

“Ronaldo’s kid is a pretty decent footballer,” David commented as he watched the pair of girls furiously gossip.

“Well, he would be,” Oscar said. “And I’m sure they got a deal to come here so they could advertise as the camp Ronaldo sent his kid to.”

David grinned. “Come on, you want to be able to say you taught that kid a trick or two some day, right?”

Oscar shrugged. “Anyway, I think we have the older girls this afternoon?”

“Yeah,” David said. “The 14+ and the Under 10 boys later.”

“If you take the one staring at me in your group, I’ll do your laundry this week.”

David grinned. “Are you kidding me? And deprive that girl a chance to make moony eyes at the love of her life?”

* * * *

After lunch, Heinrich took Dave back to his cabin and told Mina that if she went to all of her sessions that afternoon, she could have Dave for the evening. There had been tears, but in the end, Lia had gotten her to go to their swim lesson.

Heinrich decided he needed to get his parents some bigger Mothers and Father’s day gifts this years. Perhaps a long letter of apology.

HIs afternoon session was in the archery range. He was ever so thankful that the boys and girls were split for the sports sessions so he didn’t have to watch Jon and Enzo make eyes at Nora. She was Nora for heaven’s sake.

“She told Vitoria what?” Enzo was demanding of Jon when Heinrich ran up to the archery range a few minutes late.

“She’s got some new guy!” Jon moaned. Suddenly Enzo was no longer the enemy, but a fellow sufferer at the hands of Nora’s cruel heart.

“Who’s got what?” Heinrich asked and them immediately wished he hadn’t.

“Nora! She’s got some new guy!”

“How can she possibly?” Heinrich said. “We’ve been here like, five minutes.”

“Someone called Oscar,” Jon said dramatically.

“Oscar? The counselor?”

“He’s a counselor?!”

Some days, honestly, Heinrich wanted to smack Jon. Most of the time at school he’d kept his crush to himself, but he’s apparently decided that this summer at camp was his “big chance” to finally make a move. Of course, this was after Heinrich had broken up with Vitoria because he’d decided that this summer, he just wanted to have some fun and not spent every waking moment worried about what Vitoria thought about every thought in his head.

Relationships were exhausting.

As the instructor got their attention and began a lecture on the key safety rules to archery, Heinrich glanced at his two love-lorn friends.

Maybe this was a bad time for someone to offer him a weapon.


	27. Off to Camp, Kids! Part 3

Part 3

“Hey Heinrich,” Siegfried said as his brother sat down next to him and Henri at dinner that evening. “Aren’t you going to hang out with the others?” The pair had been banished from the main table after repeated super hero arguments.

“No,” Heinrich said. “What comic book are we discussing tonight?”

“Superman,” Henri said as he produced a well-worn book. “How all the new TV shows get way too worried about his love life when he’s got more important things to think about.”

“I’m all in,” Heinrich said heartily as he glanced over and saw Enzo and Jon stalking Nora who was stalking Oscar. “Love is overrated. We need to focus on important things.”

“Exactly,” Siegfried agreed and began go on a long monologue about how a super hero has a moral obligation to use his powers for the good of mankind.

“Except Superman isn’t human,” Henri pointed out.

“He was adopted by humans. When you are adopted you are now a part of a family regardless of your origins,” Siegfried said, and all three boys, products of adopted homes nodded together. Family was a sacred thing when they were people you’d chosen for yourself.

Across the cafeteria, Nora was trying to come up with a reason why she needed to go talk to Oscar.

“I could ask him to show me some more of those drills we did today,” Nora plotted over her chicken casserole.

Vitoria was getting into the spirit of the chase. “We could ask him to meet us on the field after dinner? When everyone else is going for a swim?”

In truth, Vitoria had begun to think that perhaps if Heinrich thought she was interested in one of the counselors, perhaps he’d realized what he’d lost in dumping her.

“Okay,” Nora said. “How about you ask him and then I’ll just happen to turn up, too?”

“I’m not asking him!” Vitoria said, horrified at the idea. 

“I can’t do it!” Nora pleaded. “Please!”

As they debated who would go, David Luiz approached their table. “Evening ladies. You two looked like you were having fun out there this afternoon.”

“Yes!” Vitoria squeaked, startled.

David smiled cluelessly. “I can tell you both have real sport talent. Oscar was even saying how talented he thinks you both are. Didn’t you, Oscar?”

Oscar was trying to decide how best to murder his former friend and make it look like an accident. “Sure.”

“You ladies coming to the lake for a swim tonight?” David plowed on with a smile. “Oscar and I are working as life guards. Maybe you two can help us keep and eye on the little kids.”

“We’d love to!” Nora gushed. “I have a lot of practice, what with my brother and my cousins and all.”

“I bet you do,” David said. “See you there.”

“Sure,” Vitoria said and elbowed Nora.

Once the two counselors were out of the room, both of the girls felling into a fit of giggles.

“I am going to have to kill you,” Oscar muttered to his friend as they crossed the field to the counselors cabins to change into their swim trunks.

“Come on, it’s only fun,” David said. “Besides, when your girlfriend turns up for family weekend, Nora will realize you’re taken and move on.”

“Maybe,” Oscar said. “But a teenage girl with a crush is a tenacious thing.”

“You got a girl in love with you already?” Eden, another of the counselors asked as they entered the cabin they shared with two other counselors.

“He does,” David reported gleefully. 

“Damn, Oz,” Cesar, the other of their bunkmates and Eden’s boyfriend, said. “That must be a new world record.”

“He’s irresistible to the ladies,” David teased as he disappeared around the bunk bed to dig out his trunks.

“Asshole there is encouraging her,” Oscar muttered.

“Is she ugly?” Eden wondered.

“Eden!” Cesar protested. 

“What, I’m just saying. If she’s cute, who knows?”

“I have a girlfriend!” Oscar reminded them.

“Well, sure,” Eden said. “But it’s summer camp. Who doesn’t have a meaningless fling at a summer camp?”

“And this is why we’re working together this summer,” Cesar said as he rolled his eyes at Eden, who imagined himself a playboy.

* * * *

“Dave can’t go swimming,” Heinrich said as Mina and Lia arrived on the small beach by the lake with towels and the minion tucked under her arm.

Mina’s lower lip quivered. “Dave likes the beach.”

Heinrich spotted Nora and Vitoria giggling together a few yards away, dressed in bikinis and laying out their towels.

“Dave needs to go back before he gets wet,” Heinrich said patiently as he reached for the minion which was unhappily handed over.

“You’re MEAN,” Lia pronounced as she threw herself around Mina and held her tightly.

“Whatever,” Heinrich said as he stalked over to where Nora was sitting. It took nearly a minute for her and Vitoria to notice him standing there with the toy.

“Yes?” Nora asked as she glanced up.

“YOU have got to help me out with her,” Heinrich said as he thrust the toy in Nora’s direction. 

“She’s your sister,” Vitoria said with the level of derision only a 14 year old girl who’d been dumped could muster.

“We’re both supposed to keep an eye on them all,” Heinrich reminded Nora. “I’ve got four of them to keep track of. You have one.” He turned on Vitoria. “Including your brother.”

“My brother’s not a freak.”

Heinrich’s hands tightened to fists. “Neither is my sister. She’s a homesick little girl who’s at a camp she doesn’t want to be at and she’s holding onto the only piece of home she has because everyone is trying to pretend she doesn’t exist!” he exploded and stalked off back to where Mina and Lia were laying out a pair of minion beach towels.

“Ricky?” Mina asked a little fearfully and Heinrich realized he was gripping Dave’s head.

“Sorry,” Heinrich said as he loosened his grip. “How about Dave and I sit and watch while you two have a swim?”

“Dave can stay?” Mina asked hopefully.

“Just for a bit. I’m sure he has some bananas back in the room he wants to have later.”

Lia giggled happily as Mina gave Dave a hug and then the two friends joined hands and scampered off to the water.

With a sigh, Heinrich sat down on the towel, cuddling the toy in his lap. “Dave, how are we going to survive six weeks at this camp?”

Dave had no answer.

* * * *

Jon and Enzo joined Heinrich and Dave on the shore.

“What’s up?” Jon asked as he laid down his towel.

“Dave sitting,” Heinrich said. “You guys can go swim or whatever.”

“Nah,” Enzo said. “We’ve barely had a chance to talk with you today.”

“If you two are going to start talking about Nora, I’m leaving,” Heinrich warned.

Jon chuckled. “Yeah, no.”

“Look, we get it. You want a fun summer of sport and hanging out with your mates and you’ve gotten caught up in the…drama,” Enzo said, looking ever so slightly ashamed.

Heinrich gave him a look.

“We talked and we’ve decided to make a pact,” Jon said. “No girls this summer.”

“None,” Enzo said. “Just boys. Just sport. Just fun.”

Heinrich smiled. “Really? Just like that you’re going to give up on Nora?” he asked Jon.

Jon shrugged. “She’ll be there when we’re back at school. And well…”

“She’s not into him,” Enzo wisely said and Jon could only shrug.

“She’s not,” Heinrich agreed. “She seems to have developed a crush on Oscar.”

All three boys turned to see that Nora and Vitoria had abandoned their towels and were hanging on the edge of the life guard chair where their soccer coach now sat.

“What is it with girls?” Jon wanted to know.

“Lola says that trying to understand girls is like trying to understand calculus.”

“How’s that?”

“Nearly impossible to do, and even if you do figure it out, they change the answers on you.”


	28. Off to Camp, Kids! Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The parents arrive...

A week passed at camp without further incident. Well, except for Henri getting his head stuck in the rails as he and Siegfried dared each other to climb down the outside of the stairs to the shower house.

All in all, a normal week.

Sunday was parents day and the crew of parents arrived in a van driven by Iker which had to have been an adventure in itself. They piled out as children ran at them, looking varied degrees of disgusted.

“MOMMA!” Mina cried as she threw herself at Lola who was already a deep golden brown from their week on the island.

“Oh my big girl, how are you!” Lola gushed as she held the little girl tightly. “How’s Dave?”

Mina began a long story about the adventures of the well loved toy. Siegfried came in for a hug, but didn’t interrupt his sister. He was going to be an excellent listener when he grew up, just like his dad.

“I am not sitting in the back with Fabio and Cris again,” Sami was muttering as his joined his family, getting hugs from the twins.

“They need a hotel room, not a van ride,” Iker agreed, having witnessed far too much in his rear-view mirror.

Heinrich was much more dignified as he went to hug Iker and his dad, Mesut. 

“Are you still getting taller?” Mesut wondered as his son now looked him in the eye.

Heinrich grinned, but shook his head. “Iker said I wasn’t allowed.”

“Tanner, anyway,” Iker said as he hugged his son. 

Fabio and Cris, who were very much still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, were greeted by their three, Monkey leading the charge.

“Did you bring us chocolate?” Monkey asked immediately, as he’d already run out of his stash he’d brought with him. Monkey was an amazing athlete, with a ridiculous chocolate habit.

“Yes,” Cris said as he gave him a hug and then took his turn to hug Vitoria and Henri.

“Hi, Cris,” Vitoria said, still not quite sure of her dad’s new boyfriend. It was hard when he picked an international superstar to date. Cristiano had retired from playing, but he was still a household name.

Which explained why both parents and kids were all staring in the direction of the herd around the van.

Well, that or Lola, international movie star, in a bikini top and Daisy Dukes…

Nora was pulling Fernando across the field. “Dad, you need to meet our coaches.”

“Okay,” Fernando agreed and he glanced back at Sergio who was catching up with his son, Leo.

Sergio frowned at him, but Fernando let himself be pulled away. Across the field, over by the offices were milling the staff, mostly on hand so they could be seen to be present, and the parents were sure to have issues to discuss.

Okay, so the parents were going to want to complain about something because there are always complaining parents.

Oscar stood with the camp’s director, Petr. He saw Nora headed her way with a tall, freckled man, and was tempted to bolt.

“Well, hello, Nora,” Petr said, putting on his best smile for the parents. This group had already been trouble, and he was really hoping that the parents weren’t here to complain.

“Hi Mr. Cech,” Nora said. “This is my dad, Fernando. Dad, this is Mr. Cech, and this is Oscar. He’s my football coach.”

Fernando glanced at his daughter who was very much a young woman, and then at this barely older than her soccer coach who she was looking at like he just might be the love of her life. “Mr. Cech,” he said, offering his hand to the man, and then shot a glare at Oscar that suggested imminent castration.

Oscar’s eyes widened as he looked from Nora to her father. Shit, what the hell had the girl been telling her dad?

“Oscar’s really been helping me with me game,” Nora gushed. 

“Uh…Nora’s a good soccer player,” Oscar tried. Shit, she’d been telling her dad they were like dating or something and now her father was going to kill him. 

“Well, I’m okay,” Nora said.

Another parent came up to complain about the food in the cafeteria and took Petr’s attention away. Oscar was like a deer in the crosshairs of a hunter. An angry, father of a teenage girl hunter. He looked around wildly for an escape route.

“It’s nice that your coach has taken a personal interest in you,” Fernando’s eyes bored into Oscar. Who the hell was this kid and how the hell did they leave him responsible for impressionable young children?

“Well…I…” Oscar stuttered. 

“He’s really been looking after me,” Nora smiled sweetly.

Oscar’s life was saved by David who came jogging over. “Dude…I need you for a second.”

Oh thank the good Lord in heaven, Oscar said as he literally ran from Fernando.

“Isn’t he amazing?” Nora gushed.

“He’s something else, all right,” Fernando gritted his teeth.

* * * *

“Was that Torres’s dad?” David questioned as he realized Oscar was sweating.

“Yes! And apparently he’s convinced that something is going on between us and he wants to kill me.”

“Seriously?” David said as he looked back and saw the man giving Oscar a poisonous look. “Holy shit, he wants to kill you.”

“I said!” Oscar said. “I’m going to hide.”

“You can’t. Ronaldo is here,” David said as he lead Oscar over to where the group was standing. He figured he could get an introduction since he was Monkey’s soccer coach, but he was wondering how strange it would be to ask for an autograph. Petr had already warned them, but it couldn’t really hurt, could it? It was flipping Cristiano Ronaldo.

He’s brought a ball, just in case.

Monkey spotted the pair and dragged his dad over to meet them. “Dad, these are my soccer coaches.”

Cristiano eyed the pair. He knew them, of course he did. Oscar had played for a reserves team in England, and David was with a French side, starting to break into the first team. Neither were the level of coaches Monkey spent most of his time with in Madrid, but when Fabio had begged him for this break to be with him, Cristiano had decided they certainly couldn’t damage his son that badly in a few weeks.

“Dad, this is Oscar, he works with us on basic skills, and David helps us with tactics.”

“Your son is a very gifted young player,” David said, his best parental smile on. “We’re excited to be working with him.”

Monkey rolled his eyes. “Yes, my dad is Cristiano Ronaldo. Dad, sign something for him so they’ll act normal again.”

Cris chuckled. “He hates it when people know who I am.”

“Everyone knows you,” Monkey sighed. “Sign the ball. Leo and I want to show you guys the camp.”

Sheepishly, David handed over the ball, and Cristiano signed it willingly enough.

About ten minutes later, David was wishing he’d never wanted to meet Cristiano Ronaldo. He wasn’t a jerk or anything, but he grilled them about every single aspect of the training program, down to the number of reps per drill and exact free kick techniques they taught.

“Your dad is scaring the coaches,” Leo muttered as they stood back, kicking a ball between them.

“My dad is a freak,” Monkey sighed as he looked to see Lola and her twins laying on a blanket at the edge of the pitch in the shade of a tree. “Come on, let’s hang out with Dave.”

Indeed, the minion was settled with Lola who was allowed to hold him as long as Mina supervised. The twins had Kinder Eggs which were readily shared. 

“Is your dad trying to make those boys cry?” Lola asked as she accepted hugs from both boys.

“Probably,” Monkey rolled his eyes and stuffed half an egg in his mouth.

Sami, Mesut, and Iker arrived with Heinrich and a large picnic basket that Lola had packed along with various grocery bags. There was dinner on offer in the cafeteria, but Lola refused to eat anything off of a tray.

As the picnic was laid out, Fabio and his two arrived, taking Kinder Eggs and settling in as well. There was enough food here to serve the whole camp.

“Should I rescue those boys or leave him to it?” Fabio wondered.

“That’s OSCAR,” Vitoria told her dad.

“Who’s Oscar?” Lola wanted to know.

“The one who looks like he might cry,” Monkey gestured to Oscar who his dad was now running through drills.

“He’s the one Nora LIKES,” Vitoria said.

“Where is Nora?” Lola wondered as she took a head count.

“Dunno,” Heinrich said as he’d given up trying to keep track of his friend this summer. If she wasn’t eying up Oscar, she was talking about Oscar. Quite frankly, Heinrich would be perfectly happy for Oscar to…

“What is Fernando doing?” Sami asked and everyone on the blanket turned to see Fernando confronting Oscar.

Sergio and a teary eyed Nora stood nearby. Sergio was trying to say something, but he wasn’t being listened to as Fernando yelled.

“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY?!”

Fernando landed a solid punch on the young man’s face and he went flying backwards, tripped over the ball he had just been dribbling, and crashed down to the field.

Lola sighed. “We haven’t even been here fifteen minutes…”


	29. High School/Senior Year Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich and Nora are finishing high school with some big decisions to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's been a year since I've updated. MWAH to acrayonsmile for helping this happen.

Nora lay on her bed, long brown hair streaming off of it as she gazed at her iPad. She had two college offers in America to consider. Both New York State University and Ohio State wanted her to play volleyball. But did she want to go to America?

She could also go to university in Madrid. Her dad had told her that he’d be happy with either decision Nora made…but she didn’t want to make ANY decision.

There was a knock on her door.

“Nora?”

“Yeah?” Nora turned off the iPad and looked up to see her brother, Leo, walk in.

“Dad wants to know what you want for dinner?”

“Your dad or my dad?”

Leo grinned. “My dad.”

“Pizza,” Nora said as she sat up. “Double cheese.”

Leo was her step dad Sergio’s son, and he’d been married to Nora’s dad, Fernando about since Nora could remember. Fernando was the responsible parent. Sergio was not.

“You okay?” Leo asked as he walked in the room. It was the end of Nora’s last year of high school, and Nora had gotten moody.

“Yeah,” Nora said. “I just don’t know what I want to do.”

“You and Heinrich, both,” Leo said, getting a little annoyed at all everyone talked about was university.

“Be thankful you’re only 15,” Nora said sagely as she tossed the college brochures off her bed and swung her long legs around to the floor. “Life is easier then.”

Leo rolled his eyes as he turned to head back down the stairs to the kitchen. The “world-weary” 18 year old act was about on his last nerve.

Sergio was pondering a box of quinoa when Leo appeared. “She wants pizza.”

“Fernando said we should use up those tomatoes,” Sergio said as he wondered how long to bake quinoa.

“So make a side salad,” Leo said as he picked up the phone to call the pizza place.

Sergio looked at his son and wondered where he came from. If the kid hadn’t looked exactly like him, he’d probably have demanded a DNA test.

Sergio’s bullfighting career had ended and he’d told Fernando he was going to be a dedicated house-husband. He really was trying to make good, healthy food for the kids, but some days when Nora was off to volleyball four nights a week, and Leo had football and it was all he could do to feed the pair of teenagers.

He pushed the box back onto the shelf and went to find the tomatoes.

When Nora appeared, Sergio was playing a game on his phone while Leo made a salad. “Heinrich wants to escape the house, can he come over?”

“Sure,” Sergio said as Heinrich usually just turned up without asking. “Mesut having his weekly college conniption?”

“Indeed,” Nora said as she pulled out a bottle of juice and drank a gulp. Sergio gave her a half hearted glare and went back to Angry Birds.

Heinrich appeared at the back door and let himself in. “I swear to god, you are not going to believe what my dad did!”

“Iker or Mesut?” Leo asked.

Heinrich just rolled his eyes. Iker never did things that pissed off Heinrich. Iker understood what it was like to be an artist. That being an artist wasn’t like being an accountant. “Mesut applied to the University of Madrid for me. Apparently I’ve won a scholarship.”

“Don’t you have to write essays for that?” Nora frowned, having put in an application as a back up, but having hoped to go out of town some where.

“HE WROTE THEM,” Heinrich fumed.

Nora bit her lip. “Maybe Mesut should go, then.”

Heinrich shook his head. “He’s nuts. I don’t want to go to college. I want to paint. Why the hell do I need to take more pointless literature and math courses when I’ve already spent twelve years in school doing that? I got the basics.”

“He’s Mesut,” Sergio said. “He wants to be sure you have a back-up plan.”

Nora and Heinrich gave him synchronized eye rolls. “Sergio, don’t try to explain Mesut,” Nora advised.

Sergio shrugged. “I can parent.”

“So, you still don’t have to go,” Leo said as he laid the table for an extra. “You have your painting money. Go get a flat for a studio and then you don’t have to do what Mesut says.”

Sergio pretended he didn’t hear that. Lawd, Mesut would explode if Heinrich moved out without a plan.

“Yeah, well, Vitoria thinks I should go to college, too,” Heinrich sat down heavily.

“Right, we better have some wine,” Sergio said as he got up. 

Heinrich and Vitoria had been on-again-off-again since middle school. While Heinrich really liked Vitoria, she forever wanted to control what Heinrich did. He tolerated it for awhile and then they broke up and then…

Sergio poured three and a half glasses of red wine as the doorbell went for the pizza. Leo went to collect it as Heinrich took a long sip.

“And on top of everything, the prom is next weekend and I don’t even have a tuxedo yet.”

“I thought you were just going to wear your Armani suit,” Nora frowned. Heinrich had a good suit for gallery openings and other events that his mother, Lola, often took him to.

“Apparently it’s not good enough,” Heinrich said and took another sip.

Nora didn’t have a date to the prom. Vitoria had tried to set her up with a guy in their class because she was desperate to double date, but Nora had refused. As much as she might have wanted to go to the prom, the last thing she wanted was to spend an evening with a kid she didn’t really like. 

And watch Vitoria all over Heinrich. Ordering Heinrich around like he was a misbehaving toddler…

Vitoria and Nora were best friends in middle school. And with Vitora’s dad, Fabio married to Sergio’s best friend, Cristiano, she was certainly still a big part of Nora’s life even when she wasn’t dating her best friend, but when Vitoria had stopped playing volleyball in high school and Nora was getting scouted by top American programs, they’d drifted apart.

And she didn’t particularly care for the way she treated Heinrich some times.

“What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about what anyone else wanted you to do?” Sergio asked as they began to eat.

Heinrich took a bite of pizza and thought for a long moment. “I’d like to go to New York. Live the art scene there for awhile. Paint in a different light. Meet new people and explore a new landscape.”

Nora smiled. “Tired of the Madrid art scene?”

He shrugged. “It’s a great scene, but, you know- I’m still the kid who sold dozens of splatter paintings ten years ago. No one respects the artist I’m trying to become, you know?”

Sergio nodded. “And you’re Iker’s son.”

“Exactly. Never myself. I try to show new stuff and everyone wants to know if there’s any more like I did when I was a kid. I’m not a six year old who throws paint at canvases any more. As much as I made from that, it’s not who I am any more.”

“Well, I think you should go to New York and live your dream,” Leo said with a nod.

“Really?” Heinrich asked with a smile. It was nice to have the support of his cousin.

“Hell yes,” Leo said. “So after everyone gets done freaking out about it, they’ll be worn down enough that no one will comment if I decide to go to Thailand next summer with Monkey.”

* * * *

Monkey jogged out to the parking lot where his father was waiting to pick him up from football training. 

“How did it go?” Cristiano asked as Monkey climbed in, tossing his kit bag on the back seat.

“Good,” Monkey said with a nod, not really in the mood for the daily debriefing. Occasionally, his step dad, Fabio, came to collect him and that was more likely to end in a trip for ice cream rather than an interrogation.

“Did you work on those drills I showed you?”

“Dad, the coach has his own system,” Monkey said for the three thousandth time.

“Fine, we’ll work on it after dinner.”

“Dad, I’m going over to Leo’s. We have a history test to study for.”

“The selection for the U17 world cup is coming up next month. You need to be ready,” Cristiano dismissed him. “How are your sprint times?”

Monkey shut down, knowing that this was a no win conversation. Football was and had always been his father’s whole life. And for a long time, it had been Monkey’s whole life. 

But lately…Monkey wanted to go for ice cream more often. He wanted to hang out at Leo’s and pretend to study for a test while really playing video games and teasing Nora. He wanted to go to Thailand next summer with Leo for the school trip where you spent a month volunteering at an orphanage and learning about real life outside of the football pitch.

“Are you listening to me, Junior?”

“Yes, Dad…”

* * * *

“How did you get out of it?” Leo asked as he loaded up the X-Box.

“I texted Fabio and he made Dad take him out to dinner,” Monkey said as he stuffed cold pizza into his mouth. 

“Thank god for step-dads,” Leo said as he shook his head. After Sergio had gotten done yelling at him about Thailand, Fernando had turned up and talked his father down. He would be sixteen next summer, not six. 

“We’re never getting to go to Thailand,” Monkey sighed as the game started. They played in silence for several minutes, enjoying the mindless video game.

After awhile, there was a knock on Leo’s door.

“We’re studying!” Leo called as he paused the game. Monkey turned off the TV and the controllers disappeared under the duvet.

The door opened and Nora stuck her head in. “Whatever. Leo, can I borrow your charger? I left mine at school. Hey Monkey.”

“Hi, Nora.”

Leo tossed her the iPhone charger off his desk. “I need it later.”

“Sure,” Nora said and Leo knew he’d be borrowing Fernando’s, later. “Don’t you have Suarez’s Spanish Civil War test tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Leo said. “We’re fine.”

Nora gaped at the pair. “You do realize that test includes a two page essay on the role of anarchism in the war, right?”

“The…what…?” Monkey paled.

“You two are so dead,” Nora said as she closed the door.

Monkey looked at Leo. “The what?”

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Leo said as he resumed the game.

However, half an hour later, when they took a break, Monkey went down to Nora’s room while Leo raided the fridge.

“Hey,” Monkey said as he peered in and saw Nora reading a book.

“Hey,” she said and rolled over, giving him a smile. “How’s football?”

He sighed.

“Okay, not football. You want to borrow my Spanish History notes?”

“You still have your notes?” Monkey asked, perking up.

“Yes,” Nora said as she got up and went to a file cabinet in the corner of her room. “Half of school is repeating the same crap over again. No sense doing the same paper twice.”

He chuckled as she produced a file titled “Spanish Civil War.” 

“It’s got my test essay in it. For the love of god, don’t copy it, but feel free to take notes. I aced Suarez’s class.”

“I should probably come study with you instead of Leo,” Monkey said as he flipped through the folder.

“He’s smarter,” Nora shrugged. 

“But you’ve had to work harder in school,” Monkey said. “Leo just gets it. He’ll ace this test and never crack a book. I could study all night and still flunk it. But I can’t study all night because I have to get sleep because I’ve got football practice tomorrow.”

Nora watched Monkey fall apart right in front of her. “Hey, hey, hey,” she said as she got up to give him a hug. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired of my dad pushing me all the time. I can’t just enjoy anything. I have to train and talk about training and I’m tired of it.”

Monkey started to sob and confused, Nora just kept hugging him. Over her shoulder, she saw Leo reappear with the last of the tomato salad and a bag of tortilla chips. All she could do was give him a helpless look.

“Hey…we can study for the test. Look. I’ll help you,” Nora said as she patted Monkey on the back. 

“Will you?”

“Of course,” Nora said as she let go. 

Monkey wiped his eyes. “Sorry…”

Nora shook her head. “Don’t apologize. But maybe you need to talk to your dad?”

“Right. Like he would listen,” Monkey sighed. “So…what’s anarchism?”


	30. High School/Senior Year Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora finds a date and Monkey is feeling rebellious

Nora was reading a text from her dad as she walked in to the cafeteria or she would have avoided her usual table and gone to eat outside. 

“Hi Nora!”

Sitting with Vitoria was Jon Alonso who’d had a crush on Nora since time began. Nora liked him fine, but they had absolutely nothing in common. She didn’t feel the need to date someone she couldn’t have more than a five minute conversation with.

“Hey, Jon,” Nora said as she shot a death look at Vitoria who was absorbed in her salad.

“Vitoria invited me. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I thought you were dating Alma Reina,” Nora said evasively.

Jon’s face fell. “Yeah…we broke up.”

Vitoria gave Nora a smile behind Jon and Nora seriously considered getting up and walking away. 

“That’s a shame,” Nora said as she quickly began to shove her food into her mouth. 

“So, Jon doesn’t have a date to the prom,” Vitoria said.

Nora nearly choked on her sandwich. “Uhm…”

“And I was telling him you didn’t have anyone to go with either. Wouldn’t it be fun for the four of us to go together? For old time’s sake?”

There was a hopeful look in Jon’s eyes that made Nora want to cry. There was no way they could go to the prom without Jon making too much of it…thinking that perhaps this was finally his chance to make a move on Nora after all these years. She couldn’t say yes…

But looking at the naked hope in Jon’s eyes, neither could she say no.

“Well… I can’t…because…” Nora began and she watched the light go out in Jon’s eyes. “I can’ t because I already have a date.”

“You do?” Vitoria asked and looked fully affronted that she wasn’t consulted about this.

“Yes,” Nora said apologetically. “You see…I knew you wanted to double date and all that so…I…asked…” And then her eyes landed on her salvation. “Monkey!”

“Monkey?”

Two incredulous looked gaped at her.

“Well…you know…just…to have a friend. I’m sorry, Jon. I assumed you were going with Alma.”

Vitoria waved a hand. “Well, you can go with Jon. I’m sure Monkey won’t care.”

“No, no, it’s alright,” Jon said. “If you already made a plan.”

“Yeah, sorry…” Nora said with genuine apology in her voice. She liked Jon. She really did. But she would never be able to give him what he wanted from her.

Monkey was headed their way with a big grin on his face. Nora jumped to her feet and rushed to meet him before he could arrive and ruin her lie.

“Monkey, you and I are going to the prom together. Do not ask questions. Smile.”

Monkey put a wide smile on his face as he let Nora drag him over to the table and all but shoved him into the seat between her and Jon.

“Hey Monkey,” Jon said with a fake smile.

Monkey understood everything immediately. “Nora! I aced Suarez’s test!”

“You did!” Nora said with genuine enthusiasm this time. “That’s so awesome!”

They fell into a conversation about the test and by the time the others arrived, the prom was not mentioned again.

However, when Monkey got home, he got to thinking about it. When was the prom, anyway? Did he need a suit?

He called Nora. “Hey, about the prom…”

“Oh my god,” she said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll pay for everything. Your suit, whatever…”

“No, it’s fine,” Monkey said with a chuckle. “It should be a laugh. When is it?”

“A week from Saturday?” Nora said as she double checked her phone.

“Oh…shit,” Monkey said as he looked at the calendar on the kitchen fridge. In big red letters across that weekend it read “U17 Try-Outs”.

“What?” Nora asked as she peered into the fridge for something to eat. Yes. Sergio had been to the grocery. She pulled out a can of Coke.

“I have…” Monkey started to say, but then he remembered that the try-outs were just in the mornings. Saturday was an open call and then Sunday was call backs. He might not even have to go Saturday morning as the coaches knew him well. “Nothing. What color is your dress? Don’t I have to get flowers or something.”

Nora laughed. “Hell if I know. We better call in Lola.”

* * * *

Lola nearly passed out from happiness when Nora called her up, needing an emergency shopping trip for a prom dress. Fernando was less than enthusiastic, but handed over the credit card.

“Oooh! Girls day out!” Lola said happily as Nora climbed into the Ferrari that Sami had given her for her 40th birthday. Mina was in the back seat and waved to Nora. She was still very much into Minions, but today she was wearing a sun-dress with a minion on it rather than the grubby old t-shirts she favored. While Lola did want her daughter to be whatever she wanted to be, it had pained her that of her three children, the only girl had almost no interest in clothes the way she loved them. Even Mina’s twin, Siegfried was more likely to let Lola take him out clothes shopping than Mina.

“Dad says he wants a picture before we buy anything,” Nora said and rolled her eyes.

“Afraid I’m going to buy you something I would wear?” Lola asked with a laugh.

“Maybe,” Nora said with a smile. “I think he was alarmed when I announced I was going to the prom.”

“It doesn’t take a lot to set your dad off these days,” Lola said. “Between Fernando and Mesut, it’s a wonder both you and Heinrich have any sanity left.”

“We have so many big decision to make,” Nora said. “The idea of just having to pick out a dress and some shoes is a relief.”

“Still not sure what you want to do?” Lola asked kindly.

“No,” Nora said. “America would be such a great opportunity, but…”

“It’s terrifying,” Lola said. “When I was your age I’d already run off to be a showgirl. Not that I’m advocating you follow my life path in any way,” she added and glanced at Mina in the rear view mirror.

“I’m going to draw comics,” Mina told them both confidently. She was an excellent artist to be sure. She often spent her days doodling minions on any and every surface. Iker was teaching her how to paint her comics and Mina was teaching him computer graphic design.

Lola smiled at her daughter. “Some times the scary things are worth it. Besides. If you go to NYU, I’m certain you’ll get sick and tired of us coming to visit you.”

“Heinrich wants to go to New York to work on his art,” Nora mentioned.

“I know,” Lola sighed. “Mesut really, really doesn’t want that.”

“Mesut wants Heinrich to play it safe. I get it. My dad wants to be sure I get an education on top of playing volleyball because he and both know that I’m never making a living at volleyball. But Heinrich doesn’t need a degree in accounting. Heinrich is an artist. He’s a really, really gifted artist.”

“He is,” Lola said with maternal pride. “There must be some good genes in me somewhere that produced him.”

“And me!” Mina called.

“Poor Siegfried is color blind,” Lola sighed. “Now I know he gets that from Sami.”

“Poor Daddy,” Mina agreed.

Lola smiled at her. “So…if you go to New York, and we can convince Mesut to let Heinrich to go to New York, you’d be there with your best friend. So that’s a lot less scary.”

“True,” Nora nodded. “If we can talk Mesut into it.”

“Well, Heinrich is 18. He’s already got control of his trust. He doesn’t need Mesut’s permission,” Lola said. 

“But it would mean a lot to Heinrich to get his blessing,” Nora said.

“Indeed.”

* * * *

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Dad, the try-outs are in the morning. We’re not even leaving for dinner until seven.”

“And then you're out late with the most important sessions on Sunday. No.”

Monkey sighed. “I already promised.”

“Well, you can un-promise,” Cristiano said. 

“Cris! Monkey can’t un-promise!” Vitoria said. All five of the family were sitting around the table for dinner. Fabio knew he was about to get drug into this decision. Henri was playing a game on his phone under the table, oblivious to the tension.

“He never should have promised. He knew this was important,” Cristiano said, annoyed that Vitoria was arguing with him. He looked at his husband, thinking perhaps he could get his daughter under control, but Fabio was avoiding eye contact.

“Cris!” Vitoria protested again but her step-father cut her off with a glare. She hadn’t been ecstatic about her step brother going to the prom with their group, but it was done and Jon Alonso had already gotten another date. She changed tactics. “Dad!”

“Vitoria,” Fabio countered. “This is not your fight.”

“YES IT IS! IF MONKEY DOESN’T GO MY BEST FRIEND WON’T HAVE A DATE TO THE PROM AND MY WHOLE LIFE WILL BE RUINED.”

Vitoria ran from the table in tears. Fabio went back to his dinner. Monkey picked at his. Henri got a high score in Angry Birds.

* * * *

“What do you mean he can’t go?” Nora asked Vitoria. “We talked last night about picking up the corsages.”

“Cristiano told him he couldn’t go!” Vitoria said. 

Nora sent Monkey a text as they made their way to Calculus class. “He said he had a football thing, but he’d still be done in time to go.”

“Yeah, but Cris doesn’t want him tired or something. He has a thing on Sunday, too,” Vitoria fretted. 

“Don’t worry. I’m dealing with it,” was the reply from Monkey.

“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?” Vitoria wailed.

Nora shook her head. When did Vitoria become the kid who screamed all the time?

* * * *

“Lola? Can we talk?” Monkey asked as his adopted sister opened the door.

“Sure, baby,” Lola said as she let him in the house. Mina and Sigfried were at the kitchen table enjoying an after school snack. “You two put those dishes in the dishwasher when you’re done and I want to see homework out, got it?”

“Yes Momma!” came a chorus of replies.

“What’s up?” Lola asked even though she had a sneaking suspicion she knew where this one might be going. 

“I need your help.”


	31. High School/Senior Year Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monkey has a plan...

Vitoria, Nora and Heinrich looked stunning in their prom best. Monkey was sitting in the living room playing a video game with Henri when the limo arrived to collect her, Heinrich and Nora for the prom. Fabio was taking pictures and Lola was crying that her baby was all grown up. In the melee that was the entire clan out front sending off the prom goers, a black sedan pulled up to the house.

"Who's that?" Cristiano asked as he got a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"One more picture!" Lola called as she herded the three in front of the limo.

Out of the back of the sedan emerged Jose: Cristiano's ex husband and Monkey's other dad.

"What the hell?" Cristiano muttered.

"What have we here?" Jose asked with a smile on his face, never one to dwell on the fact that he seemed to cause chaos everywhere he went.

Iker was standing across the yard from him and felt the need for a drink or eight. What fresh hell had Jose brought with him today?

Jose insisted on a photo with his daughter, Lola and Heinrich, before demanding, "Where is my son??!"

"He's inside," Lola said.

"I've come to take him to dinner," Jose announced.

"Tonight?" Cristiano asked, incredulous. "He can't!"

"He's my son and I will take him to dinner," Jose said.

"He's got U-17 tryouts tomorrow!" Cristiano said. The morning had gone well and, as expected, Monkey had made the first cut.

"He'll be fine," Jose waved a hand and went into the house.

"You can't just..." Cristiano demanded as he followed.

"You kids have fun!" Lola waved them away.

"Why isn't Vitoria having a fit?" Fabio wondered as the car pulled away.

"Nora said she was okay going by herself," Fernando shrugged as he fought tears at the thought of his little girl off to the prom.

"I thought Vitoria was insistent that Nora have a date," Fabio said, wondering if he'd ever understand his daughter.

"The custody agreement says that you have to call ahead," Cristiano was yelling as he trailed after Monkey and Jose.

"It's one evening. And he's fifteen, not five." Jose waved a hand. "You want to go to dinner with me, don't you, Son?"

Monkey avoided Cristiano's gaze. "It's not a big deal, dad."

"Fine. Whatever. Just because I'm the father that stuck around to raise him when you go swanning off around the world doing god knows what don't take my opinion into account."

"Cris," Fabio said as he laid a hand on Cristiano's arm to calm him, knowing nothing wound him up quite like his ex-husband.

"Lola, would you like to join us?" Jose asked.

Lola looked to her husband, Sami, who was helping Siegfried set up the soccer goals in the yard. "Go ahead, we're just gonna hang out."

"Thanks, baby," Lola said and gave him a kiss.

Quite frankly, Sami was more than relieved to avoid a dinner with his father in law who regularly liked to makes comments about the fact that Lola made at least 10x what his did with her TV work as though somehow Sami wasn't providing for his daughter and grandchildren. Sami wasn't concerned. Hell, he knew long ago that the force that was Lola didn't need anyone to take care of her. She just wanted a lover and a partner to raise her kids with. And occasionally talk her out of the insane things she thought about doing.

Jose got in the car with Monkey and Lola and they left. Leo, Fernando, and Henri went to join Sami and Siegfried playing football while Iker took Mina back to the art studio at his house to work.

Cristiano's stood on the lawn and seethed. "He can't do this."

"He just did," Sergio said. "Come on, let's play with the kids."

"I bet he's taking him to La Maison," Cristiano said, naming a posh place known for its generous, portions and multiple courses. Monkey would be downright stuffed which was not ideal for him having try-outs.

"He might be," Sergio said as he looked longingly at the football. Mesut was sat nearby, ostensibly serving as referee until he was drafted due to the need for even numbers. “Monkey could ace those tryouts in his sleep.”

“He has to make this squad. He’ll start getting interest from the clubs at the tournament which will force Real to offer him a long term contract unless they want us to go to England.”

“Wait…what?” Sergio asked.

Cristiano looked at him. “If Monkey gets a good offer from another club, we have to go there.”

“But you can’t move. The kids are all already talking about New York. And what about Fabio? If Vitoria goes to college here, he’s not going to want to leave.”

Cristiano looked at Sergio like the thought of everyone’s future not being determined by Monkey’s football career was foreign to him.

“Tio Sese!” Siegfried called over pleadingly as Mesut missed another kick. 

“Right, I’m texting Lola. Find out where they are. We can go check and make sure he’s not doing something he shouldn’t.”

Sergio could not find words to express how bad of an idea this was.

* * * * 

At the moment, Monkey was in the bathroom of La Maison, putting on his tuxedo with the help of his father. 

“You look good, Son,” Jose approved as Monkey checked his tousled, curly hair in the mirror.

“Thanks, Dad,” Monkey said. “And thanks for your help.”

Jose sighed. “Your father does mean well…”

“He’s a nut case. He cares more about my football career than I do. I don’t even know if I want to be a professional footballer,” Monkey said passionately, tears threatening at the corner of his eyes.

“Have you told him this?” Jose asked.

“Have YOU tried to have a conversation with him? I had to sneak out of the house to get to go to the damn prom. Can’t you do something?”

“You’re becoming a young man. Which means you need to start having real conversations with your father about your future. While I was happy to help you out this evening, this is not a battle I can fight for you.” Jose kissed Monkey on the forehead. 

Monkey knew he would have to, but for tonight, he would enjoy the prom with his cousins. And tomorrow he would ace the try-outs and then he would prove to his dad that he didn’t have to live football to be successful.

Monkey emerged to join the others who were already at their table, enjoying a glass of wine. Nora beamed at him as he sat.

“Are you sure you’re not going to get into too much trouble?” Nora asked.

Monkey shrugged. “I’ll survive it.”

Across the restaurant, Lola and Jose had taken a table. They had to be away for several hours and they might as well enjoy a nice meal. And Lola liked to spy. She’d taken a seat with a view of the kids.

“I really hope Heinrich isn’t going to marry Vitoria,” Lola said with a sigh.

“Isn’t he a bit young to think about marriage?” Jose asked.

“Oh, sure. But she’s very….”

“Bossy?”

“I know, right?” Lola said, un-ironically.

Jose sipped his wine. “What is Heinrich planning for next year?”

“Mesut wants him to go to University, but he wants to go to New York and paint.”

“Then he should to to New York.”

“He can still paint if he goes to university,” Lola said.

“Why would he spend all that time and money on a degree he doesn’t need? Iker has seen to his education. His art knowledge is unrivaled. Is there a museum in Europe he’s not visited? His art is profitable. He’s a man now, and it’s time to start making decisions for himself.”

Lola smiled. “Well, yes. Why so liberal all of the sudden? When I was 18 you tried to force me to go to university.”

“And you ran away from home and became a dancer. Ended up married to a man you didn’t even love. Nearly ruined your entire life. Can you imagine how things could have been different if we had supported you instead of chasing you away?”

Lola looked at her father, dumfounded for a moment. Was Jose admitting he’d made a mistake in raising her?

“Things turned out alright in the end,” Lola finally said.

“Because you are a wise, strong person,” Jose said. “We raised you right. We just didn’t trust you to make good choices. You and Mesut should trust Heinrich to make this choice.”

Lola nodded. “Nora might go to New York to play volleyball. They can look out for each other.”

“Nora,” Jose nodded. “Now that’s the kind of girl Heinrich needs.”


	32. High School/Senior Year Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of this bit...Cristiano stalks Monkey and Monkey takes a stand.

Sergio generally thought he was a good person. He took care of his family; he loved his husband; he donated to charities and took part in community activities. 

So what in his life had led him to the place where he was crouching int he bushes at La Maison, spying on his kids?

“Can you see them?” Cristiano asked as he peeked through the leaves.

“I see Jose and Lola at a table,” Sergio reported.

“Not Monkey?”

Sergio looked around and found the table with the kids. “Uh…”

“Move over, let me see.”

“No, I see him. Crap, I think he sees me,” Sergio said quickly and dragged Cristiano out of the bushes.

Cristiano let himself be pulled away as Sergio tried to think of a good excuse. Of course Lola and Jose had conspired to get Monkey out of the house. Of course they didn’t bother to tell anyone else so that in case Cristiano got an insane notion to come spy on them people wouldn’t have enough information to try and stop him before he ruined his 500 Euro trousers.

Sergio dusted off his pants. “Look, they’re just having dinner. And you know Jose. He likes to go to his club after dinner for drinks and yes, they’ll probably be out too late, but it’s fine.”

Cristiano ignored him. “Let’s get a table.”

“We don’t have reservations. It’s Saturday night.”

“I’m Cristiano Ronaldo,” he reminded Sergio and they made their way around to the front of the restaurant.

Sergio got out his phone and sent Lola an SOS text.

The maitre'd was more than happy to get Cristiano and Sergio a table and they soon found themselves sitting in a private corner of the restaurant, with a perfect view of Jose, Monkey, and Lola enjoying their first course.

Cristiano hid behind his menu as Sergio asked the waiter to bring him a double vodka and soda, and to keep them coming.

“What are they doing?” Cristiano asked as he peered around his menu.

“Eating?”

“Why is Monkey in a tuxedo?”

“Because we’re at La Maison?”

“Does Monkey even own a tuxedo?”

“Jose got it for him? Better than the reptiles he used to bring Heinrich.”

The waiter brought Sergio’s drink and he took a fortifying gulp. “There’s nothing to see here. Monkey is having dinner with his dad and sister. Come on. Iker was going to make his spaghetti for dinner and Leo wants to watch Harry Potter movies. I want to watch Harry Potter movies,” Sergio started to whine.

Cristiano ignored him even though he did really like Iker’s spaghetti. He used a jar of sauce from the shop, but he always doctored it up with all kinds of spices and he always had fresh parmesan to put on it which was really good. Cristiano realized he was really hungry as he’d skipped lunch after Monkey’s try-outs because he’d needed to talk with all the coaches about possible U-17 training schedules.

Lola glanced at the kids across the restaurant, relieved to see that Cristiano hadn’t spotted them.

Heinrich and Nora were giggling about something and Vitoria was looking mildly annoyed.

“He’s my date and I’m not upset,” Nora finally said, tired of Vitoria’s snippiness.

“This is running our prom night,” Vitoria pouted.

No, what’s ruining our prom night is you, Nora thought.

“I think it’s amazing,” Heinrich said as he watched Cristiano watch Monkey and Jose. “Some day we’re going to be able to tell our kids about the time Monkey, world class footballer, had to sneak out to the prom.”

“I don’t know that Monkey wants to be a world class footballer,” Nora said. “He’s really tired of all the pressure.”

“How can he not want to be a footballer,” Vitoria said. “He’s got it served to him on a silver platter.”

“But that’s it, isn’t it?” Heinrich said. “I know he works hard, but is it him or is it his dad? It’s like how I’m sitting on a fortune for stupid splatter art but it feels like I’ve accomplished nothing as an artist because what have I done, really?”

“You’re a great artist, Heinrich,” Nora said sincerely.

“Well, maybe that was just you as a kid. Maybe it’s time to be an adult,” Vitoria said and Nora saw Heinrich’s face cloud over. Art wasn’t Heinrich’s hobby. Art was his life. Art was who he was.

“Iker’s an artist as an adult,” Heinrich pointed out.

“Iker is a house-husband,” Vitoria waved a hand as she continued to glare daggers at Monkey’s back.

Nora and Heinrich’s mouths fell open like they’d rehearsed it. “Iker is the glue that holds our whole family together.”

“Iker kept Sergio grounded when they were living together.”

“Iker helped out my dad with me when I was a little shit of a child and made it possible for him to build a home for me.”

“Iker helped Sergio and my dad realize how good they were together and made my family.”

“Iker raised all of us,” Heinrich concluded. “He’s amazing. And he’s an artist.”

Vitoria was oblivious to their outrage. “Is Monkey ever coming back to our table?”

“Not while Cris and Sergio are over there spying on them,” Nora said with a shrug. “You know, I think I am going to take that scholarship to NYU.”

“You are?” Heinrich said with a smile. “Good for you.”

“Life is too short. Even if it’s horrible, I can always come back to Madrid once I graduate.”

“But then at least you can say you tried,” Heinrich agreed. “Which is what I should do.”

“You mean to come to New York with me?” Nora asked with a big smile.

“I could get a flat. You could be my roommate!”

It was Vitoria’s turn to look horrified. “You’re WHAT?”

“Well, I get a free room with my scholarship, but you know I’m hanging out with you all the time,” Nora ignored Vitoria. “Ohh! This is going to be great.”

“I just have to tell my dad…”

“Never mind. We’ll tell them all together. Mesut will come around.”

“I thought we were all going to university in Madrid!” Vitoria complained.

Nora looked at her. “We can’t all just live across the street from each other in Madrid our whole lives.”

“I like living near everyone,” Vitoria pouted.

“I do too,” Heinrich said. “But think about our parents. They’ve lived all over. They went and saw the world before settling down. We need to do the same.”

“Why do you need to leave to find something good?” Vitoria asked. “We have everything we need in Madrid.”

“Maybe,” Heinrich said as he realized that once again, he was going to have to break up with her. “But if we don’t get out there and see what else there is, we’ll always wonder.”

* * * *

“They’re not going to leave, are they?” Lola asked as the waiter cleared away their dinner plates and offered them dessert menus.

“No,” Monkey sighed. “I should go talk to him.”

Lola grabbed his arm. “Do not make a scene in the middle of this restaurant.”

Monkey grinned. “Me? He’s the one who’s going to make a scene.”

Lola sighed. “Four years. This family has gone four years without publicly embarrassing ourselves. I knew graduation was going to be a long-shot, but I though we could at least make it that far.”

Jose smiled. “Your viewership numbers have been dropping, love. Perhaps a tabloid story is just the thing to get them back up. Well, and you could lose a few pounds.”

Lola took a long drink of wine. Only Jose.

Monkey approached his father. “Hi, Dad.”

“Junior,” Cristiano said with a really, really badly feigned surprise. “I didn’t realize you guys were here.”

Sergio rolled his eyes and downed his fifth vodka.

“We’ve been watching you stare at us for two hours. Look. Jose only asked me out so that I could meet up with everyone else and go to the prom.”

“You did…”

Monkey cut him off. “So now I’m going to go back over there and join my cousins and we’re going to go to the prom. The dance is over at 1. I’ll come straight home and get to bed because I know we have try-outs at 10. And then after try-outs, you and I are going to have a talk about football.”

Cristiano was sputtering. “I told you that you couldn’t go to the prom!”

“I know. Because my whole life revolves around football. And I’m tired of it. So either I’m going to the dance and then to try-outs in the morning, or I’m going home with you right now and I’m not going to try-outs tomorrow.”

“Shit, son!” Sergio whistled.

“You’re willing to throw away your future for a dance?”

“No,” Monkey said. “I’m willing to stand up to you and tell you that it’s MY future. Not yours. And this is not throwing it away. This is me trying to find a balance for myself that won’t leave me burnt out and hating you by the time I’m twenty. We’ll be home by one.”

Monkey turned and walked away, leaving Cris to gape after him.

“Whoa,” Sergio chuckled. “You getting the check?”

* * * *

The following afternoon, Iker, Mesut, Sergio, Fernando, Cristiano, Sami, and Lola sat in the living room, looking a bit apprehensive as Heinrich, Nora, and Monkey stood in front of them. Leo was lingering in the background. Mina and Siegfried were in the kitchen eating ice cream and pretending they weren’t eavesdropping.

Vitoria was at home, refusing to speak to anyone as Heinrich had broken up with her…again. 

“Okay, look,” Heinrich began. “Firstly, we’d like to say that we know we’re all not quite adults yet, but that you all did a great job of raising us, and it’s time for us to start making decisions about our futures that you…may not agree with.”

Mesut sighed. “You’re not going to college.”

“I’m not going to college, Dad,” Heinrich said. “At least not right now. I’m moving to New York. But I want you and Iker to come help me pick out a flat. Find a good place and I fully expect you to come and visit me.”

“Of course,” Mesut said and he and Iker gave him a hug as Lola beamed proudly.

“Dad,” Nora said to Fernando. 

“You’re going to NYU.”

“Yes.”

“Looks like we’ll be making a lot of trips to New York, too.”

“We could all move to New York!” Sergio said.

“No!” Heinrich and Nora said.

Sergio pouted.

Cristiano looked at Monkey. “Are you moving to New York?”

“No,” Monkey said. “But thank you for letting me go to the prom last night.”

“I didn’t let you, you threatened me,” Cris reminded him.

“Look, I made the team and I barely broke a sweat this morning. I can have both, you know. I can be a footballer and have a life.”

“How are you going to be the best in the world if you don’t work as hard as you can?”

“Dad, I don’t need to be the best in the world. Sure, I’d love to be a footballer, but I also want to live. And Leo and I are taking that school trip to Thailand next summer.”

Leo nodded and looked nervously at Sergio.

“It’s a month,” Cristiano said, already shaking his head. “You can’t miss a month. And the U18 World Cup is next summer.”

“It’s before the trip,” Monkey said. “If I make the U18 squad, then I’ll be able to do the trip too.”

“Well,” Sergio said carefully. “I think it’s an amazing opportunity for the boys, and I’d feel a lot better if the two of them went together.”

Cristiano sighed. “I want what’s best for you.”

“No, you want what was best for you,” Monkey said. “And you were the greatest footballer ever. You don’t want me to grow up and be better than you?”

“Yes! I do!” Cristiano said and then sighed. “But that’s what I want.”

Lola patted him on the knee. “Parenting sucks.”

“Seriously,” Cristiano said. “Fine. You can go to Thailand.”

Monkey beamed. “Thanks dad!” 

There was much hugging and general happiness amongst the family. Mina peered into the living room.

“Is it safe?”

“Yes,” Lola smiled.

“So can we have a conversation about me getting a tattoo.”

Sami went pale. “OVER MY DEAD BODY.”


	33. Happily Every After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1
> 
> It's been four years since the last installment. Nora has graduated from college and is preparing to marry the man of her dreams. The whole family has flown to New York for the wedding.

“I can’t believe my daughter is getting married,” Fernando said, looking pale under his freckles.

Sergio smiled and squeezed his hand. This was about the fifteenth time Fernando had said this on the flight from Madrid to New York. They were arriving a week before the wedding to help get everything organized and to spend some time with Nora before the ceremony. Nora had recently graduated from NYU and was marrying the son of a millionaire real estate developer Raul Gonzales.

“Who would have thought that off all the kids, Nora would be the first one getting married,” Sergio mused as he signaled to the flight attendant for another drink for Fernando.

“My money was on Vitoria,” Iker said from across the aisle. 

“Or Mina running off with someone she fell in love with last week,” Mesut pondered and a hand appeared behind his seat and smacked him upside the head.

“You shut up, Mesut Ozil,” Lola said as she patted the hand of her pale husband who was looking across the aisle at their pair of 15 year old twins. It was true that Mina had a tenancy for the dramatic and had fallen in love at least five times the last school year, but married?

Thankfully, both of the twins were wearing headphones and ignoring the grossly embarrassing adults.

Lola peered behind her seat to check on the rest of the crowd. Leo and Monkey were sharing an iPad, undoubtedly watching more Star Trek episodes. Cristiano and Fabio were both asleep, taking full advantage of the fact that neither of Fabio’s children were along for the trip, having decided to stay with their mother, and they finally had a moment’s peace.

Calm before the storm, Lola thought as she turned back to Sami. “Buck up, Khedira,” she said as she gave him a kiss. “We got at least six more of these to go.”

* * * *

Heinrich was dispatched to the airport to meet the family. He lived in a massive studio space on the lower east side, and the family was going to be staying at a boutique hotel they were renting out nearby. Since arriving in New York, Heinrich’s career had taken off, and he bought the place. His father, after three years, had finally admitted that perhaps he didn’t need college after all.

Nora and her fiancé were looking at apartments and were going to meet them for dinner later.

Heinrich glanced at his watch, knowing that the flight had landed over an hour ago. He sighed as he wondered which of his family had gotten stopped at border control for suspicious behavior.

His money was on his mother, Lola.

However, a few moments later, he saw them emerge from the baggage collection area with enough luggage to invade Russia.

“There’s my baby boy!” Lola called and ran over in her four inch heels to smother her oldest in kisses.

“Hi, Lola,” Heinrich blushed as she left lipstick smudges on his cheeks. She linked her arm into his. 

“So busy you haven’t been back to Madrid in nearly a year to see me,” Lola chided, though she knew that Heinrich had been immersed in his work. Ever since Nora had started dating her future husband, Heinrich had disappeared into his studio, only coming up for air long enough to assure his parents he was alive and well. Iker had tried to reassure them both that artists could get like this when they were intent on their work.

“You never acted like this,” Mesut had complained on more than one occasion.

“I had all of you yahoos to look after, I didn’t have the luxury,” Iker had reminded him with a kiss.

Heinrich didn’t respond to his mother’s complaints as he saw the herd into a pair of limos that he’d reserved for the day, having anticipated the amount of luggage they would be bringing along.

The trip into the city was fairly uneventful. All of the clan had been to New York on various occasions over the past few years while Nora had been in college, though with Leo just starting his studies the past year in London, their time had been split recently. Monkey had been signed with Arsenal, much to the despair of his father, a former Manchester United player, but neither did Cristiano begrudge his son the chance to play at the top levels.

Leo and Monkey shared a flat about half way between college and the training grounds and were all but inseparable.

“Are they dating?” Lola had wondered.

Sergio had shrugged. “For nineteen year old boys, they don’t seem to have a whole lot of interest in sex.”

At the moment, they were both gazing out over the New York skyline as they crossed the bridge into Manhattan. Lola could have sworn she saw Leo holding Monkey’s hand, but Mina had distracted her by pointing out the shops on Fifth Avenue.

“We’re shopping tomorrow,” Lola said happily as she squeezed her daughter’s arm. At long last her beloved daughter had learned the value of a long day at the shops.

Sami was just thankfully Lola still raked in the big bucks on TV. His poor accountant’s heart couldn’t handle the credit card bills.

“I hope the twins don’t expect an inheritance,” Sami had joked. Not that he was worried about Siegfried. The kid was already programming apps and had sold a game online for several thousand Euro. Perhaps between him and Heinrich, Lola wouldn’t put him in the poorhouse in his old age.

They arrived at the hotel which comprised of an old warehouse remade into sprawling suites which just about housed the group of them. Sami, Lola and the twins had the top floor suite, Iker and Mesut and Fernando and Sergio had a pair of smaller suites below them, and Cristiano and Fabio took the final one which took up the whole second floor. They’d meant for Monkey and Leo to share with them, but the pair had begged to stay with Heinrich.

They now headed a block up the street to Heinrich’s studio which doubled as his apartment. It actually had two bedrooms.

“You guys don’t mind sharing?” Heinrich asked as he showed them to the room with a double bed.

Leo glanced at his cousin. “Uh, it’s fine.”

Monkey rolled his eyes. “Leo, we have to tell them all eventually.”

Leo gave him a look. “We don’t have to tell them today!”

Heinrich puzzled at his, well, Monkey was technically his uncle, and his cousin Leo. “Holy shit.”

“Honestly, I have no idea why you all didn’t guess,” Monkey said as he went to Heinrich’s fridge to look for a beer. “But then again, it took that one five years to admit it to himself,” Monkey gestured to Leo.

Leo flushed. “I thought we were just best friends!”

Heinrich chuckled as he took a beer that Monkey offered and went to sit on the couch. “Well, congrats you two. Looks like everyone is going to get a happily ever after.”

Still blushing, Leo looked a bit unsure as Monkey cuddled next to him on the couch. In truth they’d only been lovers for about six months, but when it had happened, he’d forgotten why he’d ever thought it couldn’t work. They weren’t related by blood, and even though they’d been raised as a part of Iker’s litter, there was nothing to keep them apart.

“Nearly everyone,” Monkey said as he looked at Heinrich thoughtfully. “You seeing anyone?”

“No,” Heinrich said as he took a long drink. “I’ve been really busy in the studio. I’ve got this series I’ve been working on and it’s just…”

He trailed off as he turned his head to look at a massive canvas covered in red…something.

Monkey frowned at it. “It looks like a crime scene.”

“Or you’re very angry,” Leo mused.

Heinrich drank more beer.

* * * *

“Would you relax?” Mateo said as he kissed Nora’s hand. They were on their way to meet her family for dinner that evening and Nora had been fretting all afternoon. “I’ve met your dads before, and Lola. This will be fine.”

“I know,” Nora said as she looked at her phone. She’d sent Heinrich three texts that afternoon. He was supposed to be her best man for the wedding and she’d yet to get him to a tuxedo fitting. She hated to do it to him, but she was going to have to get Lola to take him tomorrow. The wedding was in six days.

In truth, the wedding was getting slightly out of hand. Nora had always wanted a nice wedding with the dress and flowers and her family there, but somehow in the last few months, this thing had gotten away from her. Mateo’s father, Raul Gonzalez, was an important man in New York, and people were being invited to the wedding that Nora had never even heard of, let alone met. Mateo had admitted he didn’t know some of them, either. And Nora’s idea of one person to stand up with her had gone out the window with Mateo’s three brothers and sister. She didn’t mind having Mina with her as well as she knew her cousin was excited to be included, but then Mateo said that perhaps Leo should be as well. And then Mateo’s step father Guti had gotten involved and well…five hundred people would be coming to share their special day.

They arrived at the hotel and found the family had already taken over the bar.

“There’s my girl!” Fernando exclaimed as they appeared in the doorway. Nora could immediately tell that her usually reserved father had been drinking. As Fernando gave her a big hug, she glanced over his shoulder at Sergio who could only shrug. They were a week from the wedding and Fernando already needed alcohol to get through?

There were hugs all around as Mateo was introduced to the people he’d not met before. 

“Where are Leo and Heinrich?” Nora asked as she didn’t see her brother or wayward best man.

“They’re still at the studio,” Iker reported. 

“Male bonding, likely,” Lola rolled her eyes. “Our dinner reservation is at eight, so they better get here soon.”

The trio of tipsy boys arrived on schedule as the party relocated to a Chinese place down in China Town that was willing to accommodate thirteen of them. The family seemed to like Mateo and Siegfried was all but staring at him worshipfully as he discussed programing with him.

But as Mesut watched his son miserably down four beers over dinner, he knew something wasn’t right here. Heinrich had sat himself at the far end of the table away from the couple and as far as he could tell, hadn’t spoken to Nora since arriving.

“Heinrich!” Lola called to him as the waiter began to clear the plates. “You. Me. Armani. 10 am.”

Heinrich gave a non committal grunt.

His mother steeled her gaze on him in a way that let him know he was due for a good old fashioned talking to in the morning.

Heinrich pushed away from the table and headed for the bathroom. Mesut got up to follow him.

“Hey, everything okay?” Mesut asked as he watched Heinrich wash his hands with an unnecessary amount of anger.

“Lovely,” Heinrich said even as tears started to well in his eyes.

“What?” Mesut asked as he reached to hug his son.

“I’m just…” Heinrich tried to say but he didn’t even know what he wanted to say. “I’m sick of all this fucking wedding garbage.”

Mesut frowned. “Well, no one likes this crap very much. But…”

“Why is she marrying him?” Heinrich’s voice caught.

Mesut came up short. “Is…is there something wrong with Mateo?”

“No!” Heinrich said. “That’s the fucking problem! He’s perfect and I’m not!”

“What?” Mesut said. “But…you…?”

Heinrich scrubbed at his eyes. “Nora’s my best friend.”

“Sure…”

“She and I have done everything together forever. And then…then there’s Mateo and she doesn’t call for days. He takes her for weekends in the Hamptons. She misses a show because he’s taking her to London…”

Tears were streaming down Heinrich’s face now. Thoughts streamed through Mesut’s head, most of them wishing Iker or Lola were here to help him out. “Nora’s still going to be your best friend after she gets married.”

“Not like before,” Heinrich sobbed. “He’s the one she goes to now.”

Mesut hugged him again, having no idea what to say. And then a thought occurred to him. “Heinrich. Are you…in love with Nora?”

“Of course I love her!” Heinrich said.

“I know you love her…are you IN love with her?” Mesut emphasized. 

Heinrich looked at his father through tear filled eyes. “I am.”


	34. Happily Every After Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lola takes charge.

“What?” Iker asked as soon as he and Mesut were back in the hotel room that evening. He’d seen the look on Mesut’s face when he’d returned from the bathroom and Heinrich had disappeared.

Mesut sighed. “Heinrich is in love with Nora.”

“Yes?” Iker said as he’d been aware of this since the pair had been about six.

Mesut frowned. “No, like as in he’s miserable and drinking to forget the woman he loves is about to marry someone else.”

“Sure,” Iker said. “And hopefully before the wedding he gets up the guts to tell her.”

“YOU KNOW THIS AND YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING?” Mesut yelled at his husband.

“And what, exactly, should I do? Heinrich has to figure this one out for himself,” Iker said.

There was a knock on the door.

Iker opened it to see Sergio.

“Are we all gossiping about the fact that Heinrich is in love with Nora? Because I can’t say anything to Fernando because he’s already a wreck about the wedding but I’m dying to talk about this.”

“YOU KNEW TOO?” 

“Mesut, we all knew,” Sergio said as Iker handed him a beer out of the mini-fridge. “So do you think he’ll wait until the day of the wedding? This might be a good rehearsal dinner thing. Then we can go ahead and have the wedding Saturday, just….not invite Mateo’s family.”

“Isn’t Mateo’s dad paying for a lot of this?” Iker said. “I doubt he’s going to be happy to pay for a wedding his son isn’t invited to.”

“Yeah, but that’s better than left at the altar,” Sergio said. “And I’m not doing this wedding prep crap twice. I just had to slip Nando a valium to get him to calm down.”

“They could elope,” Iker suggested.

“THIS IS NOT SOME MAD-CAP COMEDY WHERE WE ALL END UP LAUGHING,” Mesut said.

“Uh, yeah it is,” Iker said. “Remember when Nora announced at our wedding that she wanted to marry a gay man?”

“Or when Sami was so drunk he missed the births of the twins?”

“And when Jose brought that snake?”

Sergio and Iker were giggling, but Mesut was glaring. “I’m going to talk to Lola.”

“Oh, I need to watch this!” Sergio scrambled after him with Iker on his heels.

Mesut would have tried to stop them, but he knew it was useless. When he got upstairs, he found the twins sitting on the couch with Lola and Sami no where in sight.

“Hey, where’s your mom?” Mesut asked.

“Her and dad are in the shower pretending they’re not having sex,” Siegfried said as he cranked the movie up a few more notches.

“Like you guys haven’t heard them have sex before,” Sergio rolled his eyes and offered his beer to Siegfried, but Iker grabbed it.

“I made dad sound proof their bedroom when we were eight,” Mina said as she looked up from her phone. “What mad-cap adventure have we got today?”

“THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION,” Mesut said as he eyed the door to the bathroom.

“Mesut, if you go in there you’ll be scared for life,” Iker advised.

“It hasn’t scared me,” Mina said with a shrug. “But I’d listen first and see what kind of noises Mom is making before going in.”

Iker was grinning and Sergio was headed for the bathroom door. “What kind of noises are we talking about?”

Mesut grabbed the beer off of Iker and chugged it. “This family will be the death of me.”

“What’s the crisis, anyway?” Mina asked as Sergio thought better of interrupting the couple and joined her and Siegfried on the couch. 

“Its…nothing,” Mesut said as the beer caused him to belch.

Iker went to the mini fridge and pulled out another pair of beers. “Heinrich has realized he’s actually in love with Nora and doesn’t want her to marry Mateo.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Mina said.

Sergio laughed. “Yeah, he’s the last one, isn’t he?”

However, Siegfried was frowning. “He’s in love with Nora? Seriously?”

“Where the hell have you been, my more clueless twin?” Mina said with a laugh. 

“They’re friends,” Siegfried said. “Girls and boys can be friends without wanting to get into each other’s pants.”

“Sure,” Sergio said, though this had never personally happened to him. “But in this case, Heinrich is definitely in love.”

“I’m not even sure it’s sex,” Iker said. “I mean, sure, fine, but Nora is his best friend. The idea that she’s going to make someone else her life partner is making him lose his mind. Have you see the paintings he’s been doing?”

“Well, some of it is sex,” Sergio said. “I mean…”

“Not every one is as horny as you, uncle Sergio,” Mina said with a grin.

“You are,” Sergio said as he elbowed her.

Iker cleared his throat loudly. “So anyway, we need to figure out what we’re going to do to help Heinrich out.”

“Go get Nora and sit her down and say ‘look, sweetie. You either gotta break up with Mateo or Heinrich,’” Sergio advised.

Mina patted his hand. “Or, we could be slightly more tactful.”

“This is why we need Lola,” Mesut said.

The shower turned off and Mina looked at her phone. “That was a quickie.”

“Maybe they weren’t actually having sex,” Mesut tried.

Mina rolled her eyes. “Mom will have an answer.”

“How is Lola the wise one?” Iker wondered as he drank. “I mean, the day I met Lola she was falling out of her top and hitting on Sergio.”

“Mom hit on Sergio?” Siegfried asked.

“Mom dated Sergio for a couple months,” Mina said. “Where have you been?”

“Really?” Siegfried said, his mind blown. “Who else did she date?”

“No one else in this family,” Sergio assured him.

“She did try to hit on Fernando,” Mesut recalled Heinrich’s birthday party where they’d all met Nora for the first time.

The door to the bathroom opened and Sami appeared. “Uh…hey.”

“Where’s Lola!” Mesut demanded. 

“Drying her hair. What the hell is going on?”

“Madcap adventure,” Sergio said as he went to the fridge for another beer.

Sami looked a little queasy. Even though he’d been married to Lola for over 15 years, he’d still not gotten used to the chaos she often created. Mostly he kept his head down and waited for things to pass over.

He took the beer Sergio offered. How much beer was in that fridge, anyway?

Lola appeared with a towel on her head, wearing a robe. “Seriously. What do you people want?”

“Heinrich. Nora. Crisis.”

“Ah,” Lola said as she removed the towel and went to get some clothes. “We dealing with this tonight?”

“I thought we could discuss it,” Mesut said.

“Discuss what? Our son needs a kick up the backside,” Lola said as she dropped her towel and got dressed.

Iker went pink and looked at the TV intently. Was he the only person in the room who hadn’t been in her vagina?

“Are we all going?” Sergio wondered as Lola stepped into her shoes.

“No. I think this is one that Mesut and I need to handle. If that’s okay, Iker?” Lola asked, knowing full well that Heinrich was as much his son as theirs.

“No, that’s fine,” Iker said, quite frankly relieved to be out of this one. 

Mesut and Lola caught a cab in front of the hotel which took them the three blocks over to Heinrich’s flat. When they rang the bell, it was several minutes before a tipsy looking Heinrich opened the door.

“Lola? Dad?”

“We’re coming up,” Lola announced and Heinrich was so astonished he stepped back and let her.

“It’s nearly midnight,” he said even as Lola jabbed the button for the elevator.

“No time like the present,” Lola said as she leveled her gaze on him. 

Quite frankly, Heinrich looked like an utter disaster. His eyes were blood shot and he looked like perhaps he hadn’t eaten a decent meal in weeks. With a motherly sigh, she pulled her first born toward her and gave him a hug. “Oh, what are we going to do with you, Heinrich, Ozil?”

Up in the studio, Lola was unsurprised to find Leo and Monkey wrapped around each other, fast asleep on the couch, the same movie playing on the TV that the twins had been watching.

Mesut looked at the pair of them and gaped. “What the…?”

“Oh Lord, Mesut, they started doing that in high school. Honestly. Do you people pay any attention to your children?” Lola rolled her eyes.

“I…” Mesut said and trailed off as he saw the utter contentment on the faces of both young men. Oh to have found the love of your life at that age.

He turned to Heinrich who was slumped into a chair. Lola knelt at his feet and sat her chin on his knee, looking up at him.

“Tell me, baby.”

Heinrich’s eyes filled with tears. “I love her, Lola.”

“I know,” Lola said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. She loves him. He’s a good person. She deserves to be happy.”

“Of course she does. But you make her happy, too.”

“No I don’t. I’m an asshole artist. I ignore her when I’m working. She deserves to be treated like a queen.”

Lola smiled and stoked his hand. “A woman needs a man who loves him. And you deserve a woman who understand you’re an asshole artist. Nora knows you like no one else.”

“Then why did she pick Mateo?” Heinrich sobbed.

“She started dating Mateo because you never asked her out. She was trying to get your attention. And then you disappeared into the studio and didn’t fight for her.”

“It’s too late.”

“Baby, it’s never too late,” Lola said. “Look at Sami and me. I was in love with him for years. Even when I was married to your dad.”

“She was,” Mesut said. “And how long did it take Iker and me to get together? You were just a little boy and you realized before we needed to be together?”

“And Fernando and Sergio nearly threw it all away,” Lola added. “Look, this family is crap at love. Well, except for those two.”

Monkey snuffled and pulled Leo closer to him. Leo let out a happy sigh.

“But we love. We love harder than any other family. I love your dad even though I cheated on him. Your dad loves me even though I’m crazy. We all love Grandpa Jose even though he defines crazy. But we love. And Nora loves us all. She loves you. You just have to tell her.”

“I can’t,” Heinrich said. “What if I screw up her life? Maybe she’s meant to be with Mateo. Maybe I just need to fuck off and let her be happy.”

Lola hugged his knees. “Baby, you know that’s bullshit. but even if she tells you to fuck off and go to hell, at least you tried. Life is about making mistakes. Dying is about wishing you’d made more.”


	35. Happily Every After Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich makes his move. How will Nora respond?

Lola had put Heinrich to bed, sent the cuddled up teenagers to their room, and slept on the couch after sending Mesut back to the hotel.

In the morning, a bleary eyed Heinrich emerged to find his mother making coffee and bacon.

“I had bacon?” he wondered, knowing the fridge was generally bare.

“New York has a grocery or two,” Lola said as she kissed him on the cheek. “Get a shower, we’re going uptown.”

“Now?”

“After you shower,” Lola said as she offered him a piece of bacon and a mug of strong coffee.

Heinrich shuffled off with a growing dread. Now? They were dealing with this now? He wasn’t ready to deal with this. He…

“Don’t you even think about going out the fire escape!” Lola called to him as he shut the door to the bathroom.

The smell of coffee and bacon roused Leo and Monkey who tumbled into the kitchen. “Bacon,” Monkey said as he grabbed a strip and stuffed it in his face.

“Is that on your training diet?” Lola wondered even as she opened the second package of bacon to start cooking.

“No,” Monkey assured her as Leo went for the coffee.

“So, you two,” Lola said with a smile. “Can we at least make a general announcement to the family? I get if you don’t want to be out considering Monkey’s career…”

Monkey shrugged. “I don’t mind. Leo’s the one who’s worried.”

“I don’t want it to ruin all your hard work!” Leo protested.

“If I keep playing my football, no one will care in the end. Sure, there’s assholes who will want to make it an issue, but that’s their damage,” Monkey said. “My dad hid who he was his whole career and it made him miserable. I don’t want that. I want you.”

Leo’s face softened and Lola beamed. “You’re a smart kid brother.”

Monkey beamed at her. “I love the idiot. What can I do?”

Leo wrapped his arms around Monkey and was fed a piece of bacon. “Can I drop out of college and be your WAG?”

“Fuck no. You’re getting a business degree so you can manage our money,” Monkey said. “I’m the beauty, you’re the brains.”

* * * *

“MOM. You said we were going SHOPPING,” Mina protested as Lola called to let her know that she wouldn’t be back until later.

“We will, baby. But Heinrich needs me this morning.”

“Where are you going?”

“Up to the Plaza where Nora is staying with Mateo and his family,” Lola said as their Uber arrived.

“THAT’S ON 5TH AVENUE.”

Lola sighed as she and Heinrich got in the car. “We need to make a quick detour.”

Heinrich managed a smile. “She’s your daughter.”

“Don’t I know it,” Lola hugged his arm. “You need to do this,” she reminded him. 

“I know,” Heinrich said. “Think she’ll fall into my arms and we’ll run off to Vegas?”

“I think she’s going to smack you upside the head,” Lola said, but even as she did, in her heart she was hoping to watch them go running out of the hotel together. This was one mess she’d happily clear up.

They arrived at The Plaza with Mina happily chattering about Saks. Lola refused to drop her off with the credit card so the teenager was a bit sulky as she trailed behind them on their way into the hotel. Heinrich stopped at the desk to ask if they could call up to Nora’s room for them, but was informed that the Gonzales family was having brunch in the restaurant.

“I could eat,” Mina said as she’d skipped breakfast in her excitement to get to shopping. She was ignored as she followed Lola and Heinrich into the restaurant. She did need to keep her energy up if she was going to be trying on clothes all morning.

However, her appetite completely disappeared when she laid eyes on the table where Nora sat with a plethora of gorgeous young men, headed by none other than Raul Gonzales and his partner, Guti, who happened to be an old friend of Sergio, and the person who’d bought Heinrich’s first painting.

She caught the eye of the gorgeous young man sitting next to Nora. He gazed at her for a long moment and then smiled.

Mina was in love.

“Heinrich? Lola!” Nora said brightly even as there was a slight confusion in her eyes as she stood to greet them.

“Morning everyone,” Lola said cheerfully. “Sorry to disturb.”

“Can we talk?” Heinrich asked Nora in a low voice.

“Uhm, sure,” Nora said and glanced at Mateo for a moment before getting up.

Mateo was frowning but he didn’t protest even as Mina appeared in the empty seat almost before Nora had cleared it.

“Hi, I’m Mina,” she said to the hot guy.

“Hugo,” he said smiling. “Mateo’s brother.”

“Heinrich’s sister,” she said as she picked up Nora’s Mimosa and took a drink.

Raul rose to kiss Lola on the cheek and introduce her around the table.

“You’ll have to excuse my son,” Lola said as she tried to pretend that they weren’t here to ruin the wedding. “He’s been in a snit for weeks and suddenly decided they needed to talk about tuxedos.”

“Join us, please,” Guti said with a smile. “I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Well, you all left Madrid and came to New York!” Lola said even as she eyed Mina flirting with another of Raul’s sons. Well, at least she wasn’t whining about going shopping. Lola knew when to pick her battles with her daughter.

In the lobby of the hotel, Heinrich led Nora to a quiet corner and sat down on a chair, opposite her. He was staring at his hands, picking paint from under his fingernails.

“Are you and Lola going to get the tuxedo fitted today?” Nora tried when Heinrich didn’t start the conversation.

“No,” Heinrich said. “I don’t want to be in your wedding.”

Nora gaped at him. “What?”

“I mean…” Heinrich finally looked up at her. “I don’t want to be in this wedding. I want to be in our wedding. You…and…me…”

Nora had drunk two mimosa’s already that morning after having to listen to Mateo’s brother bicker, and it took her a long moment of staring at him to process what the flying fuck he was trying to say.

“You…”

“Nora I love you and you can’t marry Mateo because you and I are supposed to be together. You know we are. I fell in love with you the day you smacked me in first grade and took my crayons.”

Nora was just staring at him.

“I love you,” Heinrich said again. “Like, love you love you…not just…”

“Shut. Up.” 

Heinrich’s eyes got wide.

“I am fucking getting married in five days. Five. Days.”

“I know.”

“I have known you for sixteen years. SIXTEEN YEARS.”

“Yes…?”

Nora got up and stormed away from him. 

“Nora…? NORA!”

But she was gone, out the front door. When Heinrich got to the doors, he saw her getting into a cab and disappearing down 5th avenue.

That wasn’t exactly how he’d seen that going.


	36. Happily Every After Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora has a big decision to make. Mina is...Mina.

Cristiano got a text from Lola instructing him and Fabio to be in her and Sami’s suite at noon for an emergency summit.

“Summit? We’re having a summit?” Fabio asked, wondering if this madcap shit had finally gone around the bend.

“New York may be out of the shoes Lola likes,” Cristiano said as he headed to the shower after his morning workout. Just because he was now retired from football did not mean he wasn’t still in perfect physical shape. 

While he was getting ready, there was a knock on the door. Fabio went to answer it and found Monkey and Leo.

“Hey guys,” Fabio let them in. “You here for the summit?”

“Yeah, and I need to talk to Dad,” Monkey said. After Lola and Heinrich had left that morning, Monkey and Leo had sat down for a long talk about their future.

“Sure, he’s about done in there,” Fabio said as he eyed the two. Was this more drama? Did he need a drink? It was nearly noon…

“Hey champ,” Cristiano said as he emerged with a smile. “You guys have fun with Heinrich last night?”

“Yeah,” Leo said as he edged behind Monkey. Quite frankly, his future father-in-law intimidated him.

“Dad,” Monkey said as he stood tall. “Leo and I are going to Las Vegas for the week after the wedding.”

“Oh, that should be fun,” Cristiano said with a smile. “But don’t have too much fun.”

“We want you and Fabio to come with us.”

“Oh,” Cris glanced at Fabio. They’d been talking about maybe Miami while they were in America, but nothing had been booked. “I dunno, why?”

Monkey too Leo’s hand. “We’re going to get married.”

“You…” Cristiano said, his brain not processing for a long minute. “Really?”

Monkey glanced at Fabio for support, but his step-dad’s mouth was hanging open. “Look, we know. We know that the world is still shitty for gay people and we know that it’s a risk…but we love each other…”

Cristiano was shaking his head. “Are you sure?”

“I love him, Dad.” Monkey was near tears.

“Son, I don’t doubt that for a minute. But Vegas?”

Realization dawned on Monkey. He glanced at Leo who was smiling. “Well…we thought that would be easy…”

“And deny me the chance to plan a fabulous affair? Why do we have such ungrateful children, Fabio?”

“I was counting on Monkey to be the reasonable one,” Fabio sighed.

Monkey let out a laugh of relief. “You…you’re okay with this?”

“Son, I’m proud of you for living the life you want,” Cristiano said as he pulled Monkey into a hug. “And Fabio and I would be honored to come to Vegas with you if that’s what you want.”

Cristiano grabbed Leo as well and hugged him tight. “You are good for him.”

“Thank you,” Leo said as he started to tear up.

“So, I suppose Sergio and Fernando will be coming as well.”

Leo grinned. “Well, I’m sure as soon as we tell them.”

* * * *

The entire family decided they needed to come to Vegas for Monkey and Leo’s wedding so that was easily dealt with. Leo was a bit surprised that no one really seemed all that surprised it was happening. 

“I told you that you were the last one to figure it out,” Monkey said as he gave him a kiss.

Proceedings took a distinct down turn as Lola took the floor, a despondent Heinrich at her side.

“Where’s Mina?” Sami asked as he took stock of the crowd.

“I left her at Saks,” Lola admitted. When Heinrich had returned to the restaurant without Nora, getting out of there without having to explain why was hard enough, trying to pry Mina away from Hugo was nearly impossible. Lola had waved a credit card and they’d left her at the door.

Sami went pale. “You set our daughter loose in Saks Fifth Avenue with a credit card?”

“I gave her the one with the 10,000 Euro limit. She can’t completely bankrupt us in an afternoon,” Lola assured him. 

Sami didn’t look completely reassured even as Lola turned to Fernando. “Nora did a runner.”

“She…what?” Fernando asked, having completely left out of the decision for Heinrich to go an declare his love and still trying to process his other child was getting married next week to the PFA Young Player of the year. 

“Heinrich declared his undying love and Nora ran. We need you to go find her and make sure she’s not halfway to Australia.”

Fernando got out his phone and tried to call. It went to voicemail.

“What did she say,” Sergio asked as Heinrich hung his head. 

“She…just got angry, yelled something about we’d been friends for sixteen years and took off.”

Iker came to sit by Heinrich and put his arm around him. “I think you may have just given her a shock,” he said. “Maybe she just needs to…think.”

“She stressed out about this wedding!” Fernando said, his anger rising. “She’s stressed out and you’ve been a butthead about it all and now you go and do this!”

Sergio looked at his husband. “Hey, we’re on Heinrich’s side here.”

“Look, I love you Heinrich, but if there are sides here, I’m taking Nora’s.”

“Yeah, me too,” Siegfried said. “Your timing sucks, bro.”

“LOLA TOLD ME TO,” Heinrich defended himself, but even Lola rolled her eyes at that.

“You’re the one who left it to the last minute,” she said. “You try texting her, Nando?”

“Yeah,” Fernando said, and his phone beeped. “Wait…she’s at her apartment. Wants to talk to me.”

“Awesome. Fernando- you go talk down Nora. We’ll keep an eye on Heinrich here. Call us.”

Sergio got up but Fernando gave him a look. “I gotta do this, Sese.”

“You okay?” Sergio asked quietly as Mesut and Iker comforted Heinrich.

Fernando shook his head and led Sergio out into the hallway. “Look, the idea of Heinrich and Nora was cute when they were ten. But Nora is grown up and Heinrich isn’t. This might seem all romantic now, now Mateo supports Nora’s career. Heinrich disappears for a week in his studio and forgets to eat.”

“Nora knows what Heinrich is like,” Sergio said. “If she choses him, she knows what she’s getting.”

“Yeah, but if she doesn’t choose him, do you have any idea what that’s going to do to this family?”

* * * *

Mina gazed out over New York City from the viewing platform of the Empire State Building. She’d been up here before, but she’d lied and told Hugo she hadn’t.

“This is so amazing!” she gushed. “I love New York!”

“It’s the greatest city in the world,” Hugo said as he leaned over her shoulder and pointed out various landmarks.

Mina, personally, found Madrid to be the greatest city in the world, but you just didn’t contradict the hot guy who had his hands on you and smelled really good.

She did have to admit that the skyscrapers were pretty awesome and the way Manhattan was set on an island so you could see all around the area was pretty cool as well. She listened to what he had to say and made adoring noises in the right places. Boys were easy.

“You want to go get some lunch? I know the best deli in Brooklyn.”

“Sure,” Mina said with a charming grin. He was so hot. He was the love of her life and she could never imagine her life without him.

Her phone beeped. Checking it, she realized it was a text from her boyfriend back in Madrid. “Sorry, we need to break up,” she replied without even reading the text.

* * * *

Nora was wearing minion pajamas when she opened the door.

Fernando gave her a hug. “Whatever this is, we’ll do whatever you need to make it right.”

Nora started to cry on her father’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to do, Daddy!”

Fernando held her, and after a few minutes, she led him to the couch in the tiny apartment she’d shared with a roommate until recently. The other girl had moved after graduation, and Nora’s belongings were mostly in boxes as she was going to move in with Mateo after the honeymoon.

“What do you want?” Fernando asked as he wiped tears off her cheeks.

“I don’t know,” Nora admitted. “This morning I thought I wanted to marry Mateo. He’s wonderful, Dad. He looks after me and he would be such a good husband.”

“Do you love him?” Fernando asked.

“Sure,” Nora said.

Fernando wasn’t sure he liked that “sure”. “Honey, I know not everyone in the world gets a great romance in their lives. I mean, some people do get married for security and live happy lives. But if you can find great love…some times that’s worth more than anything else.”

Nora looked at him. “Like Heinrich and I love each other.”

“Do you?”

“Oh, Daddy, I’ve loved him forever. I know we’ve always just been friends, but he’s…Heinrich. He loved Nora who shouted every word. He loved Nora who puked out the bus window the first day of middle school and told the bus driver it had been the kindergartener sitting behind us.”

Fernando smiled. The bus driver had called him to let him know, having been worried about Nora, but had never said anything to her because he knew she’d been embarrassed. “You trust Heinrich to love you no matter what. No matter if you are successful and gorgeous or if you contract some horrible disease and he has to take care of you.”

Nora’s eyes filled with tears. That was it, wasn’t it? It wasn’t about passion so much as it was about trust. Did she trust Mateo to love her if she wasn’t poised and perfect? If she got sick on a day at the beach? Would he stroke her hair and insist he didn’t mind that they’d missed out on the fish and chips?

And when she realized that she didn’t know… “I can’t marry Mateo.”

Fernando hugged her again. “Then you’ve got to tell him.”

“I know,” Nora said with a sigh.

“And then you need to talk to Heinrich.”

Nora pulled back. “They say you’re supposed to marry your best friend.”

“I know I did,” Fernando smiled. “As insane as Sergio can be, he’s the best person I know…well, that I didn’t father.”

Nora grinned and wiped at her own tears. “I thought…at one point, when we moved to New York, I thought maybe Heinrich and I could have something, but you know Heinrich, so clueless. Off in the studio…” she paused. “So I didn’t say anything. He is my best friend and the last thing I wanted was to ruin that for some dumb idea of romance. And then there was Mateo, who’s…incredible. He treated me like a princess. But with him I have to be a princess.”

“I thought you wanted to be a princess,” Fernando teased lightly.

Nora smiled and punched him on the shoulder. “I wanted to be a queen. But who does, really? It’s like Roman Holiday. Audrey Hepburn was so sick of being a princess. She just wanted to be a normal person who ate ice cream and had fun.”

“Well,” Fernando said as he got up. “If you want to marry Heinrich, your brother is marrying Monkey next week in Vegas and I bet we can get a deal on a two for one.”

“Leo and Monkey are getting married?” Nora said with a smile. “That’s so amazing.”

“I know,” Fernando said. “Leo is all worried about Monkey’s career, but Monkey doesn’t give a shit.”

“I know, right?” Nora said as she went to check on her make-up and to put some actually clothes on. She supposed she ought to be a princess one last time as she broke Mateo’s heart. “He learned to stand up to Cristiano at a young age. The media doesn’t scare him.”

“I’ve got to go report to the family. What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing,” Nora said. “Let me talk to Mateo and then I’ll find Heinrich. Contrary to popular believe, my personal life is occasionally allowed to be personal.”

Fernando chuckled. “Have you met our family?”


	37. Happily Every After Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End?

Lola looked at her phone. “Has anyone heard from Mina?”

Sami was on his phone, checking on the credit card. “She hasn’t bought anything at Saks yet.”

“Really?” Lola asked as she looked at the list of purchases. The last one was the car up to the hotel.

“She’s been there three hours. How has she not spent any money? Has she been kidnapped?” Siegfried asked, mostly joking.

“She’s gone out with Hugo,” Lola sighed as she sent her wayward daughter a text. That girl was going to be pregnant by 17.

“Who’s Hugo?” Sami asked.

“Mateo’s brother,” Siegfried said as he rolled his eyes at his father.

“Mateo has brothers?”

“Three of them.”

“Huh,” Sami said. “Anyone hear from Nora?”

Iker and Mesut had gone out to get some lunch. Cristiano and Fabio had taken the happy couple out to shop for rings. Sergio was pacing the room and Heinrich had fallen asleep on the bed. 

“Fernando texted to say he was on his way back but he didn’t say anything about Nora,” Sergio reported.

“Who cares is Fernando is coming back!” Lola said. “What’s going on with Nora?”

“He said he has nothing to report.”

Lola grabbed Sergio by the front of his shirt. “THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.”

Sergio tried to pull away but Lola was remarkably strong for a 115 pound woman. Sami had to intervene and wrest his wife off of the former bullfighter.

“I NEED CLOSURE!” Lola screeched and managed to wake up Heinrich who looked blearily at his mother being drug across the room before he rolled over and puked in the trash can.

* * * *

“It’s Heinrich, isn’t it?” Mateo asked as he turned the engagement ring over in his hand. He’d come over when Nora called.

Nora sighed. “It is. I mean…it’s…nothing…”

“Oh, I know you didn’t cheat,” Mateo said with a smile. “You wouldn’t do that.”

Nora smiled. “Mateo, I care about you. But…”

Mateo sighed. “I know. I actually can’t say I’m surprised.”

“I’m sorry,” Nora said, grateful that Mateo wasn’t getting upset or angry. But then again, she supposed that’s why she was ending this. He didn’t get upset or angry. He dealt with things logically and rationally. While it made for a peaceful life, it also made for a passionless life. And that just wasn’t what Nora wanted.

Mateo’s phone beeped. It was his dad. “Raul wants to know if we want to go to dinner with your dads tonight.”

Nora let out a weary sigh. “Do you want me to tell them?”

“Nah,” Mateo said. “To be honest, Dad didn’t like you all that much.”

“What?” Nora asked, taken a bit off guard. 

Mateo shrugged. “Guti loves you, but Raul thinks you’re too unstable.”

“Too unstable for what?” Nora said, her anger starting to rise.

“To be a good wife.”

Nora stood up. “A GOOD WIFE? AND WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN?”

Mateo’s eyes got wide. “Nothing…nothing…I…I better go.”

“YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME, DID YOU? YOU JUST WANT A FUCKING TROPHY!”

Mateo all but ran out of Nora’s apartment as everything unsuitable about Nora flared up and threatened to engulf him.

“UNSUITABLE MY ASS!”

The door slammed and Nora stood there for a long moment and then burst out laughing. 

Lola would be so proud.

* * * *

Sami had the GPS activated on Nora’s phone and he and Lola got into a taxi to go and collect their wayward offspring.

“I’m not sure we should take Mina to Las Vegas,” Sami mentioned after Lola gave the address to the driver.

Lola sighed. “I think we may need to find a convent for her.”

Sami nodded. “I agree.”

“However, when I was Mina’s age, I wanted to run off an be a dancer. And Jose said I couldn’t so I went and did it anyway. And when I was 20 I married Mesut and had Heinrich.”

Sami sighed. He’d known Lola at 20. He’d fallen in love with that slightly insane woman even when she’d been married to his best friend. And 25 years later they were married and happy. “So what the hell do we do with her?”

“Shackle her to Siegfried? That kid couldn’t get in trouble if you handed him a credit card, a hooker, and a bag of crack.”

Sami started to laugh and moments later they were both in tears.

“Oh my god,” Lola said as she carefully wiped her eyes, checking her make-up. “We may actually be the worst parents on the face of the planet.”

“Please. Your dad is worse.”

“And we’re certainly at least as competent as Sergio,” Lola added.

The taxi pulled up to the address they’d given him before they could lose it again.

It was a harmless enough looking deli. Sami realized that he’d not had lunch and it was after two. Maybe they could get a sandwich…

“WILHEMINA KHEDIRA YOU ARE GROUNDED UNTIL YOU ARE THIRTY,” Lola shouted across the shop and Sami realized that the couple in a clinch at the back of the room was none other than his fifteen year old daughter and a boy he didn’t know. Boy, shit, that kid might be twenty. Sami was going to have to kill him.

“MOM!” Mina squealed as she focused on the angry pair headed toward her. “Dad! This isn’t…”

Hugo wasn’t an idiot and when Sami advanced on him, he ducked and dived around the older man and made a break for the front door. Sami missed him and Lola grabbed his arm before her husband could pull a hamstring taking out after a kid half his age.

Lola glared her daughter into silence. “Sit. DOWN.”

Mina was a rebellious teenager, but she wasn’t an idiot. She sat.

“Sami, can you get me a turkey croissant? No mayo?”

Sami nodded and got out his wallet.

Lola sat down at the table in the chair vacated by Hugo. The poor boy had left his phone. Lola would put it in a cab and send it back to his dad for him.

“I wasn’t doing anything wrong…” Mina started her defense but was silenced with a Lola-glare.

“You lied to us. I know you were disappointed that we didn’t get to go shopping today and I’m sorry, but some times life happens and you don’t get what you want.”

Mina’s face settled into a pout.

“I hope I raised you to be the kind of sensible girl who’s too smart to do something stupid with a boy you barely know just to get back at your parents.”

“It wasn’t…” Mina started and when she realized Lola was now listening, continued. “I really like him, Momma.”

“You met him this morning.”

“I know…but…”

“Mina,” Lola put her hand on her daughter’s. “I get it. I really do. But you’re going to give your father heart failure if you keep acting like this.”

Mina gave her a small smile. “He’s married to you, he should be used to it.”

Lola chuckled. “His heart is weak because he’s married to me. You might send him over the edge.”

“I got you a pickle and a diet coke,” Sami announced as he set a sandwich and a drink in front of Lola.

“You’re the best,” Lola said as she kissed his cheek. She watched him settle a small mountain of pastrami down next to hers with a bottle of beer.

“To be fair, Momma, he’s going to give himself a heart attack,” Mina said as she stole a chip from Sami’s plate.

“You’re still grounded for the rest of the summer. You’re home or with one adult from the family and Sergio doesn’t count,” Sami pointed a pickle spear at her.

“Yes, Daddy,” Mina said with a pout.

“Oh, and we’re going to Vegas. Leo and Monkey are getting married.”

“And Nora and Mateo may not be getting married.”

Mina’s jaw fell. “I was literally gone for three hours.”

“You miss a lot.”

* * * *

When Heinrich was five years old, he used to bite the teacher at day-care so that he’d get chucked out and Mesut would have to come and collect him. Mesut would get angry. but Heinrich would smile and tell him he loved him and Mesut would forgive him. Life was so easy when Heinrich was five. How did things get so complicated?

Maybe Heinrich had it too easy. He had his dad and Lola who doted on him. He had Iker who love him and nurtured his talents. He had so much family to take care of him and never let him feel unloved.

But he’d made such a fucking mess of things with Nora. He just hadn’t ever bothered to wonder about their future because he had simply never imagined a future without Nora in it.

Heinrich stood in the shower at his apartment, letting the hot water run over his face. After Lola and Sami had gone to collect Mina, he’d gone home to put himself in order. Maybe Nora was never going to call, but he’d be dammed if he looked like death warmed over if she did.

He considered drowning himself for a moment, when he realized someone was buzzing the door.

He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, throwing it around his waist as he dripped across the apartment to the door.

“For fuck’s sake, Heinrich, you express your undying love and you can’t even be bothered to answer the fucking door.”

Heinrich’s face broke into a grin. “I was in the shower.”

“Really? I could have sworn you were baking a cake,” Nora said as she invited herself in. She eyed Heinrich for a moment as he awkwardly dripped onto the hardwood floors. “Of course I love you, you idiot.”

“Yeah?” Heinrich asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” Nora said and like she’d been doing it her whole life, she leaned forward to kiss Heinrich.

And it was perfect.


	38. Viva Las Vegas Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're off to Vegas for some weddings, but all is not well for the happy couples!

“You can’t do anything good in Las Vegas if you’re not 21,” Mina sighed as she leaned on her elbows at the edge of the pool.

“Seriously,” Siegfried agreed. Monkey and Leo were under 21, too, but they were off being happy about getting married. Everyone else was over 21 and was at a casino. Sami had promised to take them to Cirque du Soleil later, but that left a long after noon.

“I think we could both pass for 21,” Mina said. “We need fake IDs.”

“We are not getting fake IDs,” Siegfried said with an eye roll at his twin.

“Why not?” Mina whined. “I just want a cocktail and to play a little slots. I’m not looking to remake The Hangover.”

Siegfried gave her a side eye. He didn’t even think they were old enough to watch that movie let alone even recreate any of it. 

“We’re fifteen, not five,” Mina said as she could always read his mind. “You, little brother, need to live a little.” Mina was two minutes older than Siegfried, but some days she swore it was two years.

“Mom said she’d take us to New York, New York to ride the roller coaster,” Siegfried said.

Mina didn’t even qualify that with a response. She pushed away from the wall and swam to the stairs. As she climbed out of the pool, she spotted her Uncle Sergio heading pool-side.

“Uncle Sese!” Mina called as she went to join him.

“No, Mina, I won’t buy you beer,” Sergio said as he knew that gleam in Mina’s eye. Lola had already threatened to to castrate him if he helped Mina do anything Lola might not approve of. And while Lola was a fairly liberal parent, having once been a showgirl, she was rather protective of her only daughter.

“Duh, I don’t want beer.”

“Good. It’s gross anyway. You should drink wine.”

“I’ll remember that,” Mina beamed at him and stole his towel. “What are you and Fernando up to later?” 

“We’re supposed to meet Heinrich and Nora for dinner, but no one has seen the happy couple since we got here, so I’m thinking perhaps we might get ditched. I thought Lola was taking you to Cirque du Soleil?”

“Yeah,” Mina said. 

“It’s going to be fun,” Sergio said as he grabbed his towel back. “So quit trying to grow up too fast and enjoy it, okay?”

Mina made a face at him and stalked back to her own towel.

Sergio wondered if he should warn Lola that her offspring was plotting trouble. 

Nah, what was the fun in that???

* * * *

Lola looked at her phone. She had a text from Nora.

“Can we talk?”

Lola frowned at it. “Sure, hon. Where are you?”

“Down at the bar by the blackjack tables.”

“It’s ten in the morning.”

“I’m on my second martini,” Nora sent.

Lola grabbed her leggings and stuffed them on. If there was actually something wrong between Heinrich and Nora she was going to kill someone. Anyone. Everyone.

“Lola?” Sami asked, rolling over in bed and wondering if Lola’s mood was anything he’d done wrong. She hadn’t been mad at him, had she?

“Crisis with Nora,” she leaned over and kissed him. “Lunch with the kids later?”

“Sure. You want me to book a table?”

“Siegfried wants to go to a buffet. Let’s humor him,” Lola said and gave him a Lola smile which he returned.

Lola found Nora leaning on the bar and a creepy looking man down the bar eyeing her. Lola gave him such an evil look of death she was pretty sure he changed religions on his way tripping to escape her.  
 “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Lola said as she pulled the third martini toward herself and took a long drink.

“Oh LOLA,” Nora said and fell onto her future mother-in-law’s shoulder. In truth, Lola was the only mother Nora had really ever known, and she relied on her a lot. And she knew that Lola had her back even though Heinrich was her son.

“Oh honey,” Lola patted her as she drained the drink and signaled the bartender for another. “Tell Lola what it is.”

Nora sniffled and Lola offered her a napkin. “It’s just…it’s…Heinrich and I…”

Lola steeled herself. Oh god. It wasn’t working out between them. They’d made a horrible mistake in ruining Nora’s wedding and now Heinrich and…

Nora was frowning and Lola realized that Nora had just told her what was wrong and she’d totally ignored it.

“What?”

Nora sighed. “Heinrich and I…we…we haven’t done it yet….”

“Done…oooohhh,” Lola caught on slowly for a former show girl. “Really? You guys disappeared into your hotel room the minute we got here. We all assumed…?”

“Yeah, no,” Nora said. “We’ve kissed and all and then…nothing. We fell asleep. This morning I got up and thought we might and then…nothing…”

“Wow,” Lola said, dumbfounded. Like, she had spent most of her adult life trying to not have sex with people. What the hell was it like to not want to have sex with people? She’d ended her first marriage because she hadn’t been able to not have sex with her…well, turned out to be her second husband, but still…

“So…I mean,” Nora said as she took a slurp of the new martini.

“God,” Lola said. “I mean. You’ve…I mean…you’ve had sex before, right?”

“Yeah,” Nora said. “With Mateo.”

Lola read that answer like it was a ten page advice column. “Shit, Mateo was crap in bed and now you don’t know what to expect.”

“Wait, what???”

“And god, I bed Heinrich doesn’t have much experience, either. Shit, no wonder this hasn’t happened.”

Nora blushed. 

“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” Lola squeezed her hand. “No one is born with sexual experience. And you and Heinrich love each other. You’ll learn together.”

“How will we learn if we never…do it!”

“Maybe you’re not ready.”

“We’re getting MARRIED the day after tomorrow.”

“So?” Lola said. “You’re getting married because you love each other and want to be together. Sex is not the only purpose for a marriage. Sure, Sami and I have sex like, well, every day, but we also are raising kids and being happy together.”

However, Nora was not listening. “I need some sexy underwear, don’t I? Crap, my underwear is boring. Lola, we have to go buy sexy underwear.”

“Well, yes, we can do that,” Lola agreed. 

“Now,” Nora said as she got up too quickly and got dizzy and had to sit down.

Lola paid for the drinks and got directions to the Victoria’s Secret next door at Cesar’s Palace. She sent a text to Sami to warn him she might be a little late for lunch and they headed out.

* * * *

Iker and Mesut joined Siegfried and Sami at the Bellagio Buffet. “Where are Lola and Mina?” Iker asked as he watched Siegfried pile his plate high with chicken wings and shrimp.

“Lola went to help Nora with something. Mina wanted to stay at the pool,” Sami reported. “Sig, leave some for the rest of us.”

Siegfried grinned around the shrimp already in his mouth and went to sit down. The fifteen year old was a human garbage disposal and even at $30, the buffet was going to lose money on him.   
“Remember when Heinrich used to eat like that?” Mesut said fondly as he put a small scoop of fruit on his plate. He’d been noticing his trousers were a bit tight these days and the last thing he needed was to get fat and Iker leave him…

“Would you eat,” Iker protested as he tried to give Mesut a roll.

“I’m not that hungry,” Mesut lied even as he spotted some amazing looking fried chicken at the end of the buffet.

“You didn’t eat breakfast,” Iker said. “Eat.”

Mesut escaped to the table where Siegfried was eating. He gazed fondly at the wings. He phone beeped distracting him for a moment as he looked and saw it was a text from Heinrich. “Seen Nora?”

Mesut frowned. “Shopping with Lola. Lunch?”

Heinrich agreed to meet them at the buffet and Mesut put down his phone. That was strange. How would Heinrich not know where Nora was?


	39. Viva Las Vegas Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinrich and Nora need some help...

Heinrich arrived looking unhappy, but Siegfried showed him where the shrimp were on the buffet and soon they were both plowing their way through overflowing plates.

“So,” Iker said as he returned with a second plate and scraped two chicken legs onto Mesut’s plate. “How’s Nora?”

Heinrich sighed.

Mesut had a chicken leg halfway to his mouth. “Oh god, are you guys breaking up?”

“What?” NO!” Heinrich said and everyone else at the table exhaled. “I just…” He glanced at Siegfried.

“Sig, I need some more wings,” Sami said as he handed his empty plate to his son.

Siegfried rolled his eyes and grabbed the plate. 

Heinrich waited for him to be out of earshot before whispering, “I don’t think Nora wants to have sex with me.”

Mesut dropped his chicken leg. 

“She…what?” Iker gaped.

“You haven’t?” Sami asked. “I mean…You’ve been in that room for 24 hours!”

“We slept and…well, kissed and stuff but…”

“So…you like made a move and she said no?” Iker clarified.

“Well, not exactly.”

“You didn’t exactly make a move or she didn’t exactly turn you down?”

“I don’t know any moves!” Heinrich wailed.

Mesut was still staring. “You’ve…never…?” Heinrich was Lola’s son for pity’s sake!

“Sure…but they always made the first move! Hell, Vitoria didn’t even ask, she just did it.”

Mesut realized that yes, indeed, Heinrich was also his son. How long had it taken him and Iker to get their shit together?

Sami, Mesut, and Iker all looked at each other hopelessly. Sami was married to Lola. Sex had never been an issue. Iker was married to Mesut.

“We might need some help,” Iker admitted.

“Just get drunk, it works in the movies,” Siegfried said as he returned with a plate for his dad. Mesut pulled it toward himself and started eating in earnest.

Sami didn’t bother to ask how Siegfried knew that. His 15 year old son probably found out from his 15 year old daughter. 

“Do they have booze?”

* * * *

Sergio was found at the pool with Mina, working on their tans and eating brunch.

“You can get poolside brunch?” Iker wondered as he picked up Sergio’s Bloody Mary and had a sip.

“Yup,” Sergio said as he forked fruit out of a cup.

Mesut sat on the edge of Mina’s chair and picked up what was left of Mina’s breakfast sandwich, and with her blessing, finished it.

“You all look like someone told you there won’t be any more Lord of the Rings movies,” Sergio commented as he watched Iker drain his drink. He looked at Heinrich’s miserable face, Iker, Sami, and Mesut’s uncomfortable ones, and realized that they had a sex issue.

“Mina, be a darling and get Tio Sergio a new Bloody Mary?”

Mina gave him a look over her sunglasses, but got up anyway.

“Did you just send my 15 year old daughter to get you alcohol?” Sami asked.

“The waiter has been hitting on her all morning,” Sergio dismissed his concern. “He’ll serve her.”

Sami glared, that, exactly, having been his concern. He was well aware that his daughter had been blessed with his dark looks and Lola’s killer body. He did not need reminding.

“Now. Who’s having trouble find their penis?”

Heinrich flushed.

“Sit,” Sergio ordered Heinrich. “Lola just took Nora shopping. We have a couple of days to figure this out.”

“There’s not that much shopping in Vegas…is there?” Sami asked, having assumed when they’d made an early exit from New York, he might have avoided massive credit card bills when they got home.

Sergio frowned but then perked up with Mina returned with two Bloody Mary’s. “There’s loads of shopping here.”

“There is?” Sami said in a panic.

Mina handed one drink to Sergio and the other to Iker. “There is?!?”

“Oh yeah. You should go join Lola and Nora.”

Mina was gone in a cloud of dust.

Sami grabbed the drink from Iker and took a long, fortifying gulp. It was a tad bit spicier than he was anticipating and he nearly choked himself.

“Right, you three,” Sergio pointed to his brother and his husband and Sami, “you all need to leave. Sergio has this one.”

Heinrich sat in Mina’s vacated chair and sighed. Sergio offered him the drink he held. 

“There’s a lot of pressure on the first time,” Sergio said. “The fact that you’ve known Nora almost your whole life can’t make it any easier.”

Heinrich gave him a smile. “I love her so much. What if we’re terrible together?”

“You won’t be,” Sergio promised him. “Look, the first time can be awkward, but enjoy it anyway. If you go in expecting some kind of mind blowing experience, you’re going to be disappointed. But go into it with her, you know? Don’t act like it’s some kind of make or break experience. Talk to her.”

Heinrich nodded. “I just want to make her happy.”

“Then you, my nephew, will be the world’s greatest lover,” Sergio said as he leaned forward to kiss Heinrich on the forehead.

“Thank you, Sergio.”

“But alcohol is never a bad idea. Just not too much.”

* * * *

When Heinrich returned to the hotel room later that afternoon, he had two bottles of wine and a positive attitude.

He walked to find a Victoria’s Secret had exploded in their room. There were pink bags and lingerie everywhere.

“Oh! You weren’t supposed to be back yet!” Nora whined, still in her jeans and a t-shirt.

“What is all this?” Heinrich was a little alarmed as he spotted a sparkly purple thong.

Nora looked close to tears. “I was trying to be sexy!”

“Oh, Nora-dora,” Heinrich said set down the bottles of wine and went to her. Nora let herself be pulled into a hug. “You know you’re sexy to me in whatever you have on.”

“Why don’t you want to have sex with me!” Nora wailed.

“I do!” Heinrich said. “I just…I wanted it to be right!”

“Me too!”

They both started to laugh. 

“Lola says we should stop worrying and just do it.”

“That’s what Sergio said,” Heinrich said as he pulled back to smile at Nora. 

“I’m nervous as hell.”

“Me too,” Heinrich said. “I got wine.”

“You open it and I’ll clean up this mess.”

“No,” Heinrich said as he reached down and picked up a white lacy thing. “I’d…kinda like to see you in these…”

Nora went bright pink. “Really?”

“Uh, yeah,” Heinrich said and he offered it to Nora. “I mean, I get it’s a little neanderthal of me, but…how about I pour the wine and you go put this on?”

“Okay,” Nora grinned. She grabbed up an armful of her purchases and headed for the bathroom.

Heinrich had to pour the wine into the small tumblers from the bathroom, but by the time the first bottle was gone and Nora had modeled a number of the things she’d bought, neither of them cared.

* * * *

Lola kept checking her phone at dinner.

“Mom, you’re always yelling at me about my phone,” Mina said, annoyed.

“I just…thought there might be a text from Nora.”

“She’s not going to text you as soon as they have sex,” Siegfried said. “Only you and Dad think that everyone wants to know every time you have sex.”

“We have good sex,” Lola countered.

Sami rolled his eyes. The four of them were having a family dinner before heading to meet the rest of the crew for a Cirque du Soleil. Sergio and Fernando had wanted to try a posh sushi place and Siegfried had wanted Shake Shack. Sami and Mina had agreed and Lola had given in.

Mina slurped her milkshake. “So. When Siegfried and I start having sex…”

“When you’re thirty,” Sami glared at both of them.

“Well, Sig, yes,” Mina agreed as she elbowed her brother, “but say me. Do you guys want to kept up to date?”

“Of course,” Lola said at the same moment Sami said, “HELL NO.”

Mina giggled and Lola shook her head at Sami. “We need to take you to Victoria’s Secret.”

“Please no,” Sami said. 

“We went to the Lego store,” Siegfried said as he rolled his eyes and started eating Lola’s left over french fries.

“Thirty?” Lola grinned at her son, “I think you’re being generous, Sami.”

Siegfried finished off Lola’s french fries and made no comment. “Hey can we go play skeeball at New York, New York?”

“Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Sami lamented to Mina.

“One of us has to give you grandchildren,” Mina replied sensibly.

Sami choked on his milkshake.

“I think we have time,” Lola said as she checked her phone again.

* * * *

“Whoa,” Nora said, lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling of the hotel room.

Heinrich glanced at her. “That was….”

“Amazing.”

“I know, right?”

They grinned at each other.

“Sergio said it might not be…”

“I know…Lola said…”

They both laughed. “I think they’re doing it wrong.”

Heinrich reached for Nora. “So do you want to…”

“Uh, yeah.”


	40. Leo and Monkey Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monkey decides that he and Leo need a new home to go with their new marriage. Leo isn't so sure...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested the life of Leo and Monkey after they get married. This is the start of it. I definitely want to do more with Monkey's Arsenal teammates and certainly Leo must have some friends at school, so let me know if you have any requests or suggestions!

“We don’t need a new house,” Leo complained as Monkey climbed into the driver’s seat of his new Ferrari. “And you really didn’t need this new car.”

“Love,” Monkey said as he powered up the car, the rumble going through both of them like foreplay, “you see my checks. You make me put half of it immediately into investments before you even let me stop for a Nando’s. I’m the only child of the richest footballer to ever play the game and my other dad is a billionaire businessman. We could move into Buckingham Palace.”

Leo frowned. “You give millions to charities.”

“I know,” Monkey said as he took Leo’s hand and kissed it. “And yet we’re still loaded.”

“We don’t need a new house,” Leo said.

“Jose chose this house we live in. We got married last month. We need a house of our own.”

“I like this house,” Leo said as he looked up at the Belgravia house they currently lived in.

“You hate this neighborhood. You want something closer to school.”

“I…” Leo started to protest, but Monkey wasn’t wrong. Monkey’s dad, Jose, had picked the place when Monkey had signed with Arsenal, and Monkey had moved in. When Leo had joined him to go to college, he’d taken a room without thinking really about where they were. But it was a long walk to the Knightsbridge tube which was a nightmare of tourists. Leo hated to take a car even when Monkey tried to insist. “So…where are we looking?”

“You choose,” Monkey said as he handed Leo a stack of property listings.

Leo looked at the pile and was more than a little overwhelmed. “There’s like a hundred….”

“I asked Jose’s agent to find us anything he could less than a quarter mile from the tube, with a garage for my car and room for the family to visit,” Monkey said. “Now. We want to go to the Nando’s in Fulham or the one at King’s Cross?”

Over Peri Peri wings and hummus, the pair of the looked at the property listings. There was one in Hampstead that Leo really liked the look of, and Monkey put in a call to the agent.

“It has a pool in the basement,” Leo said in amazement. “Do we need a pool?”

“Leo, we only need a room big enough for a bed for us to sleep in together. But we can have a pool. Stop. Worrying.”

“I can’t help it. It’s what I do.”

Monkey took Leo’s hand an kissed it before talking to the agent.

“He can’t show it to us today,” Monkey sighed as he hung up. “Well…if I call Jose in he might be able to.”

Leo didn’t comment. In truth, Monkey’s dad wasn’t his favorite person, and one of the reasons Leo didn’t particularly care for the Belgravia house was that Jose was just up the road and often dropped in unannounced. Like, how were the newlyweds supposed to have sex all over the house with your father-in-law letting himself in the back door at all hours?

“How about we go an see it after training tomorrow?” Monkey asked and Leo nodded. He was on a break from school until September and with pre-season training starting up, he was a bit at a loss for things to do, especially since Monkey forbade him from getting a job while he was still in school.

Okay, forbade as in “look, here’s my credit card, focus on school” and really, who argued with that?

* * * *

“How do I have the only partner on the face of the planet who refuses to spend my money?” Monkey lamented as the Arsenal squad gathered to begin stretching the following morning. It was a typical London July morning- cool and wet.

Oliver looked at him like he’d grown a spare head. “I’m sorry, what?”

Santi laughed out loud. “Ollie doesn’t understand the concept of not spending money.”

Oliver leaned his elbow on the top of Santi’s head. “Shut it.”

Monkey chuckled. “Leo. I’m trying to get us a new house, you know, one that’s ours that my dad didn’t pick out and he thinks maybe we don’t need to spend the money.”

“You can buy me a house if you want to,” Santi said. “I mean, if you’ve got money to waste.”

“Buying a new house to live in with your new husband is not exactly wasting money!” Monkey protested, but as Wenger arrived, he and the others quieted down and got to work. The training was the usual pre-season fare of trying to kill off as many players as possible before the season began and thus cull the herd.

After the long morning session, Monkey was showering when Oliver approached. “Do you give Leo a lot of gifts?”

“What?” Monkey asked as the Frenchman invaded his personal shower space.

“Gifts,” Oliver repeated as he ducked his head under the shower. 

“Uh, not really,” Monkey said, wondering where the hell this conversation was going.

“That’s the problem,” Oliver said. “You have to shower them with gifts. Then they start thinking you have all the money in the world to spend on them.”

“Okay…” Monkey said slowly. “Leo know how much money I have.”

“What?” Alexis said from the other side of Oliver. “You let him know how much money you make?”

“Uh, yeah. He manages my finances.”

“Oh, Monkey, bro,” Oliver laughed. “What the hell. You never let them know how much money you have!”

“He’s my husband…” Monkey said.

“Exactly. Prenups and separate bank accounts, mate. Every time.”

There was a murmur of agreement around the shower. Monkey decided not to mention that he and Leo hadn’t gotten a prenup. Hell, they’d gotten married practically on a whim. Not that Monkey had a moment’s doubt that Leo was his soul mate and that what they were doing was what they both wanted, but…

“Shit, he didn’t get a prenup,” Oliver groaned. 

“I love him!” Monkey said loudly.

“Oh course you do,” Oliver patted him on the shoulder. “I just hope you love giving away half of your money when you get a divorce.”

Monkey’s heart sank. Divorce?? He was never getting a divorce! Leo had been his best friend practically since the day his father Jose had picked him up at the orphanage, dressed in a monkey costume, and brought him home to stay. Monkey and Leo had both spent their days with Iker, Leo’s uncle, and had gone to school together. Monkey had never ever met anyone who he would even consider over Leo.

“They’re so sweet when they’re in love,” Oliver sighed as he watched Monkey fret.

Monkey shut off the shower without washing his hair and went to grab a towel. As he sat against his locker, worried, Petr Cech came to sit next to him.

“Ignore them,” Petr advised. “Taking marriage advise from Oliver Giroud is like asking your gardener to have a look at your car.”

Monkey smiled gratefully at the veteran keeper. “I just…I’m not naive, am I? Thinking this marriage is forever, am I?”

“Of course not,” Petr said. “Only you and Leo know what it’s like between you, but I have to say, when I’ve met him, he seems as taken with you are you are with him. The fact that he worries about spending your money says a lot about his long term investment in you. That he doesn’t want a new car because he worries your career will be short says a lot.”

Monkey nodded. “He worries. He gets it from his dad, Fernando.”

“Exactly. And isn’t your uncle Mesut an accountant?”

“Mesut and Sami,” Monkey agreed. “About the only person in my life who doesn’t seem to worry about Monkey is my sister, Lola.”

“That’s right, your sister is Lola Khedira, isn’t she?”

“She’s my dad Jose’s daughter from his previous marriage…well, he’s been married three times,” Monkey said, and his own fathers’ failed marriage made him sweat again.

“Hasn’t Cristiano been married to his new husband for ages?” Petr asked.

“Yeah,” Monkey said as he smiled at the thought of his step-dad. Fabio treated Monkey like more of a son than Jose did some times. “It’s just…so many footballers have failed marriages.”

“It has nothing to do with football,” Petr assured him. “I’ve been married for nearly 15 years. We make it work because we work at it. It’s been hard on her, sure, with my schedule and the demands of the profession, but she knew it when she married me. Just like Leo knows what your life is. There’s no surprises.”

Monkey nodded. “You’re right. He and I are good. It’s not perfect, but it’s not supposed to be, really.”

“Nope.”

Monkey smiled at Petr. “Thanks.” However, he was still stuck with his original dilemma. “So…how can I convince him that we need a new house?”

“That, my son, is something you’ll have to work out for yourself.”

* * * *

After training, Monkey picked Leo up in his Ferrari and they made their way to Hampstead. 

“You have to drive through this on your way to training every day?” Leo asked as he realized that the Arsenal training grounds were on the far side of London from their Belgravia home.

“Yeah,” Monkey said. “Usually it’s not this bad the time I leave.”

Leo looked at Monkey. “It will be a lot better for you, too, if we move, won’t it?”

Monkey frowned at him. “Well, depending on the house we pick, sure.”

Leo smacked him on the arm. “Why didn’t you SAY so?”

“Uh…does it matter?”

“Of course it fucking matters!” Leo yelled. “Here I am thinking that you’re doing this   
just to try to make me happy and it’s really best for you, too.”

“But…why can’t I just make you happy?” Monkey asked. 

“Because this isn’t about me or you being happy. It’s about us! Us being happy!”

“All I need to be happy is you,” Monkey said.

“Well, yes,” Leo agreed with a smile. 

“And a new house.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Yes, fine, we can get a new house.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Leo said. “You’re right. We need a place that is ours. And closer to both your job and my school.”

“And one Jose didn’t pick…out…”

But even as he spoke, he and Leo both saw a familiar Audi sitting in from of the Hampstead house they were getting ready to tour.

“Pleasedon’tdivorcemebecauseofmydad,” Monkey begged as he rolled the car to a stop.

Leo chuckled. “I really need to do what Sami does….”

“Demand gifts every time Lola makes him spend time with Jose?”

Leo grinned. “We could go to the Lego Store later…”

“Some partners want jewelry, mine wants plastic bricks.”

“I have my eye on that Death Star set,” Leo grinned, and Monkey took his hand and kissed it.

They got out of the car and approached the house. It was three stories high and made of light bricks. The afternoon sun was washed over it and Leo could imagine how amazing it must be in the house.

“Son,” Jose said with a wide smile as he approached Monkey and kissed him on both cheeks. He looked over Monkey’s shoulder at Leo. “Mr. Ramos.”

Monkey rolled his eyes where Jose couldn’t see it. “We did invite you to the wedding, Dad.”

“You ran off to Las Vegas. Could you possibly have done more tasteless thing?” Jose said as he stepped back.

“It’s what we wanted,” Monkey said firmly. “And now we’re ready to buy a house we want.”

“Real estate is always an excellent investment,” Jose said. “Though Hampstead isn’t exactly an up and coming area.”

Leo walked past him to shake the hand of the real estate agent, Andy.

“Hi, Andy? I’m Leo Ramos, Monkey’s husband. Thanks for setting this up for us.”

“Good to meet you, Leo,” Andy said, not wanting to piss off his best customer, but also wanting to get on the good side of client who was asking to see a five million pound property and was going to pay cash. “Congratulations on your marriage.”

“Thank you,” Leo said with a smile. “It was a bit of a whim, but when you know, you know.’

“Exactly,” Andy smiled. “Shall we see the house?”

Monkey gave his dad a look and Jose spread his hands in a gesture of peace. “I am just here to make sure that you are not wasting your money.”

Monkey decided not to respond as he caught up with Leo and Andy. There was a half flight of steps leading up to the red front door.

“Of course, there is a two car garage that can be accessed from the back of the property, so likely you won’t use this door very much,” Andy began, but Leo was already enamored with the red lacquered surface of the door. He laid his hand against it, warm in the July sun. He’d use this door every day coming and going to school. Monkey liked his cars; Leo liked to walk and use the underground.

They stepped into the entryway which was a wide open space with a staircase that led to the first floor being the only thing interrupting the flow all the way to the back of the house. The front half was a sitting room which led into the kitchen that most Americans would think to be a tiny bit excessive.

Leo scampered toward the kitchen. Neither he nor Monkey was much of a cook, but all the shiny stainless steel appliances, six burner gas range, and granite countertops make Leo seriously want to take some cooking lessons. 

Andy was giving his rundown on the space, but Monkey joined Leo in front of the fridge. “You could fit a small child in that thing.”

“Heinrich and Nora would have so shut me in this when I was little,” Leo grinned.

“Have you heard from them?” Monkey asked, knowing Leo’s half-sister had married her childhood sweetheart (who was also Leo’s cousin and Monkey’s nephew) the same weekend in Las Vegas that the two of them had gotten married. 

“No. They went off to have a honeymoon in Hawaii. Dad said Nora checks in every couple of days. They’re thinking about going to Australia next,” Leo peered out the back window of the kitchen and spied a cozy little garden. Just enough to sit out in and not so much you needed three full time gardeners to look after it.

“The garage is actually under the garden,” Andy pointed out at the back of the garden there was a ramp that lead down. “It’s got a car-recognition entry so that only you can open it.”

Under the stairs, they found another staircase that went down to the basement pool. It was a bright space despite being in the basement, with natural light coming in from the windows at the front of the house that was supplemented by numerous lights around the room. It was narrow, but….

“It’s a 25 meter pool designed to swim laps in,” Andy said as he turned on the stereo system at a panel at the bottom of the stairs. The room was filled with soft jazz. “There’s a bar at that end for entertaining.”

“Lola might move in,” Monkey said as he went to examine said bar.

“No one else in the family has a pool,” Leo agreed. “How many bedrooms are there?”

“Six,” Andy said. 

Leo did math, his dads, Mesut and Iker, Lola and Sami, the twins… “Yeah, six should be enough.”

“Lola won’t be pleased if we move so far from Harrods,” Monkey grinned. “She’s gonna have to start staying with you, Dad.”

Jose was trying to find fault with the house, Monkey could see it in his eyes, but the place was flawless. They went up the stairs to see the first floor. There were four bedrooms, one ensuite, the other three sharing a full bath.

“The owners are happy to leave the furniture on this level,” Andy told them. “They used these as guest rooms. The top floor is the master plus one other bedroom which they are currently using as an office.”

“You could use that for your studying,” Monkey said, seriously already in love with this house. He slid his hand into Monkey’s as they made their way to the top floor. One of the best parts of their relationship was that Leo’s classes were all in the morning when Monkey had training. Leo did most of his studying while Monkey was at away matches or staying the night before a home match, which left them a lot of time to be together on afternoons and evenings.

The master bedroom was gorgeous. It was done in soft blues and golds. The windows that faced the front of the house had sunlight streaming in. Toward the back was a bathroom with a spa tub and a walk in shower. The closet alone could be a spare bedroom. The back bedroom looked over the garden and out across the north London skyline. 

Leo looked at Monkey, his eyes shining. “We’ll take it.”

Jose made a noise that completely ruined the moment.

Monkey forced himself to not roll his eyes at his dad. “Yes, Dad. This is a big decision. But this house is exactly what we want, exactly where were want it. We’re putting in an offer. If you’d like to stay, you are welcome. If you’d like to join us for a celebratory dinner later, you are welcome, but you are not welcome to ruin this for us.”

Leo squeezed Monkey’s hand. Please don't make me go to dinner with your dad, was the message he was going for, but Monkey interpreted it as support.

Well, he meant that too…

Jose sighed. “Just because I like to point out that often you make rash, ill-advised decisions does not make me the bad guy. You are welcome to this house. But do not complain to me when you find it impossible to sell if your career takes you to another city.”

With those parting words, Jose left the two of them with Andy who was trying to look professional in light of the massive commission he was about to make for about an hour worth of showing a house.

“Don’t worry,” Monkey told him. “All of the money for this house is already in my name.”

They sat down with Andy at the kitchen table to discuss the offer. The house had been on the market for a couple of months with no offers, so Leo suggested at 4.5 million offer and gave Andy permission to go to 4.75 if he needed to. Monkey sat back and marveled at his 19 year old husband. Like, he’d been willing to just write a check for the full value of the house and here was Leo negotiating like he’d been doing this his whole life.

Andy went to make a call to see if the owner’s agent was available, and Monkey and Leo went to look at the back garden again. 

“You know, we really are a great partnership,” Monkey said as they sat on a bench, amazed at the quiet despite being in the middle of London.

“Of course we are,” Leo said automatically.

“No, really,” Monkey said earnestly. “I know you worry about me having so much money and you not earning right now, but you bring so much more to this than money. What you just did there, talking with Andy about percentages and shit. How do you even know that?”

Leo blushed. “Well, I am in university for economics.”

“I know, but…”

“And I spent the morning researching about buying real estate so I didn’t look like an idiot especially in case your dad showed up,” Leo admitted.

Monkey beamed. “See! That’s what I mean! You’re smart and you think about this shit and you may have saved us half a million pounds! That’s like more money than most people make in like ten years. You DO contribute!”

“Well…”

“Stop it,” Monkey admonished. “Now. We’re going to go to the Lego Store and get you that Death Star set and then we’re going to go home and order some take away and build Legos and drink some wine and celebrate how lucky we are to be together.”

Leo grinned. “We are, aren’t we?”

“Yes,” Monkey said as he saw Andy headed out to see them with a massive smile on his face. “We most certainly are.”


End file.
